I know you guys liked the fluff, but I kinda had to do this part for exposition. Plus, Olivia was just raped so, unfortunately, it's not all going to be sunshine and lollipops. But I will add a fluff chapter soon to lighten the mood! I was thinking of writing about just some casual domestic stuff.

Also, there are going to be many more obstacles in prosecuting Joe! This is just the first and pretty minor, but there is going to be a big one being revealed soon! As I said earlier, the interrogation chapter will have something that raises the exigence of her coming forward (and not canon for sure)! I'm not going to make it easy lol.


Day 4: Olivia's Apartment, 8:06 PM.

Carisi's shoes tapped against the white tile of the kitchen while Amanda joined Olivia on the couch. Although his partner wanted to talk to them together, Sonny had added some content to the agenda and didn't want to discuss his new topics in front of Olivia.

Barba, now in business mode, began quickly in a hushed tone. "There are complications with the case? Already?"

"Yeah..." Carisi had trouble making eye contact with the lawyer as he explained today's revelations.

The lack of reciprocated eye contact didn't stop Barba from staring a hole in his skull. The man was almost steaming at the ears but tried to keep his anger for secrecy's sake.

"Damn it. Does Liv know?"

"Amanda should be telling her now."

The apron-clad man turned to observe the other conversation, which currently held no signs of distress. Clearly, the other detective wasn't in a hurry to cover ground and Olivia must not be aware yet.

Carisi explained. "Amanda wants to talk to Lieu about some other stuff first."

At first, the aggravated response only consisted of a loud huff of disapproval, but Barba was upset enough to rub it in. "You guys have been detectives for how long? What were you thinking?"

The young detective felt a pang of guilt in his midsection but calmly explained what happened until Barba's features partiallyrelaxed.

"It wasn't our fault, honestly. You know that. And Fin already chewed us out."

"It's still a problem."

"I know. That's why we're here. Fin wanted to have one of us let her know in person. I wanted to because she and I talked at the hospital, but Amanda overruled me before I even got the chance to volunteer. She was eager to talk to Olivia about something."

Secretly, Barba wished that Carisi was the one explaining it to Liv right now, but the young detective waved off Barba's obvious disgruntlement as simply personal bias.

Barba made a concentrated effort to return to lawyer mode. "The case isn't that damaged, luckily. There is still indisputable evidence that all three defendants took hostages, conspired to commit fraud and robbery, and one of them severely injured the father. That's enough for 15 years each, at the very least. And Utley will certainly get more as the ringleader."

Still, there was a sinking feeling in his chest. Like his heart was turning inside out and falling to the floor. Liv wouldn't get the justice she deserved, even if Joe got all those years.

"I know but... it's still not enough for what he did."

"Unless New York reinstates capital punishment, not even a life sentence will be enough for what he did." Barba's words were almost growls, and Carisi felt the familiar sense that he wasn't being let in on something. He had never seen his mentor this angry before.

Barba's anger only further proved his obvious conflict of interest, but Carisi couldn't help himself. This, to the young detective, was the priority if they were going to win the case. "This is just one of the many reasons you need to be the prosecutor."

Rafael's heart lurched. He couldn't exactly micromanage the case, and therefore ensure a harsh conviction, from spectator seating. After all, he ached to avenge his perceived failures with the Lewis trials by crucifying Joe. However, the DA would never allow this, especially if and when they found out about his relationship with Olivia. Giving Joe the chance to appeal was just as sickening as not being able to personally seek vengeance for her.

He felt trapped and sought a way out of this confining feeling. "Who is going to prosecute if I don't?"

"Burrel."

Barba shot his hand to his forehand and took a couple of deep breaths. "He's a bumbling idiot on a losing streak."

"Yeah, I know. But he's got more seniority than anyone and has pretty good connections. My guess is that he wants to get an easy win on a high-profile case like this to make up for what happened last year with the Terrely case."

"He butchered it." Rafael took another sip of his scotch to calm down, but it barely worked. "I can't let that happen to Olivia. Not again."

"I know."

