CHAPTER 4
"Is this really how it is when it comes to love? Do we really have to hurt too?" Chloe breaks the silence.
"I guess if we get hurt along the way then so be it. It's just a part of loving someone."
"Why do we hurt the people we love?"
Beca didn't have an answer for that.
"Why does the hurting always have to come with loving you?" Chloe continued.
"I never meant to hurt you. I know I did and I chose to do it. And to this day I will never understand the choices I made but I never wanted to hurt you."
Beca drops her laptop and sits facing Chloe. "If that scares you so much, don't you want to be brave? Let's be brave together Chlo."
"I'm so scared Bec." Chloe turns to face her for the first time.
2 weeks before…
Chloe was running to her car in the hospital parking lot. Her shift officially ended a few hours ago but she couldn't leave her last patient until the relieving doctor arrived. Jamie was playing his first soccer game of the season this morning and she knew she was already late since Chicago has stopped responding, which only means the game's most probably started.
She unlocked her car and threw all her stuff in the passenger seat before going in.
"Fuck fuck fuck." Chloe mutters to herself as she tucks strands of hair behind her ears and tries to stick her key in the ignition.
It was midmorning on a Saturday. Her original plan was to go home first and have a decent shower but it was unusually busy this morning and she was already running late so she decided to go straight to the venue.
She was lucky enough to find a park and she saw Chicago right away on the second row of the bleachers with an empty spot next to him.
"You're late." Chicago says as soon as she sat down.
"I know I know. What'd I miss? Is it the second half already?" Chloe was slightly out of breath. She couldn't believe she actually made it.
"Not much. They're down 1. It's just the first half and he's been looking for you." Chicago points out to where Jamie was.
As if on cue, Jamie looks to where they were sitting and flashed them the biggest smile when he saw Chloe was already there before getting his game face back on.
Chicago and Chloe waved back like the proud parents that they were.
"I don't think he minds very much that I'm late." Chloe smirked at Chicago. She totally thinks she got away being late. The last time she was late she had to make it up to Jamie by watching his favourite movie of all time with him.
"Oh just you wait til after when we get home."
"I swear to god, I can't watch the fox and the hound again, I feel like I'm traumatizing him just by ugly crying in front of him every single time we watch it. I can't with that movie. It just breaks me." Chloe pleads.
Chicago couldn't stop laughing cause it was true. It was sad but it was true. Oddly enough, it's Jamie's favourite film and he's watched it about a hundred times and usually when Chloe owes him one, he makes her watch it with him.
"If it were up to me, I wouldn't want my kid to be around that, just saying." Chloe continued.
"You'd think by now you know the movie so well that you won't cry to it anymore."
Chloe was laughing with Chicago shaking her head and was about to respond when Jamie scored a goal to tie the game. They both jumped up their seats and cheered.
It was only when Nate ran to hug Jamie that Chloe noticed he was actually there.
"Oh wait is that Nate? Since when are they teammates and how do I not know this?"
"Since a few weeks ago. They've been trying to convince each other to move teams. I guess Nate gave in."
Chloe nodded. She started to subtly look around the bleachers. She doubts Beca was also here cause surely there would be some sort of commotion if she was. The woman beside Chicago leaned forward and faced the two of them making both Chloe and Chicago turn to her.
"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but you're Jamie's parents. It's so nice to finally meet you."
"You too. Is your kid playing too?" Chicago politely responds.
The woman giggled and must've noticed the confusion on both Chloe and Chicago's faces.
"Oh pardon me. I'm Katie. Ms Mitchell's my boss and she asked me to look after Nate today. She has meetings left and right this morning so she can't make it. I helped prepare the studio tour later for Jamie and you guys."
"Oh is that right? Jamie really is looking forward to it. They're both good kids. It's nice to meet you too. I'm Chicago by the way and this is Chloe."
Katie and Chicago shook hands. "I guess we will see you again later at the studio. It's such a nice gesture from Beca. I'm actually really excited myself." Chicago added.
"Yes Jamie must be really special. We don't usually have these tours. That's why I really enjoyed preparing this one."
Katie shook Chloe's hand second. But when they finally made eye contact, Katie scrunched her eyebrows, squinted her eyes and tilted her head to one side.
"Wait. Do I know you from somewhere? I feel like we've met before."
"I don't think so? But don't worry I do look like a lot of people." Chloe doesn't admit it to Katie but she felt the exact same thing. It's like she's seen her from somewhere before. But then she thought about it, she did work with Beca she probably saw her face in a news article or something.
"Yeah I guess so." Katie didn't sound so convinced. She was pretty good with names and faces. It was a big part of her job after all so this really bothered her.
Their conversation was cut short when they heard the referee blow his whistle indicating the start of the second half.
Beca's anxiety has been through the roof and is all over the place this past week. She was going to see Chloe again later today. She was a bit disappointed but not surprised that Chloe totally ignored her last text message. She hasn't heard from her for days until two days ago when she only texted to let Beca know that she was going to make it to the studio tour with Jamie and Chicago.
Stacie and Cynthia Rose had been relentless. They had been teasing Beca all week about today and she knew she was being ridiculous for acting this way.
"Mom."
"Yes Bud?"
Beca and Nate were in her office waiting for their guests to arrive.
"What's going on with you? You're being funny."
"What do you mean?"
"Is the tour making you nervous? I know you don't usually open the studio for strangers."
"Well. Jamie, his dad and Doctor Chloe aren't necessarily strangers."
"Right. They're not." Nate said nodding his head. "So why are you nervous?"
"I'm not nervous Mr Smarty Pants."
"Mom I know you. You even kicked out Dad and banned him from the building today."
"Well your dad adds to my anxiety and isn't helping."
"Why?"
"Cause he's your dad." Beca answers Nate with a smirk. "He just does alright. Don't mind me, this is me being excited for today."
"Okay. But I promise you. They'll love it. I just don't want you to be stressed out."
"Thanks Bud. I'm good I promise."
Stacie then pops her head in Beca's office. Beca rolls her eyes as soon as she sees her.
"And how are we doing in here?"
"I'm good Aunt Stacie. Mom not so much." Nate answers Stacie.
"We" Beca emphasised. "are fine thanks. Stacie if you're just here to tease me and don't have anything important to say, you can go."
"Oh but I do. They're here." Stacie says with a wink directed at Beca.
