Clouds hid the sun, making the sky a sickly pale grey. Hardly any cat noticed though. They were all busy, weaving brambles into holes and moving rocks and mud out of camp. Except me. Goldendapple watched as the clan worked from where she lay. I guess that this is Moonpatch being nice to me. The black and white molly had hardly spoken to Goldendapple since the battle. Instead, she had taken the role of both deputy and leader.
Poor Spiderstar. Goldendapple stared at the medicine cat den. Bonepaw lay outside the den, organizing herbs. Snowberry has hardly left the den. Whatever's wrong with Spiderstar, it must be serious.
A stiff wind blew past, chilling the fawn molly to the bone. Goldendapple curled up more, her tail curled around her belly. Movement caught her gaze. Sorrelspot and Hailmouse were pushing what little was left of the mudslide into a hole.I t's almost all gone. She lifted her head to the sky, her heart twisting in her chest.
I wonder where they buried Stonefrost. Goldendapple flattened her ears and tucked her tail closer. I hope that it's somewhere that he can see the lake. Pawsteps padded near Goldendapple, distracting her from her thoughts.
She watched as Shinecloud stumbled around the camp, pushing around moss and bracken. Her uncle, Sparkstripe, walked beside him, matching him paw for paw as he helped to steady the injured tom.
"Poor Shinecloud" Goldendapple whispered to herself. He's lucky to even be alive. She stared at his ears that had been so torn up that one of them had become floppy. A large scar trailed from his shoulder to his chest. He favored his back leg, which had been dislocated.
I should go and help him. Goldendapple sat up, but stopped when she noticed that Sparkstripe had stopped Shinecloud. Maybe Sparkstripe has it covered. She laid back down. But I'll keep my ears pricked, just in case they need any help.
"You shouldn't push yourself too hard, y'know?" Sparkstripe grumbled, his tail flicking in annoyance. Shinecloud spat the moss that he was carrying out of his mouth and sat down carefully, wincing as he settled down on his back left leg.
"Oh please Sparkstripe. I'm hardly even doing anything." Shinecloud flicked one of his tattered ears. "Besides, everybody else has been able to help around camp. The least I could do is some of the apprentice chores."
Sparkstripe shook his head, frustration evident on his face. "Not everyone decided to pick a fight with Riverclan's deputy."
"Yeah, but she will never forget about me. She may have been able to knock me out, but I think I am the true victor in that fight." Shinecloud flicked his tail proudly. He reached out a paw and started to roll the moss in front of him into balls. Sparkstripe settled himself onto the ground, doing the same.
"Yeah, you may have been able to partially blind their deputy, but Riverclan still won." His ears flattened and he hissed, smashing the moss under his paw. Goldendapple winced at the fury that shone in his eyes. "They took our herbs, damaged our camp, and Spiderstar lost a life."
Shinecloud looked towards the medicine cat den, his bright yellow eyes wide. "But, if she lost a life, wouldn't starclan have healed her?" Sparkstripe shook his head sadly. "Yes, but Shellstar did more damage than one life can heal. From what I hear, Snowberry's been treating her day and night."
The ginger tom lashed his tail. "If only there was someone who had been able to take one of his lives." He hissed, glaring at his paws. Shinecloud turned back to the orange tabby. "You're not still on about what Goldendapple did are you?" Oh no.
Sparkstripe snapped his head towards the silver tom. "Of course I am! She had a chance to attack him and take the herbs he was stealing, but she helped them dig some stinking riverclan tom out of a mudslide!" He clawed the ground, spitting at his paws. Goldendapple looked down at her paws, shame burning her pelt. I knew that cats had seen me speak to Shellstar, but I didn't know that they were gossiping about me.
Shinecloud shuffled closer, placing a large silver paw over Sparkstripe's. "Nobody knew about Spiderstar yet. And what Goldendapple did was noble."
No, it wasn't.
"Yes, what my daughter did was very noble." Goldendapple snapped her head towards the clearing. Marigoldtail stood behind Sparkstripe, her tail lashing back and forth. Sparkstripe leapt to his paws, his eyes wide.
