In the secluded suite with the women contestants...

"Ever since we agreed to do this, Han's been trying to get me to practice with him," Leia told the other three women. "I can't tell you how annoying he's been lately, following me around and asking me non-stop questions about my favorite color, perfume... you name it."

"Have you been practicing?" Mara questioned Leia.

"That would be cheating," Iella pointed out before Leia could respond.

"No," Leia answered Mara, feeling slightly miffed. "I don't cheat."

"And we won't need to cheat in order to get more questions right than they do," Mirax said.

"This is supposed to be fun," Mara tried to point out. "I don't think we should make this a secret war - women versus men."

"Newlyweds," Mirax muttered, shaking her head. "Mara, once you've been married for a few years, you'll understand married life better. I really need to get more questions right than Corran, or he'll never feel guilty enough to take me to the Starlayne for dinner."

"Wedge would never have taken me," Iella said. "Not without Lando's offer to pay."

"You have to admit, spending nearly two thousand credits for two meals is rather extravagant," Mara pointed out. "I had no idea the prices were so high, or I would never have suggested it."

"Besides, it's not just winning to get an expensive meal," Mirax told Mara. "It's the point of proving that we know them better than they know us. They've got egos the size of the maw, and it's our job to prevent them from getting even bigger."

"Not Luke," Mara protested.

Mirax and Iella looked doubtful, but Leia agreed, at least in part. "Okay, Mara. Luke's ego isn't bigger than the maw's. But you can't tell me he doesn't have a small one."

That comment made Iella and Mirax grin and Mara felt her face flush before she muttered, "We're talking about egos."

"Ladies, we cannot let the men show us up," Iella declared as Leia and Mirax both nodded in agreement. "We'd never hear the end of it."

"Right. Don't think for one minute that they're not plotting against us, in their own feeble way," Mirax added.

Mara felt another rush of guilt as she thought about her kind-hearted husband, sitting innocently in the next room. "Luke would never plot - "

"He's a man, isn't he?"

"Yes, absolutely," Mara agreed with a grin. "Very manly." Luke wasn't so innocent in everything he did, so maybe the other women were right...

Shaking her head, Leia spoke up, "Mara, he's my brother, and I love him dearly. But even Luke has a streak of pride in him. How many chances is he going to get to best you in a galaxy-wide holocast?"

"This is definitely going to be the only one."

"My point exactly."


The men were led onto the stage minutes after the ladies had taken their seats. Four rather comfortable sofas were placed facing the audience, each one positioned about three feet away from the other. A small screen had been placed on a stand directly in the center of each sofa, where they would write down their answers, and then the display would go blank. Those answers would be displayed on a large screen directly behind the sofas only after the spouse gave their response. The spouses would then be able to read the smaller screen to see if their answers matched. This screen would also keep track of the point total of each couple, since that is what pledges were being based upon.

Lando bowed dramatically to the wild applause that accompanied the famous spouses on stage. He had been hosting this holothon for hours already, and was getting a bit tired, but since this was the last big event, the Baron felt a renewed surge of energy as the director handed him a nerf-leather binder with the prepared questions. Grinning, Lando introduced all the couples, and then laid out the rules of the game.

"And I'm very pleased to announce that we've had nearly three million beings scattered throughout the galaxy comm in pledges based on the point accumulation of their favorite perfect pair!" Lando declared grandly. "If our couples even answer half these simple questions correctly, we'll be collecting over five hundred million credits!"

This proclamation was greeted with thunderous applause, and Lando beamed down at the New Republic leaders sitting in the front row.

"Now, if the gentlemen will be so kind as to follow my lovely fiancee, Tendra, off-stage to the sound-proof room on the right, we will begin the game!" Lando waited while the men trudged back off, trying to ignore their death-glares in his direction. They'd be thanking him later for this, he was quite certain.

"Okay," Lando said, half facing the audience and half facing the women still seated on their sofas. "Let's begin... remember, these first five questions are worth fifty points each. If your answers match with your spouse, you'll earn two hundred and fifty points!"

He waited for the wild audience cheers to quiet down, then flipped open the dark binder. "And the first question..." He looked down, quickly scanning the top flimsy before looking up, smiling widely. "What will your husband say is your favorite dessert?"

Lando waited while the women paused in thought, then scribbled on their screens. "Are you done? Good! The second question...what color was the last vegetable you ate?" That was rather bizarre, but Lando shrugged. It couldn't be too easy now, could it?

Flipping the page, he frowned a bit at the third question. "Will your husband admit he notices other women when he's out in public with you?" All four women gave him a decidedly uncomfortable look, and the audience laughed. Still, they wrote something down.

Clearing his throat, Lando turned the sheet and read question number four. "Would you say you're a more feminine woman, or he's a more masculine man?" Loud laughter from the audience followed this question. Lando was starting to wonder if Wes had been taking spice while he'd been writing these questions. However, the audience seemed to be enjoying this, which would mean the holo-net audience wouldn't lose interest, either. The four ladies laughed along with the audience, then wrote down an answer.

"Now for the last question of round one," Lando said, feeling a bit of relief. "Your first impression of your husband was of a little boy, a big boy, a bad boy, or a good boy?" Boy? Lando wondered, re-reading the question.

The ladies quickly wrote, their expressions that of vague desperation to exit the stage. Lando slammed the folder shut and smiled. "Now, if you'll follow Tendra to the left side of the stage to your sound-proof room, we'll bring out the men to answer their five questions."


"What the hell was that all about?" Mirax grumbled the second that Tendra shut the door to their sound-proof waiting room.

"Did Lando think those questions were funny?" Iella snapped. "If he did, he's got a lot to learn."