"Stop fuckin' messing with me Stace."
Stacie's eyes bulged and her jaw dropped. Nate's head turned to look up at Beca.
"Language Becs!" Stacie reprimands Beca as she covers Nate's ears with her hands.
Beca turns to Nate. "I'm sorry Bud. But I know you're smart enough not to repeat that."
And then Katie interrupted them three. "Miss Mitchell, your guests are waiting for you at reception."
"Thanks. Can you let them know we'll be out in a minute?"
"Sure thing Miss Mitchell."
"Just Beca please."
Katie nodded as she walked away.
"Oh, they're really here. Mom can I go say hi?"
"Of course. I'll see you out there in a minute."
Beca watched Nate run out her office. She turns to look at Stacie who had her 'I told you so' look.
"Shut up."
"Well. I'll leave you to do some breathing exercises and whatever you need to do to calm down. I'm gonna go ahead and say hello to my good friend."
"I hate you so much."
Stacie blows Beca a kiss as she exits her office.
They decided to take Chicago's car as they followed the directions to the basement parking. They looked up at the massive sign at the top of a 10-storey building.
"Indie Music Group. This is the one dad." Jamie said pointing to the right. "We're here."
Jamie was almost bouncing in his seat. Chicago turned to him. "Alright, Jame, I need you to be on your best behavior today alright? No running and don't touch anything."
"Yes dad. I promise."
Jamie walks in hand in hand with Chicago and Chloe. True enough, they saw Katie again as she stood there waiting for them outside the elevators and walked them inside the building.
"Ten floors, that's massive." Chicago said to Katie as they entered the elevator. Chloe nodded in agreement cause it really is.
"We are leasing out the first five floors. We have a reception on the sixth floor and another at the tenth floor. Seventh floor is our legal team, very boring. I don't think we will be visiting them today. Eighth and ninth floor is where the magic happens, we will go there later."
When the elevator dinged and the doors opened to the tenth floor lobby, Jamie squeezed both Chloe's and Chicago's hands in excitement. Katie held the doors for them to walk out of the elevators first.
"And finally this is where most of the bosses and executives are and this is where we're going to start off your tour. I will let Ms Mitchell know you're here. Please take a seat and make yourselves comfortable. I will be back with you shortly."
"Thank you. Take your time we're fine." Chicago answered for all of them.
Chloe looked around. There were a couple of framed photos randomly placed at the lobby and reception area. Seeing Cynthia Rose and Stacie even Beca and Jesse put a smile on her face. She was just so happy for them. There were some artists that she recognised but mostly new faces. She made a mental note to look up their lineup.
It was Nate that she heard first running out to meet them. He was just as excited as Jamie. He quickly greeted Chloe and Chicago before pulling Jamie to start their own mini tour of the floor.
There was nothing Chicago could do. "Remember what we talked about. Have fun kiddo."
"Thanks Dad."
Chloe squeezed Chicago's shoulder. He really was just as excited and nervous as Jamie. She looked up and smiled as she saw Cynthia Rose already on her way to them.
Katie returned with Stacie and saw that Cynthia Rose was already entertaining their guests. She was just about to introduce Stacie when her boss beats her to it. She walks straight to where Chloe and Chicago were with Cynthia Rose.
"Chloe Beale. I can't believe you have been here in LA and not made time to see us."
Chloe was already shaking her head when she heard Stacie. She turns to her with a smile. Stacie already had her arms open for Chloe and they embraced.
"We've missed you and you are looking hotter than from what I remember."
Katie stood back and watched their exchange. She can't explain it but there's a feeling she can't quite shake off. It is slowly becoming more and more apparent that Chloe is long-time friends with her bosses but something doesn't add up.
"It's good to see you too Stace. I've missed you. You're still just as sexy."
"Stop it Chlo. But seriously you look great. No wonder our friend's been acting crazy." Stacie then looks at Chicago. "You are one lucky duck you know."
Chicago was blushing but he offered his hand and introduced himself.
"Hi. Chicago nice to meet you."
Stacie took it. "And you. I'm Stacie."
"Chicago is Jamie's dad." Chloe adds.
"And you've been married for how long?" Stacie says pointing at both Chloe and Chicago.
Chloe snorts and Chicago continues to blush as he laughs awkwardly.
"That's Stacie for you." Chloe says to Chicago.
She then directs her attention to Stacie again. "Did Beca say that? We're not together." Chloe says pointing to her and Chicago. "It's a long story not that complicated but we're not." Chloe continued in between her giggles.
"Interesting. This explains everything." Stacie and Cynthia Rose exchanged looks. Chloe can only shake her head.
"I see some things never change."
"Oh you have no idea how right you are." Stacie winked at Chloe.
"Alright I have to go check in on a client. I'm sure I'll see you guys later." Cynthia Rose suddenly turns around again to Chloe before entering the lifts. "Oh and Chloe, as good as you look blonde, I'm kinda missing the red locks."
Stacie then takes a good look at Chloe. "I disagree. I'm loving this look."
"Thank you."
"Mom!" They all heard Nate call to Beca, who just turned the corner to where they were. "There you are. Come on, I want to show Jamie the cool rooms."
"Sorry for the wait." Beca stood beside Stacie and Katie. Nate and Jamie were huddled together in front of them together with Chloe and Chicago.
"So welcome to Indie Music Group. We are a very young label, not over three years old and we are home to eight artists we have proudly discovered so far and several notable collaborations with bigger artists such as Ariana Grande, Maroon 5, Lady Gaga, Hailee Steinfeld to name a few."
"The label is owned by me and three other people. Stacie who runs the marketing and promotion department including sales, publicity and distribution. Cynthia Rose mans the A&R department with Jessie along with production. As for me, I like to think I run the whole place. I do a little bit of everything, whichever I feel like doing really."
Stacie laughs and adds. "Sadly that's true. Just because she's the face of the label, she takes credit for all of our hard work. But we don't mind it. I think she minds it more than we do."
"No thank you for that Stacie. Anyway this here is Katie. I'm pretty sure you've met her. She is one of the most reliable people here; she works all around and puts up with all of our moods especially mine. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask her and I guarantee you she will get you whatever you need."
Katie found herself blushing a bit from Beca's kind words. She was waiting for Beca to introduce her so she can lead the tour but it never came. She was genuinely surprised that Beca was taking the lead on this one. It was not like Beca to be like this. She was expecting her to do it and if not her, Stacie.
