Chapter 14
Jeff entered the apartment to find all three of his resident sons sprawled on the couch, Alan snoring gently against Scott's side while the older two talked in low voices. The two who were still awake fell silent as he entered, twin stares turning on him at the intrusion. The animosity directed towards him was perhaps well deserved he reflected, his actions maybe hadn't been worthy of the respect he had always insisted upon.
"Evening Scott, Gordon." He raised an eyebrow at the scene; it was late and Alan should have been in his own bed not drooling into a blanket. A look of disapproval was clearly evident in Jeff's features and Scott was keen to deflect it away from his brothers.
"He didn't want to go to bed and I didn't have the heart to make him. He's been out of it for a while though, as soon as Gordon gave him the blanket he was gone." With Scott home and Gordon not shutting himself away in his room Alan had been reluctant to head off to bed. It was clear that the youngest sibling had been lonely as he clung to the human contact.
"I didn't realise that still worked." Jeff found himself caught in a flashback to a much younger Alan being swaddled in the same blanket at the farmhouse to make him sleep.
"Yeah, well, he used to try and stay up and wait for you to get home after we moved here. If it got too late I'd get the blanket out then carry him to his room once he crashed. He's lighter than what Coach had me lifting."
So that was how Gordon had known it would work Scott mused. As soon as the clock had ticked past Alan's bed time and the teenager had shown no signs of moving without a fight Gordon had dug out the old fleece blanket to 'help him get comfy' and within minutes the snoring had started. Gordon had even had the foresight to make Alan put on his pyjamas and clean his teeth before the trio had settled in on the couch. He wondered just how many nights that small blonde form had tried to wait up in the hope of seeing their father only for the man not to appear until long after bed time.
"How come you're so late back. Is everything ok?"
"This isn't late" Gordon butted in, "it's pretty normal for Dad."
"Dad?"
"The business needs me."
"But it's nearly 11 o'clock."
"You boys were ok though. You could have called me if I was needed."
"Would you have answered? Like you said, it's late, I'd better get him off to bed." Scott sensed more tales untold in Gordon's weary response.
With Scott still pinned under his sleeping sibling Gordon completed the last stage of the maneuver he was evidently well practiced at. Despite his lack of recent exercise he was still able to easily slide his arms under and carry the youngest Tracy off to his own bed.
With that settled Scott turned to his father.
"So you're never back for bedtime?"
"I get here when I can"
"And how often is that?"
No response. To Scott the silence was more telling than any answer. So that was how it had worked; Jeff would stay out at the office until goodness knows when and Gordon would take responsibility for ensuring Alan was fed and in bed at a reasonable time. It was horribly similar to his own teenage years except he had always had Virgil at his side; Gordon had taken on that role from a younger age, in an unfamiliar city, without sibling support and all while keeping up with his swimming training. No wonder he could display a maturity far beyond his years when needed, the last four years had been a trial that Gordon must have excelled at seeing as none of them had realised what was happening.
"After all this and you still call Gordon a kid; are you really that blind? He's more mature than you give him credit for. Looks to me like Gordon has been more of a Dad to Alan over these last four years than you have and you weren't much of a parent before that; it was sink or swim for Virg and I and it looks like you've done exactly the same to Gordon. It's just as well he is such a good swimmer, isn't it."
Scott's berations, carried out in hissed undertones, were cut off by the return of Gordon.
"He didn't even stir" Gordon reassured them as he reentered the room, "and now I ought to head off too. Goodnight Dad. Goodnight Scott." Gordon had been enjoying catching up with his brother but the return of their father had soured his mood and now he just wanted to escape. It was also impossible to miss the daggers in the looks Scott was giving their father and he had no energy to deal with another argument.
"Gordon, wait." Accompanied by an audible sigh and eyeroll Gordon paused and turned at the direct request, hoping whatever it was would be over swiftly. "Before you go off to bed I just wanted to let you know that I've been in touch with my lawyers. I'm going to get those text books changed; just because something is factually accurate that doesn't make it right. And Gordon, no more keeping secrets from me. If I had known I would have got involved sooner"
Gordon nodded his acknowledgement but couldn't go quite as far as voicing thanks, after all the books weren't changed yet. His father was also still conveniently ignoring that it hadn't been a secret at the time, he had just refused to listen to Gordon.
After Gordon had escaped back to his own sanctuary Scott rounded on their father.
"No more keeping secrets; that's rich coming from you. So does this mean you're going to tell them your grand plan."
"Not now Scott, I'm tired and it's been a long day."
"Yeah, well it's been a long day for Gordon too. You've got no idea what goes on here, do you. He deserves to know."
"He's just a child."
"There you go again, he is NOT a child and hasn't been for a long time. You need to wake up and start seeing him for who he is, both of them. You're just lucky Alan still worships you but when Gordon gets in to WASP…"
"IF he gets in."
