Adam looked up from the photo album in his hand as I stopped there in the doorway, surprised

to see him sitting there.

"Sure is a lot of pictures here," he said quietly.

I looked back at him, not saying anything for a moment. I came on into my room, laying the towel

in my hand over the back of the chair in the corner.

"Are you going to say I can't keep them?" I asked him, a little defensively. "That I have to give them back?"

In the instant following my question, I saw a look cross Adam's face that I couldn't remember

ever seeing before. At least not exactly like this.

It wasn't anger. And it wasn't hurt. At least it wasn't totally either of those two things. I think it was

more disappointment. Sort of shocked.

"Of course not," he said, sounding strange. "What kind of a low snake do you think I am, Harlie?"

There was no denying the hurt I saw in his face now.

"I don't think that," I said quickly.

"Hmm," he said, and closed the album he held. "I hope not."

He regarded me seriously for a long moment, and still with that same strange edge to his voice, said,

"These pictures are real important to you, aren't they?"

I nodded wordlessly.

"I can understand that," he said, and I thought that it sounded as if he were choosing his words

with care.

Part of the pent-up emotions inside of me softened at his comment.

"I just want to know more about mama, Adam," I said.

He nodded, and laid the photo album in his hand down gently on top of the others.

"I can understand that, too," he said.

He stood up, and came to stand in front of me.

"You might not think so, but I get what you're feeling, with all of this," he said.

I held my breath, looking up at him. Maybe he'd had a change of heart already. Maybe he was

getting ready to tell me I could call Karissa, and that she could come over to the house.

"As ticked off as you are right now with me, and with Brian, I still expect you to listen to what

I said," he told me, and I felt the disappointment crush down my momentary hope.

I guess he could read the unspoken argument in my face, because he took my chin in his hand, holding

it still, so that I had to look up at him, and not away.

"You're to mind me, Harlie." There was no mistaking the authority in his voice. After a moment, he

added, "Understood?"

"Understood," I said.

He released my chin, and sighed a little. "Okay."

He paused at the door, as I went to sit down on the bed.

"I know we haven't done the best at helping you learn things about mom. I'll try to do better

with that. Alright?" he said.

"Alright," I said.

"Goodnight, sugar," he said.

"Goodnight," I managed, and Adam went out, closing the door behind him.

I looked at the photo albums for a long time before I turned off the light to go to sleep. As I did go to

sleep, my last thoughts were of how aggravated I was at Adam. And at Brian. And I wasn't any too happy with

anybody else in the house, either.

Well, except for Clare. She was innocent in all of this. And Guthrie. I wasn't mad at him. But everybody else.

Even Ford. Telling me to calm down like he had. I wouldn't be making him any more lemon bars anytime soon.

7

When I did fall asleep, I slept hard. Like a log, is the old saying. I didn't dream, or wake up in the night

or anything.

I woke up, and stretched. There were small house noises, but nothing like what you'd expect,

for a Sunday morning, with nine other people besides me up and getting ready for church.

When I looked at my alarm clock and saw the time I was surprised, because it meant that I'd been

left to sleep, and not gotten up for church.

I got up, and pulled on a pair of jeans, and a t-shirt that boasted 'Round Robin finalist', left over

from Evan or Ford's 4-H days.

I brushed my hair, and made two braids, letting them hang down over the front of my shoulders. I

put on a wide headband to keep the fuzzy curls from springing up around my face, and went down

the stairs in my bare feet, carrying my socks.

The living room was devoid of McFaddens, and when I went into the kitchen, it was to find

Clare sitting at the kitchen table, by herself, nibbling on a piece of toast, and looking at some sort

of medical magazine.

"Hey, little one," she greeted me.

"Hi," I answered, going to pull a coffee cup down from the cabinet, and pouring myself a full

cup of coffee. "You didn't get up for church either, huh?"

"Nope. Brian told me to sleep this morning. It was after midnight when I got home from the hospital

last night. There's some eggs and stuff there on the stove for you."