"Alright let's start. We are currently in the tenth floor. This is where we usually hangout cause all our offices are here. Nothing much happens here really. So if we could all head to the elevators and we could all head to the recording studios. Let's be honest that's what we all want to see." Beca says directing her smiles at the two giddy boys.
Beca steals a quick glance at Chloe but she wasn't looking and she was already turning around to make her way to the lifts. Stacie gives Beca a light nudge before she follows Chloe and locks arms with her.
Katie held the doors to the elevator for Beca as she's the last one to step in.
"Hey Katie, let me know if anyone needs me, but only the really urgent ones. Otherwise tell them I will give them a call back within the day. Thanks."
"Sure thing Ms Mitchell. If you need me, you know where I'll be."
Beca was about to correct Katie again when she saw that the only spot available was next to Chloe and that's where she awkwardly positioned herself facing away from the door to face the boys.
"Thank you again Katie. We'll see you in a bit."
"Enjoy everyone."
"Oh we will." Stacie mutters next to Beca. "Where to Boss?"
"Let's go see Cynthia Rose and Emilia."
Stacie then presses 8 on the elevator buttons. It was a short ride. Chloe thought it wasn't awkward thanks to the boys being buffers for everyone and Stacie making small talk with Chicago.
Beca was focused on the boys when the back of their hands touched by accident, Beca couldn't be sure whether Chloe slowly pulled away her hand. She couldn't process it further as she hears the elevator ding.
As soon as the door opened, Stacie had her hand out to hold the doors and let everyone out. Beca stepped out first and led the way. Once everyone was out she turned around to face them for her little spiel.
"So we have three recording studios, a conference room and kitchen area on this. These two are what Nate would refer to as the cool and fun floor. This is where the magic happens as they all say. Now if you'll follow me." The group started moving following Beca. "Cynthia Rose is currently working with Emilia. Emilia is an artist we discovered through her YouTube channel. She also had small gigs going on around LA. We watched her for a few weeks before finally approaching her. We are set to release her album late this year."
Beca stopped in front of a glass door that had a red light on the top of it indicating that the room was currently in session. She knocked lightly before opening.
"After you." One by one everyone filed in. "I trust no one will record or release any of this confidential information." Beca added.
Everyone huddled around this massive machine with a lot of knobs and handles and flashing lights. They were all handed headphones too.
"Emilia if you don't mind we have some guests to listen in this afternoon." Cynthia Rose speaks to the microphone.
Emilia was inside the glass room and she gives them two thumbs up from the other side.
"Alright let's start from 'something isn't right', in 1 and 2 and." Cynthia Rose points her finger to give Emilia her cue.
Something isn't right I don't wanna fight you
Hey you, come over and let me embrace you
I know that I'm causing you pain too
But remember if you need to cry
I'm here to wipe your eyes
Tonight before you fall asleep
I run my thumb across your cheek
Cry 'cause I'm here to wipe your eyes
I know I made you feel this way
You gotta breathe, we'll be okay
Cry 'cause I'm here to wipe your eyes
Chloe was listening in when she steals a glance to Beca who was bobbing her head to the music. Chloe also saw her mouthing the words to the song so she ends up staring.
Beca feels Chloe's stare and turns to look to confirm Chloe is indeed staring at her. She continues to mouth the words and Chloe doesn't look away. They even exchange soft smiles to each other.
Beca only breaks eye contact when Emilia called her from the booth.
"Did you like what I did there at the start of the chorus? I followed your advice and you were right. It sounds better."
Everyone then looks at Beca. "Yeah I really did. I like how it's coming together."
Chloe can see the glint in Beca's eyes as she approached the microphone next to Cynthia Rose. "May I?"
"Go right ahead Becs." Cynthia Rose makes room for Beca.
"Hey Em, stick to that note change but what if we speed it up just a little, I think I can hear something there." Then Beca starts to sing the song in a faster beat.
Stacie and Cynthia Rose exchange knowing looks again. They feel like Beca was either simply feeling inspired today or just showing off.
"Alright in 1 and 2." Beca then steps away from the microphone as she listens in again. She had her right hand pressed on her headphones wanting to really hear the effect of the change of speed.
Chloe couldn't take her eyes off of Beca. She's never seen Beca like this, the only time she saw Beca working was in their living room on her headphones bobbing along and typing away on her laptop. Beca meets Chloe's eyes again before giving her a slight shrug with a shy smile.
Chloe was starting to feel things that she didn't want to deal with right now. So she clears her throat and turns her attention to Emilia in the booth.
They spend a bit there as Cynthia Rose walks them through the equipment in the room. They were all fancy stuff. She even allowed the boys to play around with it.
They also got to meet Emilia quickly during her break and took photos with her too. Their next stop was the marketing and promotions department on the ninth floor.
Instead of using the elevator, Stacie led everyone to the stairs. It was only one floor up anyway. Beca let Stacie take the lead on this one.
"Alright, so this might not be as fun as the eighth floor. But it sure is just as cool."
Stacie opened the doors to an open spaced floor with a high ceiling surrounded by glass windows. There were a lot of computers spread out the floor, big screens mounted on the walls and a studio.
"This is the floor where I spend most of my days in. When we have big events everyone tends to hang out here. We monitor all social events, streams, trends, everything related to our artists and the music industry in real time."
"The studio there is for promotional shoots. It has a green screen too. Wanna check it out?"
Everyone followed Stacie to the studio. Chloe excused herself to use the bathroom. She was directed to just go back to the tenth floor since most of the comfort rooms would most likely be locked.
Katie was on the phone when Chloe got there so she decided to just find it on her own. Chloe figured it would be easy since most of the offices had names on their doors of whomever it's designated to.
She saw a door with no label on it and found herself walking towards it. If she was truly honest, her instincts were already telling her it was not going to be a bathroom on the other side of it but for some reason she was being drawn to the room.
Chloe knocked lightly but didn't get any response. She tried the handle and it was not locked so she pushed it open slowly. The room was dark but when she walked in, it soon lit up thanks to the motion detector lights.
Chloe looked around the room. It was the trophy room. There were frames of awards on the walls and several trophy cabinets. She slowly approached each one and read the mini description at the bottom of each. She felt like she was in an art gallery.