"WHEN, because trust me I will do my damned best to help him get there. When Gordon gets into WASP just who do you think will be there for Alan? There won't be anyone left to make excuses or cover for you. Unless you step up and start being an active parent you are going to lose Alan just like you are losing Gordon. Now if you will excuse me it's late and I promised I would take Alan to school in the morning."
Scott spun on his heels and strode out the room leaving a stunned Jeff in his wake. The older man stood there for a moment before heading to the cupboard and pulling out a bottle of single malt. The measure he poured was rather larger than usual in deference to the trying day he had had.
Retreating to his favourite armchair in the now deserted lounge, scotch in hand, Jeff reflected on the events of the day. Dealing with lawyers always gave him a headache even if he was the one who had initiated contact. The Department of Education had tried to give him a similar brush off to Gordon but Jeff hadn't got where he was in life by giving up at the first hurdle. To find out that Lucille's death was read out in classrooms up and down the state had been a shock. That moment was private, a personal tragedy, not something to be critiqued in the story of his meteoric rise to fame.
Lucille.
What on earth would she make of all this? He had always told himself that he was doing what was best for their children, but was he, really? Virgil and John seemed to be doing okay and he'd never had any concerns about Scott. Well, until now that is. The son he had earmarked as his Field Commander seemed to be pulling away from him, no longer willing to follow his direction.
And what about the youngest two? He realised with sadness that he barely knew Alan. He knew Alan was doing well at school, he would soon have picked up on it if his grades slipped, but he didn't know his son's likes and dislikes. The fact he attended senior science club wasn't much of a surprise, all of his sons except Gordon seemed to have a flair for the sciences, but if you had asked him where Alan went on a Wednesday he wouldn't have known the answer. Had this needed another permission form that Gordon had dealt with?
Which left Gordon. The son who had a world record to his name but hadn't been to the pool in weeks. The son who could have been offered a commission in WASP but was instead flicking through the prospectuses of third rate universities. If ever there was a damning indictment of his parenting skills it was Gordon.
The first glass had been drained in an instant and he poured a second measure. Jeff swirled the amber liquid around the tumbler, watching how it caught the light from the lamps and seemed to glow.
Gordon.
He tried to think back to that first move to the city. With both Virgil and John packed off to university it just left him and the little ones, except Gordon was now no longer the little boy, barely a teenager, who had been transplanted from the wheat fields. Somewhere along the line the little boy had grown up. The little boy had been forced to grow up because he had been so used to his sons working as a self-reliant unit that he hadn't thought to step in again as the older ones moved away. And now, four years down the line, Gordon was on the brink of adulthood and he hadn't even realised. Seventeen but carrying responsibilities way beyond his years.
Jeff thought back to himself at seventeen with his future all mapped out in his head. Yale and the Air Force were calculated stepping stones to enable him to complete astronaut training; a dream he had committed himself to despite his father's wishes. Oh yes there had been arguments there, blazing rows in the farmhouse kitchen with the father that wanted him to take on the family farm. His fledgling relationship with Lucille had been a godsend in that tempestuous period and had provided him with a bolt hole when it all got too much trying to defend his choices.
Yet here he was seemingly treating Gordon in the same way he had resented all those years ago, the only difference being he was forcing his son towards university instead of agriculture. Would it really be so bad if Gordon skipped out on tertiary education? He'd only gone to university himself because it was a requirement of the World Space Agency rather than because he had any particular fondness for further study. Gordon had picked a career, a solid career, that didn't require a university education and he was denying his son that freedom of expression due to his own skewed ideals. He didn't even know if Gordon had a girlfriend to comfort and counsel him through these trying times; probably not, where would he have found the time around caring for Alan?
Maybe Scott was right. Maybe he had seriously underestimated his fourth son. It was time to look beyond the mediocre grades and instead start seeing the child, no, the young man he corrected himself, who showed such devotion to his family that he had tried to single-handedly take on the Department of Education because he knew in his core it was the right thing to do.
Doing the right thing. Such lofty ideals were part of the reason why he hadn't noticed what was going on under his own roof, he'd been so absorbed in the project that was to be Lucille's legacy. Yet seemingly the son he had most overlooked was the embodiment of what he was trying to achieve; compassion mixed with determination. Gordon's Olympic win definitely showed the determination, you don't become a champion without focus, drive and a dedication to hard work. Maybe WASP was the right place for Gordon. The aquanaut service would keep him physically stimulated and Gordon seemingly possessed a mature and caring side that would be suited to the peacekeeping ethos of the organisation. The world needed aquanauts.
Possibilities began to flow and spark in Jeff's head. His organisation, his dream, needed pilots, engineers and astronauts, perhaps his dream also needed an aquanaut. Most of the planet was covered in the oceans and it was a gaping hole in the capabilities of the outfit he had planned not to be able to undertake aquatic rescues. In the same way he had seen the possibilities in the paths the eldest three had chosen perhaps WASP could provide the training foundations for Gordon. If Gordon were to enrol in WASP then by the time the rescue business was ready to commence operations his fourth son could be a fully qualified submarine pilot ready to join the ranks among his elder brothers. Adding the skills of an aquanaut would allow him to help save many more families but in order for that to happen first he needed to fix his own and repair the gaping chasm between him and the son he had wronged.