"I'll find someone else. Someone who deserves their title. Maybe McCarrey?"

"Barba..."

"I know, I know." He started to pace the small space between the sink and the refrigerator. "I can try to convince the DA, but it isn't likely. Especially when they find out I've been practically living with her for the last week."

Ignoring the memories of the Lewis case – his preparation for which was the most stressful of his whole career and the aftermath still left him with lasting guilt – Barba made a mental reminder to call his boss tomorrow.

Emboldened by his victory, Carisi found the confidence he needed to ask his next burning question, even though he was certain that the answer wouldn't contain an ounce of truth. He at least needed to make Barba aware of his suspicions. "Maybe I'm paranoid, but... I'm getting the sense that there are larger forces at work. What's going on?"

Barba appreciated the soft tone, which implied that not answering was an option, but was put in an awkward position. Unlike Fin, he wasn't being suffocated by the secret. Instead, his whole focus went into protecting it. Even though he didn't necessarily support the decision of his clandestine friend, he was more than reluctant to betray her precious trust.

Still, he knew that completely lying to the detective, who was already on their trails, would just heighten his curiosity. "You're right. But I am telling you to leave it alone. She'll tell you, or she won't. Don't pry."

The thought of punctuating his point with a threatening message was tempting, but Carisi was an understanding man and a momma's boy that followed instructions. Besides, Barba secretly valued his relationship with the bright aspiring lawyer and didn't want to sour it. Not that he'd ever tell Carisi that, though.

"And you tell that to Rollins, too."

"I will. And we'll get his confession on Thursday when we bring him in for the interrogation."

Fuuuuck.

Barba's mind raced with catastrophic possibilities as he imagined what Joe could unintentionally reveal. The drug addict would likely confess to the rape, unaware that the squad was in the dark about it. Despite his concerns, he knew he had to respond before Carisi could further his conspiracies about the true nature of Liv's coverup. He had to regain control of the potentially disastrous situation. "Thursday? I'll be there. And I hope you know better than to start without me."

"Lieu will want to be there, too. And I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"It's not. But I don't think any of us will be able to stop her when she finds out."

The two men stood in awkward silence for a little longer until Olivia raised her voice and the two men glanced over at the other pair out of curiosity. Trying not to eavesdrop, Rafael decided to speak again while Olivia moved Rollins to the bedroom for added privacy. Neither man said anything about the move but silently communicated that things must be heating up.

With an audible promise to continue the tense interaction in her bedroom, Olivia moved to drop her untouched wineglass on the counter. Barba, a rather perceptive man, didn't miss Carisi's avoidance of eye contact with her. When both women had retreated to the privacy of the other room, he decided to pry.

"You've been a little off recently. What's going on?" The hardened lawyer saw the small grin on the younger man's face, and he felt the defensive need to excuse his concern. "Liv doesn't want any of her detectives below peak performance, especially since she's not there."

Sonny's amusement at Barba's obvious concern waned as his thoughts focused on the answer to the question. "I uh... I shouldn't say."

Barba didn't concede. He felt a new compulsion to know as much about the case as possible. Besides, as per recent revelations, it clearly needed to be micromanaged anyway. "Do you know something that I should know?"

"No." Sonny tapped his fingers on the countertop and looked out the window. "It's just that... I was the one to help her out of the car."

"Oh."

"Yeah." The floodgates were open, now, regardless of whether Carisi wanted them to be or not. He needed to tell someone. "It was so... odd. Seeing Lieu like that."

Rafael let him continue, sensing that the young man needed to get this out.

"She's always so... strong and private. I guess I just wasn't prepared to see her passed out and bloody. So... exposed and just not... how I normally see her."

