Life is…a Sin

Granted, I – somehow – always was the girl who has good grades. So good, that Mom and Dad even had discussed to send me to an elite boarding school. And with that I mean a school with uniforms 'n' shit. But it never happened, since I never wanted to bail on Max.

Fuckin' irony, isn't it?

Anyway, St. Mary's is almost the same: school uniforms, strict rules, no fun. Though instead of tomorrow's future, they mostly breed bigot nut-jobs like Kate's mom.

Well, gladly the propaganda doesn't seem to work on Kate and her sisters, who are actually awesomely cool!

My plan is pretty simple: get your ass inside, search Carla and ask her about Kate's whereabouts. She will definitely gimme the answer, no doubt there, but getting close to her to even ask the question is a whole different story. Problem is: access to the school grounds is highly restricted. So, the only way to get in touch is, when she leaves to head home. This is also difficult because she and Lynn are getting picked up by their mom or dad.

Okay, I'll admit it: my chances are pretty much fucked, yet I won't give up! I just can't. There has to be one freakin' chance to talk with Carla…just a minute would suffice.

So, like a creeper I saunter up and down along the school's fence, which separate's real-world sanity from odd, bigot insanity, only leaving my post to get me some grub. And then a well-known, much beloved sound chimes: the school's bell that signs the beginning of the lunch-break.

The doors fly open like a floodgate and kids are storming the courtyard like a swarm of angry Zergs on steroids… Well, at least they're trying, until they're gettin' immediately cock-blocked by a bunch of stuck-up teachers.

Oh, did I mention that this is a girls-only-school? So, no wonder that Kate became a lezzy by all this cuteness. Shy catholic school-girls in uniform like in those Animes? Praised be Jesus! Fuckdammit, I already consider to convert and enlist in this school!

But enough of those cheap porn-movie thoughts! Let's focus on your mission again, Miss Smutty Wet-Pants!

Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I scan every girl on the yard. Lotsa girls, no Carla or Lynn, making me think that this is the wrong school, until a familiar voice startles the shit outta me. Must be some sorta Marsh-family-thingy.

"Chloe?"

On the other side of the iron fence stands little Lynn Marsh with her cackling friends, staring at me with big eyes, like I'm the freakin' boogieman. And now it dawns to me that her mom probably told her kids and every other poor soul in her community lotta shit about me. Which gets confirmed as one of her friends, a little black-haired girl whispers…okay, she tried to whisper, but it was so loud that even I could hear it…"Is that this sinful girl that tried to touch your sister in indecent spots?"

But like Katie and Carla, Lynn is very smart and doesn't believe every bullcrap her mom tells her.

"No, she didn't," is her determined answer, which fills my heart with joy, because this awesome girl defends me and therefore makes a stand against her mom. "She might be strange, but has a kind heart. Kate likes her very much and so do I and Carla."

"Hey Lynn, thanks for the flowers, dude! How's it goin'?" I say with a wry smirk, but little Lynn stays serious.

"Actually…I'm not supposed to talk with you." is her timid answer, which doesn't really surprise me. And genius Chloe already has the right reply for that.

"Well… Actually, you're talking with nobody, yet have an epiphany that you wanna show your sister somethin' that you found in the bushes over there."

A sign to the green, dense bushes at the fence close-by, an added wink, plus a toothy grin aaaand off she goes! Smart kiddo!

"But she did talk to you! You're a liar!"

Okay, that this black-haired bi-… I mean: the black-haired dipshi-… Ugh! This stupid cun-… Uh…this awesomely annoying…um…GIRL would make some trouble was already clear as glass. So, play it cool, Chloe!

"Nobody likes wiseasses, Miss Smartiepants! Now, beat it!"

Subtle, Chloe… Very subtle. UGH!

"I'm gonna tell Miss Mavis that you said a bad potty-word!"

I just watch her running away along with all the others, probably getting the next teacher available. Shit! Let's hope Lynn finds Carla quickly or else I'm gonna be in big trouble.

So, I hastily make my way to the bushes…no pun intended…and wait, keeping my eyes peeled for trouble. But luck is on my side as Carla breaks through the thicket. But she also doesn't seem to be very happy to see me.

"Lynn is trying to hold of Miss Mavis as long as possible, so make it quick!"

