Chapter 4: His Worry
Venom.
These tournaments can have many kinds of deaths caused by blade injury. Broken bones. Internal bleeding. But venom? How can Sir Valiant's opponent have died by a serpent's venom? As far as the Lady knows snake venom is quick acting. So they must have administered it just moments before death. But how, if they were fighting against said knight in front of an extensive public. That's just impossible.
What did Merlin say to Arthur that would have him embarrass himself in front of his father and Valiant at the ball, just moments after she left? He must suspect him of something. Such a big part of Morgana wanted to believe in him. But she herself was watching the tournament and he won fair. No, she needs to stop having this soft spot for Merlin. He is a servant. She is a noblewoman. It's not appropriate for her to get mixed up in this mess, especially when there is so much evidence against it. There is the possibility that it was just an honest mistake, after all, these kind of things can happen during the confusion of a fight. It is entirely possible that Merlin only thought those were bite marks and perhaps genuinely thought that Sir Valiant was dangerous.
Yes, that must be it.
Still, even if it was rushed to tell Arthur about his suspicions, he didn't deserve to be treated like that, nor to be relieved of his position in the royal household. His honesty shouldn't have been questioned like that.
In swirls of her thoughts she didn't notice that she had started walking around again until she found herself in front of a double door, in the lower part of the castle. She knew those doors too well. Too many times she had run to these chambers in terror, looking for Gaius, looking for comfort from her nightmares and too many times she was only offered an ineffective sleeping potion. The thought made her shiver. Her worst nightmares came back to her mind, all the horrors she had hoped had passed. She saw it all again. Destruction, death, blood, her parents' pale and lifeless expressions, her shack near the lake, her friend Gwen and Arthur agonising… She felt it all again, too. Pain, sorrow, desperation, grief. She shakes her head energetically, drowning those thoughts back into the back of her mind where no one will ever find it again. A tear threatened to form on her eyes, but The First Lady of Camelot doesn't cry. The king's ward doesn't cry. She waits a few minutes, taking deep breaths and stabilising her heart beat.
Alright, here we go…
The Lady slowly pushed open the door and took a few steps into the physician's chambers before noticing that both Merlin and Gaius were there. They were sat at a messy table filled with books and strolls, each with one in hand, reading it silently. As soon as they noticed Morgana, Merlin first and Gaius followed, stood up and closed their books, placing them under some loose sheets of paper. The lady, though, didn't notice that strange behaviour, as her eyes wandered to one person alone. Merlin had a large, white shirt on instead of his usual blue or red one. The V neck came down to his chest, exposing some of his pale skin to the candlelights which only made it shine more, like a diamond would shine under the sunlight, and this time there was no neckerchief to hide it. It also exposed a ring, hung around his neck with a black lace which fell down to his chest. His hair was messier than usual, which somehow could only make him more adorable than usual. For the first time ever, Morgana noticed how tired he was, yet his tiredness, exposed by the bags under his eyes, did nothing to alter his charm.
It was fascinating… an almost dreamlike sensation…. she knew she had to take her eyes off him as it was starting to get awkward and uncomfortable but it still took her all of her strength to divert her eyes to Gaius, who was looking between his ward and Uther's. Finally, he broke the silence, cleared his throat and spoke. "My lady, are you feeling unwell? Do you need me to fetch your sleeping potion?"
Morgana waited a second or two before realising. "I left the ball earlier with the intention of retiring to my rooms, but ended up walking around the castle…. I-I lost track of time, it feels like minutes ago I left the great hall...But I see you've both retired…. is, is it so late?"
Gaius and Merlin shared a look before the eldest replied "it is quite late into the night. My child, the ball finished hours ago. …"
Morgana was confused. It surely didn't feel so late. Between her thoughts at the balcony, the ones on her way here and the thoughts at the door… she lost hours of her life and didn't even realise it. She quickly glanced at Merlin, whose startled and tired expression had faded into one of worry…. for her.
Her heart swelled at that and she felt the weight of his full attention on her.
"I-I'm really sorry, I didn't realise it was so late. I didn't mean to-to disturb you, I should.."