Marigoldtail loomed over Sparkstripe. "Just because you don't agree with what Goldendapple did, it does not mean that you can gossip freely out in the center of the camp!" The tabby molly spat at Sparkstripe, who stared at his sister with wide eyes. "And for starclan's sake, if you're going to gossip about your niece, at least try not to let her hear!" Marigoldtail snorted and then padded over to where Goldendapple layed, her eyes narrowed. Sparkstripe stared at Goldendapple, shock clear on his face.
Shinecloud nudged the ginger tom and grabbed the moss. Sparkstripe shook his head and grabbed the rest of the moss. Together, they padded to the camp entrance.
Goldendapple stared at her paws, her belly churning in embarrassment. "You didn't have to do that." She muttered, facing away from her mother. " Nonsense. My brother needs to be kept in line." She swiftly licked Goldendapple's ear, "And besides, nobody gets to talk about any of my kits that way." You wouldn't think that if you knew that I was a traitor. Still, the gold and fawn tabby relaxed, listening in as her mother rambled on. "Everyone's been working so hard. The camp looks like it'll be fixed before sundown! Not like we'll be able to see sundown with all the clouds in the sky. It's been so cloudy since the battle. I can hardly believe that it's only been six days." Six days since Stonefrost's death. Marigoldtail flicked her ear, the small smile on her face falling. "Of course,this isn't over yet."
Goldendapple perked her ears and looked at her mother. "What do you mean? Riverclan got what they wanted and we've been recovering. What else is there?"
Marigoldtail shook her head. "The gathering is tomorrow tonight. And Spiderstar won't be able to attend. We don't even know when she'll recover. Plus, the other clans will hear about the battle and they will have their opinions on it." She licked a paw. "This will have to make every leader question the morals of Riverclan and Thunderclan. If they think that one of us was wrong, then alliances will be strained." She looked at Goldendapple. "Of course, Riverclan will be seen as the one in the wrong. They'll have more problems than just losing a warrior because of this battle."
Goldendapple cringed at her mother's harsh wording. It's like being struck with a blow when anyone here talks about Stonefrost's death. They never knew him as I did. They don't love him. Goldendapple rested her head on her paws, staring miserably at the ground. To them, he's just some riverclan warrior.
Marigoldtail noticed the change in her daughter and shook her head in frustration. "I don't understand why you're so upset about that riverclan cat." Goldendapple felt her eyes get misty. "Mother, I-" I loved him, was what Goldendapple longed to say. But I can't let anyone else know about my code-breaking. "He saved me. He did something brave and he died horribly for it."
Marigoldtail shook her head. "We are warriors dear. Every time we go into battle, be it a border skirmish or a full out war, we risk our lives. What that tom did was very brave and you should be thankful that you are still alive because of him." Marigoldtail sighed, standing up and shaking out her pelt. "You haven't even gone to see your nieces and nephew." Licking Goldendapple's ear, she nosed her daughter's cheek. "Come on now. Be thankful for the life that you have." Goldendapple stood and followed her mother, her head held low.
How can I be thankful for this life if Stonefrost is waiting in the next life because of me? She pressed her ears flat and pressed her tail between her legs. He'll never be able to meet our kits. Marigoldtail stopped. "Here we are." Goldendapple stared at the entrance of the nursery, the scent of milk and moss strong. Marigoldtail calmly stepped in, letting out a purr. Goldendapple breathed in deeply and entered the dark den.
Goldendapple blink rapidly in the darkness, trying to adjust her eyes. When she could finally see, she saw Rabbitear laying in a bed of moss and flowers, her tail wrapped around three small bundles of fur. Goldendapple shuffled forward, her eyes on her paws.
"How are you feeling Rabbitear?" Marigoldtail sat down and gently licked the queen's ear. Rabbitear closed her eyes, relaxed. "Oh, I'm still tired. Snowberry said that all the stress after the birth must have drained me. But Sunnose and Yewspots have been very helpful!" She purred, twitching her tail happily. "In fact, they're both out right now, trying to find a shrew for me." Marigoldtail snorted, "Keeping them busy, I see?" the two mollies giggled.
