•A.N.

TRIGGER WARNING!

G*NS, S*LF H*RM, AND SL*RS MENTIONED! IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, SKIP THIS STORY! OTHERWISE, ENJOY :) •

•CASTIEL'S POV•

I couldn't believe I had actually gone through with it. Dean stood there, as beautiful as ever before me, holding the flowers in his hand, awkwardly looking around. I slowly reached my hand over and took his in mine, pulling his closer. With my platforms I was a good two inches taller than him, so I kissed his forehead, just because I could. Irritated, he yanked on my hand, pulling me down to kiss him on the lips. He moved his free hand from mine and wrapped it around my neck, pulling me even closer to him-

It hadn't always been this easy, this love we had created- that we fought for. But it was here now, and thats all that matters... right?

•THREE MONTHS EARLIER-

DEAN'S POV•

I woke up to the sound of my dad screaming. Rushing out of bed, I pulled Sammy into the closet and grabbed the handgun dad had given me for my fifteenth birthday. Quickly rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I slowly made my way out of the room towards where I had heard the sound.

When I arrived in the living room, I saw that he was curled up in a ball, empty bottles of beer surrounding him. Walking over as fast and quiet as I could, I looked around to see if anything was out of place, fixing my sights on anything I found suspicious.

"Dad, dad. Wake up. Dad!" I started quiet, but he couldn't hear me so I resorted to yelling in his ear. Rolling him over so I could see his torso, I saw...

Nothing. Everything was as it should be. And this was the second time this month he had woken me up screaming. He really ought to stop drinking so much before bed. It gave him horrible night terrors mostly about my... my mom.

Sighing, I sat back on my ankles and uncocked the gun in my hand, removing the magazine and bullet, replacing the safety.

Done with this endeavor, I made my way aggressively back to me and my brother's shared room, unlocking the closet door. He came barging out barking about how he knew it wasn't anything and I should just calm down and breathe once in a while blah blah blah. After smacking him in the back of the head, I went back to bed and hoped for sleep.

••

It was our first day of our new school. My old friends still kept in touch with me but it was hard when all you could afford was a payphone every once in awhile. They went to this school- hopefully at least. It was almost prophetic that this morning my dad had woken me up like that, almost exactly as it should have been; how it always had been.

Driving down the road to the highschool, I began to worry. What if someone dared vandalize Baby, my beautiful Chevy Impala? Or what if someone decided to pick on Sammy; or worse, me.

Well I'll just show them whats for, that's what.

Arriving there I saw a group of nasty looking kids right off the bat. They wore varsity jackets that had angel wings on the back. So that's what the school mascot was.

Putting Baby into park, I reached over and grabbed Sammy by the bookbag, pulling him back into the car.

"Sammy, remember, if anyone bothers you-"

"Yeah, yeah I know you'll beat them," he interrupted. "And don't call me that, jerk!"

As he jumped out I yelled 'bitch' back at him as loud as I could.

Shaking my head, I grabbed my bag from the back and as I turned around to get going I ran into a familiar face- Charlie Bradbury.

"Hey watch where your- hey wait a hot second!" She exclaimed. "Dean? What in the fresh hell are you doing here?!"

Chuckling I did my best to answer.

"Well, dad decided it would be best to move back here, for Sammy an' all, cause well, he wasn't doin' so hot back over in Indiana..."

"Yeah I bet." She paused, as if deep in thought. Then, "Hey, I have someone I want you to meet, he's kinda new too."

Following her into the school, she helped me weave between the crowds until we reached a spot in the courtyard that was mostly clear of people. Waiting there were a few of my old friends from middle school before we really started moving around the country, and some new faces.

Walking in front of me, doing a little twirl, Charlie welcomed me into the group.

"Ladies, gents, and esteemed bastards," she began. "Let us welcome the new twink into our group, Dean Winchester!"

Shaking my head I raised my hands as people clapped and cheered for me; for some fucking reason. As I looked through the group a new face caught my attention- blue eyes, sex god hair, and a leather jacket.

Shit, I'm in for it, aren't I?

•CASTIEL'S POV•

"Welcome, Dean" was all I said. God he was hot. I remember him briefly from middle school, but I never talked to him. He had been really good friends with Charlie, so I trust her judgment.