"There you are." Beca said all of a sudden that made Chloe jump a little. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."
Chloe shook her head. "Sorry I didn't mean to steer away from the group."
"No you're alright. How do you like the tour? You seem unimpressed compared to the boys."
Chloe rolled her eyes. "It's not that. I think I'm just overwhelmed. This is amazing by the way. It must be nice to just stand here and look at all your achievements."
Beca chuckled and walked to Chloe's side. "You know, I do like coming in here some days to take it all in. But I realised the more we achieved, the lonelier it got."
This made Chloe look to Beca. "What do you mean?"
Beca smiled what looked like a sad smile. "It starts to feel cold in here after awhile. Awards and trophies don't hug you back, they can't comfort you, they don't give you warmth."
"I disagree. I think they're heart warmers. They remind us of the good times. Each one of these holds a precious memory. I think that's comforting."
"Yeah but sometimes remembering the good times don't bring me comfort. It just makes me want to go back to those days." Beca sighed. "If only I could."
"Do you think we could?" Beca was about to ask Chloe but then Nate and Jamie suddenly entered the room and interrupted her.
"Wow, you were right. This is a very nice room." Jamie says to Nate.
"Oh hey mom. I knew you would be here."
"Hey you two. Show Jamie your favourite ones Nate."
"Already on it Ma."
Chloe excused herself to find the bathroom again and Beca gave her instructions this time.
After about another hour, the tour has come to an end. They were all back at the tenth floor lobby. Cynthia Rose also joined them again now too after finishing her session with Emilia.
"What are your plans after this? Did you guys want to grab something to eat? We would love to catch up some more." Stacie offered.
Chicago and Jamie look to Chloe. Chloe weighed her options real quick. She really didn't want to push herself further, she still hasn't slept from working 16 hours then Jamie's soccer game this morning and the tour this afternoon.
"I'm really sorry you guys. We will have to set a proper catch up next time. I'm honestly beat I feel like I'm about to pass out."
Jamie grabbed Chloe's hand. "It's okay Chloe. Let's go home."
Chloe ruffled his hair and quickly fixed it too. "Thanks little guy."
Stacie then pulls Chloe into a hug. "It better not be years before I see you again." She then hands Chloe her phone. "Give me your number so you can let me know when you're free, Doctor hot stuff."
Chloe rolled her eyes but grabbed the phone anyway and put in her number.
"Stop it. Just send me a text or give me a call like a normal person." Chloe says handing Stacie back her phone. She then hugs Cynthia Rose.
"It's good to see you again Chlo. I look forward to that catch up."
"Me too. I'll see you guys soon."
Beca was just watching them until Chloe turned to her. She froze when Chloe approached her and hugged her.
"Thanks for inviting us today Bec. We appreciate it. We know how busy you all are."
Beca awkwardly pat Chloe's back twice
"We're glad you loved it."
After more goodbyes, Jamie grabbed both Chicago and Chloe's hands again as they walked to the elevator. They all looked back and waved one last time before entering.
When they were gone, Beca beat Cynthia Rose and Stacie to it. "Don't even dare say anything."
"What? Were you going to say something Stace?" Cynthia Rose asked all innocently.
"Nah. Why? Did anything happen?"
They both looked to Beca. Beca cringed at the thought.
"Fuck why am I so awkward."
Cynthia put an arm over her friend. "You're just being you."
Beca shook her head and stepped out of Cynthia's hold. "Nate you ready to go?" She calls out.
Nate walked out of her office with his backpack. Beca reached out for his hand, which he took. They said their final good byes to Stacie, Cynthia Rose and Katie all huddled up at the reception.
"Thanks for making today awesome guys." Beca says when they pass. "Nate what do you say?"
"Thank you. My friends loved it. I really enjoyed it too."
"You're always welcome Nate. We really enjoyed it too."
"Alright, I'm taking this one home. You three head home too."
Stacie and Cynthia Rose talked for a little bit about the day until Cynthia Rose had to leave and left Stacie with Katie.
Stacie was going to stay for a bit longer. She was waiting for a call from one of the distributors and event managers.
"Oh my god!" Katie gasped so loud that made Stacie turn to look at her.
"You okay there, Katie?"
"She's the girl in the photo. Chloe."
"What do you mean?"
"There's a photo of her and Beca on her desk. I knew I know that face."
"Aww that's cute. I'm going to hunt for that photo. Where exactly was it did you say?"
"It was in one of her - oh my god! It's her!" Katie was pointing to the elevators again where their guests disappeared to.
"Katie you already said that. We all know Chloe is Beca's one that got away."
"No no no. I mean Chloe. She was there. All those years ago. She was there. Oh my god. How did I not recognise her. Even her voice how could I forget. Would you know if she has any siblings? Specifically a sister."
"Breathe. I need you to get it together and talk slowly. What are you saying? And no. Chloe is an only child. But what does that have to do with anything?"
"When Beca gave birth to Nate. Chloe was there. I saw her. We even spoke."
Stacie considered it for a moment. She remembers that day well. She was there too. But she arrived a bit late.
"That can't be right. She was still in New York then and we were there too. No one mentioned to me about Chloe being there."
"I'm telling you she was also there. 100%. Should I tell her?"
"Who? Beca? Oh no. You can't. She's already a mess as it is."
Katie sighed. "I don't know what happened to them but I don't know somehow I'm rooting for their happy ever after."
"Me too. It's not my place to say what really happened to them but Beca fucked it up and she knows it."
"I know it's sad how obvious it is sometimes." Katie agrees.
"We know. Anyway, you did good today. Starts packing up you've already worked too much overtime. People might start saying we overwork you here."
"Thanks Boss. See you next week."
Jesse and Beca have a flexible agreement as to who has Nate for weekends. For this weekend, Nate was staying with Beca and Beca always tries to tuck him in whenever she can. Beca knocked softly before opening his bedroom door.
"Hey Buddy. Ready for bed?"
"Hey Mom."
"Make room for me?"
Nate moved to his right to make room for Beca. Beca settles next to Nate and rests the laptop she was carrying on her lap. She was resting both her hands gently over it. Nate looked at it curiously but didn't ask.
"So you were right I have been a nervous wreck."
"I'm always right." Nate answered smugly.
"Hey mothers are always right not the other way around."
"All I know is that you wanted today to be perfect cause Jamie is my friend and thanks for that Mom. I really appreciate that. Jamie loved it."