Her boldness, paired with her crossed arms surprises me. Does she also think that I'm a bad influence on her older sister? Did Janine's propaganda work on them? Is she even gonna tell me Kate's whereabouts?

"Uh… Hi Carla!" I start, scratching the back of my neck insecurely since I don't know her status towards me. And again, her boldness takes me aback.

"Chloe, my Mom is literally gonna kill us if she finds out that we talked to you. So just say what you want and…"

"I wanna know where Kate is."

Well, she wanted me to be quick, so I didn't waste any time and got to the point. Now also being a bit surprised, she stares at me for a short moment. I can see in her blinking eyes that she already found out what my intentions are.

"Hey! You there!" it suddenly yells over the courtyard. Shit, looks like time's over. Lynn did her best, but at her age, it's as good as you can do.

Out of a sudden, Carla steps closer to the fence, grabs my arm through it and pulls me closer.

"Holy George Convent near Longview, Washington," she whispers and puts a faint peck on my cheek, adding "Good luck!" before she disappears in the foliage again, out of sight of her teacher.

Yup, she still likes me! But speaking of teacher…time to bail!

"HEY! Hold it right there!" I hear her yell behind me as I run towards my mom's truck and hit the gas. Well, looks like I got a roadtrip to a gas station in Longview, Washington State ahead of me.


One day and a shitton of driving later…

Holy George Convent, near Longview, Washington

In my imagination, I always painted the standard nun-bunker as a fancy, cathedral-like building with some houses around it and a battalion of rigid old nuns patrolling the premises.

In reality, it's more like a mansion-like complex, pretty close being similar to Blackhell. A courtyard, a main building in brick stone attire for administration and classrooms, a dormitory, a gym and even a greenhouse...Boom! You got your convent.

The only difference towards Blackwell is the fortress-like wall around the property with only one giant-ass gate with a guard-house beside it as an access. So, getting in there won't be easy, but…that doesn't mean that I won't try it the easy way, because, primarily, I simply wanna talk to my Katie, not elope with her. Or at least, not right away.

So, instead of sneakin' in, I'm gonna be honest and polite and knock at the door and tell them, that I wanna visit Kate.

Said and done!

I park the truck on the parking lot, probably already drawing some attention, and then make my way to the gate with my big backpack slung over my shoulder.

Of course, the gate is guarded by a limp-dick mall-cop like dickhead David, whereas this one doesn't take his job that serious, hence he just sits bored like hell in his small room and reads a porn-magazine…probably for the umpteenth time.

"Hey! Jo!" I yell in the speaker, almost throwing him out of his chair as he gets startled like crazy. And I can't even suppress a chuckle.

A bit pissed, but still way too bored to be angry, the guard just frowns at me, saying "How can I help you?"

"Um…hi!" I respond, "I'm here for a visit."

No need to already mention names, 'cause I don't know if I'm already set on a black-list by Kate's mom.

"Sorry, Miss. Visits only possible with an appointment. No visits are listed today, so,…" He suddenly looks on a sheet on his desk and then back to me…several times. "Oh…you mean visit."

Uuh…whaaaa'?!

"Please report to the administration, Building A, Miss Baker!"

The small gate at the guard building opens. In my head, a choir of angels starts to sing and the entrance gets enlightened by a holy shine. For a small glimpse of a moment, I think about telling the wannabe cop that I'm not this Miss Baker, but then again…

I heard what he said before and if Miss Baker has a ticket to access this tight as fuck bunker, then why shouldn't I borrow her place and get to my Katie? If something goes wrong, I can still improvise and bail. Easy-peasy! So, I decide to take the juicy bone like a starving dog in dire need for something to eat… Actually, I really have a need to eat something…mega-pun here!

"Thanks, dude!" I eventually say with a toothy grin, shoulder my pack and saunter towards the main building.


Like at Blackhell, nobody is strolling around the premise during classes. The courtyard, the hallways, just everything is deserted like a graveyard. Though at this place, it's way eerier.

After a short walk I reach the administration, and so far, I'm pretty much surprised. Everything looks normal, apart from your common crosses around every corner, and the countless biblestory-pictures of saints 'n' sinners. And as I enter the office, it still looks like everywhere else. Even the nun behind the desk wears somewhat normal garments, consisting of a dark-blue blazer and skirt, not that cloths you normally see in the movies.