Everyone was talking to him and congratulating him for coming back. I had heard about him from some of the people here, but only that he was a delinquent that barely made it to highschool.

I looked up, pulled away from my thoughts to see him standing in front of me.

"Hey, uh, Castiel right?" He asked as he sat down next to me.

Letting out a sigh, I moved my bag onto my lap so he would have more room.

"Yeap, that's me. You must be Dean."

He laughed, then. And it was one of the most amazing things I've ever heard.

"So he's cute and has a sense of humor." He said it semi sarcastically, but his face heated up as if he hadn't realized he said it out loud.

"Heh, well, thanks. You too, I guess."

Now I was blushing. How stupid can I get?

Then the bell rang, saving us both. I could see him let out the breath we had both been holding before jumping up and grabing his bag at he same time.

"Well, I'll uh, see you at lunch, I guess," he said as he walked away.

"Yeah! Lunch..."

•DEAN'S POV•

Fuck, I'm stupid. Why did I say that?

Rubbing my face with my free hand I let out a large sigh and walk into my first class only to see the one person I was trying to get away from: Castiel, siting front and center.

"Well," a booming voice began. "Welcome welcome welcome! You're just in time, Mr. uh-"

"Winchester," I gave the teacher. "Dean Winchester, Sir."

Nodding to the class, he said to them "You hear that class, he called me Sir. Y'all should pick up on that sometime!" Chuckling mostly to himself, he held out his hand and said a name I have no way of remembering.

"Well, Dean why don't you take a seat over there, in the back. I'm sure there's free space somewhere..."

Adjusting my bag on my shoulder I used my other arm to give a quick wave to Cas.

Cas? Really? You just met the kid and you're giving him a nickname? Shut up head we are not doing this right now.

He waved back timidly, not really making eye contact. I absently wondered if maybe it was because of all the jocks sitting directly behind him. It looked like most of the group I had seen earlier in the morning, driving into school.

Sitting down, I watched the back of Cas' head the whole class, not caring what was going on. It was an AP course, one that I had started at my previous school, but it looked like this one was behind on the curriculum, which meant I could coast by for the next couple of weeks.

After class ended, I had to jog to catch up with Cas, and called out to him using the nickname I had given him in my head.

"Hey! Cas! Wait up!"

Upon hearing my voice he seemed to walk faster before coming to a stop and looking behind him at me. As I smiled at him, he seemed to grimace, and when I looked where he was fixated I could see the jocks had gathered in a group by the door of the class we just left. Then one of them called out to us.

•CASTIEL'S POV•

"HEY FAGGOT!"

The sound resonated in my ears, and the boy walking towards me seemed to fade away as I heard it.

"IS THAT YOU'RE NEW BOYFRIEND, FAG?" they screamed again. The whole school knew I was gay, thanks to a certain demon in people clothing called Balthazar. I would never forgive myself for being with him. But this, this was too far. The whole hallway was snickering at me just standing there, tears starting to well in my eyes.

Not now, Cassie, what about your eyeliner? All that work gone to waste... The voice in my head sounded oddly like my younger brother, Gabriel, but it wouldn't help me today.

As I was about to turn around and walk in the opposite direction, towards my next class, I hear a resounding wham and thump as the ring leader of the group, Crowley got punched into the locker by none other than Dean Winchester.

The look in his eyes was something to be scared of, and I couldn't help but wonder how he got so strong. I found myself mesmerized by his words and actions as he spoke to the group, but none of them processed in my head.

And then he was dragging me by the arm to my next class.

•DEAN'S POV•

My fist landed in his face with a sickening sound, and he got thrown back into the lockers along the wall where the group was standing.

"What's your name, fucker?" I demanded.

"Oh yeah, why should I tell you. Oh, I bet you're also a Fag. Well I don't answer to-"

His words were quickly cut off by another punch to the nose.

"Crowley. His name is Crowley."

I looked over at the kid who spoke and saw it was one of the bystanders who were watching this go down, and nodded to him. But I recognized him for some reason...

"Thanks. Ahem," I cleared my throat, catching everyone's attention. "You mess with him-" I said as I pointed to Cas standing terrified in the hallway, "you mess with me. So do yourselves a favor and fuck off."

