I went in to eat supper, and I didn't say a whole lot to anyone. I had so much on my mind, and my emotions were all in turmoil.
"Hey, don't forget, I'm doing your dish duty tonight," Clare reminded me, as we were finishing eating.
I nodded, and then thought I might as well go out and get started on the tack before I took a shower.
"Where are you off to?" Crane asked me, as I started pulling my jacket on.
"Gonna do some stuff outside for awhile," I said vaguely.
Nobody else asked, or seemed to pay much attention, so I made my exit to the barn, and got out the rags and the polish. I started on
Evan's saddle first. I have to admit, I had the thought that if I did a really good job on his, that he might let me off the hook from doing the rest.
Well, maybe not all of the rest. But some of it, hopefully.
I was nearly done with Evan's saddle when I heard Guthrie hollering for me. I went to the door of the barn.
"What?" I hollered back at him.
"Your turn for the shower!" he yelled, from the porch.
I waved at him, and went to put stuff away. The sun was beginning to set, and I stopped long enough in my walk across the yard to admire the colors of it.
I took my shower, and got into my pajamas. I went back downstairs to do my diabetes shot, and got some crackers out of the cabinet, spreading
peanut butter on some, and some sweet apple jelly on the others.
When I took the plate with everything on it back into the living room, and sat down beside Hannah, who was bouncing Isaac in her arms,
she said, "Snack time, huh? Good."
"I probably shouldn't eat the jelly, since it's so full of sugar," I said. "But it sounded good."
"It'll be fine. It seems like you've been so careful lately, about what you've been eating."
"I've been trying."
"I'm glad you told Adam about everything," she said.
"I'm glad, too," I told her.
7
After school, the next afternoon, Guthrie met me at the truck in the parking lot.
"Hey, Lonnie and Trent and I are gonna hang around awhile and shoot some hoops in the gym. You can come watch. Do your
homework or somethin'."
"I don't want to get into trouble-" I began.
"I called home already at lunch period and told Hannah. It's fine. They know you're with me."
"Oh ho!" I said, sticking my tongue out at him. "Mr. Superiority! If I'm with you, then all is well! Is that what you're trying to
imply?"
"But, of course," Guthrie said smugly, popping a piece of gum into his mouth.
"Fine, elephant ears," I said.
I went to watch awhile, and did my worksheets for science and history. I stood up, stretching, tired of sitting on the hard
bleachers. I dug into my pocket for change, and headed out of the gym.
"Where you goin'?" Guthrie yelled.
"Eloping with the UPS driver!" I yelled back, and Guthrie gave an impatient wave of his hand at me, and went back to his basketball game.
I went down the quiet, nearly deserted hallway, to the vending machine, where I debated on a bag of M&M's, or a Coke. I had enough
money for both, and most teenagers wouldn't have to think twice about having both.
But I wasn't like most teenagers. At least in this particular way. Both could send my levels skyrocketing. And the ensuing headache and
feeling like crap wouldn't be worth it.
I picked the candy, thinking I would eat half the bag, and give the rest to Guthrie.
After Guthrie finished playing basketball, we walked out to the parking lot with Trent and Lonnie. I was sitting in the truck cab, waiting for
Guthrie to get done talking to the boys. I was folding the top down on the bag of candy, when a car pulled up, in the other part of the
parking lot. A familiar car. I watched as Karissa got out, and leaned against her car, waving at me.
I bit my lip, trying to decide what to do. Finally, I decided that I had to at least talk to her. Explain what Adam had said. I got
out, causing Guthrie to look up from his conversation, where all three boys were leaning on the truck hood.
"Be ready in a minute," he told me.
I gave a discreet point in the direction of Karissa's car. When Guthrie saw her, he frowned.
"Hey, guys," he said, calling an abrupt halt to Lonnie's latest fishing story, "I gotta take off. See you tomorrow."
The boys both said goodbye and went off towards their own trucks.
"Ignore her. Let's go," Guthrie said.
