This story was co-written with my friend, Jedi-2B. She came up with many, many suggestions and even watched old re-runs of "The Newlywed Game" to supply the 'questions' our Pairs had to answer.
Perfect Pairs
Jade Sabre
Luke snuggled closer to his wife, reluctant to wake up. He kept his eyes closed tight, listening to the hum of the ship's engine, and felt the gentle vibration of the hyperdrive through the mattress. The Jedi felt his wife stir in his arms. His wife... Somehow, even after spending the past several weeks on their honeymoon, it still seemed impossible that he was married. Married. A husband. Contentment coursed through his entire being. He no longer had to feel he was missing his 'other half', and he no longer had to damp down the rush of jealousy he experienced whenever he watched his sister interacting with her family. He had Mara now. Maybe, someday, they could expand the Skywalker family with a little one of their own. A thrilling, exciting notion flickered through Luke's mind. Maybe they could even start working on that right now... He reached for his wife, only to discover she was pushing him away. The loss of her warmth made him open his eyes, just as she turned on the cabin lights.
"Not now, Luke," Mara mumbled, sitting up on the edge of the bed and rubbing the still-sleepy expression from her face.
"Why?" he asked before he could stop himself. Inside, he cringed slightly, realizing he sounded like a petulant child. If he wanted to become a father, he'd have to work on that particular tone of voice.
Mara arched her eyebrow, trying to keep her expression somber, despite her inner amusement. "Because," she said sternly. "We're scheduled to come out of hyperspace in less than thirty minutes. So unless you trust Artoo to land my new ship in heavy Coruscant space traffic - which I can assure you isn't going to happen - we'd better get up."
"Our honeymoon was too short," Luke said with a sigh.
"It can't be helped," Mara replied with a laugh. "The galaxy needs you."
Reluctantly, Luke flung off the covers, shivering slightly in the cooler cabin air. Then a vague warning sense coursed through his body, and he shut his eyes as he tried to concentrate and focus on the Force.
"What's the matter?" Mara prodded, her voice becoming concerned.
Images flitted through the Jedi's mind. Bright lights, confusion, embarrassment...anger. The faces of Wedge, Iella, Corran, and Mirax mingled with Mara, Leia and Han. And they all seemed upset. Unfortunately, that was the extent of the Force-vision. Luke looked up at his wife. "I... I'm not sure."
"Are we in danger?"
"No," Luke replied quickly. That there was no danger seemed quite clear. But why would so many people he knew be so upset?
"Then what?" Mara asked as she got dressed.
The vision was gone, and although the warning tingle remained, Luke felt confident when he told Mara, "It was nothing. Don't worry about it."
Four hours later...
Leia threw her arms around Luke's neck, hugging him tightly. "Welcome home, brother!"
A second later, Han gave him a hard slap on his back. "Guess you're off the galaxy's most eligible bachelor's list, huh?"
"I think that happened a few weeks back, Solo," Mara shot back.
Han grinned at his sister-in-law. "Sometimes these rushed marriages don't survive the honeymoon, though."
"Rushed?" Luke spluttered out, before realizing Han was teasing.
"Once a farmboy, always a farmboy," Mara said with a sigh as Han and Leia laughed at Luke's expense.
"Are you hungry?" Leia questioned. "I'm making dinner, and there's plenty."
"You're making it?" Luke asked. "I just got finished with two weeks of Mara's cooking... don't you think I deserve - "
"Don't go there, Skywalker," Mara interrupted, her green eyes narrowing. "Unless you want to experience our first married fight."
"And learn the joys of sleeping on the sofa," Han added.
Leia put her hands on her hips. "So the men don't like our cooking? Is that what I'm getting here?" She looked at Mara, getting a wicked grin on her face. "Then I think they need to take us out to eat. Some place very nice."
"I hear the 'Starlayne Dinner Club' is excellent," Mara suggested.
"I hear it costs a small fortune," Luke put in, his warning sense feeling a sudden rebirth.
"That's a great idea," Leia told Mara. "I've wanted to eat there for months already, but nerf-herder here keeps complaining that it has a dress code." As a thought occurred to her, Leia's face lit up. "And you won't believe this, but just last week I received a coupon for the 'Starlayne.' Buy three meals, and you get the fourth free."
"Maybe it's not even a real coupon," Luke said thoughtfully. "It could be forged, you know."
"Forged?" Mara asked. "Who would bother forging coupons?"
"People will forge anything if they think they can get away with it," Han replied.
"You ought to know," Mara shot back.
"If they're sending out coupons, they're probably desperate for business," Han pointed out. "Besides, what kind of idiotic place makes you put on formal clothes to eat? Let's take the kids and go get a bantha-burger at the 'Space Rocket.' They don't care what you wear, and I have coupons for them, too. A free forty-five ounce fizzy drink with every Big Burp Burger."
