Life is…a Rollercoaster

Freedom at last!

The day has come to finally grab my stuff and get da fuck outta this place!

The morning procedure is still the same, but right after breakfast I pack my bag and saunter to the exit. But before I bail, the big, sad Goodbye needs to happen.

Granted, I'm gonna miss some of that loony guys.

Creepy Steve…Never gonna shake his hand!

Big C…Gonna miss his hilarious outbreaks.

Anna…Nope, not gonna miss that insane cunt!

Erik…Hope this little squirt is gonna be okay.

Kat…What is there to say?

Tears are flowing as we say goodbye to each other. I'm gonna miss her so much! Thankfully, Doc Larsson has agreed that she can call me whenever she feels the need.

"Kat," I say, sniffing up some snot. "Whenever you call, I promise to pick up, no matter what! I'm never gonna go silent on you!"

"Never promise what you can't hold, Chloe!" she answers with a weak smile, her deep sadness chiming with her words. But to underline my words, I give her what she wanted last night and get from me as a sign of trust: a real kiss.

I sense how her body gets stiff. How she's so surprised by this that she even stops breathing. How the others stare at us – not that I give a shit about that. But this isn't a kiss of passion, yet sisterly love.

Still, I only leave her warm, soft lips with reluctance, 'cause – damn! – I get sisterly horny from 'em!

One last time I hug her like crazy and then eventually grab my bag, leaving the loony bin and its lovely, not so lovely and entirely bonkers people behind.


Sometimes, when you think life can't get any sweeter than a fucking strawberry-cheesecake, someone – or something – comes around the corner and puts a freakin' inch of sugared, vanilla-flavored wiped cream on it!

I have just left the psycho-department of the hospital, as I see my mom, waiting for me in the lobby. And as much as I don't want to, my eyes start to leak.

Gosh, I never thought that I'd miss her so much! But the day she had taken my side and defended me against Corporal Cockblocker, literally rocked our relationship.

Speaking of him: Where the heck is Deputy Doushbag? But…pft, who cares?!

We both embrace each other. Just smelling her scent and feeling her motherly warmth let me bawl out of relief…and mom can't hold back as well. We both sniff. We both sob. I love my mom and I'm so sorry for the time I was nothing more to her than a nuisance.

"C'mon, let's get you home, sweetie!" she then says after calming down enough. Me, on the other hand, just nod and wipe the snot outta my face.

Then, we walk back to the parking lot and…get into a new car?! What the hell? I expected David's ugly, artificial dick and not a neat yet old truck.

Of course, Mom realizes how I ogle that new ride with my big, questioning look and says "Get in, Chloe. I'll explain everything to you."

It's spacy, it's loud, it's the vehicle of my wet dreams. And it even gets better as mom finally drops the bomb.

"I broke up with David."

It was like Christmas, Eastern and Birthday on one fucking day! Halle-fucking-lujah!

C'mon, guys, let's sing along!

Mom broke up with David! Mom broke up with David! Mom broke up with David!

Gimme an awe! Gimme a some! Gimme a sauce! AWE-SOME-SAUCE!

"Chloe?!" interrupts my mom's strict voice the carnival in my head. "Are you even listening?"

"S-sorry!" I reply, looking out of the window to hide my shit-eating smirk. "I'm…I'm kinda tired. Last night wasn't that swell."

She gives me her famous sigh of annoyance – Guess not everything changes – and then tells her story again. But this time, I'm listening.

"Right after we brought you back to the hospital, David couldn't stop complaining about you. Even after I'd told him to finally give it a rest, he kept on ranting. And as he brought brochures from boarding schools and military academies it was just too much. I told him that, if he doesn't accept you like you are, he can leave…and that's what he did."

I see the hurt in her face; the tears at the brim of her eyes. Mom is hurting and…it hurts me. Fucking David! How could he do this to her?! I hope his dick starts to wrinkle and is gonna fall off!

"I'm sorry!" I say, truly meaning it. In some ways, I know that this is partially also my fault. All those fights, those provoking taunts. I think I overdid it. I corned him and now…

"It's not your fault, Chloe!" throws Joyce between my thoughts like a stick in my legs, making me hit the mental ground hard. "David had his way to deal with things. Which wasn't good for you and I didn't see it, until…" She sighs, probably feels guilty.

Damn! That's a really fucked situation and we could probably play the blame-game until kingdom's come. But this wouldn't help anyone. We all had our part in it and now have to live with our decisions. So, I lay my hand on my mom's thigh and give her an honest smile.

"Mom, I don't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself either, okay?"

"And neither should you!" she adds, and in return, lays her hand on mine.

Fuck, this is a real mother-daughter-moment! It feels kinda weird, yet cool. And if we wouldn't be on the road, I would hug her senseless.


Home, sweet home!

And now that Doofus David is gone, it's actually true again.

