Sorry it took a couple days to update and that its really short, but I'm currently working on a prompted work about Psycho/Therapist and the next chapter. This one was really just a bridge to better things. My plan for the next chapters is: talk with Tess (17), fluff with a brief incident but mainly fluff (17.5 or 18?), and the interrogation (19). I hope you like it!
The next chapter will be at least 4k words, I promise.
Day 4: Olivia's Apartment, 8:47 PM.
"You're okay, Liv." He rocked her body gently, making rhythmic swaying motions from side to side as she sat between his legs. "You're safe."
Olivia didn't respond, instead opting to squeeze the strong arm that was draped across her waist. After a few calm moments, she gulped and prepared her voice to speak.
Still, her voice was soft. "I don't know what that was."
Rafael ignored the growing ache in his back – his spine was pushed back against the wall as Olivia leaned her whole upper body against his chest – in favor of doting over the woman he was holding. "A flashback?"
"No," she turned her head to rest it against his upper arm, "that wasn't it. It wasn't a panic attack either, or maybe it was a very short one."
"Do you want me to call Lindstrom?"
"Um... I don't think so." Olivia stilled for a second, mulling over her options. "I'm exhausted, and I don't really want to have my head shrunk right now."
Despite his faith in her decision-making, her unfamiliarity with the incident was concerning and it showed on his face.
She felt him tense. "I'll call him tomorrow, I promise."
This seemed to have a soothing effect on her worried friend, which allowed the tired woman to relax and refocus on her own dilemmas. The most recent incident – whatever it was – drained any energy that Olivia had left over from before the townhouse. She was running on fumes before but was certainly still functioning. Now, Olivia felt as if this symbolically marked the true beginning of her recovery, where every ounce of vigor would have to be fought for.
Although her face was not visible from his angle, he felt her arms tighten under his. "What's wrong?"
"I just..." Her head tilted back so she could smell the cologne on his neck, but despite its calming effect, her voice cracked when she spoke. "After the beach house, I didn't feel a grace period where it didn't feel... real. I think it was the pain. Maybe the scars and bruises. Everything and everyone made sure that I couldn't forget it. But this time... I guess it didn't feel as real as it does right now. Thirty minutes ago, I felt relatively safe. I could pretend that Joe never happened. Like he never touched me. I could push it to the back of my mind, at least sometimes. But the interrogation, the possibility of trial, Tess's reluctance... it's really happening. It really happened. And I'm just... I'm so tired, Rafa."
Rafael intuitively knew, and her words confirmed, that Olivia's recovery was passing a new landmark. Or, as she put it, the race was beginning. Her "grace period" of denial was ending, and Olivia was visibly shaken.
"You're going to survive this, Liv." He took her hand in his and squeezed gently. "You are."
The tears flowed before she could stop them, and her body shook against his. "But how much of me is going to be left?"
Rafael couldn't immediately think of a response or maneuver to a better position, so he opted to help her lean against his right arm like a pillow as she quietly sobbed. Her chest trembled and her hand tightened around his as her body slacked to the right. The crunching of the carpet as she moved, the periodic short breaths, and the occasional sniffle were the only sounds that were made.
He eventually found a way to phrase his carefully worded response. "You might not be the same person at the end of this. You might not feel whole. But at your center, the core of who you are as a person, is not going to changed by a piece of shit like him. You're going to get through this, and I'm going to hold your hand," he squeezed it for emphasis, "every step of the way."
Olivia opened her mouth to protest, but no words came out.
"We might have to crawl before we can run. We might even have to sit on the floor and let it all out," he paused to listen to Olivia's half-hearted chuckle, "before we can fly. But so help me God, Olivia, I'll make sure that man is in jail and you are soaring above cloud nine. Even if it takes a lifetime. And whatever part of you feels damaged or broken at the end of all this, we'll fix it together. Maybe even replace it with something better."
Olivia too surprised at the heartfelt message to keep crying, although she figured that maybe it wasn't so shocking after all. Rafael was a caring man on a mission to heal, and he made his intentions obvious from the beginning.
