Hannah left for town shortly after that, carrying Isaac and with a diaper bag slung over her shoulder. I knew she was leaving,
because she came back thru the kitchen to tell me so. Which, considering that she was put out with me too, was kind of surprising.
"Alright," she said, grabbing another bottle from the refrigerator, "I'll see you later then."
"Bye," I said, subdued, as I kept wiping the same spot on the counters, over and over.
Hannah came to stand beside me. She was quiet for a moment or two, and then she said quietly, "It's not going to help things
if you hide in here."
"I'm not hiding," I denied.
"Hmm. Well, okay. But if I were you, I wouldn't cross Brian today. Or Adam, either."
I didn't answer, and, after another couple of moments, Hannah sighed. "I'll see you later," she said again.
She was nearly at the door when I thought better of it, and turned to call after her, "Hannah?"
"What?" she asked, stopping and turning back.
"If I try to talk to them both now about-the thing that I need to tell them, well, it's just going to make things
worse!"
"Why do you think that?"
"Because it will seem like I've been lying to them, I mean really lying. Not like going to a stupid party. But something serious!"
Hannah looked solemn. "I think they do believe that going to a party with drinking is serious, Harlie."
"I know. But it will just reinforce that whole thing Adam said about not being where I was supposed to be!"
"This is sounding more worrying to me by the minute," she said, her forehead wrinkled in concern.
"I don't know what to do!" I said.
Hannah sighed again, and I suddenly felt guilty. Here she was, trying to get out of the house for an afternoon getaway, and I
was holding her up, harping on my own problems.
"I'm sorry," I told her. "I'm being selfish. Marie's probably waiting on you."
"She probably is," Hannah agreed. "I should be home before supper. If you want me to, I'll sit in while you talk to them both tonight."
"Okay. Thanks," I said.
When she'd gone, I finished tidying up the kitchen, even pushing all the chairs in straight and evenly. Anything to put off going outside. Finally,
though, I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer. I snapped off the light switch, and went out the back door, stopping long enough to
pet Gus, and scratch Warrior's ears. To Clarence, I spent the longest moment, squeezing his fat neck.
As I walked across the yard towards the barn, they all three followed me.
Brian was there, on the side of the barn, with his head under the hood of the Jeep, yet again studying the motor. It seemed like somebody
was always working on it. I knew, from listening to them all talk, that it had been leaking massive amounts of oil lately.
I stood there, off to the side a little, feeling awkward, and as if my heart was in my throat.
"Come over here," Brian said, sounding brusque, and I came forward reluctantly, leaning my hands on the Jeep, and looking at him with apprehension.
"That wasn't nice, what you said to Adam," he began by saying.
I picked at a spot on the fender, where the paint was starting to fleck off.
"He'd do anything for you kids. And he doesn't ask for much in return, either," Brian went on.
I still didn't say anything, mostly because I didn't know what to say. It would sound as if I were making excuses, and I
didn't want to do that. I just bit at my lip, and picked at the loose paint.
Brian raised his head a little to look at me. "No response?" he asked.
"I didn't want to sound as if I was making excuses for talking that way," I admitted honestly. "Every answer I can think of would
sound like an excuse."
"Hmm," he said, straightening to his full height. "Well, Adam doesn't deserve that kind of smart mouth from you."
"I'll apologize to him," I promised, really quietly. "As soon as I see him."
Brian just stood there, looking at me so intently that I was uncomfortable.
"It's our job to look after you, Harlie. And that's even when you think it's too much, or that we're too hard on you. That's the way it
is. You can fight against it, but all that's going to do is cause you grief, because we'll nail you for it. Every time. We really do know what's
best for you. And we know you're growin' up, but you're always gonna be our baby."
I chewed at my lip again, and looked down a little, my eyes filling with tears. I'd expected to come out here and have
Brian rant and rave at me, yell, and maybe even threaten to tan my backside. None of those things would have surprised
me. But having him talk this way, rational and calm, made me even more ashamed of myself. Ashamed, not just for sassing Adam
earlier in the kitchen, but for this whole long business of keeping Karissa's appearance a secret from them.
"Hey," he said, and when I looked back up at him, he said, "What are the tears for?"
"I just feel bad."
"You're not supposed to enjoy being grounded," he said.
"It's not that. I mean, I understand about that. You're making me feel ashamed, talking like you are."