Leia groaned and sat down. "Other women? Bad boys?"

"And questioning their masculinity?" Mara added, her green eyes blazing. "Lando's going to be the one questioning his own masculinity when I'm done with him."

"No wonder he wouldn't be one of the contestants," Mirax muttered. "Doesn't he know we have to go home tonight with our husbands?"

"The first two questions were what I expected," Leia remarked. "But then..."

"Then those last three," Mara finished for her. "Luke isn't going to be happy about this. I can hear him already...'Mara, a Jedi must be more dignified than that...' he'll be lecturing me when we get home."

"Han won't be lecturing... he'll be yelling, 'I told you so,'" Leia said with a sigh. "I hate it when that nerf is right."

"We can forget about ever going back to the Starlayne," Iella grumbled.

"Going back?" Mirax said. "At least you got to go once. I'm just glad the lights prevented me from seeing my father's expression."

"Don't you wonder what questions Calrissian is asking our husbands?" Mara asked.


"Welcome back, gentlemen!" Lando boomed out, taking a new binder from the worried-looking director. "If you're ready, we'll plunge right into your five questions, then bring the ladies back out and reveal everyone's answers."

When the men just gave grunts in response to this statement, Lando flipped the binder open and read the first question. "What pet nickname does your wife usually call you, and what pet nickname do you call your wife?"

"Hey, that's easy," Han yelled, grabbing the stylus. Then he hesitated, staring at the screen. "But there are so many..."

"No talking!" Wedge protested. "Tell Solo no talking!"

"No speaking until your wives come back out on stage," Lando said firmly. "I thought we went over these rules."

"You know what you can do with your rules, Calrissian," Han grumbled, while Corran nodded in agreement.

"Are we done?" Lando demanded while the men looked blank, then finally wrote something down. "Let's move on to question two. Are there more holo's in your home of you, her, or the two of you together?"

"Who wrote these stupid questions?" Wedge asked loudly.

"No talking!" Corran and Han yelled at the same time.

Luke groaned, wishing he could concentrate. "What was that question again?"

Grinding his teeth, Lando repeated the question. After tapping his fingers impatiently for several long minutes, he continued, "Did you get married closer to the date she or you wanted?"

"Which time?" Corran asked loudly.

Han raised his hand, then asked without waiting, "Does kidnapping count toward this answer?" This brought a huge roar of laughter from the audience, and stony silence from the host.

Gripping the binder, Lando read question number four. "What is the one demand of yours that she keeps ignoring, and you're getting upset about?"

Corran leaned over, squinting at Wedge's screen. "He's cheating!" Wedge shouted.

"Am not!"

"Keep your eyes on your own screen, gentlemen!" Lando ordered. "Question five. And then we can bring out your poor wives. Gentlemen, when you first got married, were your wife's culinary skills better than you expected, the same as you expected, or worse than you expected?"

"What type of question is that?" Wedge demanded. "I can't answer that!"

"Just answer it, Wedge," Luke said out of the side of his mouth. "The sooner we get finished, the sooner we can go home."

"Well, at least I have the Falcon to go back to tonight," Han grumbled as he wrote his answer down. "And none of you are invited, either."


Tendra smiled and waved at the boisterous audience as she brought out the four wives, then escorted them to their seats next to their husbands.

Mara noticed Luke's apprehension through the Force almost immediately, but stuck by the rules of 'no talking' until after the answers were read. She was also determined not to communicate through their Force-bond, since that would be highly unethical, even if they didn't 'discuss' the questions.

"Alright, then," Lando said, shifting on his feet nervously. "Let's get right to the ladies' questions and see how well they know their perfect mates'. Once I read the question again, the men will give their answer out loud while the screen behind them displays their wives' answers. Please notice that the screen is placed so that only our audience can see it, and not the spouse. Gentlemen, after you give your answer, your wife's response will show up on the screen in front of you, and keep in mind correct answers are worth fifty points." Lando held up the flimsy and read the first innocent question about desserts. "Corran, please answer now."

Corran grinned confidently. "Easy as pie... tanzie-cream pie!"

The audience let out loud hoots of laughter, since they could see Mirax's answer, and Mirax looked surprised. "Pie?"

"You ate a piece a few nights ago," Corran pointed out.

"You brought it home from the store," Mirax responded. "It's not my favorite!"

Corran looked down at the screen, which was now displaying Mirax's answer. "Crinkle Cake?"

"So Corran's answer was incorrect," Lando said. "Too bad. Let's move on to Han."

The ex-smuggler leaned back on the seat, his face one of sheer confidence. "Neat-o Whip!"

"Neat-o Whip?" Leia spluttered. "That's not even a dessert... it's just a dessert topping!"

"Hey," Han protested. "I squirt it in my mouth all the time for a quick dessert."

"It's not Neat-o Whip," Leia snapped. "It's creamed letten pudding."

Han made a face. "That slimy poo-doo?"

"I can see we're off to a great start," Lando interrupted. "Let's move on to Wedge, now."

"Hmmm," Wedge mumbled, then finally decided. "Ryshcate."

Iella beamed as the audience clapped. "Yes!"

"Well, finally," Lando grumbled. "One right. Luke?"

Having had the advantage of some extra time to ponder the question, Luke piped right up. "Berry-bliss ice-cream!"

"I'm impressed," Mara whispered, pleased Luke knew the answer despite the female 'plot.'

Relieved that a few points now showed up on the tally board, Lando moved on to question two, which failed to move the points much higher. All the men said the last vegetable color their wives ate was 'green,' and only Corran guessed right. This moved the couples into a three-way tie, with only Han and Leia having no points at all. Han was getting worried.

