Guthrie clamped his jaw shut and was silent.
"You aren't in charge of me," I informed him haughtily. "You can't tell me what to do!"
When Guthrie was still annoyingly silent, I reached across the seat and smacked
his shoulder. Hard.
"Do you hear me, Guthrie James McFadden?" I yelled.
"I hear you," Guthrie said, and calmly began unwrapping a stick of Juicy Fruit from his
shirt pocket.
"I don't need your permission to do anything!" I continued to rant.
"Okay," he said quietly.
"Okay, what?!" I demanded.
"Okay. You don't need my permission to do anything."
I scrutinized him, trying to figure out if he was serious, or if he was just humoring me.
"No, I don't," I said. And, for good measure, I reached over to flick him on the neck with my thumb and
index finger.
"If you wanna be mad, it's alright," Guthrie said, and then, in a tone that was quiet,
but with enough warning to make me take notice, "But if you keep whompin' on me while
I'm tryin' to drive, I'm gonna whomp you back."
I had no doubt in my mind that he meant what he said. And I had no desire to have our
disagreement progress to that. He'd plainly reached the limit of what he was willing to
take from me.
So I reined myself in. But I still didn't talk to him the rest of the way home.
7
Once at home, we were met with chaos. Everybody was standing in front of the
barn, huddled in a mass. Even Hannah was there.
As Guthrie and I got out, he asked, to everybody in general, "What's goin' on?"
"We've got another cow down," Crane answered.
From their conversation, I gleaned the information that they were preparing to try
to pull the calf from the cow. Now for anybody that wasn't raised on a ranch or farm, this
sort of procedure is pretty graphic, and seems almost cruel. But it's sometimes the only way
to save a cow who's been laboring for too long, and to try save the calf, too. It's used as a last
resort, after having tried other options without success.
"I'll go change my clothes and be back out to help," Guthrie said, and sprinted towards the house.
"Harlie and I will do the rest of the chores," Hannah was saying, and then turned to me. "Go change your
clothes, too, hon."
"Where's Isaac?" I asked her.
"He was still asleep when I came out. Check real quickly on him while you're inside, will you?"
I said that I would, and went to change my clothes, grabbing a couple of the photo albums
and sweater from the seat of my truck. I shoved the albums in a drawer, and left the sweater on my bed,
and after I changed, I went down the back stairs to the kitchen. I saw that supper preparations had been obviously interrupted by
the emergency with the cow. There was pieces of cubed ham on the cutting board on the table,
and pans on the stove with the steam still rising from them where they'd been shut off.
When I got back outside, Hannah, who was gathering the eggs, waved me over to the chicken pen.
"Isaac's still sleeping," I told her.
"Good. After you take care of the goats, can you feed the range cubes?" she asked. "I think the guys are going to be
tied up for quite awhile."
I said that I would, and so, after I'd fed and watered Elwood P. Dowd and his two wives, I went to start the Jeep.
While I was struggling to lift a half-full bag of range cubes into the back, I was startled when Guthrie appeared
behind me, reached around, and hoisted the bag in, seemingly effortlessly.
He didn't say anything. He just did it, and then turned to go towards the barn.
"Thanks," I said, to his back.
"Welcome," he returned, just as shortly, as he kept on walking.
Warrior jumped into the Jeep's passenger seat, and sat up straight and tall the entire time I
drove thru the pasture, feeding the range cubes to the cattle. Since the bag was pretty heavy at
my first stop, I climbed into the back of the Jeep, and tossed a bunch of the cubes out onto the ground.
Thus accomplishing two things: making the sack light enough that I could lift it; and also standing up
high enough so that I wasn't trampled by eager cattle wanting to satisfy their sweet tooth.
I started talking to Warrior as I drove thru the pasture, talking about Karissa, and what a mess
it all was. Warrior thumped his tail in response, and I gave his head a rub.
"You're a good listener, boy," I told him.
When I was done, and drove back to the gate near the barn, I got out, opened the gate, and then
drove thru. As I hopped out yet again so I could close the gate, I stopped long enough to pet Clarence,
who, minus his blue blanket, had wandered over to greet me.
It was one moment, one miniscule second. That's all.
"Harlie!" I heard Brian roar. "Shut the damn gate!"
Some of the cows, probably thinking that I still had range cubes, were nearly to the open gate. If they got thru, holy
smokes!
I jumped up so fast from my kneeling position that poor, fat Clarence lost his balance, and nearly toppled over.
I raced for the gate. It was only about twenty feet or so, but a couple of the cows were very nearly thru by
the time I grabbed it and pulled hard. I had to yank with all my strength, and, though I got it closed nearly on
the nose of one of the cows, the swinging of the gate caught me on the chin, causing quick tears to spring up. Steel pipe
in the face is not fun.