When her tears subsided, Rafael decided to gently redirect the situation. Or at least give her the option to.
"Do you want to stay like this for a while, or do you want me to help you get to bed?"
She chuckled lightly, but puffy eyes and their accompanying tears persisted. "I want to do both. And take a shower. But since I can't have my cake and eat it too... I'm going to take a shower first. Maybe it'll calm me down a bit. It might make it easier to fall asleep afterwards."
Rafael raised to his feet faster than she did – his legs tingled from being still and under pressure for so long – and took her arm to support her. "That sounds good."
He watched, uneasy, as Liv navigated the room to prepare for her shower. After she sluggishly approached the dresser, only to be frustrated when she couldn't find the right pajamas, Rafael stepped in. He refused to even think about describing her actions as defeated – he settled for "sluggish" – because they both knew that this was simply a brief hiatus from her strong demeanor. Tomorrow, or at least soon after that, her fierce personality would return with a hint of spite and a taste for justice. Olivia Benson was anything but defeated.
And, as Rafael properly understood, it was his job to make sure that she bounced back as soon and as strong as possible. "Tell me what you need. Anything you could possibly want, and every whim after that. I'll get it for you."
Olivia – hating her current childish temperament but was suddenly too bone-weary to stop herself – was ineffably grateful for his help. Wisely, though, Rafael didn't give her a choice. He just did it. And somehow, someway, this made it much easier for Olivia to accept – and even ask for – his aid.
She explained that she was getting a bath instead – a shower had more cleansing value, especially for a recent rape victim, but required the energy to stand and wasn't nearly as relaxing – and told him which type of pajamas she was looking for.
Rafael quickly found a fuzzy pair of pants, covered with many images of Santa Snoopy, and a sweatshirt with a large picture of a bee.
Olivia saw his quizzical look a let out a weak chuckle. "It's Barry B. Benson from the Bee Movie."
Rafael returned the smile. "I'll never understand why this is funny to you."
She laughed, but her expression of tiredness returned soon after.
"Go on, Liv. I'll be in the living room when you're done."
She looked back at him with gratitude, assured him that she was fine by herself, and slowly headed into the bathroom.
Olivia watched the porcelain tub fill with hot water and white bubbles. Although she never got bubble baths – the tube had a PJ Masks figure on the front to match the interests of its prime user – and wanted to scrub her body clean as she did earlier, but she simply didn't have the energy to do so. Right now, Liv wanted to rest, relax, and just... sit.
She sat in the warm water for a couple of minutes, lazily playing with the bubbles and threading the foamy clouds between her fingers. It had been a long time, at least a month since she had a relaxing bath or shower like this. She cleaned her body, but it wasn't scrubbed raw like before. She briefly thought of Joe and Lewis, but her mind was too tired to release those evils upon itself. Her mind couldn't even focus on the embarrassment of breaking down in front of Amanda, at least not yet. It was peaceful.
Somehow, her overwhelming exhaustion was relaxing.
A few moments after she rested her head against the back rim of the bath, Olivia drifted off to sleep.
Day 4: Olivia's Apartment: 10:20 PM.
Rafael was never a patient man, but now he had to consciously fight the urge to check if she was okay. A mere twenty minutes ago, Olivia sat between his legs on the bedroom floor, sobbing. The space between his arm now felt empty, almost comfortably so, and he held the throw pillow in his lap to fill the gap.
Just like Olivia, he could feel the reality of her horrid situation sink in.
If Tess didn't come forward, then Joe wouldn't be convicted of a sex crime. He'd never go to prison for rape. And if he did confess to the two rapes during his investigation, would Liv testify? Or would she willingly bear the burden of this secret for the rest of her life? Would she have the resolve to describe her assault in court? To tell her friends and coworkers how he violated her in the worst way?
Olivia was a strong woman, but certainly a proud and private one. Her position at SVU just made things worse, because she thought that she should have known better. Should have protected herself better. The cruel irony was not lost on either of them, but Olivia was hard on herself because of her experience for SVU, and hardly anyone could convince her otherwise.