Rabbitear sighed, "Yeah, but it's nice that they're both trying to be as involved as possible." She turned to Goldendapple, a gentle smile and a soothing glance rested upon her face. "Would you like to see them?" Slowly, she unfurled her tail, revealing three tiny balls of fur.
Gently, Goldendapple leaned in. Rabbitear gently touched a nose to a large dark ginger kit which rested with his belly facing up. "This little guy is Plumkit. Sunnose named him." She nosed a grey and tan tabby who squeaked quietly in her sleep. "This is Stormkit, named after the night she was born." She licked the smallest, a dark tabby. "And this is Crowkit." Sighing, Rabbitear sat back.
Goldendapple took in the sight of the three kits. They're so … tiny. She took in the scent of milk and lavender. The moss under her paw was spongy. These kits know nothing about the dangers of the world. She curled her tail around her belly.
Wide-eyed, she looked at Rabbitear. The silver tabby had only eyes for the kits at her belly, her yellow eyes warmer than the sun, filled with the gentlest love that Goldendapple had ever seen. Marigoldtail curled her tail around her paws and purred,"Oh, kits are so precious. You never feel a stronger love then what you feel for your kits" Gently, she nodded to Goldendapple. "Maybe one day, you'll understand."
Goldendapple's head spun. Will I? Images of Stonefrost filled her head. Will I really love anything more than him? Her belly felt heavy, like it was filled with water. But... Her belly and her felt like it was going to burst. What if I don't?
I need to get some air.
Standing stiffly, Goldendapple nodded at Rabbitear. "Motherhood suits you." Without waiting for a response, Goldendapple left the nursery. Trotting towards the camp entrance, Goldendapple notice Moonpatch sitting near the entrance. The dark molly's fur was unkempt and her eyes were sunken into her face. But she wasn't tired enough to ignore Goldendapple as she padded past.
"Where are you going?" She asked. Goldendapple stopped, her ears flat to her head. "I'm just going... out."
Without waiting, she turned and started towards the camp entrance, quickly trotting out and up the rocky slope. Once she was out of the gorge, Goldendapple ran. I don't care where I end up, Her paws slammed the ground, her breathing becoming fast and shallow, I just need to be somewhere else. She leapt over a rotting branch, her paws kicking up mulch and leaves. Somewhere, over head, a crow gave a warning call. Goldendapple shut her eyes and pushed on, her whiskers whipping in the wind. She felt the blood rush in her ears and her breathing was ragged. The forest ground under her paw shifted to sand. Opening her eyes, Goldendapple skidded to a halt, her claws scraping over the pebble lined shore of the lake.
She stared out at the lake, sitting down on the shore. She gasped for breath, trying to regain control of her breathing. The tips of her ears and paws felt like the thin layer of ice that rested on the lake. Wind roared above her, shaking the trees. Leafbare is here and Thunderclan already has new mouths to feed. Feebly, Goldendapple rested a shaking paw on her belly. We don't have all the herbs we need to safely survive. Her fur began to rise, her tail curling in fear. I'm a traitor to Thunderclan. Her ears lay flat to her head. She put a paw onto the ice, feeling it quickly give way. I don't have anywhere else to go. Cold water quickly soaked her paw, making it numb. I …
I could go to starclan.
"What are you doing?"
Goldendapple whipped her head around. Moonpatch stood in the treeline, her head cocked to the side. The dark molly trotted up beside her and nudged her shoulder. "Get out of there, mousebrain. You'll catch your death." Goldendapple allowed herself to be pushed, taking a few steps backwards. Moonpatch sat down in front of her, "Snowberry doesn't need anymore cats in her den who caught a cold from standing in freezing water."
Goldendapple stared at her paws. "yeah, I know."
Moonpatch looked at her, "what were you doing anyway?"
Goldendapple sat down, the pebbles of the shore grazing her belly. "I-i... I don't really know!" She wailed. "Ever since the battle, I've been so lost." She stared at her paws, which had started to regain feeling again.
Moonpatch sat down next to her. "Do you want to explain?" Goldendapple sighed. "I suppose. After all, you're the only cat that I can really talk about this to."