"There's another reason Bud, which is what I wanted to talk to you about cause you are the most important person in my life and I would never do anything that you are not comfortable with."
Nate shakes his head. "I don't think I understand mom."
Beca took a deep breath and started to lift her laptop slowly. As she waits for it to load, she starts to speak again.
"You see, before you and Jamie were born, as you know I lived in New York. I was working for this label in the city so I decided to move out of Grandma and Grandpa's place."
Nate was nodding. "Okay."
"So I looked for places to live that was close to my work and I found a place but it was too expensive to live alone so this place I found had one other person who I was going to live with and I didn't know her."
"Okay." Nate said again.
"The person I ended up living with was." Beca found the folder she was looking for and clicked it open. She then turned the laptop to Nate. "Doctor Chloe. Well she was just Chloe at that time."
Nate looked at their photo closely and a grin was slowly forming on his face. "Wow. That's you and Doctor Chloe."
"Yes we were housemates. We used to live together."
"That's awesome. I wonder if Jamie knows this."
"I'm not sure Bud maybe not."
Beca was getting into a slow rhythm of pressing the right arrow key to go through their photos for Nate to see. She only stopped pressing when a photo of the two of them on her parents' renewal of vows popped up. She smiled at the memory.
"Now here's a story. This photo was taken on grandma and grandpa's renewal of vows. At that time, I thought about taking Doctor Chloe to be my date as a joke to your grandparents."
"What do you mean Ma?"
"You know how boys can date boys and girls can date girls."
"Yes."
"Right so we were supposed to pretend to date but Doctor Chloe talked me out of it so I brought her anyway as a friend."
"Why did you want to pretend?"
"Well at that time. Not anymore now. Your grandparents were against me dating girls." Beca said slowly for Nate and trying to read his reaction.
"Okay. Did you date girls then?"
"Yes I did."
"Okay." Nate said again. Beca wasn't sure whether this was a good or bad thing and whether she should pry some more.
"You two looked very happy and pretty." Nate added.
Beca smiled at that. "Thanks Bud. We did."
"It looks like you were really good friends. What happened?"
"Long story short. We ended up dating for real. Doctor Chloe is mommy's ex-girlfriend." Beca paused and let that sink in to his little mind.
Nate really looked like he was thinking about it. He had his brows furrowed and his head tilted left and right.
"Why did you break up?"
Beca knew this was going to be brought up so she had already prepared an answer. "I chose LA and left. She didn't like that very much which is understandable so we have not seen each other or talked since. So imagine my surprise when I saw her as your Doctor that time you got hurt. It was the first time I've seen her since that night."
"She seemed okay at the hospital. She was very nice to me."
"To be fair, I think Doctor Chloe is nice to everyone, even me."
"So now what? You're both in LA now."
"Yup. That is the question. Now what."
"Do you still like her?"
"I don't think I ever stopped liking her Bud."
"I don't know if she likes you back Mom but I really hope so. Do you want me to find out for you?"
"What? No. That's not why I talked to you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with this, if it were to happen."
"Are you going to get married?"
"How would you feel about that?"
Nate shrugged and pointed at the photos. "If it'll make you that happy, then it will make me happy too."
Beca looked at the photo as well. Chloe had her arm tightly around Beca and Beca had her head at the crook of Chloe's neck. She could barely recognise herself by how big her smile was.
"Well I guess it's up to Doctor Chloe then. Wish me luck." Beca kisses the top of his head and closes her laptop.
"Good luck. It will also make it easier to sleep over at Dad's place knowing you won't be alone here."
"Hey. Don't worry about me, okay. Don't feel guilty for staying with your Dad."
"Just saying. Oh and Jamie, he loves Doctor Chloe very much and can be a bit possessive of her. But don't worry I'll help you."
"Let's cross the bridge when we get there. Bedtime for you."
"I love you Mom. Thanks for sharing that with me."
"I love you more." Beca tucked him in and kissed his head one more time. She got up and turned off the lights before leaving the room.
Everyone was looking at Chloe weird the moment she entered her department's floor. She arrived a little too early for her 8am shift and she was in a good mood. She shrugged off the weird feeling and went on her way.
"Good morning Doctor Beale!"
"How was your weekend Doctor?"
"Have a great day Doctor."
She could feel everyone being a bit extra chirpy to her today. Even her secretary had a big smile on his face when he opened the door for her.
"Thanks Scott."
She went straight to her desk but there was a massive bouquet of flowers propped up on it. She turns to her secretary.
"What are those?"
"Well Doctor they arrived this morning. There is a card on the side. I didn't open it. I didn't let anyone open it."
Chloe was curious. She dropped her bag and coffee and walked towards the display of flowers in front of her to investigate. It wasn't unusual for her to receive gifts; her patients would send her cookies and cakes from time to time too.
She grabbed the card and recognised the hand writing right away. She chuckled before she could even catch herself then her eyes rolled.
Scott cleared his throat. "Did you want me to put them in a vase and place it there?" He asked pointing to the coffee table in the middle of the room.
Chloe pulled out the card. "Yes please, thank you."
Her secretary did just that and left her in her office. She grabbed her coffee and took a sip. She looks to the flowers again before her eyes started to roam to look at her certificates and diplomas on the wall. Remembering her conversation with Beca, she mutters to herself.
"They may not feel warm for you but at least they don't break my heart."
She looked down at the card again thinking about what to do with it. She hasn't opened it. She knew it was from Beca, she can recognise that stroke from anywhere.
One side of her thinks she should just read it and get it over with while the other side wants her to just throw it straight to the trash. As a compromise, she pulls out her bottom drawer and decides to leave the card there for the meantime.
On the other hand, Beca was in her own office, trying not to look at her phone. She knew Chloe should have arrived at the hospital by now. She waited and waited but heard nothing from Chloe.
The next few days, Beca still has not heard anything from Chloe despite sending her flowers everyday. Beca's called the flower shop a few times to confirm delivery and they confirmed every single one. She's weighing whether it was a good idea to just give Chloe a call or should she personally deliver the flowers to her or should she just stop altogether. She busies herself with work and try not to think about Chloe as much.
It was a Wednesday morning and Chloe's shift doesn't start until mid-afternoon. She was just hanging out in her room when she first heard them. At first Chloe ignored the tantrums she could hear coming from Jamie's room. She already heard Chicago enter his room and the screaming stopped for a bit. Jamie probably didn't feel like going to school today.