Leia held up her hand to stop the argument. "Threepio will feed the children the dinner I made so it won't go to waste. You go get dressed up, flyboy. We're going out tonight and celebrating Luke and Mara's homecoming."
Glaring at Luke, Han muttered, "This is all your fault." Then his face got hopeful. "Maybe they won't have any tables available."
"Your wife's the President, Solo," Mara pointed out, rolling her eyes. "I doubt reservations will be a problem."
Han stomped off to the bedroom, defeated.
"Go home and get ready," Leia told her brother. "I'll make the reservations, and we'll pick you up in a couple of hours."
Mara grabbed Luke's arm, pulling him out of the room, and ignoring his protest, "I have a bad feeling about this..."
Two hours later...
The Offices of Baron Lando Calrissian, Director of The Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society. That's what the fancy scrollwork on the outer doorway bragged, anyway. Wedge Antilles pushed the gold button, listening as strands of a famous five-hundred year-old opera filled the wide, carpeted corridor. His wife, Iella, shook her head in awe or disgust - Wedge couldn't quite tell which.
"Lando likes things first-class," Wedge commented into the silence, shifting in his suit. Lando had insisted they come 'dressed in their finest.'
"Why does he want to see us?" she asked for what seemed to Wedge like the hundredth time.
"He didn't say," Wedge replied for what seemed like the hundredth and one time.
The door parted silently, and a shiny silver droid stood before them. "Welcome, General and Mrs. Antilles," the droid said formally. "I am C-4A2, Baron Calrissian's personal assistant. Please follow me." The droid waved his hand inside the huge main lobby. "The Baron is expecting you."
Wedge shrugged at his wife, then took her hand as they followed the droid past the lobby and down another long hallway. At the end of this hall was another dark terrelwood door with gold lettering stating - "Baron Lando Calrissian." The droid pressed a button, and Lando's voice came over a small speaker mounted outside the door. "Yes?"
"General and Mrs. Antilles have arrived," the droid informed his master.
There was silence for a few seconds before the door slid open, and Lando appeared, throwing his arms around Iella in a huge hug. "You look more beautiful each time I see you." He gave a wide grin at Wedge. "How did you get so lucky, you scowl-dog, to win the hand of such a refined beauty?"
"What do you want, Lando?" Wedge asked suspiciously.
Lando gave an affronted look. "Who, me?" He smiled back at Iella. "I'd just like to take my two friends out to dinner at the 'Starlayne Club,' that's all."
"The Starlayne?" Iella asked, impressed. "That's the hottest restaurant on Coruscant right now."
"Beautiful and brilliant," Lando gushed, nodding in approval. "So you'll come with me?"
"Isn't it extremely expensive?" Wedge questioned, warning bells madly ringing in his brain. Sometimes you didn't have to be Force-sensitive to know when something seemed wrong... terribly, terribly wrong.
Lando waved his hand dismissively. "Cost is no object. I'm part owner of the place, anyway."
"We'd love to go!" Iella said enthusiastically.
"And we'll be paying later, I'm sure," Wedge mumbled under his breath as he followed Calrissian and Iella toward the private landing dock.
The Starlayne Dinner Club
Just as Mara predicted, Leia had no problems getting reservations. When the two couples arrived, they were quickly escorted by the establishment's Bith host to a secluded, and strangely large, table overlooking the sparkling lights of the endless city.
Han opened the electronic menu, wincing slightly at the flashing, scrolling words that extolled the many offerings. "Eight hundred credits for one bottle of wine!" Han gasped. "Are they insane?"
"Look," Luke pointed out dryly. "Here's a more reasonable one... only five hundred credits. And you get a hint of citrus in the aroma, too."
"I wonder why it's so much cheaper, then," Han commented. "The eight hundred bottle doesn't come with a hint of citrus. Maybe citrus is a bad thing."
"Do you think they'd let us keep the bottle?" Luke wondered, trying not to laugh.
"For that much money, I want a vacation home overlooking the vineyard." Han squinted at the menu again. "How about we stick all the food on one check, and then order three salads? That way we can use the coupon for the expensive items, and we'll only have to pay for the lettuce." He pointed at the scrolling menu. "Look, one stupid salad costs twenty-five credits all by itself!"
"I don't think that's the intent of the coupon, Solo," Mara said. "It's probably very clear that you have to purchase three meals, not three salads."
"You don't know that," Han argued back, then looked at Leia. "Let me see that coupon."
"No," Leia hissed, pushing the coupon out of Han's reach. "You're not embarrassing me in front of the waiter."
