I looked at Guthrie, aghast. "What do you mean, you don't trust her?" I demanded.
"I just don't. Somethin's not right."
"Be specific!" I snapped.
"Well, you notice that she never would say what happened with Adam and Brian. Or tell the reason
that they told her not to come around anymore."
"Maybe she thought if she told us, it would sound like she was bad-mouthing them or something. I already told
her not to talk bad about them to me-" I suggested.
"Maybe," Guthrie conceded, not sounding at all like he believed that.
"Well, what do you think then?" I asked, feeling exasperated. And disappointed, too. I wanted Guthrie
to be on board for this whole thing.
"I think we should talk to the family about it. Tonight, after supper."
"Okay," I said reluctantly. Then, after a moment, I said, "I have an idea. What about if I talked to
her again about it first? Told her that I have to know what happened between Adam and Brian and her?"
"That won't work," Guthrie said, with a shake of his head. "I went at it every way but backwards today
and she wouldn't give it up. Whatever it is that's between her and them, she's not sayin'."
"Well, I'll tell her that I want to know what it is. Or else I won't talk to her anymore," I told him.
Guthrie gave me a sideways glance and then looked back at the road.
"You don't mean that, Har," he said.
"How do you know I don't mean it?" I challenged.
"Because I know," Guthrie said calmly. "You're set on this. Getting to know her, talk to her, all of that.
You aren't gonna tell her to get lost."
"Not because of her, Guthrie! Because of Mom! I've found out more about Mom in the last few days than
I have in my whole life," I tried to explain.
Guthrie was quiet for a few minutes, and I simmered inside.
"You don't understand," I finally accused him, looking away, out the window on my side.
"I do understand," he argued. "I just think we should talk about it with everybody at home. I'm worried, Har. I
can't explain exactly why. I just know that I am."
Guthrie's opinion means a lot to me. He has what Adam calls "good horse sense". I don't like to be
on the opposite side of things from Guthrie.
"Okay," I said. "I'm not disagreeing that we should talk to the family about it. But let me ask her
one more time. Then, when we talk to everybody else, we'll know more about the whole situation."
Guthrie shrugged. "Okay," he said, reluctantly.
"I'll do it tomorrow night. She's meeting me before my class starts," I said.
"Hmm," he said, which is really no answer at all.
7
When we got home, Adam and Crane were standing in front of the barn, obviously in the middle
of a conversation.
They stopped talking, though, when Guthrie and I walked over to them.
"Where have you kids been?" Adam asked us.
"Got held up talkin'," Guthrie said. "Sorry we're late."
I had to admire Guthrie. He told the truth, without details, showing respect, and they just
accepted his answer without further questions. Honestly, I was going to have to try to
learn how to do that.
7
The next morning at breakfast, while I ate my eggs and toast, I was trying to think of a way
to stay in town after school. It would be so much easier than coming home and then trying to explain
why I wanted to leave again right away, which is what I would have to do if I wanted to meet Karissa
at five.
"Hannah?" I began, talking softly so I wouldn't be overheard.
"Hmm?" she asked, taking another drink of coffee.
"Tonight's my class," I reminded her. "And I was wondering if it'd be okay if I went to
Lori's for awhile after school, then went to class after that."
"What about your homework?" she asked.
"I can do it at Lori's. Or finish it in the morning."
"You're always so tired on Thursday mornings. That's not a good time to be doing homework," Hannah said.
I knew she was right about that. By the time class got out, and I drove home, and then settled my
mind down enough to sleep, it was usually pretty late. Hence, the next morning, I was usually
dragging.
"It'll be alright," I told her.
She gave me a look that said, "Really?"
"I haven't hung out with Lori for a long time," I said. I knew that would make a difference to
her. Hannah is always thinking that I don't do enough socializing. She'd like it if I went to more
activities at school. Sports events, dances, and all of that.
"Well, that would be nice," Hannah said. "But maybe a Saturday would be a better day for
you to get together with your friends. You and Lori and Kristin could hang out, and if you want
to do it here, we can make some pizza-"
She broke off as she saw my face. "What?"
"That's a good idea," I assured her. "It's just that I was thinking about today."
"Well," she said, "ask Adam what he thinks."
No! I hate it when she pulls the Adam card.
I sighed, and took my plate to the sink, going to gather up my backpack and jacket for school.
