Chapter 21 – What peace for the broken-hearted?

There is but one malady for which the Valar have no cure.


Valinor
Fourth Age

Eruanna was eager to learn all she could about Anira, but she dared not ask any more from Maglor. Instead, she sought out Marilla, for Eruanna knew if there was any gossip about Lord Círdan's daughter, she could count on the elleth to have heard it. She did her best to avoid mentioning Maglor, but Marilla was savvy enough to put the untold pieces of the story together. To Eruanna's dismay, Marilla had nothing else to offer.

"I have heard no whisper to do with Lady Anira," she said, "and if there were something more to the tale of her and Maglor, I would know of it."

Eruanna was confident in that fact as well. "To be sure, you know everything about everyone."

"I try," said Marilla. She cast her friend an impish grin before rising to collect Eruanna's combs from her dresser.

Eruanna lay down on her bed and rested her chin on her folded arms. "Perhaps we should ask Elemmírë? He might know something more. He has lived in Valinor all his life."

Marilla, not to be outdone by anyone, offered the one bit of information she could recall about Maglor's lady love. "Well, I do know she arrived in Valinor at the end of the first age – along with her mother. Lady Eärwen mentioned it when discussing Lord Círdan's coming. I think he is expected soon."

"What about their son, Aearion? Do you know when he sailed?"

"No," she huffed as she plopped back down on the bed. She took up a section of Eruanna's hair and began brushing it none too gently.

"What is wrong?" Eruanna asked when the change in Marilla's mood became clear.

But Marilla seemed not to hear. "Do you think he pines for her still," she asked, "after all this time? It would be terribly romantic."

Eruanna could not help but smile. It was a rare occasion when both she and Marilla were thinking the same thing, although 'tragic' was more of the word that came to Eruanna's mind. "I do not know," she replied.

"Why don't you ask him?" Marilla suggested. "He seems willing enough to confide his secrets to you."

"I don't know about that," said Eruanna. She was not even certain Maglor realized he told her these things. "Sometimes I think he forgets I am even there, as if he is dream talking. And when the story is over he wakes up and only then does he remember I am with him."

"Is he rude to you afterward?" Marilla asked.

"No," said Eruanna. "But I would not want to press my luck by asking for more detail than he wishes to offer."

"Nonsense!" cried Marilla. "What can he do, dismiss you? You are the only one who could put up with him."

"That is not true," Eruanna said, but not too convincingly.

"You would not see me running his errands," Marilla huffed.

"Marilla…" Eruanna began, but her friend headed the lecture off.

"I know, I know," she said. "You like him … just don't go falling in love with him."

Eruanna shook her head, getting her hair pulled in the process. She let out a little yelp of pain before saying, "Now you are being absurd."

"Maybe so," said Marilla, "but I care for your reputation, even if you do not."

"What do you mean – my reputation?" Eruanna turned to look at her friend.

Marilla pursed her lips, not sure quite how to broach the subject. At last, she said simply, "They talk about you."

"Who does?" Eruanna asked.

"Everyone, of course," Marilla replied, "from Tirion to Alqualondë to the peaks of Taniquetil. They all know of the peredhel that works for Maglor. Some think you naïve or insane, and others are ruder still."

Marilla's eyes flashed briefly with anger – just as they had when Eruanna mentioned Aearion. Eruanna, for her part, did not know how to feel about Marilla's revelation. It should not have come as a surprise that people spoke of her, but still, the idea of insults cast behind her back could not help but hurt a little. "I knew many in the palace were shocked when I took up the post, but they accepted it readily enough. I was not aware it was talked about elsewhere."

Marilla, affecting offense on her friend's behalf, scowled angrily. "There is nothing to do in Valinor but gossip!" she said. "And Maglor's return was the biggest news since the Noldor fled."

"Childishness, that is all it is," said Eruanna in an attempt to comfort herself as much as Marilla.

"Maybe so," said Marilla, but she did not sound all too convinced. It was clear that this particular topic of gossip had upset her greatly. Eruanna drew herself up to a seated position, pulled the brush from Marilla's hand and began unraveling her braids. Eruanna knew the cure for Marilla's ill mood.

"So," Eruanna prompted, "what did Aearion say about me?"

Marilla immediately burst into a tirade of immeasurable proportion and Eruanna allowed her friend to vent. She thought it a good thing the Sinda lord dwelled in Alqualondë, but even from this distance, she imagined Aearion's ears were probably ringing. Eruanna might have been upset, herself, by the things Marilla had heard him say about her - but there was no need. Marilla was aflame with enough righteous indignation for the two of them. And Eruanna burst into tears of laughter when Marilla confessed to spiking the lord's tea with ink. A little revenge, she said, on her dearest friend's behalf.