"It's no disturb, milady" This time Merlin replied, his voice reassuring and a small smile formed on his lips. "How can we help you?"
At that Morgana frowned. What AM I doing here? She looked up at Merlin, which was the only one who made her feel like her confusion was nothing to worry about. She could feel the sea in his eyes drowning away all of her worry and turning off the fires in her. Even if he wasn't aware of it.
"To be honest I'm not sure…. I-I learned that Arthur had relieved you from your duties to him… I guess I meant to check up on you… much earlier though….. I uh… got lost in my thoughts. But, I will relieve you of my burdens, and make my way to my chambers"
However, Merlin's eyes stopped her from actually leaving.
"It is quite late, though. Maybe it's best if you stayed here for the night"
Merlin shot a quick look at Gaius who didn't seem too keen on it, but as soon as he met his ward's gaze he gave in, looking back at Morgana in approval.
"Gaius can prepare you your sleeping potion.."
"No, no I don't want any potion"
"Some warm tea then" He said with a smile. The idea wasn't too bad. The lady didn't totally hate it. "I wouldn't want to imp.."
"It is alright, milady. It is our job to take care of people, after all. You can sleep in my bed for tonight, and return to your chambers in the morning. You'll see, you will feel a lot better. Let us take care of you"
He must have sensed her indecision, because he continued.
"Let me take care of you... "
Merlin was insistent, Morgana didn't have any energy left to fight him and the idea of him taking care of her was just too appealing to her. So, against her better judgment, she agreed.
They didn't ask her any further questions and she was thankful for it. She finished drinking her tea, and Merlin accompanied her to his room. It was much smaller than hers but it felt really cozy, and welcoming.
"I know this is not much" she heard him say. She watched as he grabbed a few extra covers and started unfolding them.
"It is perfect, Merlin, thank you. I am the one who should be apologising for imposing."
He stops unfolding the covers to look at her.
"It is no trouble, milady, really" he stops, looking uncertain whether to say something.
"Are….are you sure you're really feeling well, my lady? For real?"
Morgana was startled by his question. No one had ever been quite so forward with her, especially not any servant. Not even Uther or Arthur were so open about these things with her. Feelings are seen as weakness. Whenever they were concerned about each other's well being they would hide it under a hint of sarcasm. Never really saying 'How are you'.
The boy must have sensed her surprise and started stuttering in an attempt to fix his mistake.
"I-I-I'm sorry, Milady.. it's not… it isn't my place to..." he says embarrassed.
"No, no it's alright." she said "You did nothing wrong..." she has to look away from his concerned eyes, afraid to show too much but at the same time eager to let him know.
"Sometimes…. I have nightmares. I dream of horrible things, and...sometimes they trouble me even when I am awake. Eventually, if I start thinking too much, they come back. It's silly, I know..."
"Not at all, milady" he interrupts her apology, leaving the unfinished bed behind him and taking a step in her direction so that they were close, but still at a respectable distance. When she looks at him, she can feel his understanding.
"I was tired of the ball...so I went out and started walking around the castle, until I got here. Really, I think I was just disoriented by the time…. still am."
They both became aware of just how unnatural it was for them to be talking like this, and for them to be feeling so comfortable with it. Morgana was the first one to break their connection, for her sake, and walked to the window in his room facing the citadel, turning her back to him and allowing him to continue preparing the bed for her.
When he was finished, he made it to the door, but she stopped him by calling his name. The lady pauses, unsure of what to say until she says "Goodnight"
He stops at the doorstep, and shines her a shy smile. "Goodnight, milady".
He left, closing the door behind him, and leaving her to examine where she would be spending the night.
His bed was smaller and was a rock compared to her goose feathered one. How can he sleep here?
But as soon as she was under the covers and wrapped in their warmth, the lady found herself suddenly drained of all energy, and fell into a dreamless sleep.
For once, peaceful.
A/N: so I'll admit I had completely forgotten about this fanfic... I know, I'm terrible lol. I actually had quite a lot of chapters all finished up but just never posted them for some reason / Also, I've become aware that I have absolutely no idea for a plot to this fic and IT SHOWS, but you know what? I'll post them anyway soon