"They haven't put down any water yet," Luke mumbled. "We could still go get those free fizzies with a Big Burp."
"And it'll only cost us twelve credits, tops," Han said, nodding. "A giant-sized bucket of tuber fries included."
"They call them Hyperspace Curls," Luke remarked wistfully. "I love those Hyperspace Curls... I think they're addictive."
"Yeah," Han agreed. "You practically need three hands to hold the Big Burp. This place probably serves up a nerf steak the size of my thumb, then sticks a weed on the side of it to fill up the plate."
"Are you two planning on complaining the entire meal?" Leia asked testily.
"As a matter of fact," Han replied, tugging at his tight collar. "Yes."
"One hundred and fifty credits for stuffed Nabooian bog-fungus appetizer?" Luke asked as he continued reading the flashy menu. "They'd have to pay me a hundred fifty credits to eat bog-fungus... I don't care what they stuff it with."
While Han snorted in laughter, Mara glared at her new husband. "Keep it up, and it'll be stuffed with a Jedi."
Leaning forward, Han whispered at Luke, "Better lay off the griping, kid. Your wife owns a lightsaber."
"So do I," Leia said threateningly toward her husband.
"Fine," Han muttered. "I'll stop complaining. But don't think for a second I'm takin' a loan out on the Falcon to pay for this meal."
"I doubt your ship is worth that much, Solo," a deep voice laughed from behind Han's shoulder.
Han twisted around in surprise. "Lando?"
The Baron Calrissian grinned broadly as he shook Luke's hand. "Welcome back, Luke... and the ever beautiful Mara Jade." He bent over, taking Mara's hand and kissing it gallantly. "You do know how heartbroken I am, now that Skywalker has stolen the most stunning creature in the galaxy right out from under my nose."
"Yes, Lando," Mara responded. "I can see you look completely devastated."
Lando put his hand up to his heart. "I am... truly." Then he looked over at Leia. "The esteemed President visiting my establishment. I can't tell you how much I appreciate what this type of publicity will do for 'The Starlayne.' I was just telling my dinner guests, Wedge and Iella, that this place is performing beyond my wild - "
"Wait a second," Han interrupted, sparing a sideways glare at Leia. "You own this place?"
"I didn't know that," Leia said a bit defensively, as she glared back at Han.
"Only a share of it... fifty-five percent, I believe."
"Wedge and Iella are here?" Luke questioned.
"And you're treatin' them?" Han added, somewhat indignantly.
"We just arrived," Lando explained. "I had no idea you were coming tonight." He eyed the expansive table. "In fact, I'd love to treat you, as well. Now that I'm paying for your meal, you won't be needing that coupon..." He started to reach for the small flimsy, but wasn't quite fast enough.
Han lunged forward, nearly knocking over his wine glass, and managed to snatch the coupon up before Lando could retrieve it. "No... we can save it for next time." He paused, then added, "Not that we're ever comin' here again."
The Baron gave Han a strained smile. "Of course. Feel free to use it next time. You wouldn't mind if the four of us joined you, would you?" Without waiting for a reply, he turned and headed toward the entrance.
"I knew that coupon was fake," Luke mused, pleased he was right.
"Lando's lying," Mara mumbled just loud enough to be heard.
"Lando? Lie?" Han said, feigning disbelief. "I'm shocked you would say such a thing, Mara. Shocked."
"Mara's right," Luke put in, his warning sense kicking up several notches. "Lando knew we would be here tonight. He probably sent us that phony coupon just to get us to come."
"That's not so odd he'd know we were coming. If he really is one of the owners, he could've had the maitre-d' alert him when any of us made a reservation," Leia commented. "But why is he acting like he wasn't expecting us?"
"Who cares," Han replied. "As long as he's payin', I can put up with whatever con job he's trying. Let's order the eight hundred credit bottle of wine, and the stuffed bog-fungus." He gazed at the menu for a few more seconds. "This broiled skrob appetizer looks mighty tempting, too. Especially at ninety-five credits."
"Well, it'll be good to see Wedge again," Luke said, trying to see the bright side of the situation. "And Iella is very sweet. I just can't help but worry that this meal isn't really going to be free."
"When it comes to Lando Calrissian, everything he does has some angle," Mara said.
The four looked over as Wedge, Iella, Lando and his fiancee, Tendra, made their way over to the table. Several waiters scurried over and rearranged the chairs and settings. Suddenly, the large table was no longer quite so roomy.
"Order whatever you like," Lando said, snapping his fingers and whispering to the Bith server. "Price is no object."
"That's what the man keeps saying," Wedge grumbled. "Free...free...free.."