When he wrinkled his forehead in question, I said, in explanation, "Talking so calm like you are. I thought you were gonna yell at me. Or something."
"Or somethin', huh?" he asked, with a raised eyebrow, knowing exactly what I meant, and I shrugged, embarrassed.
"You were pretty mad," I said.
"Yeah. Well, don't get used to my calm tone and all of that. I'm still ticked off at you. That 'somethin' you were worried about is still
a possibility." There was a warning there, if I chose to take note of it.
"Okay," I said quietly.
"Chores all done in the house?" he asked.
"There's more laundry to do. And I could vacuum."
He nodded, but didn't say anything. As he leaned back down in the engine, and started tapping on the battery cable
with a wrench, I waited, but he didn't say anything more, or tell me what he wanted me to do.
Finally, I spoke up into the silence. "Should I go do the inside stuff then?"
"Yeah. Go on."
So I went back into the quiet house. It was so quiet that I turned on the radio.
I went down to the basement, and put in the last two loads of laundry. I'd been over the entire house, picking up
clothes, and I thought this was finally it. I took a load from the dryer upstairs to fold, and put away.
I dragged the vacuum cleaner out of the closet, and vacuumed the downstairs, even pushing the couch away from the wall to
clean behind it, and moving the chairs, too.
My hair kept getting into my face, and I bundled it up into a messy bun on the top of my head.
In the midst of my cleaning frenzy, I heard the sound of an unfamiliar motor out front of the house. I went to the
front door, and opened it, looking out.
A UPS truck had pulled into the driveway, and parked alongside the front of the house. A driver, wearing brown
shorts and matching shirt, hopped out, carrying a notepad in his hand.
I looked towards the barn, but Brian was no longer in sight. I didn't see anybody else around, either. So I stopped out
onto the front porch, watching as the guy grabbed a rectangular box from the inside of the truck and started towards the house.
"Hi, there," he greeted me, when he looked up and saw me standing there.
"Hi," I said curiously. We don't ever get packages delivered by a UPS truck. I wondered if Hannah had ordered
something for the baby from J.C. Penneys or something like that.
"How are you today?" the guy asked me, coming to stand on the bottom stair and looking up at me.
"Good. How are you?" I asked politely, in return.
"Long day. I'm ready to be done." He smiled at me, and even though he was probably in his mid-twenties, he reminded
me a little of Eddie. At least his smile did.
I found myself smiling back.
"This this McFadden place?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Got a package here for-" he looked down at the label on the package, "Harley McFadden."
For me? My curiousity went up another notch.
"He around anywhere?" the driver asked.
He? Oh. It dawned on me that he thought the package was for a male. Harley.
"That's me," I said, and he grinned even wider.
"Yeah?" he asked, coming up another stair, and leaning my way a little. I realized he was flirting with me. And I didn't mind. Not at all.
"Yeah. Harlie. With an ie, instead of an ey," I said.
"Harlie. With an ie," he repeated, his smile widening. "Real cute."
Evan suddenly appeared behind me, coming out the front screen door, with a jar of peanuts in one hand.
"What's goin' on?" he asked abruptly, and both the driver and I lost our relaxed stance. He kind of straightened up, from
where he'd been leaning toward me a little, and looked at Evan.
"Just delivering a package," the driver said.
"Uh huh," Evan said.
"Here you go," the driver said, handing me the big box. Then, he gave me a careless wink. "Have a good afternoon, Harlie with
an ie."
"Bye," I said, and watched as he started his truck up and roared down the driveway.
When I turned around, clutching the box, Evan turned his gaze from the dust of the departing UPS truck, to me.
"What's that all about?" he asked.
"Huh?"
"All that flirtin', and that little wink thing goin' on," he said, sounding impatient.
"I guess he was flirting a little," I said, trying to sound casual.
"More than a little," Evan argued.
"Well. Maybe," I agreed. "No big deal, though."
"He must be close to thirty."
"Oh, Ev, he is not," I said.
Evan regarded me seriously for a moment, and then he asked, "What's in the package?"
"I don't know, silly. I haven't opened it yet," I said, hoping to distract him. I was fairly certain who the package
would be from. I mean, who else besides Karissa would be sending me a package? And from a store like Macy's? For the first time, I thought about how old
Evan would have been when Karissa had stopped coming around. I thought back. He was seven years older than me, so he would
have been around eight. He would remember her, surely. Wouldn't he? He and Daniel both would have been old enough to remember
her. I considered him seriously.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Yeah. Hurry up, though. We're only takin' a quick break."