Rafael's frustrated attitude did a 180. His voice and expression were now softer, as much as he could manage, because he understood where Sonny was coming from. After all, Sonny wasn't with the squad at the time she had been taken. No one really knew the full extent of the trauma, but Sonny was more in the dark than most. "Do they bother you?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out that the subject of the question were her scars. Her many, many scars. Even though her pants concealed her lower half, there was plenty of red and white tissue. Cigarette burns, sweeping cuts, and the rumored wire hanger all made their definitive mark on her body. The unknown sources, like the area on her arm that fell victim to gritty sandpaper or the little dips that marked the small bite of a nail clipper, were mysteries even to Rafael. Some were raised, some formed valleys. But they all stood out. Carisi might have had only a few seconds to observe her indecent upper half, but that was all he needed.

Sonny observed the traffic of the city through the clean glass of her kitchen window. His voice was almost a whisper because part of him was afraid that Olivia would hear that he was discussing her many marks. "I knew what happened, kind of. On a surface level. No one was exactly willing to talk about it, and I didn't really want to know, either. I just didn't know... all of that..."

"It's a lot."

"It is." He moved to empty his drink from earlier, consuming the red liquid all at once. "I already talked to her about it, though. Kind of. She knows I know."

Rafael suddenly had a deeper understanding of the issue. "She's not upset at you. It wasn't your fault. If anything, Liv's probably grateful for your discretion."

"Well..." Sonny motioned to the kitchen, implying that their conversation was in defiance of that trust.

"If you were going to tell anyone, I was your best bet anyway."

"Oh." Suddenly, Carisi remembered that Barba must have seen the pictures when he prosecuted Lewis. "I forgot that... you saw..."

"I did." Rafael, now more vulnerable than before, looked down at his hands. "Since the other members of the squad were testifying, they weren't allowed in court when I showed them to the jury. Cragen had access to them afterward but... he didn't want them."

Before Carisi could respond, Amanda's voice resonated throughout the apartment, calling for Barba.

Rafael's sorrowful features were invaded by concern, and more than a hint of his safeguarding nature, as he stopped leisurely leaning against the countertop. The worried and protective man raced into the bedroom without hesitation, leaving Carisi to figure out his place. Deciding to respect Olivia's privacy, he stayed in the kitchen and tried to distract himself.

The rest of their conversation would have to wait until another time.


Day 4: Olivia's Apartment, 8:06 PM.

After Rafael and Carisi moved to the kitchen, Amanda and Olivia were left to start their own conversation. The awkwardness permeated every syllable, but Amanda hoped that the rocky start would give way to a productive conversation like last time.

The blonde detective made sure she heard chatter coming from the kitchen before she approached the sensitive question, "So...", she moved to sit beside Olivia on the couch, "How is everything?"

Apparently, they weren't getting right down to business as Olivia had hoped.

The wine swirled in her glass, but rarely did she actually take a sip for fears of falling into that familiar trap. She hated to admit it, but the familiar smell of alcohol was nauseating, too. "Fine, I guess."

Amanda's question was an alternative form of "how are you?" and this did not go unnoticed. Her sharp-ish response was obviously not the answer she was looking for. In fact, the worst-case scenario was Olivia constructing walls faster than the squad could tear them down. And when it came to hiding things, the older woman was more experienced than Amanda realized.

Nevertheless, she continued gently. "I know that Fin called this afternoon and updated you about Joe." The shocked, then icy, stare of her boss was chilling but it didn't stop her. "I know that I shouldn't have eavesdropped, Liv. But in the spirit of honesty, I did hear some of what Fin told you."

Unfortunately, Liv tensed a little at the mention of Joe's name. Amanda wisely noted not to mention him again unless necessary, at least not by his first name. On the bright side, Liv did appreciate the honest approach.

"How are you doing with... that?"

Olivia looked at the younger woman. She remembered how vulnerable Amanda was after Patton, and how she pressed the detective to approach her if she needed anything. Perhaps Rollins was just trying to return the favor. The muscles in Liv's shoulders relaxed, slightly, and she took a deep breath. "Learning that he was alive and stable was... a shock, I guess. But at least this time, the evidence is indisputable. He'll rot in jail."