"I can't just drive past her," I protested.
"No. But I can," he said. "Get in." He got in, slamming his door.
When I stood there, beside my door, not getting in, Guthrie gave me a glare. I sighed, and opened my door, but instead
of getting in, I leaned across the seat towards him.
"I'm just going to talk for a minute," I assured him. "I should tell her what they said."
When he still was stubbornly silent, I said, "She's been nice to me, Guth."
He looked as though he was wavering slightly, so to seal the deal, I added, "I'll tell Adam about it when we get home."
"Promise?" he asked me.
"I promise."
"Okay. But no matter what, you're not gonna go with her. Not to the park, not anywhere. Right?"
"Yes, Guthrie," I said, with a long-suffering sigh, and an eye roll to the heavens.
When I started across the parking lot towards Karissa, Guthrie was right there, walking beside me.
"You don't have to come," I told him.
"Yeah. I do," he said.
Karissa's smile grew wider as we got closer.
"Hello!" she said.
"Hi," I said.
"How are you?" she asked.
"Fine," I said.
"How about you, Guthrie?" she asked, turning to him. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, ma'm," he said.
"Oh, I thought we'd dispensed with that ma'm nonsense," Karissa told him, with a smile.
Guthrie just ducked his head in answer.
"You're late in leaving today," she said.
"Guthrie was shooting some baskets with his friends," I said in explanation.
"Is it alright if we talk for a bit?" she asked us, but she looked at me.
I looked at Guthrie, and his eyes told me plainly that I needed to speak up.
I faced Karissa, and said, "I talked to the family about you."
Karissa lost her smile. "It didn't go well, did it?"
I hesitated. I didn't want to hurt her.
"It's alright, Harlie," she said. "I didn't really expect it to end well."
"I'm still hopeful that they'll come around," I said, searching for the right words to say.
"I wouldn't hold out for that hope, sweetheart," she said, and there was no mistaking the bitterness in her voice.
I didn't know what to say then, so I was quiet, feeling a heavy pit settle in my stomach.
"Could we go and have a Coke together at least?" she asked. "At that little drive in, where you were working at?"
I could feel Guthrie digging his knuckles into my back. His signal, I knew, for me to turn her invitation down.
"I can't," I said.
She was looking at me with the strangest look, almost desparate, and I turned to Guthrie,
"I'll be at the truck in five minutes," I told him.
He frowned again, and looked like he was going to argue.
"Five minutes. Please, Guth."
"Alright," he said, and when he had walked away, I looked back at Karissa.
"Guthrie doesn't want me to get into trouble," I told her.
"And talking to me will get you into that trouble, is that it?" she asked.
Instead of answering that, I said, "They said that you drove Ford around when you'd been drinking, and that you
crashed into the fence."
"Well, it didn't take them long to relate all my evils to you, did it?" she said.
I was shocked at the anger in her voice.
"I'd been taking some medicine, and it interacted with the wine I had at lunch. When I drove Ford home I got a bit dizzy," she said.
"Oh," I said. That was sure a different twist to the report of the situation that Adam and Brian had given me.
"It must have been scary for Ford, though," I felt inclined to point out. "He was so little."
"And I've always felt badly about that. But they wouldn't let me prove to them that it was a one-time incident," Karissa insisted.
There was a moment or so of uncomfortable silence.
I figured I might as well get it all out of the way and into the open. "They said you only wanted to see me. Not the boys."
"Well, I'll admit that I had a soft spot for you. You looked so much like Kate. And I didn't approve of the way they were raising you. They didn't fix your hair properly,
or dress you nicely-"
"Those things aren't important, though," I said, in defense of my brothers. "I mean, not important for a one year old. And they were so young. They did their best."
"I know they were young. That's why I wanted to be involved. But they just wouldn't allow it," Karissa said, her voice clipped.
"Did you call social services on them about all of us kids?" I asked.
