Rafael pushed open the door carefully after jiggling the doorknob a little more than necessary to create signals that he was coming in and immediately started to analyze the woman that was supine in front of him.

She wasn't crying, but she wished that she could. It was a weird sensation, wishing to cry. Olivia sought its cathartic release, in private of course, but her mind and body would just not oblige. Perhaps the physical and emotional wounds were too fresh.

He walked over slowly and cautiously, not wanting to intimidate the injured woman, but decided to take a risk and sit on the far edge of the bed near her feet. She felt the weight of the bed dip and shook her head to get rid of the Lewis flashback that was waiting in the far corner of her mind.

"Can you talk?" He wasn't sure if he should ask, he didn't want to cause any embarrassment if her silence was some form of voluntary mute coping mechanism.

Her hand was slowly raised and wavered horizontally a bit to make the universal "sort of" signal, and then she raised it to her neck and referenced the bruises that resided there.

"I see."

Unexpectedly, the silence wasn't awkward. It was a little embarrassing for Olivia to be in such a vulnerable state, especially when she was such a proud woman, but she knew that Rafael was not here to judge.

"Liv, I need to ask you something." They both knew what the question was going to be, and frankly, Rafael felt guilty for wanting to know something so private. However, it was beginning to eat away at him, and he needed to know. He needed to have the Band-Aid ripped off so he could see if the metaphorical wounds were either non-existent or infected.

She made no specific movements, but her Rafa could read her like a book by now. All their time together – including their monthly late-night paperwork "parties" which Rafael looked forward to for weeks – gave the man a special ability to read Olivia Benson's stony features. Of course, she could be a very emotional woman when dealing with sensitive cases and her drastic actions made her feelings obvious, but it was different when she was the center of attention. Whenever the spotlight was on her, for positive or negative attention, she began to close the gates. Rafael felt incredibly lucky that he was able to squeeze inside her watertight mind and didn't want to compromise that. Especially when her facial expressions practically screamed, "Don't ask me if I was raped."

"That's okay. No pressure." His voice was meeker, and Olivia decided that humility looked good on the man who didn't just walk but swaggered. Then again, it was hard to find something that he didn't look good in.

The loud knocking that suddenly penetrated the silence frightened Olivia more than she would ever admit, but Rafael saw her jolt in his direction at the noise.

Dr. Cameron entered the room, introduced himself briefly, and washed his hands before he started to speak again. Olivia preferred it this way, as it gave her a chance to get used to his presence before he started interacting with her.

"How are you feeling, Olivia? I know the nurses gave you some pretty strong medication to deal with the pain in your wrist and ribs, I know you are probably feeling a little out of it, but are you feeling any discomfort?"

She hated it when strangers called her Olivia, although she supposed that she didn't like "Ms. Benson" any better. Both made her seem like a child.

Refocusing, Olivia shook her head "no" even though that was not entirely true. She looked up at Rafael again, with some levels of fear in her eyes. Not the type where the adrenaline kicks in, but the type that invades the senses when someone is reminded of something they'd rather forget. Barba, who had access to the most information regarding the Lewis trial – although everyone knew that wasn't the full story – immediately understood her hesitation to be under the influence of any mind-altering drugs.

"Can you cut back on the medication?" He posed it in the form of a question for a façade of politeness but was ready to start giving demands at a moment's notice.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I need her to confirm that decision." The white coat jostled a bit as he turned to face his patient. "Would you like me to decrease the rate of the morphine drip?"

Olivia nodded her head "yes", and the man assured her that a nurse would be in shortly to adjust the IV appropriately.

"Speaking of nurses, I can assign a forensic nurse if you would like. As I'm sure you know, the window for collecting the best possible evidence is rather narrow."

Olivia felt a fit of familiar anger start to emanate from her chest, a defensive frustration to protect what she perceived to be her last shred of dignity. "I was not raped." Her voice was firm but still quieter than she hoped it would be as her mind wasn't comfortable with speaking right now.