Leaning over, he whispered, "I told you we should have practiced."

"Question three," Lando said loudly, glaring at Han. "Will your wife say you notice other women when you're out in public with her? Han?"

Flushing, Han slouched down on the sofa. "I don't notice other women." Then he added a bit defensively, "But there ain't nothin' wrong with just looking!"

Leia snorted in disgust.

"Wrong again, Han," Lando groused. "Are you even trying? Luke...you're next."

"No," Luke spoke up quickly. "I don't look at other women... why should I? I'm married to the most beautiful - "

"Bottle the space-dust," Mara interrupted. "You're wrong."

"But I don't look at other women!"

"Jedi aren't supposed to lie, Master Luke," Corran informed Luke, smirking.

"Corran? Your answer, please," Lando requested.

"I'd say she'd write down that I do notice," he answered, then quickly added, "But I don't."

"So much for Jedi not lying," Luke muttered.

"Very good answer," Mirax said, nodding. "Now we'll have to work on that issue, though..."

"But we're winning!"

Lando shook his head. "Wedge?"

"I'd never, ever look at another woman!"

"Wedge!" Iella shouted. "You are such a - "

"Okay, folks," Lando quickly inserted. "On to the next question..."

The feminine woman versus masculine man question created another stir. Wedge tried putting things right with Iella by telling her she was more feminine, which actually was her answer. Corran refused to back down, claiming he was more masculine. Amazingly, this was also correct. Luke told Mara she was more feminine - another wrong answer, and Mara was getting annoyed. Han was too proud to say anything besides he was more masculine, and was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek for finally getting a question right.

The last question the men had to answer was the 'boy' question.

Corran was asked to go first. "Big boy. No question."

Mirax sighed as the screen flashed 'Bad boy.'

After Lando pointed at Luke, the Jedi pursed his lips, staring off into the overhead lights. "Little boy... although I hope that opinion has changed since our honeymoon."

"Good boy!" Mara snapped, swatting her husband as the audience chuckled at Luke's remark. Didn't he know her at all?

"It's your turn, Wedge," Lando instructed the General.

"Uhhh... good boy?" Wedge felt he was certainly as good as Mara seemed to think Luke was.

Iella shook her head. "Little boy."

"Little?" Wedge questioned, annoyed. "In what way?" This response drew a huge roar from the auditorium, and Wedge slumped down in embarrassment as he glared at Luke for putting that idea for 'little' in the mind of the audience.

Last came Han's turn. "Bad boy."

The Princess smiled. "Way to go, flyboy!"


"And now for the men's questions," Lando declared. The nickname question was read to the women, and Leia was told to answer first. Both answers had to be correct in order to count.

"Scruffy and Princess."

"How many times do I have to tell you... I'm NOT scruffy looking!" Han shot back. "The answer was scoundrel. Scoundrel and Your Worshipfulness!"

"And how many times have I told you I don't like that nickname?" Leia hissed out.

Next came Iella. "Flyboy, and... sweetie?" Wedge let out a whoop, and the audience cheered.

Mirax frowned in thought. "Corsec and Cuddles."

Corran shook his fist in the air. "Yes!"

The pressure was on Mara, since they were now way behind in points. "I call Luke 'Farmboy,' and he calls me..." She stopped, trying not to blush.

"You have to answer, Mara," Lando prodded.

"Red," she said finally.

"You know I don't call you Red," Luke protested. "It's Moonie-dew!"

"You TOLD them you call me MOONIE-DEW?" Mara yelled, making Luke flinch. "You promised me you'd never tell anyone! Now the entire galaxy knows! Rodders!"

Lando looked over at the director. "Did you get that word bleeped out?"

"I thought we were trying to win," Luke grumbled. "Now we're even further behind..."

The number of holo's in the house went a bit smoother, and for the first time all of the answers matched. The next question about wedding dates was slightly rockier...

"We got married when he wanted to," Mirax said with certainty.

"Which time?" Corran growled out, annoyed that she'd answered incorrectly. "I wanted to wait..."

Eye's wide, Mirax shouted, "WHAT?"

"We got married on the Lusankya because you couldn't wait for a normal wedding on Coruscant!" Corran argued."Who needs two weddings, anyway? I tried telling you we should wait until everyone could attend, but you just had to push it."

"Let's move on," Lando quickly injected. "Mara?"

"When he wanted to," Mara replied. "I thought I'd die of old age waiting."

Luke gave a nervous laugh, but was pleased Mara answered correctly.

"Iella?" Lando asked.

"We got married when I wanted to."

"I love you, sweetie," Wedge gushed.

Last was Leia's response. "I'd have to say we got married when Han finally wanted to...after I took drastic measures."

"Drastic measures?" Han questioned, ignoring the fact Leia got the answer right.

"You don't think I really intended to marry some Prince I hardly knew, did you?"

A refined Hapan male voice rose from the audience. "Hey! You used me?"

"On to the next question," Lando told everyone. "What is the one demand of your husband that you keep ignoring, and he's getting upset about? Mara?"

"Not sleeping with my lightsaber under the pillow."

"It is dangerous, love," Luke pointed out, giving her a quick kiss as the audience cheered.

"Mirax?" Lando asked. "You're next."

"I always take more than my share of the blanket at night," she replied, hopefully.

Corran gave a dramatic groan. "The blanket? What about always using my special shampoo?"

"Oh... yes. That, too."

"Too bad, Mirax," Lando said sadly. "Leia?"

"Spending more time with him, and less time with politics," Leia answered.

"And you plan on continuing to ignore me and spend all your time with politics, huh?"

"Of course, scruffy," Leia said, proud of her correct response.