Actually, she's pretty cute! Straw-blond long hair, bound into a ponytail. Glasses, a few freckles, and a real cutie-face…just FUUUCK! Looks like I have a kink for those bible-chicks.

"Good day! How can I help you?" she asks monotonously, but in a nice tone, letting me snap out of my stupor of horniness.

"Uuh…hi!" I say in response, trying to stay focused so that I won't babble out who I really am. "Baker, my name. I…"

"Oh yes, Miss Baker, our new applicant!" she says with a friendly smile and starts to rummage through a pile of files.

APPLICANT?! Oh, fuck!

She then pulls out one of the folders and opens it, frowning as she compares my appearance with the photo of a grumpy-lookin' blond girl, who doesn't in the slightest look like me. Oh, I'm so fucked! Talk for your life, Chloe!

"Uh…it's an old photo. Dunno why they put it in there."

I add my sweetest grin – which probably looks more horrifying than cute – and am totally surprised that it works out.

"Oh! Well…Then please, take a seat while I call Matron Corwin!"

MATRON?! Oh, I'm so royally fucked! Let's hope that this sister can't read my entirely fucked-over demeanor. Just keep your cool, Chloe! You got this!

"Miss Baker!" it chimes from the door a minute later with such an authoritarian voice that even I stand up right away, staring with awe at a woman in her fifties, who has her black, partially gray hair also bound into a strict ponytail. Her absolutely thin appearance, plus this stinging cold glare complete the picture of a typical cunt with a freakin' stick up her ass that you don't wanna fuck with. "I am Arlene Corwin, matron and headmaster of this convent. And you already made the acquaintance of Sister Helen," she says, which I answer with another toothy grin and a stretched out hand.

"Uh, hoya, Mrs. Corwin! I'm…OUCH!"

She grabs my hand, alright, but so swiftly and with such strength that tears are leaking outta my eyes as the pain overwhelms me. And it doesn't get better as she hisses her bad breath into my face. BLECH!

"We don't say hoya and we don't shake hands! It is good morning, good day, good evening and good night and your hands serve only two purposes: to work and to pray! And whenever you address a fellow sister, it's with the prefix Sister! Sister Corwin, Sister Helen or in your case, Sister Violet Baker. Are we clear?"

Okay Chloe, calm down! Suppress your inner punk and stay cool! You can do this…for Kate! Gosh, just imagining that my poor Katie has to live with such a hag under one roof…RAGE!

"Uh…yeah…sure. Can I have my hand back now…please…Sister Corwin? 'cause I need it to pray and work."

I can see the twitches in her right eye as I give her my pissed off glare. She so doesn't like me and I'm kinda proud of it. Honestly, I'd love to push her some more, but this wouldn't bring me any closer to Katie yet more into trouble. So…peace out, Chlo!

With gritted teeth and a scowl she finally lets go of my hand and straightens her body – probably to regain her composure – and then turns on the spot, mentioning "Well, you will soon learn our rules and ways. Now please, follow me!"

Without another word – 'cause silence is gold 'n' shit – I shoulder my big backpack again and follow her, just letting her swell of words flush over me.

"It's still a mystery to me, why the council started this program or why you decided to go this way. But I tell you right away, this won't be an easy trip. I will make sure that you either fit in or be out of here. I'll bring you to your class now. Treat everyone with respect, obey the rules and live the Lord's way and we will get along fine."

The rest of the way she thankfully keeps her pie-hole shut. I just wonder what that program might be and – since they buy that I'm this Violet-chick – what in the hell would a person like me doing in such a place? But…who gives a fuck?!

Eventually, we arrive at our destination. The matron just knocks at and opens the classroom door and signs me to get in.

The class consists of 15 students, all of them female plus a brunette teacher in front. I let my sight wander over all those girls in front of me until it got stuck on one person, who's staring at me with big brown bunny-eyes: Kate!

Thanks, Fortuna! I just wanna smooch ya!

We just look at each other, sights locked and immediately I feel so full of joy that I kinda wanna jump at her and kiss my Katie from head to toe. Only Corwin's harsh grip on my arm prevents me from causing a big scandal.