Amanda winced at "this time", but Liv didn't notice as she was too busy studying the coffee table. The older woman would do anything to avoid making eye contact and tried not to make it too obvious that she was semi-practicing one of her breathing exercises. Now, Amanda had a decision to make. She made Fin and Carisi promise that one of them would tell Liv in person, but now that she was face-to-face with the woman, she didn't know if this was the time or place. On one hand, not telling her would surely come back to bite her when Liv inevitably found out, but on the other, telling her would cause unnecessary stress. Carisi was likely telling Barba at this very moment, however, so Liv was sure to find out anyway. Besides, Amanda volunteered to be the one to have this conversation. She couldn't exactly back out now.

Olivia studied the woman beside her and immediately recognized Amanda's I'm-thinking-about-telling-the-truth face. "What is it? What do we need to talk about?"

Well, it wasn't much of a choice now. "Tess is denying that she was raped." Amanda let the news sink in before continuing. "Her brother refuses to talk to strangers and the mom wasn't there when it happened. We can only guess she was assaulted because of her adamant denial, but that won't exactly get us anywhere in court."

"She was." Olivia's whole face paled as the blood rushed to her chest. Her voice became firm but was still in hushed tones. "She was raped."

If the Lieutenant was honest with herself, she desperately wanted Joe to be convicted of rape. To be put in that special section of the prison. Even if Tess was the victim in his conviction, the satisfaction would be ineffable. Now, though, there was a strong chance that Joe's sentence, even as long as it may be, won't include a sex crime.

"We know. She refused to have someone accompany her while she got the rape kit, and we only found out this morning that she ran out-"

"Seriously? Making sure there is evidence is half your job, Rollins." Olivia felt guilty, she knew that it was not really the detective's fault but still needed a way to release her frustrations. "You could have called me. I would have talked to her. I wouldn't have fucked it up."

Amanda was all too familiar with lashing out at the people closest to her, so she let the comment slide off her without internalizing it too much. Still, there was a lingering sense of guilt.

Noticing that Sonny and Barba glanced over to their area, Olivia decided to move their conversation elsewhere. "Let's talk in my bedroom," she pointed to the closest door in the hallway, "I'll join you in second." The time it took to fold the blanket on her lap and dispose of her wine was a welcome relief and give her a couple of seconds to calm down. Finally, she walked into the lit bedroom.

She took a deep breath as she shut the door behind her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you like that. There's just a lot of stress right now. Can you just... explain what happened, please."

"Carisi and I escorted her into the room, but she was adamant that we leave. Her mother was there, too, and was horrified that we wanted to question her daughter so soon. We sat in the waiting room for at least an hour, but Dodds called us back because we caught a DV case a couple of blocks away. The nurse called us afterward and told us that the rape kit was being processed. We just... we assumed that everything went normally..."

The news upset Liv, but she wasn't irate. In fact, Amanda couldn't tell if dealing with this like it was any other case would be worse or better for the experienced Lieutenant's recovery. "What happened next?"

"We called to check in on the DNA results this morning. Apparently, Tess had pictures taken and answered some questions, but wouldn't let the nurses take swabs. They couldn't exactly force her to, but now we're having trouble proving the rape now that she denies it."

"What about Roxy?"

"She's not talking about what happened in the townhouse. Just keeps repeating that she had to help Joe because she owed him. We threatened her, we bribed her, we were kind... nothing worked."

Olivia sighed loudly. "Fuck."

"Yeah."

"If it makes you feel any better, Fin blew a gasket. He was angry at Carisi and I already, but then Roxy just... set him off. He didn't touch her or anything but... the whole precinct could hear his outrage." Amanda looked at the lamp and lowered her voice. "I've never seen him yell like that."

A rather large part of Olivia was grateful for his protective nature and angry approach, but she didn't show it. "He used to get carried away sometimes, especially at the more heinous cases. Nothing like my old partner, mind you, but Fin wasn't always cool-headed either. This one is just... it's a little bit close to home."

"Have you talked to him?"

"We talked a little on the phone the other day. Why?"

"We can't reach him." Amanda saw the shock on Liv's face and quickly realized how bad her previous sentence sounded. "Don't worry, though, I'm sure he'll show up eventually."