"We had a plan." She started.
"I never really like to do anything with out them. I was going to join Riverclan at the next gathering. We would tell our families about 2 days before, so I could say good bye and that way, it wouldn't be a surprise to his kin in Riverclan. Then, we would tell our leaders." Goldendapple's throat clenched, and she struggled to continue, "A-and, we would...raise our kits together." A sob shook her chest, and Goldendapple bowed her head, her body shaking. "We were going to be happy together! We wouldn't have to hide anymore!" she clawed the pebbled shore.
"B-b-but that's all gone now! He's gone! And I'm still here with our kits!" Her breathing was ragged oncemore. Moonpatch curled a tail around Goldendapple's flank.
"Take a deep breath." The dark molly hissed into her ears. Goldendapple gasped for breath, her body shaking.
" Keep going" Moonpatch instructed. The dark molly looked to the sky. "I can't pretend to understand how you feel." Goldendapple pricked her ears.
"I can't really even pretend to understand what's going on in your head, with everything that's happened. But, I can tell you this." Moonpatch closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You have to remember the good times and pass them on. Even if it hurts at first, it's the best thing that you can do." Goldendapple, still somewhat wheezing, lifted her head. "When I lost my mother, I heard Greydawn say that to Shinecloud. I barely even remember her, besides that she was skinny and her eyes were green, but my father told us stories of her. He described her and her laughter. Her bravery. Her strength."
Moonpatch looked at Goldendapple. "Whether or not you want your kits to know their father, it's up to you. But, If you want, I'll listen."
She looked at the smaller molly. "Thank you Moonpatch." She stood and touched her nose to the deputy's forehead. "Thank you. But, if I may ask... Why are you helping me?" She looked at her paws, "We've always hated eachother, and I'm not sure what me having half-clan kits and losing my mate is going to do about that." She faced the dark molly.
Moonpatch looked out over the lake. "Well, I want to start over. And if we're being honest, I've never hated you. " She sighed, "I just..., you always rubbed me the wrong way and I never knew what to do about it." Moonpatch shifted her paws," But, we're grown now. We can move on."
Moonpatch flicked her tail frustratedly, "And I've seen the way you go about camp and I've heard the whispers of the clan. And it isn't fair for them to judge you for helping Riverclan collect their fallen. What you did was good and noble." She spat. Moonpatch's ear flattened, "A-and, nobody knew what Shellstar had done to Spiderstar." She whispered.
Silence fell over them. Goldendapple scuffled her paws. "Have you seen Spiderstar?" She asked quietly. Moonpatch nodded, and turned her gaze to the sky, "Yes, I've seen her. She looks terrible. And Sorrelspot won't leave her. But she's started talking a little. I don't know much about healing, but I think that that's a good sign." She closed her eyes, her ears flattening, and sighed. "I can just only beg the stars that she gets better. I don't know how much longer I can run this clan by myself."
Goldendapple laid a paw on Moonpatch's. "You're not doing this alone." Quickly, she removed her paw and looked to the side. "I know that I haven't really been helping, but I've been watching our clanmates. I've seen Oakclaw helping to organize the aprentices. And Greydawn has been helping to pass out prey."
Goldendapple sighed, placing a paw over her belly. "I know that there are other problems in the clan, but if there's anything that I can do to help, just tell me." She looked at her deputy. "In fact, I think that that's just what I need"
Moonpatch nodded, "Okay." She stood and shook her pelt. "You coming?" Goldendapple shook her head. "No. I think I'm going to rest her for a bit." She smiled at Moonpatch. "You probably should rest a bit too." Moonpatch nodded, "Yeah, I'll do that." She turned and padded into the forest. Looking back to the lake in front of her, Goldendapple curled her tail over her belly.
I need to live. She thought as she stared out over the lake and into Riverclan territory. I need to live so I can tell my kits about you, my love.
I hate this chapter. Least favorite. There is so much dialougue between her and Moonpatch and it's so hard to create the tonal shift that I want. But, I guess that this is as good as I get.
Question of the chapter- What do you think the kits will look like?