"Bat shit!" I yelled, just as Brian got there to help, pushing at the most persistent cow, still trying to work her
head into the opening between the gate and the post.
"Get back!" he told the cow, pushing on her head. He finished then by reattaching the chain to the post, and I
sighed in relief that the cattle hadn't escaped into the yard.
I rubbed at my sore chin, and looked up at Brian, waiting for him to start hollering.
He didn't. Not right then. He just stood there, looking at me, his eyebrow raised.
"Sorry," I said.
"We don't need loose cattle on top of everything else," he said.
"I know. It was just a second. That's all."
"That's all a cow needs. A second. You know that."
I did know that. I sighed, taking my hand from my chin. There was blood on it.
Brian tilted his head to survey it. "Gate got ya, huh?" he asked.
When I nodded, he said, "Go in and get some ice on it. It looks like it's startin' to swell."
"So will there be hollering and a lecture about gates later?" I asked him.
"Most likely."
"A gate safety lecture! Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday at the same time!" I muttered,
putting my hand back up to my chin again.
"Go on," Brian told me, with a nod towards the house.
As I headed to the house, I heard Brian say to my retreating back, "It'd be a shame if that
injury caused your jaw to swell shut. We'd miss all that sparkling wit if you weren't able to
talk."
"Johnny Carson's been calling," I called back, without turning around.
Once inside, I headed to the kitchen. Hannah was back at work with supper preparations,
Isaac cradled in one arm.
She looked up at me, her eyes widening at the sight of my chin. "What in the world happened?" she asked.
She started getting an ice pack ready even before I'd finished explaining things to her.
"Wash it off first," she told me, and when I'd done that, I put some pressure on to stop the
bleeding.
"I don't think it's deep enough for stitches," Hannah said.
"Sit down here, and hold the ice on it," she said. I sat in one of the kitchen chairs, holding the
ice to my chin, and Hannah sat down next to me.
"Okay. Then I'll go back out and try to help," I said.
After I'd held the ice on for a few minutes, Hannah leaned forward in her chair, and moved my hand away
from my chin.
"Let me see it now," she said. "It's pretty swollen. Keep icing it a little longer."
As we sat there, me holding the ice on, and Hannah looking down at the sleeping Isaac in her
arms, she said quietly, "Your clean laundry is on your bed."
"Okay. Thanks."
"I saw the sweater," she said then, looking at me questioningly, and I felt my stomach tighten.
"Oh," I said lamely, meeting her eyes.
"It's beautiful."
"Yeah," I said, thinking hard about an explanation. It was impossible to explain away an
expensive cashmere sweater. None of the guys would have even paid a bit of attention if they'd seen it.
Guys don't notice anything like that.
But Hannah was a woman. Observant. And aware of the quality and price of women's clothing. She
would know very well that such a sweater wouldn't be available for purchase in any of the stores in Murphys. Or Angels Camp.
And she'd know that I hadn't been to the mall lately. And even if I had, she'd be aware that I would be
most unlikely to buy a sweater that cost what this one obviously had.
But she still asked. "Did you buy it?"
I lowered the ice from my chin. "No."
She sat and waited. Quiet.
"It was a present from someone," I offered reluctantly.
"Oh."
She didn't push. But I knew she was far from satisfied with my answer. She searched my face, her blue eyes
going from curious to concerned.
"From a boy?" she asked. "If it is, that's a very expensive gift to accept from a boy, Harlie."
"It's not from a boy."
Hannah regarded me seriously for a long moment.
"It's a very expensive gift from anyone," she said.
"I know." I sighed. "I can't really explain right now, Hannah."
"Oh." Her look was still questioning, and I didn't miss the flash of disappointment in her face, either.
"It's not that I don't want to tell you," I tried to assure her. "It's just part of a bigger story, and I need
to tell Adam and Brian that part first."
"Alright."
"Are you mad?" I asked.
"Of course not, silly goose." She reached out and ran her fingers gently over my chin. "As long as
you're going to talk to them soon." I nodded, and she said, "After your shower tonight, we'll put some salve on your face."
"Okay." I handed her the ice pack, and headed back outside, going to the barn.
All of the guys were covered in blood and mucus. Crane was trying again to manually
turn the calf inside of the cow. They'd apparently been working at it all this time. Like I said, pulling
a calf is the last resort. It often results in the calf being torn apart, but a rancher's outlook is that
if the cow's life can be saved, that's reason enough to do it. Brian and Evan were helping to hold
the cow still. Or as still as possible, considering what was being done to her.