"He always does. If I call him, he'll answer." Olivia took a moment to think about how much this must have affected him, and suddenly felt guilty for how much she put on him. "I'll call him tonight. To make sure he's okay. Is... uh... is everyone else okay?"

"Dodds is doing a good job in command, and Fin is Fin. Carisi is shaken, but he's working hard to fill in the gaps."

"And you?"

Amanda rolled her eyes playfully. "You're trying to deflect."

Olivia responded with a sly smile. "So are you. If you get to ask questions, so do I."

"I'm good. Jesse is... wonderful. A ray of sunshine, really."

"And with everything that happened with... last year? I haven't asked you recently, but now that Barba and I are going to be out next week too, every cog needs to be in factory condition."

The blonde woman turned her head slightly and her smile disappeared. "This isn't about him, Liv."

"It doesn't need to be all about me either." Olivia made sure they made eye contact again before continuing. "I'm starting to feel like... some sort of attention whore. The squad isn't done helping you, Amanda. You know that, right?"

Amanda nodded. "I'm doing better, Liv. Really." She returned a genuine stare to show her honesty. "Besides, nobody thinks of you like that."

"Well... I'm not going to even bother arguing that."

"If I'm going to be honest, though, Liv..."

"Of course."

"A large part of my recovery was coming forward. Telling the truth. It was embarrassing at first, and I hated that everyone knew what happened with... him. I know I'll never be over it. I'll never be fully healed. But now... I don't feel the burden of the secret anymore. And since it's not a secret, it feels almost like last year was... last year. The past. I'm not always carrying it around with me anymore and now I can... I can separate my future from my past. What happened doesn't have to plague the present, and I learned that the hard way."

It took a few moments to gather her thoughts into words, and even then, she felt as if her words didn't capture her whole interpretation of the situation. Still, Olivia understood what she meant.

Even though she might not have noticed, Amanda wanted to crack the code of Olivia Benson. She yearned to be part of her trusted crew. Someone Olivia could trust; someone she could talk to. Unfortunately, the two women had clashed on multiple occasions and the younger one usually ended up on the bottom. And although Olivia outwardly forgave her – she truly did understand some of Amanda's reckless and self-destructive actions – there was a perceptible sense that Liv was still hesitant to place too much trust in the hands of an unpredictable force. The blonde detective would never admit it, but Olivia's distrust and disappointment were sources of shame that she carried everywhere, especially since the older woman served as a replacement mother-figure in a time when she needed the most guidance. Now that Amanda had mostly healed, it was time to return the favor if only Olivia would allow it.

Olivia understood that Amanda was advising her to tell the truth. Whether she was referring to Lewis or Joe, Olivia wasn't sure. Regardless, it wasn't going to be that simple. They both knew, deep down, that the proud Lieutenant wasn't going to budge unless she was forced to.

"I'm glad you've found closure, Amanda."

"So am I. But that wasn't all I was trying to say."

"I know."

The reality – Liv wasn't likely to talk about it honestly, or at least not while there was still another option – was beginning to sink in. "I know it's none of my business... I do. And I don't expect you to tell me anything beyond yes and no..."

"If I don't want to answer it, I won't. You can just ask."

"Does anyone know what happened with Lewis?" Amanda cringed at the use of his name, but tragically, the differentiation was necessary now beyond the male pronouns that they liked the use in place of names. "Like... what really happened?"

"That's private."

Olivia immediately felt guilty. Amanda had just shared an intimate aspect of her recovery, and now she had rejected the olive branch. Fuck.

"I'm sorry, Amanda. That was basically reflexive at this point." Olivia watched Amanda's hurt features soften into gratitude, which was relieving. "To answer the question... Lindstrom would know the most. But not even he really...um..."

Amanda decided to save her boss from floundering in vulnerability, especially when this was unknown territory between two women with a relationship only a little stronger than an eggshell. Luckily, they could both feel their trust, at least in these matters specifically, deepen with each sentence. "Oh."

Olivia looked over at the window. "Yeah."