"They certainly filled your head with poison," she said, bitingly, and for the first time I noticed the way she seemed a little unsteady on her feet, stepping back towards
her car.
"They weren't trying to do that," I denied.
"I did not call social services," she said. "That was probably some nosy neighbor, and they've always tried to blame it on me."
"Oh," I said again, feeling confused.
Guthrie honked the truck horn at me.
"I've got to go," I said.
"Let's meet and eat together before your class tomorrow night again," she said.
"I can't," I said, and at her look of disappointment, I added, "I'm grounded. One of the guys will be bringing me, and then picking me up again."
"Why are you grounded?" she asked.
"Being somewhere that I wasn't supposed to be."
"And they took away your driving privileges?" she asked, sounding disapproving. "That doesn't seem quite right to me. Didn't you tell me that the truck was given to you by
that veterinarian? Doctor T?"
"Doc G," I corrected, "And yeah, it's from him."
"Then how are they in the right to take the use of it from you? They didn't purchase it for you."
I stared at her for a moment. There was no time to explain it to her. A traitorous, rebellious thought jumped into my mind. She had a point. I pushed that thought back.
"I have to go," I said again.
"Alright." She sighed. "When will we be able to get together again?"
I hesitated, not wanting to tell her that Adam said I couldn't get together with her. It was going to be bad enough, telling him and Brian about talking to her now, here at the school.
"Maybe things would go smoother if you talked to Adam," I suggested. "To try to work some of this out. You could come over, maybe on a Sunday afternoon. They try to take a break on Sundays most of the time."
"I absolutely cannot come to the house," Karissa said, sounding indignant. "I will not put myself thru that humiliation!"
"Then maybe you could call him-" I began.
"I just don't think it would do any good," she said, sounding definite.
I was swamped with sudden disappointment. Both in the situation, and most especially, in her. She wouldn't even try?
Guthrie had gotten tired of waiting, and was walking back over to where I stood. He gave me a nudge.
"I'm coming," I said.
"I can't keep the bracelet," I told her. "It's beautiful, but it's just too expensive."
"You think that?" she asked, and then added knowingly, "or Adam does?"
I didn't answer, because I didn't want to aggravate her any further. She seemed almost volatile in her mood, and I was fairly certain that she'd been drinking.
"And does he think you should give back the photo albums, too?" she asked.
"No. He understands about those."
"Well, that's just big-hearted of him," she said, sarcastically.
I'd had enough of this. It didn't seem as though there was anything positive that was going to come from continuing the conversation.
"I have to go," I said again. I didn't want to promise that I would see her soon, or anything like that, because I wasn't sure how things were going to go, or if Adam and Brian would change their minds.
She nodded briefly at me, and didn't say anything. I turned around to go, when I heard her call after me.
"When you return the bracelet, you can return those photo albums, too!"
I stopped walking, and turned to look back at her, horrified. Shocked. Scared. "But you gave them to me," I said, and I realized I sounded like a little kid, pleading.
She didn't say anything. Nothing at all. She opened her car door, and got in, a little unsteadily it seemed to me.
She slammed the door, and stared straight ahead, thru the windshield.
I was so shocked that I don't think I could have moved one step. If I'd been standing there alone, I think I might have started pleading with her thru the car window,
to please not make me give back all those photos of my mother. I didn't have to make that decision. though. Because Guthrie took on his 'lord of the manor' role and
grabbed ahold of my hand.
"Let's go, Har," he said, and started pulling me along.
Halfway across the parking lot, I pulled back. "I'm going to try to talk to her again-" I said.
Guthrie took a firmer hold on me, and started pulling again. "Not now," he said.
A couple of moments later, Karissa's car whizzed past us, heading down the street.
"She's bat shit crazy," Guthrie said.
At the truck, Guthrie yanked my door open, waiting for me to get in.
I looked at Guthrie, my eyes filling with tears. "She was so mean, Guth!"
"I know," he said.