The eggs and 'stuff' were slices of already-buttered toast, and bacon. I scooped some eggs

onto a plate, took a piece of toast, and a couple slices of bacon, and sat down next to her, so therefore,

technically in Guthrie's seat.

Clare pushed the magazine aside. "It seems like forever since we've gotten to talk," she said. "How are

you?"

I shrugged. "Didn't Brian tell you all of the loveliness that happened around here last night?"

"He might have," she said, and then gave me a pinch to my cheek that didn't really hurt. "But I'm

asking you."

So I told Clare about Karissa, and how I'd been feeling, having a connection to my mother that I'd never

had before. I was able to be totally honest with Clare, like I am with Guthrie. I didn't have to worry

that she was going to interrupt me, or get angry at anything I said, or think I was being rude or

any of that. It was a relief, really.

Clare listened in relative silence, drinking her juice, and only making occasional murmurings of

'hmm' or 'wow'.

I finished my breakfast, and drank my coffee, beginning on my second cup. Clare and I were

still sitting there at the table, our heads together, and still talking. I was so involved in

conversation that I didn't hear the back door open. I didn't know he was standing there, next to the

coffeepot, until I heard his voice.

"Looks like a deep conversation, right here," Brian said.

I was so started that I jumped a little, jostling my cup of coffee.

I looked up and towards Brian, and then at Clare, a trifle accusingly.

"I thought everybody was at church," I said to her, in a low voice.

Clare shrugged, and looked a little apologetic. "Not Brian," she said, with a smile.

"Ready for our ride?" Brian asked her.

"I've just been sitting here, talking to Harlie, so I haven't gotten the dishes done up," Clare told

him.

I stood up, picking up my plate and cup. "I'll do the dishes," I told her. "You can go for a ride."

"Thanks, but I don't want to stick you with all of them-" Clare began.

"It's alright," I told her, setting my plate down by the sink, and starting the water running.

"Well, okay," Clare said, and went to look at the dishwashing chore list on the refrigerator. "You're on

for tomorrow night. I'll do your turn then. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, and started clearing off the table, while the sink filled with hot water.

"I'll go grab my jacket," Clare said, and when she'd left the kitchen, I carried a stack of plates

and silverware over to the sink and set them in the steaming water. I had my back turned, but I could hear the

sounds of Brian pouring himself a cup of coffee, and then, even though I wasn't looking, I could feel his eyes

on my back. If I'd had the nerve, I would have turned to meet his eye, straight on. But I didn't feel

that courageous right at that particular moment.

"How about you and I go for a ride later today?" he asked.

I recognized his offer for the olive branch that it was. But I was still feeling persnickety, so I

shrugged, without turning around.

I knew I had to answer though, or risk his wrath. "I've got a lot of homework," I said, kind of curtly. "And tutoring."

There was a lonnnnng moment of silence, and then he said, "Okay."

That was it. 'Okay'. No temper. No lecture on attitude. No coaxing me to go for that ride. Then, contrary, like

a little kid, I wished that he'd coaxed me a little more.

"Ready?" Clare asked, breezing into the kitchen, and carrying her jacket.

"Yep," Brian said, and they headed out the back door.

"See you later, little one," Clare told me.

"See you," I said, in response.

I did the dishes, and wiped off the table and counter tops. I went outside to feed the three goats, and then fed all the dogs, too, while I

was at it. All of the dogs can eat together, except for Jethro, who has to have his own bowl. For some reason, Gus is fine with sharing with

Warrior and Clarence, but he draws the line at sharing a bowl with Jethro Bodine.

After that I went inside, and got out all my homework, spreading it over Crane's desk. I got down to work, finishing up what I'd been behind

on earlier in the week, leaving only my math homework so Mrs. Stevens could help me thru it.

When I was done, I got up and stretched, checking the clock. Everybody would be getting home within the hour. I didn't know what Hannah

had planned for lunch. I decided not to worry about it. I'd gone to all that trouble last night to fix tacos and dessert, and it hadn't made

Adam soften any about my grounding, or about talking to Karissa.