With that being said, I stormed off and grabbed Cas by the elbow, dragging him along with me.

••

Hiding in the bathroom, Cas was crying in the stall. I had told him to skip class with me because of how shaken up he had been by Crowley's words; and so we didn't get caught too soon. I had a plan to report the kid who called him a... but I didn't know if it would follow through or if Cas'd just end up worse off. Well, that didn't matter, cause I was there with him now.

"Cas, are you... ya know... done? I guess? I- I don't want to sound rude, but the next bell is about to ring and-"

I was quickly interrupted by him opening the door and glarring at me. He held a makeup whipe in one hand and eyeliner in the other.

"I don't know, Dean, do I look done?" The question was rhetorical, but I answered anyway.

"Well, I don't know, I don't think it looks half bad." The statement was meant to make him feel better but he just made a face at me. Laughing, I walked over to the stall and looked in the mirror behind him, watching him work. It was nice to see his eyes not as red and puffy as they had been before, but it was still noticeable.

Finally noticing me, he looked into my eyes through the glass and turned around on his heel.

"I think I'm ready..." he spoke softly.

But I could barely hear him; I was too busy admiring his beauty- spikey, blue tipped hair, roughly shaved face, patched leather jacket, ripped black jeans and..! Platform boots? Really, Cas?

Snapping myself out before I said or did anything embarrassing, I held put my arm for him to go infront of me out of the bathroom. As he passed he tapped my nose with his chipped black nail.

"Boop," was all he said.

As we exited the bathroom, he turned back and smiled at me- the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.

God, what am I getting into?

•CASTIEL'S POV•

The next few months passed uneventfully in regards to the bullies, for lack of a better word, and Dean even joined the football team; that's where most of them were concentrated, but he swore it wasn't to keep them in line. Tonight was the game if the season- the end all be all. And we were going to be there to see it.

As I walked up to the ticket vendor with my brother, Gabriel, and Sam, someone threw something at my back that was soft and wet and felt like snow. Except it wasn't the season for snow. Not bothering to turn around, I bought our tickets as if nothing had happened. No one else seemed to notice and the two boys were already far ahead of me before I could let them know I would be going to the bathroom to clean up.

But the only bathroom I could find was a one stall wonder out behind the stadium. Not having anywhere else to go, I stepped inside only to hear someone go "woah woah WOAH!"

But the voice was familiar, and instead of stepping out I walked further in only to see a half naked Dean Winchester, star of the show, covered in cuts, huddling in the corner of the stall.

"C-cas..! I can explain!" He seemed terrified, like I was going to beat him or something. Oh, Dean, don't you know that I lov-

"Dean, it's okay. I won't tell." I tried to make the statement sound reasuring, but he winced at the words.

"Cas, that's not- I mean- I-I..." he trailed off, and his chest started heaving, but when I tried to step forward, he shrunk back.

"Hey, now, it's okay." Slowly getting on my knees, I thought of something. It was risky, but it was worth a shot, wasn't it?

I locked the door and started taking off my jacket and over shirt so I could show him- my own scars and cuts, some a raging shade of red, some a softer pink.

"I- Cas..." was all he said.

"Dean, it's okay. I told you. I understand. It'll be okay-" but before I could finish, we could hear jeering and people running around just outside the door.

Both us scared, we hurriedly got re-dressed, and I helped Dean back into his football uniform. He was lucky it was all black or else he might not be able to play- and he was the teams most valuble player.

Before he walked out of the small space he turned back to look at me, face now devoid of all emotion.

"I'll see you after the game, Castiel."

And then he was gone, leaving me alone.

••

The game went well, with only one player getting seriously injured enough to get taken out. Gabe and Sam were talking the whole time, placing bets on who would get who, which team would score what point, where this person would go yadda yadda. None of it made any sense to me, so I stayed quiet as I watched Dean. No one seemed to notice the change in his demeanor, and he only noticeably winced once when an opponent grabbed his upper arm.

After the game was over and the players had had a talk with their coach about how they did, it was time to hang out at my house; at least that was the plan.