"Isn't this nice?" Iella asked, smiling brightly, her eyes betraying a bit of worry. "We weren't expecting to see you here. But it sure is nice... anyway."
"It seems to be gettin' better and better," Han agreed with a straight face.
Lando leaned back, watching in pride as the waiter set the dessert aflame. "The perfect ending to the perfect meal," the Baron declared, patting his napkin at his lips.
The waiter served generous portions to the already stuffed patrons, then bowed and hurried away. Tendra took a small bite. "Isn't Lando's restaurant wonderful?" she said, unable to keep herself from bragging about her fiance's accomplishments. "He's such a fantastic businessman."
Iella brushed a stray blonde hair back behind her ear, then tasted the dessert. "I don't think I can eat another mouthful."
"I've got to admit, this has been one of the best meals of my life," Wedge said.
"Even the stuffed bog-fungus was superb," Mara remarked, then gave her husband a pointed look. "Right, dear?"
"Right," Luke agreed. "I think you have a winner with this restaurant. Everything was great."
"Especially the eight hundred credit bottle of wine," Han said, grinning.
"We managed to go through three of those," Lando commented, pulling another chilled bottle from the silver bucket. "Not to mention this first-class dessert wine."
"Really, Lando, you've been far too generous. Let us at least pay part of it," Leia said, ignoring her husband's finger poking her leg under the table.
"I wouldn't think of it," Lando objected. "I do, however, have a small request."
"Here it comes," Wedge grumbled under his breath, wincing as Iella kicked his ankle.
Tendra suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Maybe this isn't the best time..."
"If Lando needs a favor, we'll be happy to help," Leia said, frowning at Luke's sudden coughing fit. "Are you okay?"
"Su..sure," Luke managed to say between hacks. "Let's hear what this favor is first, before saying yes, though."
"Gotta agree with the kid," Han put in, leaning back in his chair. "Spill it, Lando."
"It's just a small thing, really," Lando said smoothly. "You've heard I'm the director of a modest organization called the Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society?" When the group nodded, Lando gave a wide grin. "I need your help with a fund raiser for the homeless sentients that live in the lower levels. Mostly children, I might add."
"First you ply us with expensive wine, then comes the plucking of our heartstrings," Mara remarked. "You never change, Lando."
"It's for a good cause," Tendra inserted defensively. "His group is completely upfront and legitimate."
"I never said it wasn't," Mara replied, not wanting to upset Tendra.
"You could have just asked," Luke added. "You didn't have to bribe us with a meal."
"Personally, I happen to like bribes," Han put in.
"What does this fund raiser involve?" Leia asked.
"A holothon."
Iella frowned in confusion. "What?"
"A holothon... our group holocasts throughout the galaxy in a big extravaganza. We'll have famous singers, comedians, holostars... all giving a performance while ordinary beings send in pledges for credits."
"Who do you have signed up so far?" Mara questioned.
"No one, yet."
"Sounds like you're off to a great start," Mara said, laughing.
"I don't sing," Wedge told Lando very emphatically.
"Leia's got a pretty good set of pipes," Han said, moving his chair away from his glowering wife.
"You could get Wes to be your comedian," Iella suggested.
"Maybe Mara and I could give a lightsaber demonstration," Luke added with a shrug. That sounded fairly harmless.
"Listen up," Lando roared out, then quickly lowered his voice. "I'm not putting on some lame amateur night when it comes to the entertainment."
"Then what do you need us for?" Luke questioned. "We'd be pretty lame at that stuff."
"A celebrity-type game show," Lando explained, grinning. "Famous husbands and wives in a game show. Instead of earning credits though, you'd get points. Before the game show portion, we take pledges based on the points each couple earns. Say... each correct answer is worth one hundred points, and you each answer five questions, ten for each couple. If you get all ten right, you'd have a total of one thousand points. Then the pledger... is that a word? .. sends in a thousand credits. Or they could just pledge half a credit per point, so the total they'd be obligated to would come to five hundred, tops. Or maybe we'd have more questions for fewer points. I haven't worked out all those little details."
"What type of questions?" Han asked suspiciously.
Tendra was the one that answered, "Oh, Lando already assured me it would be fun questions like 'what's your husband's favorite breakfast food,' which would be a question the wives would get asked."
"Then," Lando continued, "she'd write down on a vid-screen what she thought was the correct answer. After five more questions, the husbands would come out and actually answer each question, and then the screen is displayed with her answer on it."
"And if it's right, you get the points," Mara surmised quickly.
"Correct!" Lando gushed. "I can see you're going to do great on this show."
"Who said we were going to agree?" Luke asked, since his Force-warning was practically punching him in the nose at this point.