The experienced professional knew better than to push too hard, so he just replied with a statement that implied his position. "We found some suspicious bruis–"

She sat up like the pillow was on fire. "I! WAS! NOT! RAPED!" Her body rattled when she sat up and shook when she yelled, but Olivia was too angry – too protective of her secret – to feel the dizziness that was beginning to accompany any movement. Her throat and neck began to ache sharper than before, but Olivia did not regret her outburst and was ready to proclaim her denial again and again.

The doctor didn't flinch but instead moved a little closer to establish a personal connection with the patient. Instead, it just turned her anger into fear as she leaned further into Rafael.

Barba was furious, but not at Olivia. He was angry at the man who stood here and questioned her judgment, but most importantly, was upsetting a woman who should be treated with the utmost kindness. "Get out. Right now."

Dr. Cameron remained calm as he exited the room. Certain jobs make you immune to certain things. Working in healthcare was like working in retail or the service industry in the sense that when people yelled, not a single worker really gave a shit. It wasn't personal. Especially in Olivia's case, the doctor understood that she must be under immense emotional strain at the moment and couldn't handle anything else right now. He felt guilty, mainly because he was not a medical student anymore. He knew better. Nevertheless, Dr. Cameron wasn't quite able to shake the feeling that Olivia was making a mistake she would regret. Perhaps he would try again tomorrow when the ground had settled a bit.

Rafael wasn't a foolish man, so he didn't bother to ask if she was doing okay. Instead, he slowly wrapped her in an embrace – purposely giving her time to resist if she still wasn't comfortable with physical contact yet.

Olivia rested her head in his arms a little more, leaning into his body. His heart melted and lurched at the same time, conflicted between savoring the tender moment and being filled with empathy as she tried to engage in some breathing exercises. Taking a small risk, Rafael ran his available fingers through her thick hair and was glad that Olivia felt safe enough to close her eyes.

However, she was reluctant to fall asleep – Olivia Benson was probably the most qualified to discuss nightmares and night terrors, both of which she frequently experienced even before joining the squad – so instead she decided to sit up a little. She felt like a toddler when she made the hand motion of opening up a book, implying that she wanted one.

Rafael simply responded with "Of course." He knew that she liked dystopias but figured that the hospital would probably only have the heart-warming ones that form the foundation of any Christmas Lifetime movie. He figured a little more happiness might be better, anyway. "I'll pick you up one at the bookshop when I'm forcibly removed from this room in… 4 hours."

She grinned a little, but Rafael could tell it was only half genuine.

Their momentary peace was stopped halfway through as the door creakily arced open and Rafael's subtly aggressive demeanor and protectiveness kicked in, and both were probably sourced from their previous interaction with a visitor. A tired female nurse was followed by Carisi, whose eyes were downcast for the first couple of seconds before he had the courage to look up.

The nurse adjusted her IV while addressing a question that Olivia never remembered asking in her previously medically impaired state. It was something about getting out of the hospital gown, clothing, and a basement. Just like when the doctor explained her injuries earlier, she didn't retain much of the information.

When she moved to unwrap the tape on Olivia's wrist and applied some cream, she noticed Olivia's intense repulsion at being touched. She pulled her hand back involuntarily the first couple of times but eventually managed to sit still for a couple of minutes. To distract herself from the small but unwelcome contact – her reaction to which caused her to blush with embarrassment – she looked inquisitively at Carisi.

"Chief Dodds wants to speak with you, Lieu."

Olivia enjoyed the use of the nickname; it gave her a welcome sense of normalcy amongst all the pain of today's events. But the anticipation of a political and agenda-filled conversation with Dodds was unwelcome at best and had the potential to further traumatize her.

Before she had time to shake her head no, a gentle but possessive hand was placed on her left shoulder and a somewhat-frustrated voice penetrated the awkward atmosphere. "Tell Dipshit he can go fuck himself."

"That's what I said."

Her eyebrows raised in surprise and a microscopic grin graced her features, awaiting the satisfaction of knowing that either Carisi exaggerated his mini-rebellion or that he really did say that to his boss' boss.