"This is our new sister, Violet Baker! She said herself lose from that sinful life she had been living before and wants to join us on the righteous path. But she needs our guidance to do so and therefore I need someone who accompanies her for some time and shows this lost soul our ways. Any volunteers?"

Of course, most of these timid bible-gals just avoid even givin' me a freakin' glimpse, like I'm the personification of the seven sins…or maybe just lust, 'cause I'm hot as fuck…who knows… But a fact is, that nobody wants to take care of me. Nobody, except Katie.

"Sister Marsh, as exemplary as always!" praises Corwin, with a faint smile. "For the rest of the day you will be freed from any other lesson, so that you can show our new sister around and can help her to settle in. Now, please follow me, so that I can fill you in on the details!"

As shy as the cute bunny she is, Katie nods and follows that uber-cunt out of the room, while the teacher asks me to take a seat.

And so I wait…and wait…and wait…always under the curious and partially disgusted glares of the other students, like I'm an ugly alien from outta space. So much for Christians and their charity…

The teacher asks me something about chemistry and I give the right answer, since I already had this simple shit in school, last year. And only what felt like hours later, Kate comes back and excuses us both for the remainder of the lesson.

"Sister Violet, please follow me! I'll bring you to your room before I'll show you the entire vicinities. My name is Sister Kate, by the way. So, if you have any questions, just ask and I'll try to answer them as good as possible."

She says those words plainly like a professional guide, who had already spoken 'em for the umpteenth time, without showing a slight hint that she might know me.

Of course, I play along, answering "Just lead the way, sista!"

As we walk along the hallways, me following her, I can't do anything else than let my horny sight wander all over her body. Gosh, I'm so in love with her! It really needed a freakin' lot to figure that out, but now I'm surer than ever!

During our way to the dorms she already shows me the one or other thing, tells me something about the convents history and even some basic rules. And I'm listening to each of her words, though I actually give a fuck about the content. Just hearing her angelic voice is like sweet music in my ears. It makes me smile, gives me hope. It just makes me feel home.

I ask her a few questions and she looks at me politely to answer them. This glistening in her eyes, then the faint smile and the slight blush. She's happy to see me, yet keeps her distance. But there's more goin' on under her cute surface. Something I can't quite figure out.

Eventually, we stop in front a wooden door and she says "So, this is gonna be your new home. Now, c'mon in!"

The door unlocks with a click and swings open, revealing a rather common and boring room with a double bunk bed two wooden closets, plus two tables with chairs.

I saunter inside, past Kate, and throw my backpack on one of the chairs, only to hear that the door gets closed and locked again. I spin around on my feet and see Katie, standing there and gazing at me with watery eyes.

"What are you doing here?" she asks with a shivering voice. Not the reaction I would've anticipated, but it gets even crazier as Kate dashes towards me, tiptoes and pulls me in for a deep kiss.

A jolt of electricity rushes through my body as our lips meet, making my heart go wild and my mind go blank. This is a moment I never want to end, so I wrap my arms around her and keep her pressed tight. Only with reluctance we break the contact in need for some air. Katie sniffs and buries her head in my chest and even I can't hold back the leakage of my eyes.

"You need to go!" she suddenly whispers out of the blue. There's no hint of a joke in her voice, she truly means it and that makes me sad. So, it's no wonder that I ask a weak "Why?" while looking into her eyes in desperate hope to find the hoax, but to no avail. Yet, her answer makes total sense.

"Chloe, if Corwin finds out – and she will – that you're not this Violet Baker, she'll call the police and…"

A loud and sudden thudding on the door breaks this private moment and lets us both jump in our places. And as the uber-cunts barking voice sound from the other side, we both know that we're in big shit trouble. FUCK!

"Whoever is in there, open this door in an instant or the police will, as soon as they are here!"

The heavy thudding continues and I know that I'm so fucked, but not Kate. I fucked up again and the hell I will let my Katie suffer for my stupidity.

"Kate, open it!" I say with a heavy tone, because I can already picture the consequences. "Corwin doesn't know about us. Just tell her that…"

"No!" she negates with a headshake, pressing me closer again. "I won't let you hanging there. I…I don't…"

Now the knocking changes and Corwin's voice gets replaced by a male, even more authoritarian one.

"Miss, this is the police! Open this door right now or we'll use force!"