"I can help hold her," I said, dropping to my knees beside Brian in the hay.
After a few minutes, though, the cow started thrashing around a lot more, and Brian told me to
move out of the way. "No more injuries for you today," he said.
So I stood back a little, watching, and feeling pity for the cow.
"I've got hold of a leg," Crane was saying. After a few more attempts by Crane of trying to pull the
calf out, Adam gave Crane a light slap on the back.
"You rest. Let me try," he said, and Crane moved over, looking obviously exhausted. Finally, after
another hour between Adam and Evan both working, they were able to turn the calf, and the cow delivered.
After all that, though, the calf was born dead. I felt sad, looking at the little spotted face.
As they got ready to load the dead calf on the front loader of the tractor so that it could be buried, Adam
turned to Guthrie and told him to go in and get a shower.
"Get cleaned up and get some supper. You've got homework too, don't you?"
"Yeah. Some," Guthrie said.
"Go on then," Adam said, patting Guthrie on the shoulder. He turned to me.
"You go on along too," he told me. It was then that he noticed my chin. In the dimmer light
of the barn, he peered a little closer at me.
"What happened?" he asked.
"She had a disagreement with a gate," Brian spoke up.
"Yeah? It looks like the gate won, huh?" Adam said,
"I guess it did," I said.
I took a quick bath in Hannah's bathroom, and Guthrie and I met up in the hallway, both of us
dressed in sweatpants and t-shirts.
"Hi," I said.
"Hey."
We surveyed each other silently for a moment.
"You mad at me?" I asked him.
"No. You mad at me?"
"No."
Guthrie bumped me with his shoulder. "Let's eat," he said, and we got downstairs just as
Evan was heading up.
"You two better have left some hot water for me," he told us.
Evan might have had hot water, but by the time Crane was finished with his shower, and had joined Guthrie and Hannah and
Evan and I in the kitchen, we could all hear Brian howling upstairs.
"No more hot water," Crane said, and everybody laughed.
7
After I'd eaten, I curled up on the couch, and worked to catch up on my homework.
Hannah came downstairs after putting Isaac to bed.
"You promised to go to bed early," she reminded me.
"I am tired," I admitted, closing my science book and standing up.
Adam, coming thru the living room after being the last one to get a shower, stopped to
listen to our conversation.
"We were going to talk tonight, weren't we?" he said.
I looked up at him, and it was obvious he was exhausted.
"It's okay," I told him.
"You sure?" he asked.
"I'm sure."
"Alright. We'll try tomorrow night. I'm sorry, sugar."
"You don't have to be," I said, and he gave me a hug.
7
By the time Guthrie and I got home from school the next afternoon, the cow had died, despite
the shots of penicillin and care that my brothers had given her.
It was quiet and subdued at the supper table. It had not been a good week for the McFaddens as
cattle ranchers. The loss of a cow and two calves was a big hit financially.
"What do you two have planned for the weekend?" Hannah asked Guthrie and I.
"Kristin has to work almost all weekend," Guthrie said, looking glum.
"I miss seeing her," Hannah said. "We need to try to get her over soon for a visit."
When Guthrie only nodded, and still looked glum, Hannah added, "At least she has a good job, and
a chance to make some money. I'm sure it's helping her and her mother out." She turned to me. "What about you, sweetie? Any plans?"
I thought of Karissa and how she wanted to spend Saturday afternoon and evening with me.
"Nothing definite," I said vaguely.
"We talked about you having some of your friends over. Did you want to do that? We can
make some snacks," Hannah offered.
"Maybe I'll wait until some time when Kristin came come, too," I said, and Hannah nodded.
"Good supper, Sis," Adam said, smiling at Clare.
"I second that," Crane said.
"Yeah, my darlin' sure can cook, can't she?" Brian said, with pride.
"Thanks, guys," Clare said, looking a little embarrassed, but smiling, obviously pleased by their praise.
"Six months ago, who would have believed it?" Evan said, grinning at her teasingly across the
table.
"Smack him for me, will you, Crane?" Clare said, and Crane obligingly gave Evan a punch to
the shoulder.
I was glad everybody was joking around, and lightening up a little bit.
When the phone started ringing, Evan got up to go answer it. He came back to the table, sinking
into his chair and reaching for the pie in the center of the table.
"It's for you, Har," he said. "Some lady."
Instantly, I felt a prickle go up my back.
"You got a teacher calling you at home, peanut?" Crane asked, and everybody
looked at me.
"It's probably just Lori or one of the other girls," I said, trying to distract everyone.