I was grumbling to myself about what was the good of talking to Hannah if she was just going
to pass the buck on to Adam.
"Come on," Guthrie said, walking past me, with a jelly-covered biscuit in his hand. "Lonnie's
bringin' his new cross bow to show me before school starts."
"I'm gonna drive myself this morning," I told him.
"Yeah?" he said questioningly, around his mouthful of biscuit.
"Well, I think I am. Let me talk to Adam real quick."
"Well, hurry up," Guthrie said.
I went back thru the kitchen, carrying my backpack and shrugging into my jacket.
I'd thought Adam might still be there, but only Evan was left, still sitting at the table,
eating bacon and reading the newspaper.
"Where's Adam?" I asked him.
"He went that way," Evan said, pointing at the back door without looking up from
his paper.
I went outside, giving Clarence a hurried scratch behind his ear. I found Adam, along with
Brian, with their heads under the hood of the Jeep.
"Try it now," Adam said, and Brian got in, and turned the key, but the engine didn't catch.
I heard Brian mutter something that sounded suspiciously like 'son of a bitch', and then
he got out and came back to stick his head back under the hood.
I stood there for a couple of moments and Adam turned his head to look over at me.
"Shouldn't you be headin' to school?" he asked me.
"I wanted to talk to you first," I told him.
Adam straightened to a standing position, wiping his hands on a rag.
"What?" he asked.
"Is it alright if I go to Lori's after school, and then go to my class?" There, I thought. I hadn't actually
lied.
"What about your homework?" he asked, sounding like an echo of Hannah. "You'd be awfully
tired in the morning."
"I'll get it done," I said. "I'll work on it at her house."
"What about supper?"
I wanted to make a wisecrack to him about how I didn't think Lori's mom would starve
her family by not cooking supper, but I restrained myself.
"I'll eat there," I assured him.
Adam stood there, looking at me dubiously, and I knew he doubted my word that I would
eat a healthy supper.
"Her mom's a good cook," I said, trying a small smile.
"Harlie, you know you have to eat-" he began, launching into his concern over my diabetes.
"I will. I promise." Another moment of silence, and then I said, "I've been doing good, Adam. I won't
mess up and not eat."
"Alright," he agreed, giving permission.
"Thanks," I said, and gave him a smile, hoisting my backpack over my shoulder. "I'll see you tonight, then."
"Hey," he said, as I started to walk away.
I turned back to look at him.
"Home right after class," he reminded me.
"Yep."
"But drive cautious," he went on. "There's a lot of deer out at night now."
"I will," I said, and made my escape, going to tell Guthrie that I was going to drive myself to
school.
7
I had a little trouble concentrating in some of my classes that day. I kept thinking ahead to
seeing Karissa. I was eager to hear more things about my mother, but I was also determined that
she would tell me what had happened between her and Adam and Brian.
After school I was tossing my backpack into the truck seat, Guthrie came up to talk
to me.
"So, I'll see you later," he said, but the way he said it sounded like a question, not a statement.
"Yes, Guth," I said, crossing my eyes at him. "I'm not running off with Karissa. I'm just going to
talk to her."
"Okay. I just worry."
"I know. But you don't have to."
"Huh," he said, in dismissal of my comment. "Okay. We'll talk in the morning about how it
went with her."
I nodded, and watched as he ambled away. Lori came rushing over. Since she didn't have her
mom's car that day, she was going to ride with me to her house.
I'd confided in Lori about Karissa after swearing her to secrecy.
"Wow," she said. "That's just wild. An aunt that you never knew existed."
"Yeah. I can't figure out why the guys would lie to us kids. They've never lied to us
about anything before," I said.
"Parents do weird things sometimes," Lori said. "Well," she added, "you know what I mean. They're
like your parents-Adam, and Brian, and-"
"It's okay. I know what you mean. They are like my parents," I told her.
"Well, parents sometimes don't tell you things because they think you're better off not
knowing," Lori added.
"Yeah," I agreed. "I'm going to find out from her tonight though. What happened, I mean."
There wasn't really time to do homework, or much of anything else, because by the time
we got to Lori's house, and talked for a while, it was time for me to leave so I could get
back to Angel's Camp to meet up with Karissa.
Lori's mom, busy at work in the kitchen, began to fuss when I left.
"I thought you were going to stay and eat supper with us, Harlie," she said.
"Thanks, but I need to be heading to my night class."