I knew that was a really bad attitude to take, since the grounding and the situation with Karissa had nothing to do with whether or not

I fixed my family a meal. But I still felt stubborn about it. Offering to do the dishes earlier, well that had been for Clare's benefit.

So I kept on with my homework, working on stuff for my night class, and studying for the upcoming test.

When the phone started ringing, I hesitated, eyeing it, and trying to decide whether to answer or not. At this point, I wouldn't put it

past Adam to call the house, just to see if I would go against his orders, and pick up the phone. I knew that I had reached the point beyond ridiculous in my thinking

with that, but I didn't care.

I didn't answer, and then the answering machine picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hey, family," Daniel's voice came across the phone wire. "Anybody around?"

Well, I was up in a flash, and snatching up the receiver.

"Hey!" I said, a little breathless.

"Hey, squirt! I didn't know if anybody would be home or not."

"Just me. Everybody's at church."

"Ahh. What're you up to?"

"Homework. When are you coming home?"

"I'm not sure. Pretty busy right about now."

I sighed. "It figures."

"What's wrong?" he asked me.

I sat down on the bottom step of the stairs, picking at a hangnail. "Nothing."

"Gonna make me drag it out of ya, huh?"

"I just miss you," I said.

"I miss you, too. I'd come if I could, squirt."

"I know." I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't know exactly why. I guess it was hearing Daniel's voice.

"Can I come see you?" I asked. "Like for a long weekend, maybe?"

"Well," he said slowly, sounding considering. "That'd be great. But what about school?"

"I could miss a couple of days," I said carelessly. "My grades are good."

"You and Crane are still coming out for your spring break, aren't you?"

"That's like six weeks away!" I protested.

"It'll pass fast."

"You mean you're not coming home at all before then?" I demanded, my voice raising.

"Well, I don't know for sure yet," he said.

"So you're saying that I can't come visit you. Right?" I asked him, feeling emotional.

"I don't think Adam would want you coming all this way on a bus by yourself-" Daniel began.

"Okay. Whatever," I said, crossly.

"What's your problem?" he asked. "You don't need to get mouthy."

"Haven't you heard?" I said, feeling even more like crying. "I am a smart mouth. And a liar. Most especially a liar!"

"What the heck are you talkin' about?" Daniel demanded.

I took a deep breath, trying to get control of my emotions.

"Nothing," I said. "Never mind."

"You can't just flip out on me, and then say it's nothing," he protested.

"Don't worry about me, Daniel," I said, feeling morose. "You're busy. You shouldn't be worried about me."

"Well, I do worry about you. Now just take a deep breath, and tell me what's goin' on in that head of yours."

"Nothing. I'm empty-headed. I should have been born a blonde."

"Knock it off, brat," he ordered, sounding irritated.

"Or what?" I said petulantly. "It's not like you can reach thru the phone and make me knock it off. Can you?"

"Alright, you listen to me-" he began.

"Bye, Daniel," I said, really softly, and hung up the phone receiver.

As soon as I'd done it, I knew that I shouldn't have. I really couldn't even believe that I HAD hung up on Daniel. I don't think I'd

ever hung up on anybody in my life. Well, except for maybe Seth. I stared at the phone for a minute, and then almost immediately it

began ringing again. I let it ring, and when the answering machine picked up again, Daniel's voice came across strong.

"Harlie. Pick up the phone. Right this minute."

I stayed still, and after a couple of moments, he said, "I am not kidding around with you. You pick up the phone. Now."

Still, I didn't reach for it. I felt bad for hanging up like that, but he sounded so mad now.

"I know you can hear me," Daniel continued. "I don't know what's wrong, or what's got you all fired up, but you'd best

pick up that phone."

What I stood there still, his voice said, angrily, "I swear, if I could get my hands on you right now, I'd blister your backside!"

I winced at that.

There was a huge sigh on his end. "Alright, Harlie. Have it your way."