Still, it's weird to be back after so many weeks without any contact to Mom or any of my friends. But that's what I wanted. I wanted to go through this by myself. Without any pity, without any visits, without any awareness of the shit that's goin' on in this crappy world.

As I enter my room after god-knows-how-many-weeks, it…hasn't changed at all. Everything's still at the same spot, except for a pile of letters and my phone on my desk.

The first thing I do is to throw my bag in my dirty-laundry-corner and walk over to my desk and slump down on the chair.

Most of correspondences are letters from Blackhell and some get-well-cards. Not being in the mood to read this pity-crap, I toss it in one of the drawers – probably forgettin' about it for a long time – and continue with my phone, which I had Doc Dickhead given my mom.

Being out of commission for such a long time, I plug in the charger and fire it up. It takes some time, but eventually it shows me that I've a lotta missed calls and a shitton unread messages on it. Just seeing this fuckload lets me just sigh and throw the phone back on the desk before I move my sexy yet lazy body onto my bed.

There, I keep on staring at the ceiling and just enjoy the silence. You can't even imagine how quiet it is in comparison to a hospital. No screams, no constant chatter, no beeping machines, no annoying check-ups, no group therapy, no appointments…just silence with a few sounds of nature in the background. I close my eyes and simply keep my mind drifting, thinking about various things that just pop up in my brain.

Mom's at work, but that's fine. Need that space anyway.

I think about some of my former, fellow inmates.

Cassy…I hope she's in a better place now.

Anna…rot in hell, bitch! Though I somehow hope that the breakdown she had, finally screwed her head right.

And then there's Kat, my cute sister. Though, my mind quickly slips into incestuous thoughts as I remember yesterday. And somehow I ask myself: Is it really that bad to have kinky thoughts about her as long as I keep my distance? Y'know, look but don't touch kinda style.

Before, however, I get the chance to answer that, I realize that my hand has already slipped into my pants and was rubbing the fuck outta my pussy… And it feels soooo good!

No need to be discrete or quiet anymore. No danger to get caught. Privacy at last! So, I literally rip the clothes off my body and give in to my big pile of summed-up urges. My mind starts to drift again and suddenly, Steph appears in my sight.

Steph. My sweet Steph! I start to think about our first time at the cliffs and all those numerous great sexual endeavors that followed. I'm home alone, so I let out my moans as they come, until I come.

Fuuuck, I so needed that!

What follows, is quietness. I breathe like I've been running miles. My body is all sweaty and my mind keeps on spinning like riding a rollercoaster on alcohol.

Steph…

Haven't thought about her for weeks, too busy gettin' my head straight again. Now I realize how much I miss her. True, we didn't part in peace, but… Fuck, so much time went by. She must've forgiven me by now. Or at least calmed down enough, so we could talk again, and maybe give us another chance.

Truth be told: I still love her and want her back. Hopefully, she wants the same.


The walk through Arcadia Bay is actually pretty nice. The autumn-weather is still warm and sunny. Now and then a fresh, salty breeze of wind brushes through my hair. No people around, since it's the middle of the day.

Freshly showered and styled…well, I just shaved my armpits and put on a fresh shirt and my black hoodie…I'm on my way to Blackwell. It's almost lunch break, so I hope to catch Steph and have a chat with her. No pressure, though. Just a nice talk and maybe some lunch to rekindle and make up for that fucked up shit I did.

When I've finally arrived at Blackhell, the courtyard is already crowded as hell by students who want to enjoy the last warm days of this slowly but surely passing year. But being back isn't as great as most of you might imagine it. I think, everybody knows what happened to me and where I've been those last months. They ogle me. Whisper and snicker. The only one who doesn't is Victoria Chase, who seems to be on her own. No minions or Vortex bitches around. Strange!

But you guys know me. I simply try to don't give a shit about the others! I'm only focused on finding Steph, who I spot by the picnic tables, playing D 'n' D with Mikey. And as soon as our sights connect, she freezes in her doings, just keepin' on staring at me.

I smirk, her jaw drops. I walk towards her, she jumps up and runs towards me. But what we both do, is hugging the shit outta each other.

"Hi Steph!" I say quietly as I try to hold back some tears. I feel how she's pressing me closer. A very good sign! Maybe this will really work out between us.

"I missed you, Chlo!" she replies and breaks our embrace. "Since when are you out?"

"Just this morning. Listen Steph, I…uh…"

"Let's go to my room and talk, okay?" she interrupts my started apology and leads me kinda quickly towards the dorms. At least I got the chance to shout a holla to Mikey. So…why are we heading for the dorms already? I mean, we could still have a chat outside 'n' stuff. Or is it possible that she wants to… Nah, this would be just too awesome. Although…

"So, how are you?" chimes Steph's beautiful voice and disturbs my beginning smutty thoughts…probably for the best.