"If you say yes, then Lando will have a much easier time convincing big-name singers and celebrities to appear," Tendra pleaded. "Doesn't this sound like fun?"
"So it's just us?" Wedge asked. "The four couples at this table?"
"Unfortunately, Tendra and I can't participate, since I'm running the show, and it's husbands and wives," Lando replied. "But I'd like to have a fourth couple."
"Who?"
Lando smiled at Wedge. "Corran and Mirax, actually. Between you and Luke, I figured you could convince him to join in the merriment."
At the mention of Corran and Mirax, Luke felt a chill as the memory of his Force-vision flooded back into his thoughts. He barely heard Tendra speaking as he tried, in vain, to get Mara's attention.
"Will you?" Tendra begged. "Please?"
Leia and Mara exchanged helpless looks. If it had been just Lando pitching this scheme, it would have been easier to say no. But Tendra looked so... earnest.
"Han and I will do it," Leia said with a defeated sigh.
"HEY!" Han objected. "Don't I get a say in this?"
"So will we," Mara added, ignoring Luke as he was frantically shaking his head 'no.'
"Of course, Tendra," Iella answered. "We'd be honored."
"Rodders," Wedge muttered under his breath. "I knew it. Now we pay...pay... pay."
Luke restrained himself until he was back home with Mara. "We can't go on that game show."
"Why not?"
"My Force-vision... it had all of us in it. You, me, Leia, Han... Wedge and Iella, and Corran and Mirax. And that's exactly who Lando wants to appear on his show."
"I thought you told me there wasn't any danger, and I wasn't supposed to worry about it," Mara replied. "Now, all of a sudden, we're doomed if we answer a few simple little questions to help the poor? What's the real reason, Luke? Are you afraid we'll lose the game?"
"I don't care about the game," Luke shot back. "My vision had all the people in it that Lando wants... don't you understand?"
"Then I'll ask you again - are we in danger?"
"We're..." Luke trailed off. "We'll be in danger of, um, embarrassment."
"Oh. Well, we certainly can't be embarrassed now, can we?" Mara smiled sweetly. "What's my favorite breakfast food?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"If you're so afraid of a little embarrassment, we'll have to study."
"We can't do that!"
Mara frowned. "Why not?"
"That's cheating!"
Han thrust a flimsy and a writing stylus at his wife. "What's that for?" she asked, taking off her earrings.
"We need to cheat."
"What?"
"Well, not really cheat," Han clarified. "More like practice. So we don't lose."
"That doesn't seem fair," Leia responded, trying to keep from laughing.
"Fair? Since when is life fair? Never!" Han answered himself. "We can't lose, Princess. We've known each longer than any of those other couples. How will it look if you don't know my favorite breakfast food?"
"Corellian spiced nerf-sausages and scrambled rekken eggs. With hot sauce."
Han grinned, pleased. "You do know!"
"I know because I can't stand all that greasy, spicy Corellian garbage you love."
"But I'm sure Lando will ask other things... like, um..."
"Like what? We have no idea." Leia patted Han's arm. "Don't worry so much. I'm sure we'll do fine. We know what we like for breakfast."
"Right," Han said cheerfully. "What do you like, anyway?"
Leia threw her shoe at her husband.
"I TOLD you this wasn't going to be free!" Wedge yelled from the refresher. "I hate Lando!"
"It'll be fun," Iella replied. "Tendra said so."
"Tendra's in love. She'd say anything to make Lando happy."
"So, what does that mean?" Iella asked, her voice growing cool.
Wedge stuck his head out of the 'fresher. "Huh?"
"Obviously, you must not be in love with me. Right?" Iella questioned, crossing her arms. "Or you'd want to make me happy. Right?"
"Don't be stupid."
"STUPID?"
"Uh... that's the wrong word. Stubborn. That's what I meant...stubborn."
"So you think I'm stupid and stubborn? Anything else?"
This conversation wasn't going exactly the way Wedge envisioned. "I... I'm sorry?"
"Are you?"
"What do you want, Iella? I'll do anything you want me to," Wedge said, getting desperate. Sleeping on the sofa was looking like a strong possibility at this point.
"Order Corran to appear on the holothon."
"I can't do that!"
"Why not? You're his superior officer."
"But... ordering something like that isn't ethical. You know that."
"I agree," Iella responded. "So I'll convince Mirax, and you tell Corran how happy and excited you are to be on the game show. There won't be anything unethical about that."
"Happy. Excited," Wedge muttered unhappily. "Right...got it."
Dex's Diner
Corran Horn pushed through the heavy lunch crowd and made his way over to the booth where Wedge and Luke sat, sipping on beverages. The Corellian Jedi sat down beside Wedge, and greeted his companions. "Master Skywalker... General Antilles."