And he hung up. And then, I burst into tears. What was wrong with me? I gave myself a stiff talking to, and went to splash water on my

face. I got an apple, and I was sitting on the front porch, eating that and studying, when the caravan of cars began to pull up

into the driveway. Adam and Hannah, along with Isaac, got out of her car. Guthrie and Ford got out of Guthrie's truck. Evan was the last

to pull up, and he had Nancy with him, along with Crane.

As usual, everybody was talking all at the same time, being noisy.

"Hi, sweetie," Hannah greeted me, on her way up the front steps.

"Hi," I said, around my apple.

"How was your morning? Did you get some sleep?"

Ah. Now I knew who had been behind me getting to stay home from church.

"Yes. I did."

"Well, good," she said. It looked as though she was going to say something else, but she didn't. She just smiled at me and went on into

the house.

Nancy was next, plopping down next to me on my step.

"Hey, wild child," she said in greeting.

"Hi."

"Why so glum?" she asked, nudging me in the side. "Being grounded got you feeling down in the dumps?"

Honestly, was there nothing that was private information in this family? Gahhh.

"Evan's got a big mouth," I said.

"Oh, don't be that way," she told me, with a wave of her hand. "It's not the end of the world to be grounded."

"I didn't say it was," I said, in irritation. "Everybody thinks I'm mad about that. But I'm not."

"Okay. Good."

"People need to stop speculating about me," I snapped.

"Right. Got it," she said, and when I met her blue eyes, they were sparkling in humor.

"It's not funny," I said.

"Oh, come down off your high horse, you little crabapple," she said, and gave me another dig in the ribs. "I'm gonna go help

Hannah get lunch on the table."

And with that, she got up and went inside. I stared after her for a minute. Telling me off that way! Honestly, the way she acted, it was as if she was

already a McFadden-by-marriage.

The guys, who had all gathered by the barn, were now heading towards the house, too. I watched them come, covertly, without seeming as if

I were watching.

Ford came first, ruffling my hair. I pulled away from his hand. "Stop it," I said, and he gave me a surprised look.

Adam was next, and I avoided his gaze altogether.

To Guthrie's greeting of, "Hey, hyena," I gave a genuine response, of "Hey, Guth."

Crane was last, several feet behind the others, and when they'd all gone inside, he sat down beside me, stretching his long

legs out in front of him.

"How goes it?" he asked.

"Okay."

"Getting all caught up?"

"Yeah."

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, watching as Warrior tried to get Clarence to play.

"Want to read my essay?" I asked him.

"You bet," he said, and held out his hand.

I leafed thru my notebook, pulling out the rough copy.

Crane read over it. "I need my glasses," he said, after a couple of minutes.

"I'll get them," I offered.

"That's okay."

I was quiet while he read it, and when he handed it back it back to me, I searched his face.

"It's good," he said.

"I thought it was pretty good," I said, "but you know how it is. With your own stuff, you just never know if it is or not."

"Well, it is," he assured me.

"Is there anything wrong that you can see?" I asked him.

Crane gave me a raised eyebrow type of look, and I was quick to clarify. "I mean, something that you think I could have done better at

saying, or grammar, or anything like that?"

"So you want criticism, huh?" he asked, sounding skeptical.

"If it's constructive criticism," I said, and then I added, "If it's from you, then I'll take it."

"Hmm. So you're not going to quit talking to me, or think I'm being a jerk, or anything like that, huh?" he asked.

I felt my face get all hot in embarrassment. "Is that what you think I've been doing? To Adam, and to Brian?"

"A little bit. Yeah," he said honestly.

I sighed. "Everything's a mess."

"You're making it more of one than it has to be," he said, and reached over to gently rub my knee.

Another lecture. Great.

"I just wanted everybody to understand about Karissa," I said.

"Well, it's pretty much of a shock to us. You can understand that, can't you?"

"I understand that," I admitted.

"Then to expect to instantly hear what you want to hear, that's not realistic, peanut. It's unreasonable."

"I'm not trying to be unreasonable."

Crane didn't say anything. He just watched me, his fingers still moving back and forth on my knee.

"It was a shock to me, too," I said.