"It starts this early?" she asked.
"No, but there's somebody I want to talk to before class starts," I told her.
"Of course," she nodded in approval, and I knew she was thinking I meant to talk to
a teacher.
I looked at Lori when her mother turned back to her baking, and shrugged my
shoulders.
As I pulled into the school parking lot, I parked and shut off the truck. Looking around, I
didn't see Karissa's car. So I pulled out my English book, and started working on the vocabulary
worksheet. I was intent on it, so I was startled and jumped a little when Karissa rapped on my
window.
I opened the door, laying my homework back in the seat.
"Hello!" she said, with a big smile.
"Hi," I said.
"How much time do we have before your class starts? It's five now."
"Around an hour," I told her.
"Well, let's not sit here. Perhaps we could go get something to eat. Would you like that?"
"That would be good," I told her. "I need to eat soon or my level will be off."
"Your level?" she asked, looking at me questioningly.
"Blood sugar level. I have diabetes."
Karissa looked startled, and then she nodded. "Another thing we have in common, Harlie."
"You have diabetes?" I asked, in surprise.
"Yes. I do." She motioned for me to follow along with her. "We can talk about it on the way to
a restaurant."
I reached into the truck to grab my keys and my wallet, and then followed her to her still-running
car.
"Where would you like to go eat at?" she asked me.
The choices in Angels Camp are kind of limited. "There's the pizza parlor. And the chicken shack."
"I'd like to take you to a real restaurant," she said. "Someplace nice. There's a wonderful
steakhouse in Modesto. Should we go there?"
Modesto is over thirty miles from Angels Camp. I knew there was no way we could get
there and eat, and then get back before my class started.
When I hesitated, Karissa guessed correctly at where my thoughts were.
"It won't hurt anything if you're a few minutes late for your class, will it?"
I knew it wasn't right, but I justified that finding out more about my mother, and also
what had happened between her and the family was more important than being a little
late for class. I pushed the thought of Crane's disapproving face, if he were to know that I'd been willfully late for class, out of
my mind. After all, there was no reason why he would ever know.
So I told her alright, and we got into her car, and began to travel smoothly the highway
towards Modesto.
"How long have you been a diabetic?" I asked her.
"About five years now, since I was diagnosed. You're so young to have to deal with it."
"So it runs in the family?" I asked.
"Well, my mother, your grandmother, she was a borderline diabetic.'
I asked what that was, and Karissa said that meant she only had to watch what she ate,
and have checkups.
"My mom didn't have it, though," I said.
"No. Kate escaped it. She hardly had a sick day in her growing up years."
That brought me around to my most pressing thought. I'd promised Guthrie I would find out,
and I meant to do it.
"What happened between you and Adam and Brian?" I asked her.
Karissa tapped her perfectly manicured and polished fingernails on the steering wheel.
"Let's talk about that while we're eating," she said.
I nodded in grudging agreement, and she started talking about my mom, and more about her childhood. I
was perfectly happy to hear the stories, but also determined that she wasn't going to wiggle
out of telling me again.
At the steakhouse, Karissa encouraged me to order whatever I wanted.
I settled on a ribeye steak and a baked potato, with mixed vegetables. Karissa ordered something
similar, but with a glass of wine to my order of lemonade. I wondered about her ordering
the wine, and then driving, but then I figured she was probably used to it.
"Tell me about your brothers," Karissa said, when we were nearly done eating.
Since this was the first time she'd asked about, or acted interested in the boys at all, I was
encouraged, and eager to talk about them. I talked a little about each of them, pride evident
in my voice.
"And has Daniel had any success in Nashville?" she asked.
"He's sold one of his songs," I said proudly. "And he's still singing."
"Crane always seemed like such an intelligent young man. It's a shame he couldn't do
something with his business degree," she said.
"He's done something with it," I defended. "He handles all the ranch finances. Well, mostly
all. He says he's doing what he wants to do right now."
"And what do you think of your two sister in laws?" Karissa asked.
"I think they're both wonderful. Hannah is the best big sister anyone could ask for." I rambled on
about Hannah for a few minutes. Then, not wanting to leave Clare out of things, I added, "And I'm
the one that introduced Clare to Brian. She's a nurse-"
When I started talking, or rather gushing, about Isaac, I realized that I didn't know anything about
Karissa's personal life.
"Do you have any kids?" I asked her.