"Okay, you caught me. I miiiight be paraphrasing a bit. It went a little more like, 'I don't think that's a good idea at the moment…sir.'"

Rafael was instantly grateful for Carisi's entrance and felt incredible satisfaction at her hearty laugh, even if it was shortly replaced with a wince of pain and a look of shame. Olivia knew, anyway, that Carisi had her back, too. She was confident that he would have actually said that, or worse, if it meant keeping Dodds' inquisition at bay for a while. The camaraderie and respect hit her like a ton of bricks, and a newfound respect for all three of her young detectives was beginning to form.

The nurse, impatient, interrupted. "Who is getting the clothes? I need to escort them to the basement."

Rafael turned his whole body to shoot the nurse a look that would make anybody stop in their tracks; perps included.

The youngest in the room piped up, sensing Olivia's eagerness to get rid of any medical professionals and Barba's come-fight-me attitude. He turned to Barba. "One of us can go pick out some clothes for Olivia to wear until Fin gets back and the other can stay here." Carisi gave a polite smile to the nurse and then targeted a reassuring one at his Lieutenant, purposely making sure that Barba could choose which role he wanted to fulfill.

The ADA was torn between leaving to go pick out the fresh clothes or staying to hold her hand. He wanted control of everything under the sun, but he knew he would have to relinquish a little if anything was going to happen efficiently. Making micro-decisions like this one should not be the impossible feat that his protective mind made it out to be, and he knew it.

With one look at Olivia, he sensed that she wanted him to give her a minute with Carisi. He tried not to be a little hurt, especially since it was probably just to squeeze out any information from the detective about what she didn't remember. Besides, Rafael was close enough to Olivia to be aware of her desire to have comfortable sweatpants and a baggy hoodie, something that he wasn't sure the younger man picked up on.

Rafael nodded and turned to Carisi. "I'll go get the clothes. You can stay here." He made sure not to talk about Liv like she wasn't in the room, but he forgot to disguise his exasperation with his last words. "And make sure Daddy Dodds doesn't make a surprise visit."

Olivia surprised both men when she grinned at the many nicknames of Chief Dodds, but her features quickly returned to their stony state.

Carisi nodded back to the lawyer in response, who irately followed the nurse, then turned to Olivia when the door was shut once more. If she weren't in such a vulnerable position herself, she might find humor in the sass that the tired nurse was most likely receiving right now.

Olivia was secretly thankful for her best friend's controlling antics, as she wouldn't have to deal with the fallout by herself. Of course, she knew that everybody in the precinct had her back since the day she started working at the 1-6, but not having a choice about being taken care of made it much easier to accept the help.

Carisi decided to break the silence, which was awkward for him but comfortable for her. "Do you want to talk?" He knew the answer to the question before his neurons even crafted it, but it felt like an obligatory thing to ask. The man was, after all, incredibly concerned and – to be perfectly honest with himself – wanted to talk to somebody about today's events but felt like discussing what he saw with anyone else would be a violation of her privacy.

The muscles in her throat constricted again, and Olivia couldn't identify whether the lack of speech was from her previous issues with the painful bruising or a subconscious way of preventing her from crying.

She shook her head no, but Carisi sensed that there was something she wanted from him. He was shocked, after all, when Barba left the room willingly. Clearly, there was something that he just wasn't picking up on.

"Do you have any questions?" The inquiry didn't make sense to even Carisi at first, as she knew more about what happened than anybody, but he figured that her crowded mind but want some confirmation or clarification about what happened.

She tried to use as few words as possible to express her concern, but her mind seemed to prevent pedantic speech anyway. "After I passed out." It came out like a statement, so she hoped he knew what she meant.

He nodded in understanding, then moved a little closer to the bed while making sure not to be an imposing presence.

Carisi made sure to speak slowly and clearly so she could absorb all of the information. "The driving path was approaching a 3-way intersection, so he could only turn left, right, or go back. Fin, Dodds, and I helped ESU set up a trap with spike strips while Barba tried to extract any extra information from the man we had in custody. The daughter must have seen the spikes because she rode over them without hesitation." Despite her hunger for knowledge, it was not the information she was looking for and he knew it.