"And last but not least... Iella. What's your answer?" Lando questioned.

"I don't put things away in the cupboard in alphabetical order, and according to size."

"You didn't have to tell them that!" Wedge grumbled. "I said you don't put the silverware down in the right place on the table."

"You're weird, boss," Corran said, leaning over and grinning.

"And this is the last question for round one - ladies, when you first got married, were your culinary skills better than he expected, the same as he expected, or worse than he expected? Iella?"

"The same."

"And the Antilles are back on track!" Wedge bragged.

Lando nodded. "Mirax?"

"The same."

Corran grinned. "Corellian women are the best cooks in the galaxy." This was met with scattered applause throughout the audience.

"And Leia?"

"Better. Much better."

Han shook his head. "Princess... cooking has never been one of your better talents."

"You're going to pay for this, Solo," Leia threatened, reading his scrawled 'worse.'

"I already am," Han muttered, thinking about how this entire holothon happened because he'd insulted Leia's cooking and ended up at the Starlayne. Life could be cruel.

"And for the last response of round one... Mara!"

"Worse," she admitted.

"I love your cooking!" Luke argued, as his answer of 'better' flashed up.

"Better?" Mara questioned sharply. "So you weren't expecting much to being with?"

"That's not what I meant," Luke said, his eyes pleading for mercy. "I meant I love your cooking."

Mara shook her head. "You'd eat anything... what kind of endorsement is that?"

Lando waved his hand at the tally board. "It appears the ladies definitely matched more than their husbands did... the grand total for round one is Wedge and Iella Antilles with three hundred points, Corran and Mirax Horn tied for first with three hundred points...Han and Leia Solo with two hundred and fifty points, and Luke and Mara Skywalker right behind with two hundred points."

Mara leaned over toward her husband. "Last place! How embarrassing is that?"

"It's just a game..." Luke started, then trailed off at Mara's icy glare. "We'll do better in round two," he promised.


Borsk Fey'lya snickered as he watched the women being led off stage. "This is going to ruin her career," he cackled under his breath.

General Rieekan heard the comment, and instantly defended the Princess. "Why should it? This is just for fun and charity. Good, clean fun."

"And my daughter is in first place," Booster bragged. Although he didn't admit it, some of those questions made him rather uncomfortable. There were things a father just shouldn't know about his daughter and her husband.

Talon Karrde leaned forward. "I still think Mara and Luke will pull it off."

"No way," Booster argued. "Mirax has this wrapped up and delivered."

"Care to make a wager?"

"I'd love to."

"Gentlemen," Mon Mothma admonished. "This is a charity event. Not some poor excuse for gambling."

"No, it's just a poor excuse for entertainment," Fey'lya grumbled.

"A thousand credits on the Skywalkers," Karrde said, ignoring Mothma.

"You got yourself a bet," Terrik shot back.

"She never intended to marry me!" Isolder muttered from his seat between his seething wife and Mon Mothma. "Can you believe that?"


"Last place," Mara griped, pacing the waiting room. "If that farmboy doesn't start knowing some of those answers..."

"Wait a minute," Mirax interrupted. "We don't want them to know more than us."

"That's what you think," Mara shot back. "You're in first place, so it doesn't matter to you."

"I never knew you were this competitive, Mara," Leia said.

"At least Luke loves my cooking," Mara told her hotly. "Unlike Solo."

"He was just being kind," Leia said, irritated. "He told you he never looks at other women, too."

"So did your husband! And your husband said lots of really stupid things out there."

"Like what, Moonie-dew?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Uh... ladies?" Iella inserted. "Why are we fighting?"

"This isn't for credits, Mara," Mirax pointed out. "It's just points."

"And pride!" Mara yelled. "The point is I have a little pride!"

"We know," Leia muttered.

Mara glared at her sister-in-law. "What?"

"Come on," Iella cajoled. "We have to stick together. Us against them."

The three women looked at Mara expectantly. Finally, she gave up. "Us against them," she agreed reluctantly.


Meanwhile, back on the stage, Lando took the next binder from the director. "Round two, gentlemen. All points are now doubled at one hundred. So even if you're in last place," he said, looking pointedly at Luke, "you can still easily catch up. Try to get more right this time. We want that charity money to roll in." He opened the binder. "And the first question for round two is, what is the last thing you denied doing, but really did?"

"You want us to admit to something like that?" Corran asked in horror.

"How about we beat up Calrissian after the show, and deny doing it?" Wedge suggested.

This made the audience laugh loudly, and Lando smiled. The director had whispered earlier to him that the ratings were going steadily up, and the holocomms were lighting up with new pledges. Despite a few inappropriate questions in round one, things were going better than Lando could have hoped for. "It would be too late to use that in the game, Wedge," Lando replied lightly.

"You think that's gonna matter?" Han grumbled, staring at his screen.

"We're not supposed to be talking," Luke reminded the Corellians. A wave of hostility rose up from his friends, and for a second Luke considered taking out his lightsaber for protection.

"Hurry up, gentlemen," Lando said with a sigh. "We don't have all night. Next question..."

"WAIT!" Luke yelled. "I can't think of anything!"

"Of course not," Han said sarcastically. "Since when does perfect little Lukie need to deny anything?"

"I am not perfect!"

"Maybe you can use that as your answer," Wedge suggested. "Luke denies he's perfect, but he really is."

"Why is everyone picking on me?" Luke protested.

"QUIT TALKING!" Lando shouted, getting angry. Composing himself, he continued, "Since you've been married, is your wife nagging more, uh... sagging more, bragging more or gagging more?"

"Oh, sure," Corran said, groaning. "We're all going to put down 'sagging,' right?"

