"Come on just one tiny little smile?" Suki requests.
Azula's frown only deepens and she shakes her head. At any rate, her mouth is too sore for a smile.
"Not even a really quick one, like a two second flash?"
"No." Azula mumbles.
"You're cranky today."
She imagines that Suki would be at least a little cranky too if she had her mouth poked and prodded at all morning. She would be even more cranky if she came out of the ordeal looking at least a percentage or so less attractive.
She has decided that she won't be smiling until the braces come off and no amount of coaxing would be changing that.
"Come on, you promised."
"I did not."
"You did so." Suki insists. "You said that if I gave you the rest of my cinnamon sweet rolls that you would show me your braces."
Azula clears her throat. "Yes, Suki. There is a term for what I did."
"And what's that."
"Lied."
"Seriously." Suki crinkles her nose. She elbows Azula in the ribcage, "come on, I want to see them."
"For what?" She grumbles. Likely so she can decide whether or not it would be worth it to kiss her ever again. Azula wagers that she will decide that it is not worth the risk of possibly cutting her lips on metal bits. Azula has already cut her own tongue on them. It has been only an hour and they have already made her suffer at least a day's worth of pain.
"You can't just never smile again."
"Mai hasn't smiled once since I've met her, it is very possible to never smile again." Azula assures her. "And this abysmal school will make it very easy to stick to it."
Suki laughs. "Well, what if, one day, we're at tennis practice and Katara accidentally hits herself in the face with the racket again?"
"Then she'll have to get more creative, because it's only funny the first time." Azula replies.
"Come on, Azula, I'm sure that they're cute. TyLee would probably like them."
"TyLee thinks that everything is cute and you are obligated to say so."
"Obligated?"
"Because you are my girlfriend. Yue said that, that is one of the rules of a relationship…"
Suki rolls her eyes. "Yue lives in a daydream world and thinks that a relationship has to be all fluffy. That's why she has a crush on Chan."
Azula leans up against her locker and looks down the hall. The last buses are pulling out of the parking lot. "We should head to the courts…"
"We should. And we will. After you show me your braces."
"Suki, they look ridiculous."
"Wonderful!" She gives a mischievous grin. "They match well with the rest of your face, you like matching stuff."
Her face flushes and she very nearly swats Suki with her assigned reading novel. Instead she tucks it into her backpack and folds her arms across her chest. She is already something of an awkward loner, the last thing she had needed was this. A mouthful of metal is probably just enough to tip the scales towards the lower end of the social spectrum.
And if she takes a tennis ball to the face it will hurt doubly so when the metal scrapes her lips. If she bites down the wrong way…
She won't even be able to enjoy her mochi. There is a whole list of things that she can't have anymore. And the likelihood of food getting stuck in them…
She bunches her nose in disgust.
She hasn't even seen Zuzu yet. He is probably itching to make fun of her for her predicament, with or without having seen the braces. Spirits know that he has years of teasing and jesting to get back at her for.
"It's shameful."
Suki rolls her eyes. "Drama club is that way." She thumbs down the hall.
Azula narrows her eyes. "I didn't want to get them…" but she didn't want misaligned teeth either…
She wishes that she hadn't been born with such an unfortunate dental situation.
.oOo.
Azula is stubbornly true to her word. Suki hasn't seen her smile once since getting her braces. Pictures are almost entirely out of the question unless they let her do one of those little close-mouthed half smiles.
All of her attempts to make Azula smile naturally just miss the mark. Or maybe they haven't missed; she thinks that Azula has spent too much time training herself to laugh in such a refined way as to not show her teeth.
Suki sighs, she is quite certain that she is going to have to find a quiet spot in the bleachers and sit her down for a little talk. The serious, heavy sort that she is no good at. The sort that involves bringing up her girlfriend's stressfully high standards.
She supposes that they have been long overdue for another one of those, she hasn't been this dissatisfied with herself since leaving her father's house to live with her mother. It would seem like old habits are never truly shed.
She feels a pair of arms wrap around her torso and lips brush against her ear. "Good morning, Azula."
"It's afternoon currently." Azula corrects. "Here." She holds out a small box. It smells sugary and sweet and rests warmly in her grasp.
"What's this?"
"Open it."
She tugs on the little ribbon and opens the box to see a lightly iced cinnamon bun with an arrangement of red sprinkles.
"What's this for?"
Azula shrugs. "Since I didn't hold up my end of the bargain."
Suki is both touched and saddened. She really hated her braces enough to spend time baking a new cinnamon roll to get out of her deal. "Thanks, Azula." She bites into the treat. It is absolutely sublime, pleasantly warm and baked to a perfect golden brown. "This tastes amazing." She smiles. "Did you make it yourself."
Azula nods. "I had Katara help. But I did most of the work."
"Well it's really good. I'll save the rest for after practice."
Azula nods again. She is making it terribly difficult to request a difficult talk. For a while she is quiet, drumming her fingers against the lunchroom table. Maybe Suki ought to initiate the conversation now and get it over with.