Well, shit! Fun's over, the authorities are here and shit's about to get real, and I so don't wanna Kate get involved in this. So, I give her one last kiss on her forehead, shove her aside and open the door, which gets immediately forced open. Two police officers storm in, put me onto the ground and arrest me. I don't hear what they're saying. I don't care that it hurts as they cuff my hands. I just look at my poor Katie, who cries a flood of tears as she has to witness how I get dragged out of the room…and it breaks my heart!


A few fucked-up hours later…

There are moments in your life you're proud of and some others you're not.

Sitting at a police station counts definitely to those fucked-up moments you should entirely avoid, 'cause – let's face it – it just sucks hard! The worst thing isn't just that your ogled and treated like a freakin' thug and get locked into a room all by yourself, but that you're also have to face a shitton of fucking consequences. So far, what I figured out, I'm gonna be framed for fraud, trespassing as well as sexual harassment of minors. You see, lotsa problems, plus that I won't see Katie ever again. If that isn't a reason to finally go entirely bonkers, I don't know what is.

Finally, the door of the room I'm sitting in gets opened and a good-lookin' black-skinned police woman saunters in. Her name is Boudreaux, Charline Boudreaux and she's pretty cool. At least, she treated me like a human being and didn't go all stereotype on me.

The first thing she does, is un-cuffing my hands before sitting down on the other side of the table and puts my stuff on it.

"You're lucky, Chloe," she says with a smile. "Thanks to your girlfriend, you're free to go. But don't ask me how she convinced that hag of a matron to don't press any charges against you."

Girlfriend?! Did Katie tell them that we're a thing? That kinda makes me totally happy, but also sad, hence the bittersweet taste because she put her sweet ass on the line for me and that I will never see her again to thank her.

"We also called your mom. She didn't seem surprised to hear from us and said that you should finally be done filling the truck with gas and move your keister back home."

I can't do anything else than scoff. Yeah, Mom predicted this. Still, I'll get my portion of rage as soon as I'm home again. But I deserve it and won't be mad, 'cause my mom is just freakin' awesome and gave me a try, though she already knew the outcome.

Then, it softly knocks on the door and – to my awe – Kate walks in with timid steps and bowed head.

With a wry smirk, Boudreaux mentions nonchalantly "Well, guess I'm gonna give you two some space, huh?" and then leaves, closing the door behind her.

Seconds pass. None of us moving a limb or saying a word, until we can't hold back anymore. I jump up and wrap my arms around her. We hug, we kiss, we cry. And I say the three magical words, I normally fear to use.

"I love you!"

It feels good to say them. It feels just right.

Sniffling and snuggling her face into my shoulder, Kate immediately replies "I love you too, Chloe!"

We both know that this moment, these awesome feelings are running on an expiring-date. Because, as soon as we leave this station, we're gonna go our separate ways. She will become a nun and I will be a student at Blackhell again, probably go to college if I don't fuck up and then live my life without her. Without her. Without…her.

Those two fucking words are ramming their freakin' sharp claws into my mind and let me despair. I start to bawl again, feeling already empty, and Katie joins in, likely feeling the same. I thought, after my dad died, that I would never experience such a shitpile of loss again. But I was wrong!

How should I live with this? Would I try to kill myself again? Will I fall back into my old behavior? Katie was the reason I changed in the first place. She gave me strength and courage. She gave me a fucking reason! She actually makes my life better. Without her, me and Steph never would've experienced those awesome weeks together. Without her, I never would've met Max again. I know that a lotta shit also came with it, but if you ignore this, then it was just amazing!

Fuck this nun-bunker! Fuck Corwin! Fuck the consequences! I wanna leave with Kate! I wanna…

Unexpectedly, my phone starts to blare one of my favorite rock-songs through the room. It's Kat's personal ringtone and instantly I get a bad feeling in my guts. It could be just a holla, or a test that I really gonna hold up my promise to be there for her. But no. This is serious!

With reluctance I break the embrace and give Katie on last kiss on her tear-spilled cheek, saying "Sorry, it's…it could be important. I…"

"It's okay," she replies quietly, yet not with anger, but understanding. She believes and trusts me, underlining our deep bond.

I wipe away the wet lines on my face with the sleeves of my black hoodie and take one last deep inhale to steady myself, before I pick up the phone and take the call.