"This is lunch, Corran," Wedge informed him. "Not a formal meeting. So you can cut out the titles."
"Yes, sir," Corran returned with a mock salute and a genuine smile. "So, Luke, I imagine you had a great time on your honeymoon."
"Very nice," Luke supplied, fighting a grin as pleasant memories filled his mind. "We just got back yesterday afternoon."
A droid rolled up to their table, asking to take their orders. "Put his order on my tab," Wedge told the droid as he pointed toward Corran.
"You don't have to - "
"Sure, I do. We invited you, so I'm paying."
"But..."
"That's an order."
"You just told me to cut out the titles," Corran protested.
Wedge shrugged. "As your superior officer, I can change the rules on my whim."
The droid politely listened, then moved away after the orders were placed. Corran leaned back in his booth, his green eyes flickering back and forth between Luke and Wedge. "Something smells odd, and it's not the cooking in this grease pit. What's the problem?"
"Problem?" Luke asked quickly. "No problem. Just some friends getting together. Can't we do that?"
"Mirax got a call this morning from Iella and Mara, asking her to go shopping with them. Since when does Mara, or Iella for that matter, care to waste a day on shopping?"
"They might need some nice, new clothes for...uh, something," Wedge replied defensively. "You never know what might come up."
"Come up where?" a loud, very boisterious voice said from over Luke's shoulder. Sighing, Luke turned and faced the intruder.
"Hello, Wes."
"Lunch without Wes Janson being invited?" Wes spluttered out. "That's like a party without alcohol. Mind if I join you?" He pushed in next to Luke, and waved the wait-droid over. "I'll have your Daily Special, with an extra large ciyll-juicer. And make it snappy."
"Yes, sir," the droid replied, sounding a bit miffed.
"What are we talking about?" Wes asked, turning his attention back to the now-quiet booth.
"I have no idea," Corran returned. "Luke and Wedge seem nervous about something, though."
"We are not!" Wedge said, a bit too quickly.
"It's ... it's..." Luke started out, not knowing how to exactly approach this issue.
Wes held up a salt shaker to his lips, mimicking a holo-mike. "Live... from Dex's Diner! Gentle-beings of the galaxy, how often do we, the mere mortals of society, see the Great Jedi Master Luke Skywalker... tongue-tied?"
"Wes, you're a pain in the - " Wedge started out.
"Lando conned us into appearing on his holothon, and we're suppose to ask you to be the fourth couple," Luke inserted before Wedge could start shouting at Janson.
"We're supposed to act happy and excited, Luke," Wedge grumbled. "Can't you follow instructions?"
"Who is us?" Corran questioned. "And what is a holothon?"
"Us is me and Mara, Leia and Han, Wedge and Iella... and..."
"YOU!" Wes yelled loudly into the salt-shaker. "You... Corran Horn and the lovely Mirax! Come on DOWN!"
"Wes, I swear..." Wedge threatened.
"And the holothon is to raise money for Lando's aid group, so they can help the destitute children on Coruscant," Luke added. "So it's for a good cause. Really."
"What do we have to do?"
Wes leaned forward, sticking his salt-shaker in Wedge's face. "Yes. Answer the gentleman, General Antilles. To what levels will Jedi Horn and the lovely Mirax have to sink?"
Wedge snatched the shaker out of Janson's hand. "You're pushing it, Janson."
"Well, I'm hurt," Wes said, his lower lip sticking out in a pout, grasping his chest. "I'm not invited on this holothon."
"What do we have to do?" Corran repeated, ignoring Wes as best he was able.
"Just play a dumb game, where the wives get asked stupid questions about their husbands, and then find out if they were right," Luke explained. "Then, apparently, it's the husbands turn to answer questions about the wives."
"Easy questions," Wedge put in, frowning at some of Luke's descriptive phrases. "Like your favorite breakfast food. Things like that."
"And the points we earn are tied in to pledges for credits that the viewers comm in ahead of time," Luke continued. "So, really... it's just a simple thing."
"And it'll take just a few hours," Wedge added.
"So while I'm here, being strong-armed by you two, my poor wife is getting this deal shot at her by Mara and Iella. Now I understand."
"And the ladies will want new clothes for the holo-show," Wes surmised, grinning. "Kills two mynocks with one blaster-bolt."
"Will you do it?" Wedge practically begged. "I'll probably be sleeping on the sofa if you say no."
Corran grinned. "That might be worth it."
"I could order you to appear."
"And for one hundred credits under the category of 'Unethical Behavior'..." Wes shouted, half-standing and pointing at Wedge.
Wedge stood up, glaring at Wes, who scooted out of the booth. "Gotta go. Been nice chatting with you..."