The drive there was hectic- Dean was purposefully driving insane, Gabe and Sam were yelling about some game on their phone, and I was trying not to have a panic attack.

After longer than I expected, we dropped off the two younger boys at Dean's house. At first I was confused, but then I remembered them begging us to hang out over there so they wouldn't have to "deal with us old people," whatever that meant...

Before I remembered, I had asked Dean why we were there and he said-

"What do you mean? Are you ok? You look like you've seen-" but he stopped there.

My best friend cut up in a highschool staduim bathroom stall? I finished in my head. Not really something that'll further our relationship, is it...

The two boys left leaving just us. Dean hesitated for just a moment before tearing ass to get to my house. The whole reason we were going over there was because my father was out of town for the night, and none of my siblings would be there, either, so we would be able to play on our new gaming console without it being hogged. But now it was just me and Dean. And I had a feeling he wanted to do something else with our time together.

•DEAN'S POV•

When we got to his house, we both just sat there, unable to move it seemed. Then Cas got out and walked to the door without a word. I considered leaving, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. We needed to talk. That was that, this was this.

I walked up to the door and waited for him to find his key. Then he dropped it. I bent over to pick it up, but so did he, and we ended up bonking our foreheads together. Laughing as we stood up, he looked like he had tears in his eyes, but I didn't bother to actually acknowledge it. I couldn't. I can't.

Once we were inside we did our rituals; texting parents, taking off our shoes, making sure Sam and Gabe hadn't killed Bobby yet, my guardian for lack of a better word.

Wandering around the house, waiting for Cas to lead me to his room, I sat on the sofa and absently traced the marks on my arms. I couldn't help it, it had become a habit, even though it stung. But I suppose that's the point, isn't it.

When I looked up, Cas was standing at the island in the kitchen with his elbows on the counter and his head in his hands. Before I could say anything, he shook it off, literally, and walked over to me.

"Hey, wanna go up to my room? I asked if you could stay the night and Father said it was okay with him. T-that is if you want to, you don't have to, I-"

"Yeah, sure, I'd love to."

He seemed to radiate joy and his blue eyes sparkled at the words. Getting up, I walked over to him and held out my hand.

"Shall we?" I asked as he took it. He nodded and led me up the stairs to his room.

••

It was very simple, the room he had chosen and designed. Light blue paint on the walls, small walk in closet, wallpaper trim of biblical angels. And a second home to me. It was odd considering his punkish lifestyle, but it suited him, somehow.

It hurt me deeply that we had to talk about our friendship in the sense that we may have to drift appart, but it was necessary. Sitting on the black duvet on his bed, I watched him rummage around his room, shoving things into corners to make it look neater. I peered over at his desk and saw drawings there, but before I could figure them out he had taken them up and shoved them in a drawer.

Finally done, he sat down next to me with a big huff. When I looked over at him, his eyes were red, but I didn't say anything. Instead I reached over for his hand and pulled him slightly closer, so our entwined fingers could rest on my lap. It was almost weird how close we had become in just three months, but I didn't care. It was too much to handle or think about, so I just didn't.

He looked at our hands for the longest time before speaking, and my heart dropped at his words.

"Dean, we need to tell someone."

"NO- I-I mean, no, Cas, they wouldn't understand, you don't understand, if my dad finds out-"

"But Dean, this is dangerous. This is your life you're betting with! Your team, your friends! After a long pause he said, "And me. You're betting against me, Dean."

That really pounded it into me, for some reason. Its because you lov- Shut up head, no I don't.

But that refutal hurt. Did I? Do I? After what happened with Ash, do I dare?

I don't know..I dont know I don't know!

I must have said it aloud because Cas put his other hand ontop of ours, trying to calm me down.

"Cas- w-wait what about you, huh? You're just as bad as me!"

I could see the pain in his eyes, but it didn't hit me who that pain was for until he started speaking.

"Dean, I'm in therapy. Have been for years. I'm on medication, and I've been diagnosed." He paused, shook his head. "I suppose that's supposed to make things better, but it doesn't. Not really. Not when you have nothing to live for..."

The words stung more than my arms, and I took a deep breath, trying to ground myself. My dad would never let me go to therapy. Not when there was a chance they could take me and Sammy away from him. But Bobby would be willing to. But what would he think... would it be a betrayal of trust?

