There was jazz music on when he returned. Pleased she was comfortable and making herself at home, Booth locked the door behind him and tossed his keys on the counter.
No lights were on in his apartment, except for those on the tree. From a shelf, a St. Nick figurine kept watch over her, a silent sentinel who could tell Booth nothing about what Bones had been thinking while he was gone.
He'd been many things to her over the years. Friend. Confidant. Protector. Partner. All positions he cherished. Now boyfriend, though she hated that term.
He loved her and would love her, emotionally and physically, until his dying breath.
She sat with a glass of wine in her hand, staring off into the distance. This was what he wanted, he thought with a hard jolt, coming home and finding Bones in his apartment. It was a fantasy he hadn't wanted to admit out loud coming to life right in front of him.
But this image was tinged with something, though he wasn't sure what it was. Memories he guessed. Of the Christmases they'd spent together and apart. It was impossible to make new memories without thinking of the moments already gone. Holidays with nothing but your own thoughts and regrets to keep you company.
He would fight with everything he had to make sure nothing like that ever happened to the two of them again.
Pouring his own glass of wine, he joined her on the couch. "Can I ask what upset you when Parker left?" Because something had. There'd been pain and a sense of loss he didn't understand considering how well the evening had gone.
It had bothered him all the way home. Parker and his outlandish gift suggestions for Bones had been enough of a distraction that he hadn't had time to consider it. But after dropping him off, there'd been nothing else to think about.
She blinked and turned toward him. Booth wondered if she'd even realized he was in the room until he spoke. "It's silly," she said, turning back to the decorations. "The tree is beautiful. Thank you for inviting me."
"I want you with me, Bones. For everything." But he didn't want to talk about the tree. "It doesn't matter if it's silly. I'm in this all the way, Bones. The good and the bad. The silly and the serious. So please don't ever hold back." He turned to make sure he had a full view of her face. She didn't appear upset. Just pensive.
Maybe this was all too fast. For months they'd barely spoken, then within weeks they were in deep. But he hadn't felt her pull back from him. And it didn't feel like she was doing that now.
"Messy," she said softly. "Laughter and tears." It was what she'd admitted wanting, even if only to herself, that day he'd shown up in her office after their self-imposed separation. Had that only been a few weeks ago? Time was such a funny thing. In Maluku, when she wasn't sure about the decisions she'd made, it crawled. Taunted her with how long it would be before she was home again. Now, moments flew by. It felt like she'd been with Booth for years, and maybe she had been. It was only now that she could admit that truth.
"Bones." Booth said her name softly, not wanting to push, but wanting her to open up to him, no matter what was going through her head. Stretching his arm along the back of the couch, he tangled his fingers into the ends of her hair. The rhythmic motion he made was meant to soothe and he saw her shoulders visibly relax.
"It was Parker saying he missed me," she said into the silence. "I missed him too. He's grown so much. And you. I've missed you too." She swirled the wine around her glass. One innocent comment from Parker and all she could think about was the time that had passed. Time she'd never get back.
It was silly to think about what couldn't be changed. And she knew, deep in her heart, she'd made the right choice that night. For both of them. Didn't mean the loss of innumerable moments they could have shared didn't cut deep.
He deserved all of her. And she was brave enough and strong enough to offer it to him now. She hadn't been then. Every day, between their conversation outside the Hoover and their goodbye at the airport, she'd been emotionally exhausted. They couldn't go back to being the friends they'd always been, no matter how hard they tried, and couldn't move forward to be something else. She could feel their friendship stretching to the breaking point.
It wasn't until the islands, thousands of miles away from any trace of who they were together, that she gave up on the rational thoughts that had always been her safety net. Allowed herself to consider that being strong didn't mean protecting yourself from being hurt. It was knowing you could be and doing it anyway.
Loving him, being with him, meant taking the risk, knowing it was worth it.
"Last year, on Maluku, I couldn't open your gift because it hurt too much. I wanted to come home," she admitted. "But what was the point? It wasn't like you were back here waiting for me. I wanted to call, but too much time had passed."
His fingers stopped before continuing to move through her hair again. Now, the motion calmed both of them. "It's never too long." His voice, while soft, was also strong as steel, leaving no doubt in her mind he meant the words.
She shook her head. "It felt that way to me. So I stayed." Memories flashed in front of her eyes and she tried to keep her thoughts in an order he'd be able to follow. "Rebecca told me once the two of you had missed your moment. Not having any previous experience to rely on that told me differently, I thought we had missed ours." She took a drink from her rapidly emptying glass. "Looking back, I think we might have missed a lot of moments."
Booth tried not to react to the revelations, knowing if he did, she may stop talking. But Rebecca had spoken to Bones about their relationship? When? Why?