My lower lip quivered. I guess Guthrie knew I was about to lose it totally, because he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"Don't, Har. Don't let her do this to you."
I leaned my head against Guthrie's shoulder for a minute. He patted me, sort of awkwardly. Guthrie's never been good with my tears. So I struggled mightily to stop crying, so as to not torture him.
I raised my head. "I'm okay," I told him, brushing at my cheeks. "Let's just go home."
We were silent for the first half of the ride home. Guthrie alternately snapped his gum, and popped his knuckles. He was agitated, and worried, I knew.
"I'd like to tell her exactly what I think of her," he muttered darkly, into the silence.
"What? That you think she's bat shit crazy?"
"That. And other things. She's got no reason to treat ya like that."
Hearing all that loyalty and defense of me in his voice warmed me on the inside, where it felt so hurtful.
"It's alright," I said.
"No, it's not alright. And I guarantee ya, that I'm gonna tell her what kind of a person she is. I don't know when exactly, but I'm goin' to do it."
"I hope Adam doesn't get too mad," I mused aloud, looking out the window as we rolled past familiar houses and barns.
"About you talkin' to her?"
I nodded, and Guthrie said, "He'll understand. I'll tell him what happened."
I turned my face to the window again, trying to hide tears that wouldn't stop coming.
After a few minutes, Guthrie said, "Please stop cryin'."
"I know. It's silly. Foolish. To cry about some pictures."
"It's not any such thing," Guthrie said stoutly. "Those pictures are important. And she gave 'em to ya. They're yours."
When we pulled into our long driveway, I'd managed to stop crying, but my mood was still low.
I got out, grabbing my backpack, and slinging it over my shoulder.
"Let's go find Adam," Guthrie said.
"I'll tell him after supper," I said.
"See, now that's your problem, Har," Guthrie said. "You're always tryin' to put stuff off."
"Oh, is that my problem, Guthrie James?"
"Yeah. It is."
We stood there, beside the truck, both of staring stubbornly at one another. Not mad, just stubborn.
"Hi, kids!" somebody yelled, and we both looked towards the pasture to see Crane and Brian waving at us, both of them on horseback.
Guthrie waved at them.
"Come on and help!" Crane called.
Guthrie handed me the biology book in his hand. "Take this inside for me, okay?"
"Who says I'm not coming, too?" I demanded of him.
"Well, okaaaaay," he drawled. He took the book back and flung it into his truck seat. I followed suit with my backpack, and we both went to saddle our horses. Evan and Adam were further up
in the pasture, too, trying to round up some calves who were reluctant to be herded. Guthrie and I joined in, with everybody scattering to bring the young calves up to the corral. My hair came loose from my braid, the wind blowing the curls into my face. I had to keep pushing it away from my eyes, so I could see.
Brian rode up alongside of me, and hollered over the noise the calves were making, as they bawled for their mothers. "Hey!" he yelled.
When I looked at him, and brought Petra to a slower lope, he took his hat off and handed it to me as he rode past.
For the first time that afternoon I felt like smiling. "Thanks!" I called, as he rode on.
I bunched my long mass of curls into both hands at the nape of my neck, and then bundled it all under Brian's hat, pulling it down as tight as I could. For a little while, a little glorious while, I forgot about Karissa. I forgot about being grounded and trying to prove to Adam that I wasn't a liar. I forgot about levels, and shots, and diabetes. I forgot how much I missed Doc G, and ached to hear his voice. I forgot about everything except the goal of rounding up the calves, and the wonderful feeling of being on Petra's back, in the sunshine.
I was enjoying myself so much that I herded more calves than Guthrie and Evan did. I didn't know that until I saw both of them and Crane sitting still on their horses, watching me. Crane was laughing, and Evan made an exaggerated flourish toward the calves that were left.
"It's all yours, showoff!" Evan yelled at me.
I touched the brim of Brian's cowboy hat, in the age-old way of saluting someone. And then I got down to business, rounding up the rest of the calves.
7