"The next person that talks out loud is disqualified!" Lando warned. The audience let out a loud, long boo, and he belatedly realized that threat was rather pointless. Disqualifying would only hurt the holothon, and he was certain the men would be more than happy to leave at this point. "Maybe not disqualified," he amended. "But I'll put tape over your mouth."

"Have I mentioned yet that I hate this game?" Han griped, his eyes daring Lando to do something about his talking. "Have I mentioned I hate you, too?"

Lando wisely did nothing. "Are you done yet? Actually, I don't care if you're not... on to the next question. What comes to mind first when you think of her, err... chest?" He hesitated while the four men glared vibro-blades at him and the audience howled. "Mountains, boulders or pebbles?" He really was going to have to kill Wes when this show was over. Maybe he'd even hire Boba Fett to do the job right.

Luke jumped to his feet, his face red. "I'm not answering that!" He turned and informed Han, "And you're not answering that about my sister, either!"

"You have to answer," Lando ordered, yelling to be heard over the audience. "It's part of the rules!"

"Calm down, kid," Han said, trying to soothe his upset friend. "It's just a game."

"A dumb game, I believe is how you described it to me," Corran inserted.

"A dumb game that billions are watching," Han warned, nodding toward the holocamera.

Seething, the Jedi took his seat, chanting under his breath, "There is no anger, there is only peace... there is no anger..."

"Speak for yourself, Skywalker," Wedge said, scribbling down an answer.

With great trepidation, Lando flipped the page and read question number four. "Which is truer lately in the romance department - she's been making more excuses, or you've been making more excuses?"

"You're the one with no excuse, Calrissian," Corran informed the now sweating host.

Booster Terrik's voice shouted from the audience. "I know where you live, Horn, and I have a code-key to your apartment. Just remember that as you're answering these questions."

The men slowly wrote down responses, then slammed their writing styluses down on their screens. "This is the last question," Lando croaked out. "And I'm sure we're all glad to hear it. Fill in the following blank... my wife's blank is so deadly, that she ought to carry a warning sign."

"That one is easy," Luke said with a sigh of relief, quickly writing something down and ignoring his flustered friends yelling in his direction, "EASY?"


Han sank down with a thud on the waiting room's sofa. "I hate Lando. Why do I keep getting involved with him? Why did I agree to do this?"

"This wasn't our fault," Wedge pointed out. "This was our wives' idea. And we're going to make sure they never, ever live this down."

Corran perked up. "So we can twist this to our advantage?"

"Of course," Wedge replied. "When we get home, we lay on the guilt. They'll be so humiliated at what happened, we'll be living like kings for months and months. Breakfast in bed... foot rubs..."

"Hot love-making," Han added.

"HAN!" Luke yelled, mortified. "That's my sister you're talking about!"

"Yeah, kid," Han said with a snort. "Those kids of ours just appeared by your Force hocus-pocus..."

"Gentlemen," Corran interrupted. "We need to plan our real revenge... against Calrissian."

"Revenge is..." Luke started to say, then changed his mind. "Oh, kest. Let's start planning."


Baron Lando Calrissian mopped his forehead as the wives trouped back onstage, then forced a smile on his face. After all, they had been much easier to deal with during round one. "Ladies... welcome back! Your husbands have finished up and now it's your turn in the spotlight again. Question one... it would be totally out-of-character for my husband to blank."

"Blank?" Mirax questioned blankly.

"You replace the word 'blank' with your answer," Iella answered before Lando could explain.

Mirax nodded. "Ah."

The women hesitated for a moment, then wrote down answers. Lando felt a wave of relief that the question didn't seem to upset them. "Question two... before you married him, did he toy more with women's affections, or did you toy more with men's affections?"

The ladies smiled tightly, and Lando could tell the question irritated them, then they scribbled on the screen.

Taking a breath, Lando turned the page. "What is the one thing he's hoping you won't tell us about him, because it doesn't match his macho image of himself?"

"I love this question," Mirax stated as she wrote. "Corran thinks he's so macho, anyway."

"Not just Corran," Leia said. "Han lives for his macho image."

"Luke is very secure with his own masculinity," Mara informed them. "He doesn't need to act like that."

"You can sure tell she's a newlywed," Iella muttered, writing down her answer.

For a moment, Lando considered reminding them of the 'no talking' rule, then shrugged. Why bother, when the men had so blatantly disregarded the rule? "When you first married him," he continued on. "You had to take him as he is, which unfortunately includes his blank."

"That could be so many things," Leia mused, and everyone laughed before she realized she'd spoken aloud.

After giving them a minute, Lando hurriedly read the final question, eager to get this game over with. "The first time you saw your husband in his life-day suit..." He was interrupted by the audience, which screamed in hysterical laughter. After the noise died down, Lando continued, although he didn't dare look directly at the women. "Did you take a quick peek or a good long look?"

Leia felt her face flush with mortification. She could swear she heard Fey'lya calling for her resignation over the wild audience. At the very least, Mon Mothma would surely lecture her about keeping the proprieties of the office of Chief of State.

"Calrissian, just so you understand - you are going to suffer for this question," Mara threatened. "Slowly and painfully."

As the audience roared again, Lando felt like sinking into the floor. Wes was definitely living on borrowed time. Then again, he reflected, he probably was too.


The men filed back onstage to loud applause. Luke felt a strange sensation coming from the packed auditorium - much like a crowd that watches speederbike races and waits impatiently for the inevitable crash. Lando seemed even more nervous now that he'd been when the men had left the stage a short while ago, and Mara's Force-sense was radiating anger and embarrassment. All this led Luke to have another bad feeling. A very, very bad feeling.