The more Rafael thought about her assault, the more protective and defensive he got. His chest tightened with anger and his blood pumped faster than before, all in subconscious preparation to fight a man who wasn't even there.
He had to think of something else before things got out of hand.
Luckily, his phone rang just in time. The shrill ringing that emanated from the bedroom – he had strewn his phone aside when he got down on the floor to calm Olivia – snapped him from his dangerous thoughts.
"Olivia? Liv?" He cautiously knocked on the door. "Just checking to see if you are okay."
She reluctantly stirred, fighting against the heavy weights of her eyelids and the relaxing nature of the water that was now cold. "I'm okay."
Unaware that she had been sleeping, Rafael explained the disturbance. "That was my boss. We have to talk when you're done in there, Liv. No rush."
Olivia tried to rub the tiredness out of her eyes while she shook her muscles awake, but it was of little use. Since she rushed to get dried and dressed so that she could go to bed, the newly donned pajamas stuck a little to her damp skin.
After five minutes, Rafael watched her emerge from the bathroom and she motioned for him to join her in the bedroom while she finished her nighttime routine.
He idly stood by as she combed her hair and put it into a loose ponytail, unsure about what to do with himself.
Olivia sensed his unease and helped him out. "You were saying..."
Rafael swayed nervously, unsure if this was the appropriate time to approach the subject. "I'm prosecuting Utley's case." He let the news register for a moment before he continued. "In exchange, Burrel will be prosecuting Roxy and the brother."
Olivia tried not to think about Joe or anything about his case, so she explored the last half of his message. "Burrel?"
"He was the one that was going to prosecute originally. We made a deal, and he moved some things around for me."
Liv looked at the carpet, then at her hairbrush. She couldn't quite think of what to say as her mind was busy scrubbing itself clean of this subject.
Rafael sensed her uncomfortableness and was filled with a sense of guilt. "It's not too late to change things, I can-"
"No, that's not... it's better this way. I'm glad. I just... I can't think of this right now."
"There's one more thing." Rafael immediately felt ashamed for continuing this conversation, but he knew that Olivia would want to know. "Tess is coming to the precinct tomorrow to finalize her statement. Rollins thinks that it would be a good time for her to try and get Tess to come forward."
Oliva tried not to think about talking to Rollins again after what happened tonight, or the contents of her future discussion with the girl, but instead just created a steely resolve to hide her anxieties. "Then that's where I'll be."
He was already hesitant to push the matter, let alone try and argue this with Liv. After all, there was a better chance of Liv convincing the traumatized teenager. So, he simply asked her what she wants to do now.
She walked over to her bed and pulled back the cover. "Let's just go to bed. I know I've said it already, but I'm exhausted."
Olivia, of course, noticed her wording immediately. It was casual. Almost too casual, in fact, for the momentous leaps that they were taking in their relationship by lying in bed together. They had shared a bed the other nights too, though, and Olivia secretly hoped that phrasing it this way would encourage him to do it more often. After all, his presence was a soothing one.
After Rafael brushed his teeth and joined her in the bed, she was already half-asleep. Or so he thought. When he eyed her sweatshirt once more and grinned, she shot back a witty response that made him jump with surprise.
Her voice was barely above a whisper. "The Bee Movie is an animated atrocity, but the meme potential..."
Now that they were both prone, he turned on his side to face her. "You make memes?"
"No, but I have about a thousand saved on my phone."
Rafael saw that her eyes were closed and decided to let her rest with one last whisper. "I'm learning something new about you every day."
Olivia realized that they truly were learning new things about each other with every passing minute. She discovered the wonders of Cuban deserts, his favorite pair of pajamas, and the fact that he snored among many other invaluable tidbits of information that gave her insight into the mind of her best friend.
Rafael saw that her eyes were closed and figured that she had drifted off. After slightly maneuvering to set his watch's vibrating alarm to ring in three hours – an interesting theory of his that worked last night, as he had noticed Liv's nervous shaking before her nightmare had come to its full horrifying potential – he turned until he found a comfortable sleeping position.
"Goodnight, Liv."