"Dean," the name pulled me out of my thoughts. "We're best friends, right?" I nodded. "And you trust me, right?" Again, I nodded, but more hesitantly this time. "Then... why don't you pretend I'm your therapist. It could work becaus-"

"No, Cas, I'm not putting that pressure on you. Absolutely not." I sounded angry, even to myself and I could feel his anger boiling up in response.

"Then help me help you! What do you need? A girlfriend? I'm sure there are plenty of fuck buddies ready for you!"

Those words hurt more than anything said that night, and the only thing I could do was whisper, no.

"Then what is it? Alone time, me to fuck off and leave you alone?"

"No, Cas, wait-"

"No. I'm not finished." He snapped his fingers at me as he said it and it hurt me to my core.

"Yes, sir." I let out involuntarily.

Then he stopped. And just, looked at me. All he said was my name, but the damage had been done. I was standing up, and walking fast.

He tried to catch up with me but I had already made it to Baby by the time he was at the door.

"Dean, wait!"

But it was too late. The damage had been done.

••

I drove around for what seemd like hours. It didn't last long, though. I found myself at his driveway more than once, but I couldn't bring myself to actually go up and talk to him.

Finally I grew some balls and went up to the door. At first I rang the doorbell, but he didn't come. Then I knocked, and still nothing.

"Cas, it's me. I... I'm sorry. Please let me in?"

I saw shadows moving through the window and joy sprung into me; but still he didn't answer.

Now loosing hope, I banged my fist on the door, trying desperately not to loose my control.

"Cas, please. I know you're there. Just... lets talk again, okay? Please. I don't want to be alone..."

My sentence trailed off, but I knew he could hear me. Then, miracle of all miracles, he opened the door. He was on the phone, but he quickly hung up when he saw my face.

"D-dean, I'm so sorry, if I had known-"

"It's okay. I just... overreacted. Can I come in?"

He nodded, stepping aside to make room for me. Following him up to his room, I sat once again on the bed. He stood in the door way, waiting it seemed, then looked at the clock next to his bed.

"Its 12 am..."

Letting out the breath I had been holding, I rubbed my face with my hand and looked at the clock. I wasn't actually looking at it, I just didn't want to see him.

"I'm sorry... about your father..." he spoke.

"Yeah... it's best not to talk about it right now..."

He nodded his understanding and sat next to me, picking up my hand in both of his, raising it to his face.

My heart beat fast as he brought his lips to my knuckles, and I felt all the plans in my head disintegrate; all the fantasies, all the thoughts... none of them matched this feeling.

All I could do was stare and, wonder of all wonders, he continued down my hand. It took me a moment to notice the pattern, but once I did I let out a small laugh. He was kissing my freckles.

Suddenly he was above my wrist, pulling my sleeve up. I let out a hiss and he stopped, as if he had forgotten they were there. Then he looked me in the eyes and said

"Take it off."

Startled, not sure what else to do, I took off my layers until I was in just a t-shirt and jeans. No more jacket and flannel. No more hiding.

His lips barely brushed the marks on my arm, but it sent thrills through my body. All I could do was watch him as he kissed my arm, all the way up to my shoulder. Then he was moving closer to me so he could kiss my neck. Obediently, I moved my head to give him better access and closed my eyes as his lips worked against my skin.

He used his finger to pull down the collar of my shirt and I let out a gasp as his teeth scraped against my collar bone. He never stayed in one place too long, though, and I could feel the impatience growing in him.

Leaning back, I dragged him with me as I layed down, and he moved so he was straddling my waist.

I tried to speak, but he leaned over and put a finger to my lips.

"Not yet, not now..." His words trailed off as he moved back to my neck.

I couldn't help it, it was too much. I know he could feel me against him, I know I was just too sensitive, but I could feel him smiling against my skin at the feeling. Suddenly it was too much, he bit a little too hard, something, but I let out the moan I had been holding in this whole time.

And instead of laughing at me, he moaned back, into my neck. And then I could feel him. And oh, was it a beautiful feeling.