"I'm good. Free at last, I guess."

"And…mentally?"

This question came out cautious and quiet, like she fears she might trigger something. But it's okay. Steph worries about me and that's totally fine.

"Actually, pretty good. I found my chill, learned to accept stuff I can't influence. Y'know…"

"I'm glad," is her simple answer, paired with a soft touch on my shoulder and a…kinda strange smile.

Okay, guys, something's pretty off here. Steph acts…strange. She seems so nervous and distant. Maybe she doesn't know yet how to handle me. Maybe our fight broke more than I'd thought. Maybe she's horny as fuck and can't hold back any longer…

Thank goodness that we finally arrive at her room. She unlocks it and we enter. Everything feels so awkward. So…wrong.

"Please, sit! Want some soda?" she says, almost overdoing it with her hospitality. But I agree and slump down on her sofa while she gets me my drink.

I take a look around her room. Not much has changed…besides some more photos on the wall. Since when does Steph have a knack for vintage Polaroid pictures? Ugh, I'm probably flippin' my shit here. And this really awkward silence between us doesn't mean anything. Right? RIGHT?!

"Chloe, there's something…" she starts to tell nervously, avoiding my gaze, but then her phone goes off. She takes it out of her pocket and says "Sorry, I've gotta take this!" before answering the call and retreating to the other end of the room.

Like if I can't hear her that few feet farther away. Duh!

"Hey, Max! 'sup?"

Max?! What the…?

"Yeah, I'm good. Listen, did you know that Chloe is out of the hospital?... No… No, not yet… But…"

Steph lets out a deep sigh and then turns towards me, somewhat of a sad and afraid look, before she reaches me her phone. I take silently, having a really bad feeling in my guts.

"Uh…hello?"

"Chloe? I-it's me…Max! Gosh, I'm so happy that you're back!"

My voice is calm, steady…maybe with a slight undertone of fear. Deep inside I'm glad to hear my little geek, here.

"Hey Maxi! Thanks and uhh… How's it going?"

"Oh, I'm good. I applied for Blackwell, next semester!"

I'm happy.

"Hey dude, that's great! Maybe, we'll have some classes together and blow some shit up."

"Arrgh! The Arrrrcadia Bay pirates arrrrgh back in action!"

I'm laughing, feeling totally giddy.

"Oh man, Captain Bluebeard and Long Max Silver back in action. This is gonna be so awesome!"

"Yeah, but…there's…there's something else you need to know."

I know my Max. Her insecure voice tells me that I'm about to hear something I'm not gonna like. Now I feel anxious.

"O-okay…"

"S-Steph…um…Steph and I…"

Don't, Max! Please, don't!

"…we're kinda dating."

The bomb got dropped and explodes in my mind. I freeze, my hand clenching around the phone.

"Chloe?"

I look at Steph, who sits on her bed, timidly avoiding my gaze. She already has a bad conscious.

"Chlo, listen! I-it just somehow happened, a-and…"

I cancel the call, not in the mood of hearing some cheap excuses. My sight is still fixed on Steph, who finally decides to make eye contact again. But as me, she stays silent. I know I'm in shock, my mind doing its rollercoaster-thing again, but Steph…? Why's she acting like this? Is she sorry? If she knew how I might react on this, then why did she do it in the first place?

This silence… This fucking silence is driving me nuts! I can't take this anymore! So, I do what I always do in such situations: I run away. Or at least, I wanna…if Steph wouldn't have closed the door again in front of me.

"Chloe, please, lemme explain!"

I just scoff, not able to hold back my cynicism.

"What's there to explain? You and my best friend are dating, period. Guess that's pretty obvious."

"Please don't act like that," she tries to scold me, but I'm not in the mood to get scolded. Not from her!

"Oh, what do you want me to do, huh?! Roll over? To be happy for you two?" I blurt back, feeling the rage inside me boiling like a hot ocean of lava. But I mustn't let it take over control!

Luckily, Steph's smart. Very smart. She knows when to start a fight and when not to. "Chloe…" she sighs with a headshake and I know what she wants, but as I already said: I'm not in the mood for cheap excuses. And I think she understood it as she lets me open the door without any resistance.

"I accept it," I answer her plainly, stopping one last time without turning around. "But that doesn't mean that I have to like it."


Everything's a blur. My mind fights this inner darkness that tries to take over.

Damn, I knew that life wouldn't go easy on me, but gettin' it stuck to me so soon…? Well, let's just say that I never expected such a pile of shit right after being out again.

Actually, I don't know how to deal with this shitton of feelings. Should I feel mad…? …or sad? …or hurt? …or should I simply give a fuck?

Back in the old days, I simply would've raged and be pissed of like hell, only to treat it with a big fucking joint. But since I stopped smoking this shit and my unpleasant visit at the looney bin, I developed the habit of categorizing and evaluate my feelings. It helps me to unwind them. To channel my angers and rage into finding and solving the problems, instead of just ignoring them or to blame others.