Running his hand over his mustache, Lando waited until everyone was seated. "Just to recap... we have a tie of three hundred points between the Horns and the Antilles, the Solos are in second place with two-fifty, and the Skywalkers are right behind at two hundred points. Out of a possible two thousand first round points, our four couples only managed to earn one thousand fifty," Lando informed the audience. "Let's hope they can redeem themselves, and actually get some bigger scores this time. And don't forget, we have one bonus question at the end of the game. The wives will be answering and the husbands will attempt to match." He shifted his focus back to the four couples. "Are we ready to begin?"

This was met with grunts from the men, and grim looks from the women. "Well, good," Lando said, attempting to be enthusiastic. "The women go first this time around. The men were asked what was the last thing they denied doing, but really did. Can you remember what that was? Mara?"

"Sure, pick me first," she grumbled under her breath.

"What was that?" Lando prompted. "We couldn't hear you."

"Luke denied thinking I was a bad cook, but he really does!"

Shocked, Luke drew away from his wife. "When?"

"A few minutes ago!"

"You mean during this game?"

"Yes!"

"That's not the right answer," Luke stated, annoyed. "I don't even think using an answer from this game counts."

"Of course it does," Mara returned evenly. "If you don't believe me, let's ask Lando."

"Uh, I don't know if the rules actually cover that, but your husband's answer was that he denied you told him to bring home bread, but you actually did," Lando said, reading the holoscreen.

"You know what you can do with that bread, don't you?" Mara muttered.

"Well, let's move on to Leia," Lando said, tugging at his collar. Why was it so hot in here?

"Let's see," Leia said, tapping her finger on her chin. "This happens so often..."

"It does not!" Han protested.

"He denied taking his loser smuggler buddies out drinking last week, but I know he did, because he came home late, reeking like stale cigarras and cheap whiskey."

"That's right!" Han said, amazed she actually matched his answer.

"You are in so much trouble, nerf-herder."

"Kest," Han muttered. "I knew admitting that would be a mistake."

"Iella? You're next."

"He denies bringing home vacation brochures for Corellia. I know he did... I found them under the bed."

Wedge groaned. "That doesn't really count."

"Then what did you do?"

Flushing, Wedge looked at the floor. "I spent an entire day last week playing hologames, and when you commed me to ask where I was, I told you I was in a meeting. I thought you knew."

Iella was astounded. "How would I know that?"

"The noisy space game playing in the background?"

Lando grinned. Maybe the men would be in so much trouble, the women would forget all about him. "Mirax?"

"I asked him if he was using lifts in his shoes to make him taller," she said, a bit smugly. "I found a sales receipt on the floor."

"I do not use lifts!" Corran argued hotly. "That was for arch support! My answer was drinking milk directly out of the container. I denied drinking milk out of the container, but I was!"

"Let's not ever go over to their house for dinner, Princess," Han told his wife.

"Alright, then," Lando said wearily. "We're off to another bang-up start in this round. Next question. Since you've been married to your husband, are you nagging more, sagging more, bragging more or gagging more? Iella?"

"He'd better not have said sagging," Iella said, her eyes narrowing. When Wedge remained silent, she said, "He'd say I was nagging more."

"And I'd say you're right!" Wedge declared happily.

"Thanks," Iella responded dryly.

Mara was asked next, and she had no idea what to say. "I guess gag more."

"GAG?" Luke shouted. "How could you say that? How do I make you gag?"

"What did you say?"

"Brag!"

"Of course," Mara said, shaking her head.

"Just explain to me how I make you gag?"

"Moving on," Lando quickly put in. "Mirax?"

"Knowing my husband, and keeping in mind this has nothing to do with reality, I'd say brag."

"Nothing to do with reality?" Corran grumbled.

"You're right!" Lando said happily. "Leia? Your turn."

"Han would say brag, too. Corellians are rather predictable."

"You think so?" Han asked, eyeing his wife. "Just wait for the next question, Your Worshipfulness."

"I see that I'm right," she responded smugly as Han's response of 'brag' came up.

"Next question," Lando declared nervously. "What comes to your husband's mind when he thinks about your chest. Mountains, boulders or pebbles?"

"I didn't want to answer this," Luke said sullenly.

"Mirax?" Lando asked, glaring at Luke's comment.

She felt her face flush, thinking about her father sitting in the audience. "Boulders."

"I said mountains!" Corran yelled.

"Don't yell at me!"

"Why would I say boulders? Boulders are hard!"

"And mountains are soft?" she asked in disgust.

"If they were covered with snow, they could be."

"Let's continue," Lando hurried forward. "Iella?"

"Boulders?"

The screen flashed 'boulders,' and Iella smiled. "Thank you, honey."

"No problem, sweetie."

"Gagging should have been her answer," Luke grumbled.

"Leia?" Lando asked.

Glaring at Han, she replied, "Pebbles. He'd say pebbles."

Han laughed. "Mountains, sweetheart... mountains!"

"Are you crazy?" Leia asked incredulously.

"He's delusional," Corran supplied. "Comes from too much whiskey."

"Are you insulting my wife's chest, Horn?" Han growled out. "'Cuz if you are, I'll have to challenge you to a duel."

"Anytime, Solo. Anytime."

"And lastly, Mara..." Lando waved his hand at the red-faced red-head.

"Boulders," she mumbled.

Luke's face lit up. "That's right!"

"Don't ask me to ever compare your body parts with inanimate objects, Skywalker," Mara warned her husband. "You won't like what I come up with."

The next questions about excuses in the romance department went somewhat better. All the women guessed correctly they had made more excuses, knowing too well there was no way their husbands would admit otherwise. Leia had been tempted to say Han made more excuses, based on the fact he was so much older, but she wanted the points more than she wanted to wound his Corellian pride.