"What about your lunch?" Luke called after Wes.
"Eat it... you'll be paying for it, anyway!"
Corran watched as Wes hurried out of the diner. "He's up to something."
"Yeah, I'm getting a bad feeling about him, too," Luke said. He turned back to Corran. "So will you and Mirax do this?"
"I will... but only if Mirax wants to."
Mirax picked at her salad, trying not to squirm under the intense, double-barrel pressure of Mara and Iella. "It's hardly fair, you know," she finally said.
"Fair?" Mara asked.
"You know... you got a very expensive meal at the Starlayne, and I'm just getting lunch at the Galaxy Gate."
"The Galaxy Gate is a nice restaurant," Iella argued, knowing it didn't compare to Lando's place. Of course, neither did the prices.
"And you promise the questions will be very simple?"
"That's what Tendra said," Mara replied. "I'm sure we can handle it."
"Will there be a live audience watching us?"
Mara and Iella exchanged puzzled looks. "We don't know."
"What day will it be held?"
"No idea."
"Are we expected to pledge credits?"
"Don't know."
Mirax sighed. "What do you know?"
"Tendra promised us we'd have fun," Iella replied, realizing how uninformed she was. Why, exactly, did they agree to this? "Maybe we can meet some famous actors and singers."
"Oh," Mirax said dryly. "I can just imagine how excited that will make Corran."
"So... how about it?" Mara prodded. "The good news is that the men absolutely hate this idea."
"You know," Iella said thoughtfully as a sudden - and slightly wicked - idea came to her. "This could work to our advantage. If the men get more questions wrong than we do, we could make them pay."
"How?" Mara asked, a little bit worried since she was the newlywed of the group. Making Luke 'pay' didn't seem like such a wonderful plan to her.
"Guilt, Mara," Iella said, laughing. "It's a great thing. If we can make them feel guilty because they don't know us as well as we know them -"
"Which I'm sure is true," Mirax inserted.
"- we can get another dinner at the Starlayne out of them. Guaranteed."
"That was a wonderful meal," Mara agreed.
"Will Leia go along with this?" Mirax asked.
Mara grinned. "Forcing her scoundrel husband back into stuffy, formal clothes, and make him pay actual credits to a restaurant that belongs to Lando of all people? She'll be thrilled."
"Then I wouldn't miss this little game for anything," Mirax declared, grinning. "Now, let's skip lunch and go directly to dessert."
Lando looked up from his desk, surprised to see Wes Janson standing in his office. "Janson? What brings you all the way over here?"
"I'd like to offer my assistance with your holothon."
"How did you find out -"
"I was at lunch with Luke and Wedge when they pitched your game at Corran," Wes replied, looking suspiciously innocent.
"Did he agree?"
"I think so, and that's when I had my idea for helping you," Wes said, then pretended to be upset as he added, "Since I can't be on the show and all."
"How would you like to help?"
"Oh... anything you'd need help with," Wes said sincerely. "I'm sure you have a million little things that need to be done. Hiring the holo-cam crew... finding a building large enough to hold your show... writing the questions for the game show ... Are you going to have a live audience? That always makes things more interesting... instant, live feedback. I could print the tickets up, and distribute them to friends and family. You know... important beings you'd like to have in attendance."
"Those sound like great ideas, Wes," Lando replied happily. "I am swamped here, so anything you'd like to do, just tell my assistant in the next room."
Wes smiled and gave Lando a salute. "I'm more than glad to help, my friend."
Two months later...
The Coruscante D'Grandious Hotel had leased out all its available meeting space and nearly every guest suite to The Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society's First Annual Charity Holothon organizers. Banners and holoscreens had been advertising the event for weeks now, and the 'Net had been saturated with endless pleas for donations.
Lando had successfully signed up several dozen 'big name' stars, and the entertainment lineup was first-rate. The highlight of the day-long event would be the 'game show,' which had been tentatively titled: 'Heroic Spouses of the New Republic - How Well Do They Know Each Other?' This title was strongly pushed by Wes Janson, despite Lando's complaint it was too wordy. Wes had then suggested, 'Bet the Rent on Eternal Bliss or Imminent Divorce.' Lando had not been amused. Eventually, Lando had decided on the cute and harmless, 'Perfect Pairs.' Perky ads showing those famous faces flashed across holoscreens - all smiling and happy - as the background voice of Lando urged people to call in pledges based on how many 'points' their favorite couple would earn.
After some consideration (and another suggestion by Wes) Lando had concluded that each wife and husband team would answer five questions per person, each right answer worth fifty points, then a second round would raise the 'points' to one hundred per question, and the questions would become more difficult. Therefore, each couple would answer ten questions per spouse, twenty total, with one bonus question at the very end worth 500 credits, for a total possible score of 2,000. The pledges could be based on as little as one-half credit per point.