Suki touches Azula's cheek, rubbing it tenderly the way the girl likes. She gives her a soft little kiss and pulls back. "I don't think that it's shameful." She starts. "You have braces. There are so many people who need them."
"Yes, and it's a shame that I am one of them." She insists.
"You don't always have to be perfect." Suki says for what has to be the thousandth time. "Especially around me. You can just be you."
"I am fine being me. I would just rather look like me but without braces."
"And last year you would have just rather looked like you but with longer hair. And the year before that you would have just rather looked like you but with bigger boobs."
Azula flushes again but Suki pushes on. "There's always something, always want to change something, and you don't have to…"
"Yes, well this time I was fine with how I looked before…"
Suki quirks a brow. "Azula, you got the braces because you weren't satisfied before. And you should be because…" she gestures to all of Azula. "Look at you."
"I would rather look at you."
"Cute, Azula. Super cheesy, totally a diversion, but cute."
"I hope that you're not expecting me to smile now."
Suki shakes her head. "Not right now, no. But when someone makes you laugh, when you're happy. When you win tonight's game."
.oOo.
She isn't sure why this is so change is so minor and so temporary. And yet she is feeling just as out of sorts and uncomfortable as she had when she'd cut her own hair. She still hasn't smiled and she is almost sure that it has nothing to do with the people around her. She is decently worried about what they will have to say about her. But she is more worried about what she will say to herself if she looks in the mirror or sees her tainted smile in a photo.
She is tired of feeling this way.
She wishes that she could just stop.
She feels Suki's hand cup over hers.
She is lucky that she has the girl, she would surely spiral if she didn't. With her free hand, she touches her fingers to her lips. She certainly isn't in the smiling mood. Not until Suki kisses her again, several times, once on the forehead, once on the lips, and once on the nose. She has always been fond of those little nose kisses. Suki knows this and she gives her a second.
She clutches Suki's hand in her own. The girl had been right; there always is something that she wants to fix about herself. Even if it doesn't need fixing. Most of the time she doesn't even fix it, the desire simply passes. Such was the case when she wished that she were taller. And in that instance, she had actually grown quite fond of her small self. It makes her agile and speedy, a real menace on the tennis court. She had eventually grown fond of her shorter hair too, though she much prefers it long. She supposes that just because something isn't preferable, doesn't mean that it is horrible or ugly. Her therapist has assured her has much time and time again. She just has to get around to remembering it.
"I guess that you can look at them." She mutters.
She supposes that the only way to get reassurance would be to let at least one person see.
.oOo.
Her smile is more forced than any smile Suki has ever seen, but it is a smile no less. She had expected Azula to pick out the clear brackets. Instead she had chosen alternating golds and blues. For someone who is trying to avoid drawing attention, she has sure picked eye catching colors.
Somehow, Suki can't picture it any other way. "They match your eyes."
Azula blinks.
"They suit the rest of your face." She clarifies. "Honestly, I think that they make you look smarter."
"They do?"
Suki nods. "You should get Katara to let you try on her glasses! They're blue so they would look nice too."
Azula seems to fidget with the buttons on her uniform. "Good luck convincing her to let me, she hasn't parted with those glasses since she got them."
"Have you looked at yourself yet?"
Azula shakes her head.
"One step at a time, right?"
"Yes, one step at a time."
"How about this, I get Katara to let you borrow her glasses, and you look at yourself in the mirror?"
.oOo.
Standing before the mirror, Azula wishes that she hadn't made the deal. Katara promises that the glasses suit her well. And Suki swears that she looks amazing and sophisticated. When she finally brings herself to open her eyes, everything is a blur.
"Well, what do you think?"
"I think that Katara and I don't have the same prescription." She takes them off and rubs her eyes.
"We can't all have 20-20." Katara rolls her eyes as she puts her glasses back on.
"I figured you'd say that." Suki holds out her phone.
Azula swallows and takes the device. Her face, as it appears on the screen isn't exactly unflattering. She supposes that Suki is right, the glasses and braces do add some degree of sophistication. Perhaps if she holds her head a little higher and makes her expression a little bolder she can do herself favors. "I...I don't hate it." She stuffs her hands into her pockets.
"That's a start." Katara smiles warmly.
"And by the time you finish, you're going to miss them."
Azula crinkles her nose. "I will not miss not being able to eat mochi. I certainly won't miss these poking wires…"
Suki pulls her into a hug and ruffles her hair. "That's fair. But at least you'll be more comfortable by the end of it."
"Define comfortable. There's nothing comfortable about a mild but constant throbbing."
.oOo.
Suki rolls her eyes. At least her complaints have shifted from a poor self image to the physical discomforts.
She just hopes that Azula knows that she is perfect just as she is. That there is no shame in a perfect collection of imperfections.
She slings her arm over Azula's shoulders and kisses her cheek. "Let's get to practice."