We continued like that until we were both out of breath, and at one point he had taken off my shirt and both of our pants. So there we were, breathing in each other's ear, him laying on top of me, me just trying to breath right.

And then I moved in just the wrong way, shifted a little to far one way, and he let out another moan, quick and simple, as if he was trying to keep it contained.

All the fantasies, all the thoughts, all the plans, everything came rushing back. If I wanted him, now was my chance.

And I took it.

••

I woke up to the cold air brushing against my skin. It looked like Cas had taken the blanket again, but that just meant I could cuddle up closer to him.

As I slipped my arm around him, I felt residue on his chest, cold and sticky. Only something wasn't right. I held my hand up to my face in the minimal light and saw it was black.

In a panic I rolled him over only to see it was coming from his eyes, ears, nose, mouth... everywhere this black... goo was coming out of him.

"Cas! Cas please, god no!

Castiel!"

I woke up screaming his name. The dream had seemed so real- or was it? Yes it had to be, here he was, comforting me, not covered in black goop. I was near tears, but I had him now, and he had me. There was nothing to worry about.

Except maybe the dull ache in my ass.

•CASTIEL'S POV•

I woke up for the second time this morning to a knock on my door. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was 11:30am. God, were we lucky it was Saturday.

"Castiel? You in here?" my father called out to me, worried.

"Yes, father."

"Oh..." he paused in thought. "Is Dean still here?"

Against my will, my cheeks lit up a bright red as his anaconda sleep grip tightened around me.

"Y-yeah, he is... but he's asleep still."

"Oh, okay. I'll leave you to it then." And then he walked away. I could hear the fabric of his robe scraping against the stairs as he saundered off, probably to his study.

That figured out I rolled over to see Dean staring at me. Startled, I jumped back a little, but he reached out just in time to catch me. The blanket I had wrapped myself in and hogged the whole night was tight around my waist and also managed to stop my fall.

It was nice, though. Waking up in the late morning to his face. Almost as if it was meant to be.

And that more than anything, gave me hope.

•DEAN'S POV•

It's been three weeks since that night, our first time together. It's still one of my fondest memories.

Cas said he had a surprise planned for me today, and I'm eager to get it over with. Suprises make me feel like I owe people things, but I know that by... dating, Cas I have nothing to worry about. Not anymore.

I stuck my hands in my jacket trying to get the warmth back into them when a tan car pulled up.

"What's with the pimp-mobile?"

"Oh, just get in," Cas said.

Sitting shotgun I started questioning him on where we were going, what we were doing, you know, standard stuff.

"So... if you tell me nothing else, at least let me know- is the car the suprise?"

"What? No, this piece of junk- never!" He said sarcastically.

"Ahha! So it is!" I jested.

Chuckling to himself, he drove us to a restaurant that was a little too fancy for my taste.

"Uh, Cas? Is this the date plan? Cause I hate to break it to ya, but neither of us is dressed for this."

"What- oh, no, I promised I'd pick my father up after his date."

Nodding my head to myself, I zoned out, and before I knew it we were at the mall. His dad jumped out and we were off again- to park, apparently.

"So is your dad the suprise? Cause as much as I appreciate it... you know... he's a little..."

Laughing, he got out and I followed him blindly; literally, he had me put on a blindfold. It's one of my most terrifying experiences, I'd say.

He had me stand against a wall for a minute as he got ready, and all I heard was rustling around and him dropping things.

"Okay, you can take it off now."

The most unexpected thing happend, then. He handed me a bouquet of flowers. And a pie. Apple. Pie. Homemade.

"Cas... I don't, what, why?" I stuttered.

"Because, Dean," he was stepping closer and closer as he spoke. Soon he was so close his breath was on my ear and it sent shivers across my body.

"I... I love you, Dean."

•CASTIEL'S POV•

I couldn't believe I had actually gone through with it. Dean stood there, as beautiful as ever before me, holding the flowers in his hand, awkwardly looking around. I slowly reached my hand over and took his in mine, pulling his closer. With my platforms I was a good two inches taller than him, so I kissed his forehead, just because I could. Irritated, he yanked on my hand, pulling me down to kiss him on the lips. He moved his free hand from mine and wrapped it around my neck, pulling me even closer to him-

"I love you, too, Cas."

End