But then she heard more shouting and she didn't want everyone's whole day to be ruined. Chloe was also starting to get worried when she hears Jamie calling for her name. She usually doesn't want to interfere when it came to these things and left Chicago to deal with them. But when she hears Jamie calling for her name again, she decides to step in.
"Alright alright. What's going on here?"
Chicago was seated on the edge of the bed next to Jamie. Jamie had his arms crossed and refused to look at Chicago. Chloe decided to sit next to Jamie. Chloe reached over Jamie and put a hand on Chicago's shoulder.
"Everything okay?"
"Sorry, Chloe." Chicago begins.
"You love me right?" Jamie cuts him off. Chloe then lets her hand drop to Jamie's shoulders.
"Of course I do."
"And my Dad?"
Chloe looked at Chicago before answering Jamie. "Yeah him too. We've been friends for a really long time."
"Dad loves you too. So why can't you be my mom?"
"Oh Babes come here. You see the love we have for each other is different. You will understand this more when you're older but you either feel love or you don't. If you don't, there just isn't a force in this world that can make you feel it. But with you, I love you and I don't have to be your mom to love you."
"What if I want you to be my mom?"
"I already treat you like my own. You don't even have to ask."
"No like really calling you my mommy."
"You sick of calling me 'Chloe'?"
"I actually really like your name but please Chloe? Let me call you mommy? Please."
"Someday Jamie, your Dad will meet someone that will love him the way I can't and when that happens you can call her your mom. I just don't want to take that away from her whoever that is. Am I making sense?"
Jamie thought about it. "But when will that be? I want to have someone to call my mommy right now."
Chloe racked her brains. She honestly does not know how to respond to that. She thinks Chicago might be dating someone but he's not telling her anything, which reminds her she does have a note of talking to him about that.
"And, what if I get another daddy?"
"What?" Both Chicago and Chloe said at the same time. Chloe couldn't stop her giggles.
Jamie ignored both their surprised 'what's' and Chloe's giggling. "Like you. You have two dads and no mommy. I just really want to call you my mommy. Please be my mommy Chloe. I promise I'll still call you Chloe sometimes. I can call you mommy Chloe?"
Jamie was getting the sniffles, he was really crying. If calling Chloe his mommy was so important to him, how could Chloe take that away from him?
Chloe and Chicago exchanged looks but Chloe assured him that she got this. Chicago looked both relieved and apologetic.
"You know what little man." Chloe fixes his hair and wipes his tears. "You're right. You can call me anything you like. I treat you like my son anyway. What difference does it make whether or not you call me mommy or Chloe. I do have a question."
"What is it mommy?" Jamie was blushing when he asked.
"What if mommy or daddy starts dating other people?"
Jamie smiles some more and Chloe knows it was because she referred to herself as his mommy.
"Why? Are you planning on dating someone?"
"Not really but your Dad might be."
"He's always going to be my Dad. But will you still be my mommy?"
"Of course. I will always love you no matter what. Even if you have a new mommy or daddy." Chloe says and it makes Chicago shake his head.
Jamie was deep in thought. Chloe had no idea what was running in that little mind of his.
"That's settled then cause it's not fair. Nate already has a mom, he doesn't need one more. He also has his Dad. It's not fair. Why does he have to have my Mommy."
"What are you saying Babes?"
"I just wish you could live here with us forever or for longer. I'm sorry. I'm just really going to miss you."
Jamie throws himself at Chloe and Chloe hugs him right away. He starts crying again.
"Shhh. It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I mean I'm not going to live here forever but you know I'm not leaving today or tomorrow as well."
Chloe looks to Chicago and he is just as confused as her. Chloe mouths 'help' to Chicago and he nods.
"Hey Jame." Chicago rubs his back. He was still crying on Chloe's shoulder. "Remember what we talked about when Chloe moved in, it was only temporary, she's not going to stay."
"Do you have to go live with Nate and his mom so soon?"
"No Babes. I'm not leaving to live with them. I'm not leaving yet too. Why are you kicking me out?"
"I'm not." Jamie says in between sobs.
"Look at me." Chloe pulls Jamie away and wipes his tears from his face. "You're always gonna have me whether or not I live here. Okay? I'm not going anywhere."
"You're not leaving?"
"Not yet no. You're stuck with me. Now why don't we get ready for school."
"Will you let me know if you are?"
"I will definitely talk to you first if it happens."
"Okay." Jamie nods and walks himself to the bathroom.
"I'm sorry Chloe. I don't know what happened."
"Yeah but I think I know someone who does."
Chloe stood up and knocked on Jamie's bathroom door. She doesn't want Jamie freaking out when he doesn't see her out here after his shower.
"Hey little guy, I got called in to work will you be okay?"
"Yes. Thank you. Will I see you after school?"
"Yes I'll be here. I'll see you then."
"Okay then. I love you."
"I love you too."
Chicago watched Chloe grab her purse and keys. "Please tell me you're not going there. I think we should all take a step back and just breathe and think about what we're doing."
"No. I need answers now. I'll see you later."
Chicago can only shake his head. He knows that look and there's really no stopping his friend. He just sighed. He tried.
Katie was surprised to see Chloe when she looked up from her desk. Chloe was smiling but she could tell she was not a happy camper. Katie swears she can see smoke coming out of her ears.
"Is she here?"
Katie knew who she was referring to and all she could do was nod. She quickly stood up and led Chloe to Beca's office. She knocked softly and when she heard the faint 'come in' from Beca she opened the door slowly.
"Ms Mitchell?"
"Katie how many times do I have to tell you it's just Beca." Beca suddenly stops when she saw Chloe behind Katie.
"Oh." Beca stood up right away. "Come in."
"I'll leave you two."
"Thanks Katie." Beca says but she doesn't take her eyes away from Chloe.
Chloe gave Katie a smile and a nod as she left. Once they were alone, Beca put both her hands up in defeat and approached slowly.
"Okay. I know it's been years but you're obviously not happy about something and since you're here, you're not very happy with me right now."
Chloe took a deep breath. She might be just overreacting but she really couldn't think straight. "What exactly did you tell Nate?"
"What do you mean? How did you?"
Chloe closed her eyes trying her best to be patient with Beca.