Lando had worked the holocomm relentlessly in order to get pledges from prominent beings. Mon Mothma had picked Wedge and Iella, General Rieekan went with Han and Leia, Borsk Fey'lya had pledged credits with all four couples, Talon Karrde had gone with Luke and Mara, and Booster Terrik had, of course, bet on Corran and Mirax. All these beings had been given complimentary 'tickets' to watch the show live. Other tickets had been given to members of Rogue Squadron, New Republic politicians and important business-beings, and some had been 'auctioned off' to the general public. The five thousand seat auditorium had been sold out for weeks.
In the days leading up to the show, Lando had repeatedly asked Wes for the game show questions he'd prepared. Wes always had some excuse why he wasn't able to produce those questions. This annoyed Lando, but he was far too busy and distracted to push the issue, especially since Wes guaranteed everything would be fine.
Now it was finally the day of the show. In his private suite, Lando brushed a tiny speck of lint off his burgandy cape, then straightened up his silk shirt. A soft knock finally tore his eyes off the mirror, and he cleared his throat before asking, "Who is it?"
"Wes," came the muffled reply.
"Come in."
Wes entered the dressing room, whistling in admiration. "You're really going to pull this off, aren't you?"
"Of course," Lando replied, irritated. "Why would you think otherwise?"
"Well..." Wes pursed his lips in thought, then changed the subject. "All the guests are seated, and the first act is getting set up. Five minutes until you're on. Billions and billions of beings will be watching, so don't be nervous."
Lando gave a slight smile. "I'm not nervous. Do you have the questions?"
"What questions?"
The look of sheer panic on the Baron's face made Wes crack up. "Of course I've got the list of game questions. Do you want to review them?"
The comlink on Calrissian's table buzzed, and he quickly replied to the caller, "Yes?"
"We need you on stage, Baron," the director's firm voice ordered. "Now."
"I don't have time," Lando mumbled to Wes before taking one last look in the mirror. "Just hand them to the director later."
As Lando hurried out the door, Wes grinned. "No problem," he said with a chuckle.
Later that day, in the secluded suite reserved for the men contestants -
"I think I'm going to be sick," Wedge complained as he held his stomach. "Do you know how many beings will be watching us? Lando said BILLIONS!"
"Wedge, you've flown in battle against two Death Stars and countless Imperial fighters," Luke pointed out. "That's got to be more nerve-racking than this. It's just a dumb game."
"Dumb?" Wedge shook his head. "I don't think our wives think it's dumb. I could've sworn I heard Iella whispering on the holo-com a few nights ago to Mirax. They're scheming..."
"You're imagining things," Luke replied.
"I don't think so, kid," Han argued. "Leia's been lookin' at me funny lately."
"Can you blame her?" Corran muttered. "I saw Isolder in the audience earlier. It probably just occurred to her she's stuck with you forever, when she could have had a handsome Prince."
"Hey," Han informed Corran, flexing his biceps. "Leia's married to the hottest Corellian in the galaxy."
"In your twisted fantasies, Solo," Corran returned. "Actually, I'm the hottest."
"You?" Wedge laughed. "Iella doesn't think so."
"Iella doesn't think I'm good-looking?" Corran asked, offended.
Luke shook his head in dismay. "Being locked up in a room with three Corellians is frightening. But I think Corran has a point, anyway."
"There is no way Corran is hotter than me," Han objected.
Luke glared at his brother-in-law. "I meant about the women plotting something. Mara's been shielding her feelings from me a lot lately. It's not like her."
"What do you think they're planning?" Corran wondered.
"Simple," Wedge replied. "They want to make us look bad by proving they know us better than we know them."
"Then we've got to match more of their answers than they do of ours. It's a matter of honor," Corran declared.
"Guys, this is a charity fundraiser. The idea is for all of us to match as many answers as we can," Luke said, trying to be the voice of reason. With three stubborn Corellians, he wasn't sure 'reason' was possible.
"Ah, kid, you worry too much," Han said dismissively. "According to Lando, pledges are so high that if we only match a tenth of the questions, they'll be able to pave the underground streets in gold. 'Sides, think of it this way - the more questions we get right, the more credits come rollin' in, and if we get more right than the women, they won't be able to flaunt their superior knowledge in our faces. It's a win-win situation."
There was something a bit off-kilter about that argument, but then Wedge and Corran quickly agreed with Han. Once again, that long-ago Force-vision floated back to the surface of Luke's mind. But it was too late to prevent this snowball from becoming an avalanche.
.