"No, I never had any," she said. Her voice sounded funny. Strange. And even though I usually think
I'm good at reading people, I couldn't tell if she was happy or sad about not having any children.
I'd noticed that she wore several rings, including one that looked like a ruby on her ring finger of her
left hand.
"But you're married?" I asked.
"Not right now," she said, and I nearly laughed, I thought that was such a funny answer. Then, I
realized she was serious.
"I was divorced a few months ago," she went on.
"Oh. I'm sorry," I said.
"No need for you to be sorry. By the third time, you aren't nearly as disappointed as when the
first one doesn't work out."
My eyes widened, I know they did. I don't know anybody who's been married three times.
"I am dating a wonderful man now, though," Karissa went on. "I hope you can meet him sometime
soon."
Now I found that a little weird. I barely knew her, and she wanted me to meet her possible fourth
husband?
"Hmm," I said, in answer to that, not committing myself to meeting the man.
"What happened with you and Adam and Brian?" I asked her, yet again, determined to get an
answer this time.
Karissa sighed, and waved to the waitress.
"I'll take another glass of wine," she told her, and then when we were alone again, she said,
"I wasn't happy about your mother marrying your father. She was so young-and she had so many
plans. Then she met Adam, and, after that she let those plans go and she wouldn't listen to reason."
I gave her an intent look. "You didn't like my dad, did you?" I asked directly.
"No, I didn't particularly care for him," she admitted, then hastily added, "but it wasn't really
personal. It was just that he was so much older than her, he should have let her have her time first."
"But they loved each other," I felt compelled to interrupt her. "And my dad adored her. I've heard
stories from my brothers, and from people in town who-"
"I'm not doubting Adam's feelings for Kate, but she never had a chance to discover life before
she was plunked down on a ranch where there was nothing but work, in a town that's barely
on the map. And then she started having babies," Karissa sighed.
"My mom wanted all her babies. Marie told me so. She was a good friend to my mom, and she knew
how my mom felt about things," I said, defensively.
"Marie Baird?" Karissa asked.
When I nodded, Karissa said, "Yes, I remember Marie. And I'm not trying to hurt you, Harlie, but
what else could your mother tell people? She had to, of course, tell people that she wanted to keep
having babies."
I sat back in my chair, feeling hurt inside. Eight kids was a lot. I knew that. I was trying to
get my feelings in some sort of order when Karissa went on.
"Of course, when she finally got you, well, it was all worth it, because she got her girl. After she
was killed, I came to help. I knew those boys couldn't manage on their own. It went well for awhile, and
then they got stubborn. They insisted that they didn't want me turning up to take you or Guthrie or Ford
for overnights. They didn't like the way I handled you. They wanted you to blend in with the boys, not
be treated special, as a little girl should be treated. "
I was trying to process everything she was saying, when she just kept talking.
"I bought you the most darling little dress, and they wouldn't let me dress you in it. They met
me at my car, and demanded that I take the dress and leave, and not come back."
I wrinkled my forehead in thought. "Just because they didn't like the way you wanted to dress me
up?" The whole story just sounded too farfetched to be true.
"Well, that, and they objected to me drinking occasionally," she added.
"Why?" I asked. That, too, sounded far out. Ridiculous.
Karissa shrugged, and leaned back a little as the waitress set the second glass of wine
in front of her.
"It just doesn't sound like them," I said.
"Of course it probably doesn't to you, sweetheart," she said. "You've grown up with them
being your only basis on which to judge people. I'm not saying that they aren't good people, I know
that they've done their best with you and the younger boys. All I'm suggesting is that you could
have had such a different upbringing if they'd have let me be involved."
"I'm not sure I would have wanted a different upbringing," I defended. "I had a happy
childhood."
"I'm glad," she said, and sighed again.
"Why did you show up now?" I asked.
"You're older now, you're grown up. I thought perhaps you would be able to understand
another side to things, besides theirs." She looked across the table at me, and her eyes
were filled with sadness. "I'm lonely, Harlie. I find that I have regrets in my life. Without Kate,
well, I have no one." She paused and then said, significantly, "Except you. I want desparately to
have a relationship with you."
"And Guthrie, too," I said, more in statement than in question.
"Well, of course, if that's something that he would be interested in," she said.
Even at that moment, I could tell by her voice that she wasn't being truthful, that she
didn't mean that about Guthrie.
7