"Who is we?" I asked him, looking thru the screen door, as I heard other voices in the house.
"Ford. Adam. Brian. Everybody," he clarified. "What do ya want to ask me?"
"Never mind," I said. There was no point in attempting a private conversation of this caliber with everyone else
within possible hearing distance.
Evan looked all serious at me. "Is this about last night?"
When I looked at him questioningly, he prompted, "The party you went to?"
"Umm, no."
"No?" he asked.
"No."
"I thought maybe that's what you wanted to talk to me about."
I looked at him curiously, not sure what he was getting at.
"Cause I seem to remember a promise you made me a few months ago," Evan continued.
Ah. Now I knew what he was driving at. I felt my face flush hot. He didn't seem to be mad, but-
"It wasn't the same thing, Evan."
"No? How come?" he challenged.
"This party was at somebody's house, not out in the middle of nowhere like the other one. And I didn't drink anything. And there
weren't a bunch of strangers there."
Evan just looked at me, appearing to be unconvinced.
"And-" I searched my mind, "I wasn't trying to worry anybody purposely, like I tried to worry you and Ford then. Lori and I just went there
for a little while. Not more than an hour."
He still stared at me intently, like he just wasn't buying it.
"Maybe two hours," I was drawn to admit.
Still silence. And a disappointed look on his face.
"I didn't drink," I said again.
"You said that already," he said drily.
"Adam doesn't believe me," I said, clutching my box tighter, and unable to keep the hurt from my voice.
Evan shrugged. "Well?" he said, without sympathy. "What do you expect?"
"So you want to write me off, too?" I asked, a little plaintively.
"Nobody's plannin' on writing you off, knothead."
"Yeah? You didn't see Adam's face earlier. He-" I hesitated, searching for the right words. "Well, he was so mad he looked
like he was going to choke, or something. He was practically turning purple. He's not going to believe anything that I say-"
"If you want people to believe you, then you have to work to be believable," Evan said, again without any apparent sympathy.
"I try to," I objected. "I'm a truthful person."
Evan gave me a "yeah, right," look.
"Well, I am mostly," I protested.
The screen door opened, and Brian stuck his head out. "What's the big pow wow about out here?" he asked.
I would have said that it was about nothing important, but that would have been a lie. And, given the topic of our conversation,
I didn't think saying anything like that would solidify my position about being truthful to Evan.
So I didn't say anything. I just looked at Evan and waited for him to answer, hoping that he wouldn't throw me under the bus, and
spill the story of my previous party attendance, complete with drinking and being out until two a.m. He'd kept quiet about it for this
long, but if he told now, well, I might as well pack my bags for an all-girl's boarding school.
Evan looked at me, and then at Brian. "Just givin' out a free lecture," he said, and I felt a sense of relief that he didn't tell.
Brian surveyed us both, and then I thought I saw a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. "Huh. Well, alright then. Carry on, Ev."
When the screen door had slammed again, it was all I could do not to grit my teeth in irritation.
"Brian thinks he's a comedian," I complained.
"Never mind that. Quit complainin' about people not believing you. When you're honest 100 percent of the time, then
you can start complainin'."
"So you never told a lie when you were my age?" I accused him, an edge to my voice.
"I did. But not that often. And when I did, they always found out anyway. It wasn't worth it. Tryin' to regain
their trust was never fun."
I sighed, knowing that was what I was facing. Still, I was feeling prickly.
"Well, it was a million times easier for all you guys than it is for me," I pointed out.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Because I'm a girl. And the youngest. They're a lot harder on me, and they expect more from me, too."
Evan shook his head. "You're kidding, right?"
"No. I'm not kidding."
"That's just bullshit right there, Harlie."
"When you were my age, did you have the rules and restrictions that I have? Did they monitor every move you made? You
know they didn't. It's because I'm a girl."
Evan gave me a hard look, and I sighed.
"Great. Now you're mad at me, too," I said.
"I am not," he said, with a snap to his voice.
We stood there, looking at one another, and finally I said, "Thanks for not telling Brian what we were talking about. And about
that night, with the party and everything."
"I suppose you're welcome," he said, and turned to pull the screen door open.
"Come on, Harlie with an ie," he said, mockingly, and I jabbed him with my elbow as I walked past.
7