"I also told Angela, when Kurt died in the desert, that nothing in science happens only once," Brennan continued, bringing him back to the present. "There is no singular moment. Faced with a choice, believing Rebecca or science, I decided to go with science. I'm sure that's not a surprise," she said, though the chuckle that followed was anything but amused. "For once, science worked in our favor. I thought, maybe, when we came back, there might be another moment."
"That moment is now, Bones. " His voice was low and full of passion. "Just because it didn't happen when you thought it would, or I thought it would, doesn't mean it isn't happening at all. It's now." He truly believed that. Finally, after all their missteps, they were where they needed to be.
Agitated that this had come up after what was a wonderful evening with his son, Booth struggled to sit still. Instead of jumping to his feet, he offered a confession of his own. "When I woke up from the coma, I knew I loved you. Not the woman from my dream, but you. I confused your name for a time, whether or not we were married, but never my feelings. I've always known who you are and I've never wanted you to change."
He paused to order his own thoughts, watching the same twinkling lights she'd stared at. Then searching, found the ornament she'd gifted to him only a short time ago. He'd come home safe, and with her at his side, he was whole. "After the surgery, I had the luxury of time, Bones. And used it to make colossal mistakes like telling you I loved you then quantifying it."
He shook his head at the lunacy of what he'd done. She liked her facts and he'd given her plenty of them. Unfortunately, his evidence made it hard to trust the words he'd said before their separation. "And still, I had months to think about my feelings. I certainly didn't give you that. I changed the rules of the game you didn't even know we were playing."
Her eyes narrowed. "What game?"
He waved his hand. "Figure of speech. It's okay that you said no and looking back, maybe it's better that you did. It gave us both time to figure out exactly what we wanted and the people we wanted to be. I loved you before, I loved you when we were apart and I love you now. Some things about us have changed. That has not."
She nodded. "I never told you Cam blamed me, when we came back. Blamed me for breaking up the team," Brennan admitted. "I knew it would upset you, so I didn't tell you." She emptied her glass of wine to wet her suddenly dry throat. "She put into words what I didn't want to say. That I blamed myself."
Hearing him say that her answer outside the Hoover was the right one, or at least definitely not the wrong one, lifted her from a burden she had carried for way too long.
"She did what?" Booth asked darkly. Looked like he'd be having a conversation with Cam the next time he got her alone. How dare she blame Bones for everything that happened?
"She told me I put my own desires ahead of everyone else. That we had a good thing going and I let it fall apart. Maybe it was all my fault."
"Oh, no," he said, angry now. He took her wine glass from her and placed it on a low table next to his. Then moved close enough to grab her chin and turn her face toward him. "Nothing," he said sharply, "that happened between us or the team was your fault. We both share what happened that night. And there is no one at fault for anything. No one to blame. Life is messy and sometimes things don't work out the way we think they will."
"I said no," she reminded him, as if he'd ever forget that night.
"You weren't ready." He accepted that now. Accepted that they'd simply been on different timelines. His path had crossed hers briefly for a time, but they hadn't lined up. Until now. "Cam was going to lose her team and none of it was your fault. Angela and Hodgins were going. It wouldn't have mattered if you'd stayed and just taken a break. If you aren't out there, neither am I. And I cannot, I will not, do this job without you. Not since the day you blackmailed me to be my partner," he reminded her. "Best day of my life, even if I didn't know it then."
The night after his agents were shot proved that to him. The support she gave just by being there, made the terrible survivable. He wouldn't come out of this job unscathed if she wasn't there to catch him when it all became too much. "There is too much bad in the world and you remind me of the good." He ran a thumb across her lips, then leaned and kissed the skin he'd just touched.
"I ran, Booth," she said sadly. Maybe she should have stayed. But knowing he still loved her, when she wasn't ready for that, hadn't been something she could deal with.
He bumped his forehead against hers. "So did I." Because no matter how much he tried, or who he dated, he'd never gotten over her. Afghanistan served the same purpose for him as Maluku had for her. "Are you running now? 'Cause I'm not going anywhere."
Her head rolled against his when she shook it in denial. "I told you I was done with that."
Lowering his head slightly, he kissed her again. Long and slow with just a hint of the hunger he was barely controlling. Then, he took a chance and let go. Let emotions and desire flow between them until they were both pulling back to gasp for breath.
There was desire in her eyes when she reached up and trailed fingers along his cheek. "You remind me of good things too," she said.
Maybe it wasn't the perfect night. But bathed beneath the lights of the tree, Booth knew it was finally their moment. "Stay the night with me?" he asked. "We won't have all the time I wanted, but I don't want to waste anymore of it either."
She'd been wrong. They hadn't missed their moment. It was right here. Right now. Stretching out to the infinity still in front of them. "I'll stay."
With the sound of jazz softly playing and the lights of the tree glowing festively, he took her hand and led her to bed.