At least, that's the theory. And I thought I would get some time to practice it, not going all in on my first day.

I end up at the beach, though I don't even remember how I got there, slump down on the sand and watch the waves, crushing onto the land.

The salty wind, the sound of the ocean, screeching seagulls…it all calms my mind. Helps me to think straight. I'm actually so deep in thoughts that I don't even realize how someone approaches me until said person suddenly sits down beside me, a little pup joining in as well.

"So, you're finally out of the can, Price?"

"Hospital, Frank. I never was in jail," I answer and turn my sight towards Frank Bowers, who looks at the ocean as well, smoking a joint and petting his little – and gorgeously cute – doggy. The bittersweet stench of burning weed crawls up my nose as he holds the blunt in front of my face.

Politely, but adamant I refuse by shaking my head, making him chuckle. Sorry, Frank, I'm not your costumer anymore.

"So, whassup with the long face?" he asks, once more surprised that he even cares about me. But maybe he's a better person than his badass street-cred makes him look like.

"Well, I just found out that my ex started dating my best friend while I was in the looney bin." I tell him plainly, and get a typical bold answer.

"So?"

"So?!" I blurt back, trying hard not to rant about this shitty, unfair world. But Frank… Well, he isn't even impressed by my outbreak and just shrugs.

"Yeah, so? You two broke up, right? So, what's the problem of her moving on?"

"Yeah, but… Ugh, fuck!"

I let my body fall onto the sand and stare at the blue, lightly clouded sky. His words make sense…as always. Ugh! Steph and I indeed had broken up. Judging her for moving on would really be a dickmove, but… Why Max? Why of all that gals, her?

"What about your damsel in distress?"

My whaaaat?!

Quizzically I look at my ex-dealer with a frown, which causes him to groan in annoyance and gimme a soft slap on my head. OUCH!

"Idiot! I man this little religious nut-job you saved."

Katie! My little Katie! Out of a sudden, my mind gets flooded by a hellova lot memories, like Frank had bombed open the floodgates. And there it is again: this warm and amazing feeling in my stomach. A feeling I've never felt for someone else. A feeling that lets me touch my belly and paints a smile on my face. But also has this bittersweet aftertaste.

"Nah, man! Kate's about to become a nun. Y'know, celibacy 'n' shit."

With another scoff he stands up, brushes the sand off his pants and says "Wouldn't stop me. Pompidou, come!"

And then, he's gone again…like the last time. Like every time. That's his style. And again it's my part to think about his words.


"Chloe, no!" scolds my mom, her hands resting on her hips. "Kate's parents were very adamant about this. Janine even threatened me with a lawsuit if I wouldn't keep you away from her daughter."

"And you listen to this bigot bitch?!" I yell, not believing what I'm hearing from my mother. But you guys know Joyce…and sadly so do I.

"Listen, sweetie," she then says calmly, but with determination. She doesn't want a fight, neither do I. "I know how much you care about Kate, but…she also has made her own decision as she went to the convent."

"She did it out of desperation, because she thought I would never answer her feelings!"

Mom sighs in defeat, lacking any other words that wouldn't start a heated discussion. She knows me. Knows my stubbornness. Knows that I give a fuck about legal consequences. She knows that she can't stop me. So, she takes the only option left.

She takes her purse from the counter, pulls out her car keys and drops them into the bowl in the living room. With wide open eyes I watch how she simply heads for the front door, calling out "I'm off to work. It's a beautiful day, so I'll walk. If you have some time, please take the truck and get some groceries! Maybe you can refuel it when you're at it. There should be enough money left in the bible. Bye, sweetie!"

The door falls into the lock and I'm alone, entirely befuddled about what just happened. Slowly, my mind recovers and I walk over to the bookshelf. As I open the old bible, I almost fall from my grace. In it are 1,000 bucks.

Money, truck and a blank check. Holy fuck! Mom just indirectly allowed me to take her ride and go to Katie.

My phone chimes and as I read the message I almost scream out of joy.

Take care and good luck, sweetie! Please bring the truck back in one piece and regard the traffic rules!

Kisses and a big hug, Mom.

A tear rolls down my cheek while I smile at the display.

Best Mum 4e! Luv ya! I write back and immediately run upstairs into my room to pack some stuff.

Money, keys, my stuff, some supplies. Katie, here I come!

…but, where to?

Shit, I totally forgot that I don't even know Kate's address. Fuck!

Mom probably doesn't know. Her parents won't tell me, even if hell freezes over. Under all those calls and messages was not even one from Kate. She possibly wasn't allowed to contact anyone others than her parents and sisters.

Wait! That's it!

Carla, Kate's younger sister should know where she is. Hmm…looks like my first destination is St. Mary's school for Catholic indoctrination.