"The last question for the ladies," Lando stated. "Your blank is so deadly, that you ought to carry a warning sign. Leia, would you like to answer?"

"No, I would not," she responded. "But since I don't have a choice. In keeping with my dear husband's thinking, I'll say cooking."

Han groaned, and moved as far away from his wife as the small sofa would allow. "That's not what I said."

"You're kidding!" She looked down at his scrawled response. "I can't read this. What does it say?"

Frowning up at the holoscreen, Lando nodded his agreement. "I can't read it either, Han."

"Uh... it says cooking," Han mumbled, his eyes darting between his wife and the screen.

"You just said that was wrong," Leia countered, squinting at the screen. "That's definitely not a 'c' at the beginning."

Han mumbled under his breath.

"What?" Leia prodded.

"Tongue...okay? It says tongue!"

"You think I have a deadly tongue, you low-down, scruffy looking nerf-herder?"

"Pretty much. Yeah."

This brought thunderous applause from the audience while Leia continued to glare at Han. "Just wait until we get home, laser-brains."

Lando held up his hand. "Iella?"

"Intelligence," Iella said after a bit of thinking.

"I said bad piloting skills," Wedge replied sadly.

"What's wrong with my piloting skills?"

"Nothing, sweetie. I'm just better."

"Don't call me sweetie," she said icily.

"Well," Lando said with false bravado. "We're getting a bit testy, aren't we? Mara?"

"Lightsaber," she answered without hesitation.

Luke jumped up on the sofa, looking at the other men. "I knew that question was easy!"

"Sit down," Mara hissed out. "Have you lost your mind?"

Realizing he was acting a bit undignified, he quickly sat back down.

"Mirax, we need your answer please," Lando asked politely, noticing that Mirax wasn't looking at Corran.

Mirax waited so long, Lando wondered if she was even going to reply. Finally she said, "My blaster."

"Blaster?" Corran quickly asked. "I said your father."

"My father?"

"That's a good answer, Horn," Terrik yelled from the audience. "I'll try to prove you right later."


Lando instructed the audience to look at the tally board. "The Antilles are still in first place with six hundred points, the Solos are now in second place with five hundred fifty points, the Horns have dropped to third with five hundred, and the Skywalkers are making a comeback and are tied with the Horns at five hundred. It's still anybody's game, folks! So on to the last half of round two. Try to redeem yourselves from round one, gentlemen, and get more right than your wives. Question one... it would be totally out-of-character for you to blank. Luke?"

"Lose my temper," Luke replied, grinning. Surely, Mara would have written that down. Her answer flashed on the screen, and he leaned forward to read it. "Wear colorful clothing?"

"Brown and black. Black and brown. It gets boring," Mara huffed out.

"You could have Calrissian take you shopping," Han suggested helpfully.

"Han, please answer next," Lando instructed.

"Hmmm. How about gettin' outta bed before she does?"

When the audience started laughing, Han read Leia's answer. "Use proper grammar?" He turned and glared at his smirking wife. "That's a low blow, sweetheart."

"And calling my tongue deadly isn't?"

"Corran, please answer," Lando said, pushing the game along.

"Put the dirty dishes in the cleaner."

Mirax smiled sweetly. "Oh, I forgot about that one. I wrote down, levitate objects with the Force."

Corran turned and glared at Luke and Wedge. "I'm going to kill you two for dragging me into this."

"Please do," Wedge replied. "Just make it fast and painless."

Lando quickly asked Wedge for his answer.

"Uh... I guess volunteer to pick up groceries."

"I put down kissing me in public."

"Why would you want me to kiss you in public?" Wedge questioned, annoyed.

"Gentlemen, congratulations. Not one of you answered that correctly. Next question!" Lando inserted. "Before you married her, did you toy more with women's affections, or did she toy more with men's affections. Wedge?"

"Since I don't kiss in public, the answer is she toyed more with men's affections."

"How dare you!" Iella said hotly. "You're the one with the trail of broken hearts, not me!"

"Me?" Wedge asked in amazement. "Are you sure you remember who you're married to?"

"Corran," Lando said desperately. "Please get this right."

"Since the ladies all enjoyed my company," Corran started, then Han began coughing loudly. Glaring at Solo, he tried again, "I'd say I toyed more with women's affections."

Lando gave a grin. "And that was Mirax's reply."

Corran leaned over to give Mirax a kiss, and she leaned away to prevent him.

"Luke?" Lando pushed forward.

"Mara toyed more with men's affections."

Mara stood up. "WHAT?"

"You dated Lando..."

"And you dated Callista, and Gaeriel Captison and Tanith Shire, and who knows how many others."

"Callista is the only one I actually dated," Luke protested.

"Exactly! You toyed with the affections of all those others!"

"I did not," Luke shot back. "Besides, I didn't dare try to date you when I met you... you wanted to kill me!"

"It's getting that way again, farmboy!"

"Han?" Lando croaked out.

"Leia toyed more."

Brown eyes wide, Leia turned to face her husband. "That's so incredibly wrong! How can you even say that? You dated hundreds of women!"

"Hundreds might be a bit of an exaggeration," Han told her. "But that's not the question. The question is toying with affections. I never toyed. I always delivered the goods."

"You won't be delivering those goods to me anytime soon," Leia grumbled.

"So far, gentlemen, your matches are pathetic," Lando informed them. "Only one right. Let's move on. What's the one thing you hope she won't tell us about you, because it doesn't match your macho image of yourself? Corran, you go first."

Corran figeted for a while before coming up with a reply. "I sing to my son when I put him to bed at night." This answer was met with a big 'aww' from the audience, then laughter.