"He told Jamie." Beca guessed.
"Explain to me why I have an inconsolable little boy who insists to call me mommy all of a sudden cause he thinks I am leaving him to live with you and become Nate's mommy."
"I swear to god that's not what I told him."
"Enlighten me Bec."
"Okay so I told Nate everything but censored of course. I told him what I thought was appropriate and enough for him to know that I still like you and I want to try again with you."
"Why would you tell him that?"
"Cause it's the truth and of course I want to be honest with him. I didn't want to start anything with you without his blessing. Is that a bad thing?"
"No but he told Jamie and he might have had his own little twist to it who knows."
"I'm sorry. I'll talk to him okay, to the both of them."
"No. It's okay, I'll talk to Jamie later when he gets back from school."
"I'm really sorry I didn't know this was going to happen. Like I said, I wanted my son's blessing first before doing anything else and frankly I am surprised you haven't told Jamie about us."
"What's there to tell? It's all in the past."
"Is it really all in the past?"
"What are you doing Bec? You always take advantage of the fact that I can't say no to you, that I get soft when it comes to you. One smile, or smirk, or some witty sarcastic comment makes my heart flutter and it's irritating. What you're going to keep sending me flowers everyday? You're going to write me another song? Maybe you'll sing me one this time? I don't know why I lose all common sense when it comes to you." Chloe was a bit out of breath from all that rambling.
"I'm sorry Chloe. I don't know what to say. I just don't know where to start."
"What makes this sorry different? How is this different from all your other sorrys?"
"I just want another chance with you and I'm trying."
"In exchange for what? How many years of my life am I going to waste on you this time around?"
"I know your emotions are running on overdrive right now, but if your intention was to hurt me today, then congratulations you've succeeded."
"That wasn't my intention. I just wanna know why now? Why now when I have finally just picked up the pieces. Now when I can finally say that I'm okay."
"I'm so so sorry for choosing to leave. I don't know what else to say. I wish I could fuckin' turn back time Chlo but I can't and I'm sorry."
"Can you please just stop apologizing. I don't need your sorrys. I missed a big event that you invited me to once! For once I chose med school over you, I chose myself over you. For the first time I said no to you because honestly I was tired of balancing you with med. I was overwhelmed. And what did you do?"
Beca was left speechless.
"You failed us both that night. I was ready and willing to look beyond what you did and move forward together. I loved you Bec."
"I loved you too. I still love you Chloe."
"But I say no to you once and you leave me? Is that the kind of love you have for me?"
"You know why I chose to leave. I wanted what was best for Nate. I was so scared that I was going to fucking screw things up with him. And you didn't deserve that. You deserved so much more. Fuck Chloe, you deserve nothing but."
"That's bullshit and you know it. You always say how I don't deserve this or that or that you don't deserve me or that I'm too good for you or that I'm out of your league."
"I just wanted what was best for Nate."
"I get that Bec and I understand. But what I can't get my head around is how you couldn't find one reason to stay?"
"You're asking me to choose between you and my son."
"No one's asked you to do that and I would never. Staying or leaving wasn't the same as choosing between us."
"It wasn't your burden to carry. It was my mistake. I should live with my mistake."
"We were partners. We were supposed to figure it out together. I wanted to be there for you."
"Look okay, here I am now. Tell me it has not crossed your mind that maybe we were brought back into each other's lives for a reason. Can't you see? This is our second chance."
"So you were just waiting for something to happen? What if we never crossed paths again? You know what, I don't even know why we're still talking about this."
"But we did cross paths again. Here you are in my office getting mad at me. Call me crazy but I'm glad you're here."
"You were the one who left me. Logically, you're the one who's supposed to come back and I stopped waiting for you to come back a long time ago."
"But I'm back now. I'm right here. Look I don't want to fight with you anymore. I told Nate because I want us to try again. I want to try again with you." Beca took one cautious step towards Chloe.
Chloe didn't move and Beca took another step. "I know I am coming to you with a lot of things, including my new life now that is scrutinized by the public, the tabloids will eat this up. They will have a field day. They haven't found a story about me worth writing in ages."
"I don't care about that."
"I'm just saying. I'm baring it all out to you. This is all of me now. Please just one more chance. It's all I ask."
"What if I don't want this anymore? What if I'll never get over what happened?"
"I don't believe you. I think that's just your pride talking."
She regretted it as soon as she said the words and Chloe slapped her as soon as she said it.
"Fuck you Beca." And she walks out on her.
Beca closed her eyes for a bit. She was stunned but she deserved that for being an asshole. "Fuck!" Beca wanted to kick something. She wanted to scream.
She then rushes out her office to chase after Chloe. She couldn't see Chloe so she ran towards the reception area.
"Where'd she go?" She quickly asked Katie.
"She just left." Katie pointing to the elevators.
Beca ran to the elevators and was pressing the button so hard as she watched the other one go down quick.
She slams on the elevator buttons hard. "Fuck! You and your stupid mouth." Beca slams on the buttons some more. "Goddammit!" She was slamming her fists on the wall and kicked the doors. "Fuckin' hell!"
She then kicks open the fire exit door and decides to go up to the roof for some fresh air. She didn't have her phone with her so she couldn't call Chloe, which turns out to be a good thing because who knows what other idiotic things she might say.
Katie just stood there frozen. She's never seen Beca like that before and she wasn't sure how to approach her.
Cynthia Rose then comes out of her office. "What the hell is going on out here?"
"It's Beca. I think she went up to the roof. Chloe was here, they were talking in her office for a while then I saw Chloe leaving and then Beca tried to chase after her but she was already gone." Katie rambled.
"Okay. I'll handle it don't worry. Thanks Katie. Up the roof, yeah?"
Katie just nodded and sat down slowly. Cynthia Rose followed Beca to the roof to check up on her. She found Beca pacing back and forth mumbling to herself.
"Come on tell me. How bad was it?" Cynthia Rose asked simply.
"What's wrong with me?" She stops to ask Cynthia Rose and then she screams to no one in particular. "Why am I such a fuckin' asshole?!"
"No wonder she doesn't want to be with me. I wouldn't want to be with me right now too. God!" Beca kicks the groud again.
Cynthia Rose allows her friend to just let it all out.
A few more days passed. Chloe hasn't talked to anyone about what happened. The only person she can think of telling is Aubrey but that won't help with anything cause she knows Aubrey already hates Beca as it is.