In the midst of their laughter a knock sounded at the door. Eruanna wiped the tears from her eyes and worked hard to calm herself before she opened the door. She found Erestor standing on the other side. Her humor turned instantly to concern for Erestor's expression was grave.

"Father, what has happened?"

Erestor wasted no time in telling her. "Word has reached the city. Lord Celeborn's ship has arrived."


Eruanna ran to keep up with her father's long strides. He held the note in his hand, delivered only minutes earlier. It was written hurriedly in Elrond's fine script. It said only that Celeborn's ship had docked and Elrond's household was awaiting his arrival. By the time Eruanna and her father reached the wing where the House of Elrond resided a small company had already gathered. Among them were Galadriel for she was in the city visiting her daughter. The Lady was clearly upset she had not been in Alqualondë for her husband's arrival.

The minutes stretched into hours while they waited for Celeborn's company to arrive, and those assembled chatted quietly in twos and threes. The sun was on the horizon when at last the sound of footsteps echoed in the hall. All fell silent when a knock sounded at the door. Forgoing all propriety Galadriel raced forward and flung open the door. Before Eruanna could wonder who stood on the threshold the great lady was swept off the floor and into the arms of Celeborn who had also chosen to forego formality. Laughter and cheers greeted Celeborn but the crowd might well have been silent for all the attention he gave them. His eyes were for his wife alone, and when he finally tore them away from Galadriel's face, they sought out his daughter's. Celebrían flew into his arms and he held her fast. When he lifted his head again his eyes caught Elrond's, then he glanced at the door.

The ellyn gathered in the hall parted and forward stepped a familiar face – an ellon tall and dark who looked all too much like his father. Celebrían rushed to embrace the new arrival and Elladan gripped her tight. His face was alight with his heart's inner joy. Elrond rushed to join them but paused when his son's eyes lifted to his. Elladan grinned at his father and glanced once again at the door.

Elrond nearly knocked Celeborn over in the rush to reach his son. He pulled Elrohir into his arms and embraced him tightly, his tears flowing freely down his cheeks. It seemed to Eruanna that Elrond had feared that this son, more than the other, might have been lost to him forever. Elrohir returned his father's embrace with a smile more reserved than his brother's. And when Celebrían came to welcome this son, it seemed that he feared to touch her. But a moment later the fear had passed and he was in her arms, tears streaming down his cheeks. For a long time he did not let her go.

After their tears were spent, laughter followed quickly. There was a line of people waiting to welcome the twins and their grandfather home. Eruanna was overjoyed to see them and greeted all three ellyn briefly for there was no time for talk before they were drawn into the arms of another.

Celebrían and Elrond were greedy with their sons' attentions, but no one begrudged them their company. Eruanna, herself, watched the four of them together from across the room. The lord and lady's eyes shone with joy as did Elladan's, but Elrohir's mood was subdued. When he smiled it felt forced and the rapturous light she saw in Elladan's face was missing entirely.

A few hours later Elrohir slipped out onto the balcony. No one but Eruanna saw him go and she followed him, anxious to hear news of Arwen, of the brothers' last years in Middle-earth, and of the choice they both had made.

He was standing at the edge of the balcony, looking up at the sky when she found him. He looked both thoughtful and lost at the same time. She knew he had come out here to be alone and was ready to leave if he asked. She was at a loss of what to say. The sons of Elrond had never said goodbye – not to her or to anyone. They had only ever said good journey. She had wondered often over the years if they would, like Arwen, choose a mortal life. "You came," she said simply.

Elrohir heard her, but he kept his eyes on the sky. "Like you," he said, "I had many reasons not to sail, but no reason to remain behind."

Eruanna was not entirely surprised by his confession and his expression told her there was more. She moved slowly to his side, willing to listen if he wished to speak. "What reasons?" she asked.

Elrohir was silent for a long time. It was clear the choice had weighed heavily on him as it had on her. "I have cursed the Valar many times," he said, "and Ilúvatar as well … ever since we found her on Caradhras."

He shut his eyes against the memory of the attack. He had tried and failed many times to still the rage he felt towards the great powers. It was futile, but there was hope, at least, that the Valar would understand or that in time he would come to forgive them. Anger had not been his greatest concern.