Leaning forward, he read Mirax's response. "What? You told them I highlight my hair? First you tell them I put lifts in my shoes, and then you tell them I highlight my hair?"

"It's the truth," she said defensively.

Lando shook his head, then asked Wedge to answer.

"I guess, err, that I collect model spaceships," he admitted. "But they're not toys! They go up in value every year!"

Iella was pleased. "That's what I wrote down!"

"Okay, maybe this will get us going," Lando said hopefully. "Han?"

"Have I said how much I hate this game yet?" Han grumbled. "Let me think. I suppose she'll have told you I like to polish my boots all the time."

"Sure, Han," Leia said sarcastically. "That's what I put down."

"What did you..." He trailed off as he read what the audience was laughing at. "You told them I cry during sad holoshows? Once! I cried one krethin' time when a kid's pet dog died, and you have to go tell the galaxy?"

"Would you like a little lace hanky for a life-day present, Solo?" Corran asked.

"I don't know," Han snapped. "What color hair dye would you like me to buy for you?"

Lando sighed. "Luke?"

"I... I sing in the shower."

Mara laughed. "I told them you once went out in public with nothing under your Jedi robe."

"MARA!" Luke shouted, appalled. "I only did that because you bet me I wouldn't!"

"Who knew that bet would come in so handy?"

"What did you win in the bet, kid?" Han wanted to know.

"Okay," Lando stated. "Next question. When your wife married you, she had to take you as is, which unfortunately included your blank. Han?"

"My ship," Han muttered.

A huge burst of applause followed this, since Han was actually right.

"Corran?" Lando asked.

"My ego," he said, glaring at Mirax.

"I said your past," she snapped out.

"My past?" Corran asked. "You're the one with the shady past, not me!"

"Really? Did MY father send YOUR father to Kessel?"

"If my father sent your father to the mines, it was because he deserved it," Corran said firmly.

"You'll be going to Kessel willingly once we get home, Corsec," Mirax threatened.

"You tell 'em, honey!" Booster yelled out from the audience.

"Luke... you go next," Lando instructed.

"That's hard," Luke complained. "Let me think. My always cheerful disposition?"

Mara groaned while the audience laughed. "I put down your constant lectures on the Force."

Luke looked affronted. "Constant? I thought I was being helpful."

"It's helpful the first hundred times you hear it," Mara replied shortly. "After that, it's only annoying."

"And Wedge, your turn." Lando rolled his hand, trying to hurry this along.

"My cooking?"

"Cooking?" Iella asked, astounded. "Since when do you cook?"

"Exactly," Wedge replied, nodding in agreement. "You had to take my lack of cooking!"

"That's not what you said," Lando pointed out. "And Iella put down whistling through your nose while you sleep."

"I do not!"

"You do too!" Iella shot back. "Tonight I'll record it, if you don't believe me!"

"And that was yet another really, really bad round from the men," Lando announced. "The last question before the big bonus point question is this... the very first time your wife saw you in your life-day suit, did she take a quick peek or a good long look? Luke, you go first again."

"Thanks," the Jedi muttered unhappily, trying not to look in Leia's direction. It was just too embarrassing. "She took a good long look, because she liked what she saw."

"In your dreams, farmboy," Mara said. "You don't even know the first time I saw you in your life-day suit."

"I do so."

"When?"

"When you were spying on me taking a swim on Yavin," Luke said, grinning. "You didn't think I knew you were hiding behind that tree, but I knew it."

"So that's why you posed so long in my direction after you got out?"

This statement practically brought down the house, and both Luke and Mara blushed furiously. Luke then leaned over, whispering in Mara's ear, "See? I knew you took a good long look."

"It appears you managed to go through that entire round and not get any answers right, Luke," Lando informed him sadly. "This was for charity, remember? Corran, you may go next."

"She took a long, long, long look," Corran said, smirking. "What woman in her right mind wouldn't?"

"Unfortunately, Mister Ego here has it right," Mirax admitted.

"I didn't need to know that," Booster yelled again from the audience. "In fact, no one needed to know that."

Calrissian looked at Wedge. "Your turn, General."

"Iella peeked," Wedge said, nodding. "She's very modest."

"I am not," Iella protested. "And you got it wrong... I took a good long look."

"Really?" Wedge asked, grinning. "Thanks, sweetie."

"And the final response is from Han," Lando said grandly. "Try to get it right."

"She peeked," Han said instantly. "I remember exactly when it happened too... on the way to Bespin. I was stepping out of the shower, and she just accidentally walked in the 'fresher at that same moment..."

"It was an accident!" Leia insisted, knowing the lecture from Mon Mothma was now a certainty. And she knew General Rieekan was undoubtedly quite unhappy with her appearing on this show, too. She could only pray that Chewbacca had turned off the holo-set and told the children it was time to do their homework. The idea of having Jacen, Jaina and Anakin actually watching this right now was almost too much to contemplate.

"But the good news is Han actually got it right again!" Lando said happily. "And the final tally going into the big bonus round is - Han and Leia are leading with seven hundred fifty points, Corran and Mirax and Wedge and Iella are tied for second at seven hundred points, and Luke and Mara are still at five hundred points, since Luke failed to get one answer right."

Lando shook his head. "I hope they can all get this bonus question, and raise these points up, since out of a possible six thousand points they've accumulated a pathetic two thousand, six hundred and fifty." Lando waved his hand, and Tendra appeared from off-stage. "Gentlemen, if you'll follow my lovely fiancee off-stage, I'll read the one bonus question to your wives. It's worth five hundred points, so it's your last chance to get those points accumulated, and redeem yourselves."

.