Beca's been trying to contact her but she's ignored all of Beca's messages and calls. She wouldn't even listen to the voice mails she's left for her. Beca stops after a while but the flowers kept coming.
Beca didn't like how things ended with her confrontation with Chloe a few days ago and Chloe's been ignoring her completely. So even though a part of her thought this wasn't the smartest idea she decided to pay her a visit at the hospital. She drove past Chloe's place and her car wasn't there so she figured she would be here in the hospital. Beca parked her car in the basement parking for the lesser chance of being spotted by anyone. She wouldn't be surprised if Chloe filed a restraining order against her or something. She was borderline stalking her.
She didn't know what to expect when she entered Chloe's floor. She received several curious looks but she kept her head low. She went straight for Chloe's secretary, which is how she found herself in Chloe's office. She was told that Chloe was still in the OR and that she could wait for her here.
She tried her hardest to keep still and stay seated. But not knowing when Chloe was going to be back made Beca a bit restless. So she stood up to stretch then walked to the window to check out the view. It didn't last long. She soon found herself walking towards the bookshelf. They were filled with medical books.
Beca suddenly turned around when she heard the door opening. Chloe walked in with her phone on her ear.
"Just please call me when you can. I really need you right now." Chloe was leaving a voice mail for Aubrey. She closed her door slowly with the heel of her foot and that's when she saw Beca standing opposite her.
She was not expecting to see Beca. The last time they were alone and talked it didn't quite end well.
"Sorry. Your secretary said I should wait here. Is this a bad time?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you and apologise again. I know I'm the last person you want to see." Beca then took a proper look at Chloe and noticed how her cheeks were tear stained and her eyes and nose were a bit red. She looked like she had been crying.
"Is everything okay? What's wrong?"
Chloe was slightly taken aback by the question. She knows she's been caught so she doesn't try to hide her sniffles. She walks toward her desk to drop her stuff and pull out a tissue.
"I'm just having a really tough day today." Chloe's voice cracked as she blew her nose.
Just by instinct Beca was right in front of Chloe and reached out for her arms. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Chloe forces a smile and shakes her head. "Not really."
"Okay. Did you want to be alone? I should go."
Beca let go of Chloe and quickly grabbed her stuff behind her. Chloe was about to reach out for Beca when her phone rang.
"Hey Aubs."
"What's going on? You didn't sound too good on the phone."
"Thanks for calling me back but something came up, can I return your return call to me?"
"This better be good Chloe."
"I love you. Bye."
"You too." Aubrey sighed and the line went dead.
"Hey Bec." Chloe waited for Beca to face her. "If you're not too busy or if you don't have anywhere to be. I'm going to be staying here overnight and I was just going to study and go through some videos to pass the time. I don't really want to be alone."
Beca was definitely not expecting that but she wasn't going to pass up this opportunity. Chloe doesn't exactly know why she asked Beca to stay but she knows she didn't like the feeling of how their last talk ended. Maybe it was also good for her to let it out of her system too.
"You don't have to ask me twice." Beca drops her bags and finds a seat on the lounge. "I'm sure you haven't eaten?"
"Not yet no, what about you?"
"Neither. Alright leave it to me, I'll take care of dinner tonight. Just do your thing."
Beca settled down on one side of the couch and took out her laptop. She figured that she could work here a little too while keeping Chloe company. She was bound to catch up on her emails at some point.
Chloe was on her desk staring at her computer. She was trying to read her notes but she was too distracted. She was watching Beca and felt an overwhelming feeling of déjà vu.
She then gave in and picked up her notebook and laptop. Chloe decided to sit next to Beca on the couch to complete the feeling.
Beca tried to let Chloe do her thing but she couldn't stand it anymore.
"About Wednesday." Beca started.
"Let's not. Not right now."
"That bad a day?"
"I love what I do and some days you feel on top of the world but some days you're swimming in the ocean of extreme sorrow. And that's where I'm at today, drowning."
"You know they say you will sacrifice a lot but don't sacrifice too much." Beca tries to comfort Chloe.
"Did you get that from Doctor Harrison? Cause I swear I heard the exact same thing from him."
"Oh my god I think I did."
Beca took it as a small win when Chloe smiled and laughed a little.
"What do you think of this?" Beca offered her headphones to Chloe. Chloe listened but didn't say anything until the end.
"I know what you're doing."
Beca shrugged. "It's the only way I know how to apologise."
Chloe sighed. "Who should I forgive then the one in the song or you?"
"But that's the same person. They're both me."
"They don't feel the same person to me."
"Who do you want me to be then?"
"I think you are my Robin after all."
"Robin? How I met your mother Robin?"
"Yeah the person that I loved very much, but cannot be with. And whoever I'll meet, whatever I'll do, nothing will be like it would be with you."
"What?! No. I'm not your Robin. No way. I refuse to be your Robin." Beca was shaking her head along with waving her finger.
"So I'm your Robin then?"
"No we're both not each other's Robins."
Chloe laughed at Beca's theatrics. She was always so dramatic sometimes.
"So you wanna be with me then?" Beca kept up with the banter.
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. You also said you love me."
"I said loved. As in, in the past."
Beca stayed quiet. She wanted to think about her words this time. Chloe was being playful and was willing to banter but she knew the real meaning behind the words.
"Is this really how it is when it comes to love? Do we really have to hurt too?" Chloe breaks the silence.
"I guess if we get hurt along the way then so be it. It's just a part of loving someone."
"Why do we hurt the people we love?"
Beca didn't have an answer for that.
"Why does the hurting always have to come with loving you?" Chloe continued.
"I never meant to hurt you. I know I did and I chose to do it. And to this day I will never understand the choices I made but I never wanted to hurt you."
Beca drops her laptop and sits facing Chloe. "If that scares you so much, don't you want to be brave? Let's be brave together Chlo."
"I'm so scared Bec." Chloe turns to face her for the first time.
"I get it. I'm scared too. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself if I hurt you again. Give me one more chance."
"I really want to." Chloe looks straight into Beca's eyes. "I really really wanted this."
Beca moved closer and held Chloe's face. She wanted nothing more than to kiss her. "I don't care if I spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
"I wish it was that easy."
"I never meant to hurt you."
"I know."
Beca took a deep breath and exhaled. "Move in with me."
"What?"