"It wasn't Lori. Or any other teenage girl. Sounds like an older lady," Evan said carelessly,
cutting into the pie, and scooping out a really big piece.
"You don't know what you're talking about," I told Evan, trying to sound casual, and I got up, going
into the living room.
"Hello?"
"Hi, sweetheart."
"Hi," I answered, not a bit surprised that it was Karissa.
"I hope it's alright that I called you."
I told her that it was alright, even though I knew I was going to get grilled when I went back
to the supper table.
"Have you talked to Adam and Brian yet? I'm just so anxious about it-"
"No. I haven't had the chance. We've had some animal emergencies, and well, I just haven't had the
chance yet,"
"I see."
There was momentary silence on her part then, and I said, trying to sound reassuring, "I know it's
going to work out, though."
"I hope so. Were you going to be able to go to Marklesville to look at the house like we talked about?"
I thought ahead, and then added, without really considering it, "I'm not sure. Can I call
you in the morning to let you know?"
"Alright, that's fine," she said, and she sounded so darn happy and appreciative that I felt
myself having feelings of warmness towards her. She really did care about me. I could tell.
"Okay." I hesitated, and then added, "Bye, Aunt Karissa."
I heard her quick intake of breath, and then heard the pleased tone to her voice.
"Goodbye, sweetheart!"
7
I was vastly relieved when I went back to the table, and the focus of the conversation had
turned to weekend plans around the ranch. It took the heat off of me, so to speak, and no one
bothered to ask who had been on the telephone.
As everyone started finishing up, pushing in chairs, and carrying dishes to the sink, Guthrie
volunteered that he was thinking about going into town to Butch's to play some pool with Kenny and Trent.
"You can come if you want," he told me. "Maybe Lori will come, too."
So after Guthrie and I had done the dishes, we wandered into the living room, and then out
to the porch, where Adam and Hannah, and Brian and Clare were all sitting.
"Okay if we go into Butch's for awhile?" Guthrie asked, in a general way.
"It's alright with me," Adam said.
"I'll go change my clothes," I said, and went upstairs. After I'd put on a clean pair of jeans, I stood there
in the middle of my room, thinking. I slipped the new cashmere sweater on, and then went down the
hall to Hannah and Adam's bedroom, looking at myself in the full length mirror. The sweater fit
perfectly. Almost as if it had been made just for me. Tight. But yet not too tight.
I went back to my bedroom, rooting thru my closet for my dressy cowboy boots. The whole time I
was pulling them on I was talking to myself, telling myself there was nothing wrong with wearing the
sweater even though I hadn't told Adam and Brian about Karissa yet.
After all, she'd given it to me because she wanted to, right? And I was going to tell them. I was.
Tomorrow for sure. Just the same, I pulled a jacket on over the sweater, and zipped it up. No point
in Hannah seeing me wear it, when she knew I hadn't told the guys 'the bigger story' that I'd mentioned to her.
I went back out onto the porch, and Hannah said, "Guthrie said to tell you he'll be ready to go after
he changes his shirt."
"Okay."
"Want me to French braid your hair?" Clare offered.
"Yeah. Want me to go get my brush?" I asked.
"No, I can finger comb it," she said, and gestured to the spot in front of her feet. "Sit down here."
So I sat down in front of her, and she loosened my braid, and began to comb her fingers thru
my curls.
While we were sitting there, Evan came out, announcing he was going to pick Nancy up, and
saying goodbye. After he'd roared away down the driveway, the talk turned to Nancy.
"I really think he's serious about Nancy," Hannah said.
"I think so, too," Adam agreed.
"She seems like a real nice girl," Brian volunteered.
"He is pretty young, though," Hannah said.
"He's old enough to know his own mind," Brian said.
"Yeah," Adam said. He raised Hannah's hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. "Besides, he's
not that much younger than you were, when I swept you off your feet."
"True," Hannah said, and everybody laughed.
I was laughing, too, and thinking again that I wouldn't mind a bit having Nancy join our
family. So I was a little startled by the quick change in subject, and the light nudge of Brian's
boot against my hip.
"So we gonna have that talk soon?" he asked me.
"Yeah, that's right," Adam said, in remembrance.
"Maybe tomorrow?" I said.
"Why not now?" Brian demanded, and I turned my head from where Clare was braiding my hair, to
look at both him and Adam.
"Because," I said. "I mean, I'm going with Guthrie in a minute. And it's gonna take a while to talk
about."
"Hmm," Brian said.
"Well, on the weekend sometime then," Adam told me. "Definitely before school on Monday."
"Okay," I said, and when Clare tapped my head lightly, I turned back to face the barn, so she
could finish my hair.
7