"Hey Kat, 'sup?"

"Chloe…"

Her voice sounds brittle and panicky, which gives me another sting in my heart. Something bad happened.

"Hey Kat, what's wrong?"

I try to sound as soothing as possible, but still she keeps on weeping, each and every one of her sobs fueling my desperation of not being there for her.

"Anna…she…she…"

Anna! Just hearing this fucking name almost makes me spit poison and bile. Now my voice gets cold and dead-serious. If Anna is involved, some really big shit happened. And just imagin' that this fucking cunt played her psycho-games with a fragile girl like Kat, makes me wanna kill her on sight.

"Kat! What did she do?"

Kat sniffles. She tries to be strong. Tries to trust someone again. I already feel that Anna destroyed a lot what I once had built up over weeks.

"She…she abused me, Chloe. She… I didn't want it. I told her that I wasn't ready. But she… Oh Chloe, I was so stupid! I'm such a fuck-up! I don't deserve to live!"

Oh Kat, why?! Why her?! You knew better than this! You knew that she's a psycho. Why the fuck did you fall for her tricks?

But there's no use in going all ballistic on her. It wouldn't change anything and just fuel her viscous circle of self-destruction even more. No, she needs support, not rage or chiding words. No patronizing bullshit. Still, my teeth are grinding like a mill while I'm about to destroy my phone with my clenched hands.

"Okay Kat, I know it sounds like empty shit, but you need to calm down and focus! Where are you right now?"

I hear her deep inhales. How she tries to steady her labored breathing. While I wait, I look at Kate, who gazes at me with concern. She cares, isn't annoyed by the disturbance of our moment. She feels that this is serious.

"I'm…I'm in my room. I…I have a knife, Chloe. I…I don't wanna… I promised you. But…it itches. Chloe…I need you! I don't know how long I can stop myself."

Shitfuckinghell! Where the fuck did she get that knife from?! I took hers away, and… It doesn't matter right now. I need to keep her mind busy!

"Does anybody else know about this?"

"No! I-I just trust you. The others wouldn't believe me. Nobody else believes me! They hate me!"

Dammit! Kat is entirely done. Anna managed to break her. And I'm in the middle of fuckin' nowhere, hours of driving away. I sigh, knowing that my next words will be hard for her.

"Listen Kat, I'm outta town recently. But I promise that I'll jump right now and come to you. Just do me a favor and hold…"

"You promised to be there for me!" she yells, already making me feel like shit for leaving her alone, though I know it's bullshit. "You said you'd be there when I need help, but you're gone and just give a shit about me, like everybody else. You lied to me! You're a fucking liar! Why should I stay alive when every fucking person gives a shit about me?"

I feel my inner rage boiling up. How could she say something like this?! I was always there for her, never left her. I…

Just calm down, Chloe! You know right away that it's just this fucking depression talking. Stay calm and reason with her. Inhale…exhale!

"Kat, if I wouldn't be there for you, I'd never picked up my phone. I care for you! You know that I love you like a sister. You're my awesome sister and all I'm asking you, is to sit tight and wait for me, okay!"

She sniffs and sobs again. Poor Kat! Poor little Kat! Please don't do it. Please, don't bail on me!

"Okay." Her voice is so weak and brittle. "Please hurry!"

Yes! Thank the universe!

"I'll do! Just hold on tight to your phone! I'll keep you posted on my ETA. Got it?"

"Mm-hmm! Just hurry, please!"

"I will. See ya in a bit!"

As soon as the call got canceled, I feel like breaking down in a mixture of depression and hate. But thank gods, Kate is with me and holds me tight.

"I need to get to her. I'm so sorry, but…"

"Then we need to hurry, let's go!"

Though Kate's words were spoken in a hurry and she already pulls on the sleeve of my hoodie, I just freeze and frown at her. Did she just say we?! And – as always – she literally reads my mind.

"Chloe, I don't wanna stay here. If I'd stay at the convent, I'd be living a lie. I'd break the highest rules that I wanna uphold and I don't want that. I wanna be with you, even if it means a break with my family. I choose you over everything!"

Moments I lack words are rare…literally. But this is one of 'em. Like a stunned idiot, I just manage to nod and whiff "O-okay!" before we both embark into a crazy adventure to safe my loony bin sister.