She wished Barba were here right now – not because of Carisi's deliberate attempt to avoid the uncomfortable subject but rather because Rafael was better able to read her without having to speak. It took over 10 seconds to choke out a pathetic "and me?" It was barely audible, and a brown curly lock fell to frame her face as she literally shook the words out.

He paused for a couple of moments, debating on how to phrase the information. They didn't find Olivia in a compromising position – in a sexual sense at least – but he was well aware of her desire to not show weakness. Carisi also didn't want to cause any flashbacks when he described the interior, so he kept it brief and unspecified.

"When the car eventually stopped, ESU stormed it. Utley must have been brandishing the weapon because he was shot twice." He answered the next question before she even asked it, his voice robotic. "I don't know where, I approached the vehicle from your side. ESU was in too much gear to help anybody get out, and the ambulances could approach until we removed the road spikes. So two EMTs ran over and helped me untie you while Dodds got Utley. He was bleeding, though. Chest area."

His beloved mentor didn't blame him for trying to build a wall between himself and the events. She knew how traumatic seeing your coworker in a near-death experience could be. But she did maintain eye contact until he elaborated.

"You were very discolored, and your neck was in an awkward angle, but the doctors swear up and down that there wasn't any permanent damage. We took off the zip ties and…" Sonny couldn't help the small crack in his voice and subconsciously broke eye contact, seemingly scrupulously inspecting the sink across the room. "I used my jacket to cover your chest."

The detective tried not to be excessively soothing or gentle, but it was difficult. All training on how to deal with someone who just went through trauma was thrown out the window when dealing with Olivia Benson. She didn't want to be soothed, or helped, or pitied. Olivia Benson wanted to press some magical ignore button and hope that everyone else did too. Unfortunately, all parties involved knew that this method wasn't sustainable and it made the rare confrontations all the more awkward.

Oh. He saw my scars…

The embarrassment about them returned and she blushed, looking away as well. She wasn't sure whether to be more concerned about the hideous marks, the stomach she perceived to be a sign of being out of shape, or the embarrassment of having every person there know exactly what Joe did to her. Tears began to form in the wells of her eyes but were wiped away before they could fall. Carisi was occupied with his own shame, as he was visibly surprised to see the deep marks on her skin. He knew he was not nearly as close with the proud woman as Barba was, but a toddler could read the room right now.

His voice dropped to a near whisper. "Don't worry, Lieu. I worked quickly. Nobody saw anything."

She doubted that, so Sonny redirected to a less vulnerable topic that was still related to her original question.

"I know the doctors haven't told you too much, or at least anything that you remember…" She nodded in confirmation and he continued. "but I didn't see any injuries when I carried you out, and Barba didn't mention seeing any in the ambulance…"

An unexplainable sense of comfort washed over Olivia upon hearing that her Rafa was with her in the ambulance, but she couldn't quite identify why.

"The blood on your face and pants seemed to be blood spatter, which means it's Utley's."

Did he just say "pants"? Did Joe pull them back up? Why would he do that?

Once again, she was reminded that Joe Utley was a piece of shit, but he was not William Lewis or Lowell Harris. For those men, it was primarily about how they got off hurting women. For Joe, it was solely for his own pleasure. He was human – a terrible human at that – but unlike her other kidnapper, he might have felt a shred of guilt. After all, drugs can only last so long before the rational mind takes over. Or, more likely, he wanted to hide his crime in case he was caught alive.

Before she could fully bask in relief, Rafael entered the room with her gray sweatpants and a navy-blue hoodie, prompting Carisi to make his way out to give her some privacy.

Surprisingly, Olivia wasn't incredibly worried about the pity or the concern right now. There was a thread of hope that she was hanging onto.

They don't know.

That was good because she was done professing her denial. In fact, she was done talking for today and found immense solace in the fact that Rafael could do it for her.