"I knew not if I could ever again look into my mother's eyes. I feared I would see in them what I felt in my own heart – that we should have been at her side, protecting her, instead of off chasing glory." He sighed. That fear, at least, had been groundless. His mother's eyes had shone with love. There had been no touch of anger or accusation within them.

That left one last thing, "And then there is you…"

His voice trailed off and Eruanna was left gaping. "Me?" she said. "What do you mean?"

Elrohir looked down at her in surprise, as if only just realizing she was standing there. "Nothing," he replied a bit too quickly and turned away.

Eruanna grasped the sleeve of his shirt to stay him. "If it was nothing," she whispered, "you would not have said it."

Elrohir looked down at the hand holding onto him. A memory of their first conversation, of his own hand clutching the hem of Eruanna's sleeve, flashed across his mind. She had comforted him that day, when he learned that Arwen wished to travel again to Lórien. And for the first time he had reached out to another, sharing his secrets with Eruanna and listening wholly to hers. It was the moment it began, though he had no idea at the time. His memories flashed forward to the borders of Lothórien, when he and Elladan left Eruanna and their sister in the care of Haldir and the sentries of the Golden Wood.

There was a confession to be made here. "Father did not send us to Arnor on an errand," he said. "It was an excuse we made to appease Arwen."

Eruanna's eyes widened slightly. She shook her head. "I don't understand."

"We left you both at the border," he said, "when we knew you would be safe, for I had no desire to remain in Lothórien." He recalled the argument he had with his brother on the matter and wondered why it was that Elladan always allowed him to win. "I convinced him to lie to Arwen. Elladan hated deceiving her, but I could always sway him to my side. We sought out the Rangers … the orcs, instead. But we should have stayed in the Golden Wood. I should have stayed. Maybe if I had … it would have been different."

Eruanna was unsettled. She feared she knew where he was heading. "Different how?" she asked. And when he turned to look at her she saw she had been correct.

"When we finally returned to the Wood, years had passed. And when we came upon you and Rumil sparring, and I watched you kiss him … I knew any chance I might have had with you had passed."

Eruanna recalled the return of Arwen's brothers well. They had harassed poor Rumil ruthlessly, but in a brotherly way. Eruanna had no idea Elrohir felt anything more for her but friendship, no idea … until one all but forgotten memory surfaced. She had been unsure whether she loved Rumil, whether she would choose to sail or not. And Elrohir had counseled her, told her the answer lay within her heart. And when she confessed her fear that no one would ever love her again, he told her it was not so. And then he'd kissed her. His lips had barely touched the corner of her mouth, before he drew back and bid her farewell. And there had been … something … in his eyes when he asked her if she loved Rumil, but Eruanna had been too young, too naïve to recognize it. She was having trouble understanding now, for that matter, how she had become for Elrohir a reason to remain on the dark shore.

"Elrohir … I … I don't know … what to say …."

"Tell me you love him, and that you always will." He laid his hand on the one clutching him still and squeezed it. "Please. I need to hear you say it."

Eruanna's voice caught in her throat. This was what he needed, and she would give it to him, though his heart might break for hearing it. "I love Rumil – and I always will."

The edges of his lips curled into a pale shadow of a smile. "Thank you," he whispered. He uncurled her fingers from his sleeve and lifted them to his lips. He kissed her hand before returning to the party.

Eruanna remained alone on the balcony. She knew not when her tears began falling, or why her heart felt so sad. Were the tears for Elrohir? For Rumil? Or perhaps for herself? She did not know and feared dwelling on the matter would make it worse. She was wiping the tears away when she heard a voice behind her.

"Eruanna?"

She knew that voice immediately and turned to gaze upon Elladan, amazed that there had once been a time when she could not tell the brothers apart. They had never looked or sounded as differently as they did now. He crossed the balcony in three strides and before Eruanna could find the words to greet him he hugged her tight. His presence was enough to bring back her tears.

"I am so sorry," he whispered. "But he had to tell you, or else he would never know peace."


A/N: That was a long time coming. I know the 'sailing' crowd is cheering, but I couldn't make it all too happy, could I? (I think) I put quite a few hints about Elrohir's feelings for Eruanna into 'Peredhel', which you may or may not have picked up on. If you haven't read 'Peredhel', this is one chapter that might feel like it came out of left field and I apologize for that. I did all I could to explain what happened without getting too expository. If you want to dissect Eruanna and Elrohir's scenes together, go to chapters: 14-16, 26 & 27, 32, 45 & 46.