"I'm sure it was," he agreed.

"How did we get on this subject?" I asked. "I just wanted you to critique my essay."

Crane chuckled a little. "I'll read it again. With my glasses on this time. And then I'll 'critique' it, as you say."

"Okay."

We sat there for a few moments in quiet, and then I asked, "Did you think she was evil, too? Like Adam and Brian did?"

"I don't think evil is quite the right word," he said in disagreement.

"Well, what then?"

"She did a lot of damage to our family, peanut."

I looked at him questioningly. "You mean what she did with Ford? Driving him around while she was drinking?"

"Well that, yeah. And going to social services. She stirred up trouble. Or she tried to. Talking to the county about you kids."

"That's bad," I said.

"It was terrifying. For all of us."

The door was pushed open, and Guthrie said, "Hannah says come and eat lunch."

"Come on. Let's eat," Crane said, getting to his feet. "Questions can all be answered, but maybe not in one day."

During lunch I was quiet, just letting the laughter and conversation roll on around me. As we were finishing up, the phone

began to ring, and Ford went to answer it.

"It's Daniel!" he yelled back, for the benefit of everybody in the kitchen.

Guthrie and Hannah and Crane all got up to go talk to him.

I was pushing in my chair when I heard Crane hollering for me. Saying that Daniel wanted to talk to me. I knew Adam's eyes were on me, from

where he still sat in his spot at the table. But I reacted quickly, grabbing a jacket off the hook by the back door. I didn't even pay attention to

whose jacket it was.

I opened the door, and ran out, across the yard, and towards the pasture, pulling on the jacket as I ran. Once I got to the gate, I stopped.

The jacket was definitely too large. It looked like the one that Ford had worn home this weekend.

I squeezed thru the gaps in the gate, instead of taking the time to open it. I went out into the grassy pasture, waiting as old Charlie came ambling up

to me. I petted his nose, talking to him in a quiet voice.

I took his mane in my hands, and pulled myself up onto his back. I clicked my teeth at him, and he obligingly began to walk slowly out towards the

pasture. I stayed out there until I saw the familiar car of Mrs. Stevens pull into the driveway. She parked and got out, waving at me, as she went up the

front steps on the porch. I waved back, and slid down from Charlie's back.

When I went back thru the gate, and into the house, Adam and Hannah were both standing there in the living room, talking to Mrs. Stevens.

"Here she is," Hannah said, sounding a little relieved.

Did she think that I'd run off or something, I wondered crossly.

"Yep. Here I am," I said, and I thought that Adam's eyes were glittering a little as he looked at me.

"Where do you want to work at?" Mrs. Stevens asked, apparently oblivious to the crackling currents in the room.

I looked at Hannah. "Kitchen okay?" I asked her.

"That's fine. The table's all cleared off," Hannah said.

When I went to get my homework, we worked on it together for a while, and then, when we were finished, Mrs. Stevens spoke up.

"You seem to have a grasp on this new material, Harlie."

I shrugged lightly. "Sometimes it clicks in my brain right off, and other times it seems to take forever."

She smiled at me. "You're actually doing well enough that I don't think you need me to tutor you any longer."

I looked at her, surprised. "Really?"

"That's what I think."

I'd been working with her for so many months that it was a little scary to think that she wouldn't be around to help me

any longer.

"I don't know if I like that," I said, in honesty. "What if I start having trouble again?"

"Crane can help you if that happens. But I don't think it will. You need to have confidence and faith in yourself, Harlie."

"That's hard sometimes," I said. "Especially when simplifying fractions comes around."

She laughed a little. "You'll be fine."

I smiled back at her. She really was a nice lady.

"Do you want me to talk to Adam about you not needing me any longer? Or is it Crane I should talk to?" she asked.

"Crane," I said. "He's mostly the one who keeps tabs on Guthrie and I's grades. And he's the one who wanted me to do the

tutoring from the beginning."

"Alright. I'll talk to Crane then," she said. She looked at me again. "Would you mind, Harlie, if I shared an opinion with you?"

7