Defying her desire to ask the same inquiry about Joe – she sensed that Olivia wanted to wrap this up before things got too sensitive – Amanda decided to get back to business. After all, there was still another topic to be approached. At least this wasn't bad news. Or so she thought.

"One more thing." She saw Liv tense. "We are bringing Utley in for interrogation on Thursday."

Olivia's mind raced with all the possibilities. How he might betray her secret, publicly and humiliatingly. Her face paled as she felt the blood pool in her chest once more. "That's only two days away."

"I know."

"I want to be there."

Amanda knew that objecting was futile, but she had to try. "Liv-"

"I'm going to be there." Olivia put her hand on her collarbone – a classic sign that she was frustrated and thinking – and paced. "I am."

"You know you can't go in there." Amanda stepped in front of her path, gently and cautiously, so she could hammer the point home. "You can't. It'll jeopardize the case."

Olivia only nodded absentmindedly; her mind was clearly no longer focused on the conversation.

"We can get the confession ourselves, Liv." Amanda stepped back, allowing her nervous counterpart to pace the room again. "Fin thinks that Utley will confess to Tess's rape. Especially since he doesn't know about her silence."

Or mine. Shit! He's going to tell them. They're going to know it. I was raped and he's going to tell everyone. Fuck!

"Liv. Liv?" Amanda moved to hold her shoulders and prepared for an anti-touch defense. None came, though. "Olivia!"

The older woman's hands were now clutching her hair as her elbows bent inward towards her chest. If the fetal position could be adapted into a standing form, this would be it. "I'm fine", she rasped, breathlessly and with venom.

Amanda dashed forward to help Olivia lean against the wall and supported her by the arms as she slid down to the floor. Her body hit the carpet with an ungraceful thud and her hands flew to grasp Amanda's arm, pulling her closer. After only a few moments, the panic subsided and Olivia soon regained control of her own thoughts.

"I'm fine," she whispered, now it was a comforting message to herself rather than a defensive one to others, "I'm okay."

"How can I help?" Amanda moved closer – Liv's hand on her upper arm was silent permission that physical contact was currently okay – and tried to look her in the eyes. Luckily, that thousand-yard-stare was mostly gone, now replaced with one of shock.

"I don't know what that was." Her heavy breath became regulated as her mind reclaimed control and she felt the need to assuage Amanda's concerns before she called for someone. "I'm okay now."

Now Amanda seemed to be more alarmed than Olivia was; the former was slightly panicked while the latter was already recovering from the unfamiliar incident.

She spoke between heavy breaths. "Seriously, Amanda. I'm okay." Still, the residual adrenaline shot through her veins and left a red-hot trace in her chest. Each heartbeat was deafeningly loud as it echoed in her own ears, and the bone-shaking nerves did not dissipate. "Just... uh, get Rafa please."

The unfamiliar and private nickname didn't faze Amanda as she called out for Barba. For some reason, she couldn't find the will to separate from Olivia. Even when Barba requested a few minutes alone with Liv, it was hard to leave her. Part of it was a guilt-laced sense of curiosity about what happened, but a much larger factor was the amount of pure concern for Olivia. Their relationship was just beginning to bandage itself, and just as a few days ago, the fear of Olivia's injuries permeated her mind once more. Additionally, the fact that her boss was usually stoic – almost annoyingly so – and well put-together around the detective made this anomaly stand out as far more worrying than it really was.

Amanda made her way out to the living room where she was greeted by Sonny. Unsure of what to do, or if they should even stay, she passed the time by sending a text to Fin.

Olivia was updated. She handled the news well. She wants to observe the interrogation on Thursday.

The small lie in the middle was not a source of hesitation and she quickly sent the text. After 10 minutes of waiting, Sonny hinted at his feelings of intrusion. After 15 minutes, she began to feel it too. After 30 minutes, they both sent an explanatory text to both Barba's and Liv's phones before silently gathering their coats and departing.

Although unable to see the other pair, and only able to marginally listen to them, they could both sense that there was an overall conjoining sense that united these four members of the squad.

"Well, fuck."