By the time Jeff made it to his own bed that night the level in the scotch bottle was considerably lower and his lofty visions considerably higher.
xoxoxox
The apartment was bustling the next morning. Alan was moaning about having to go to school while first Gordon and then Scott chivvied him out of bed and made sure he had all his books for the day. It was a similar scene to that which had played out the day before although Jeff hadn't been there to witness it having left early for the office as usual.
"Do I really have to go in?"
"Yes, you do. Dad would ground you for a month if he found you skipped school." Gordon was stern and unmovable.
"But Scott…" The pleading was switched from one big brother to the other
"We went through all this yesterday Alan" there was an exasperation in Scott's voice that could only be dragged out by a young teenager, "I'll be here until at least Monday so we'll have all weekend together. You are not missing class just because I'm here."
"But you will be there after school, won't you?"
"Yes, just like we were yesterday. Now will you please just eat some breakfast, we have to leave soon and I don't want you going to school on an empty stomach."
Jeff stepped into the doorway and the three sons around the counter froze at the unexpected movement.
"Alan, eat your breakfast. Your brothers are right, you need to get moving."
The peanut butter bagel Alan had been nursing started to be gulped down at an indigestion inducting rate. All moaning, in fact all conversation in its entirety, stopped in favour of heading out the door as swiftly as possible rather than incur the wrath of Jeff. For him to be at home on a week day was out of the ordinary and the boys were not inclined to stick around to find out why. Within minutes he was left in an empty apartment after giving the eldest two a stern instruction to come straight home once Alan was in school.
Savouring the silence Jeff made himself a large coffee and awaited the return of Scott and Gordon. The caffeine injection was definitely needed, he had been up until the small hours with thoughts chasing round his head and when he did finally drift off his sleep had been troubled. Thankfully his diary for the day had been mercifully scant, the few appointments easy to rearrange. Jeff was not a man to shy away from problems but it had been a shock to realise that the biggest problems were under his own roof and of his own making.
He had barely finished the cup when Scott and Gordon returned and joined him in the lounge. Neutral territory.
"Boys, we have a lot to discuss."
"We do?" the skepticism radiated off of Scott. Talks with their father were generally too one-way to be considered a discussion.
"We do. But please, hear me out first."
Gordon and Scott perched side by side on the couch, presenting a united front. Their expressions were stony, clearly expecting another example of their father laying down the law. Jeff took a deep breath. He'd always had an unshakable self-confidence; when facing the cruel realities of space or facing down a boardroom that self-confidence had carried him home safe and seen him through difficult situations. Now his faith in his own abilities, his abilities as a father, had been shaken. The silence in the room seemed to create a vacuum, a void that needed filling.
"I...I've not been around as much as I probably should have. Initially, when your mother first died, I threw myself into my work. I had to work hard to keep the family together, keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. The business was young then and times were tough. I don't have that excuse now."
Their current situation was a far cry from the early days of borrowing money and hoping the risks paid off. Looking back he should have realised he wasn't the only one making sacrifices but grief and the scotch had clouded his judgement. As time wore on his use of a liquid crutch had lessened but he had still buried himself in his work, still relied on his sons to hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. But worst of all he hadn't even realised they were doing it. He had forced his sons to grow up quickly, he shouldn't have been surprised when they started to spread their wings and go their own ways.
"No, you don't." Scott wasn't going to make this easy. All he'd heard so far was thinly veiled justification for neglecting them all, neglect that had carried on long after the debts were repaid.
Jeff steeled himself for words he's never thought he would have to say. "I'm sorry. I should have been there." He received a half-nod from Scott but Gordon wouldn't even meet his eye, his own mistreatment still too raw and fresh for him to accept the apology. Jeff plunged on. "So Gordon, tell me about WASP."
Gordon's head snapped up. "What do you want to know?" The voice held an undertone of venom and suspicion.
"For a start I'd like to know why you want to join up."
"Does it matter what I want?"
"Believe it or not, it does. Please Gordon."
"I'm not cut out for college, you must be able to see that."
"You'd be fine if you'd only put your mind to it."
A glare from Scott prevented him from commenting further and Jeff had to bite his tongue to remind himself that this wasn't just about him any more. He'd resolved to give Gordon his chance to explain.
A reassuring hand on Gordon's shoulder from Scott gave the younger sibling the confidence to speak out. Soon the words he had been bottling up tumbled out and Jeff witnessed an enthusiasm that had long been absent. Gordon had had plenty of opportunity to think on what he had been ripped away from since being dragged out of selection. Jeff sat there and watched as Gordon spoke with passion about teamwork, new skills, that chance to be active, to help people and to protect the environment.
Jeff waited patiently until the words dried up, pausing to let it all sink in before responding. Everything his son had said, particularly the desire to help people, resonated strongly with what he himself wanted to achieve. Everything he heard cemented the decision he had made the previous night to allow Gordon to join WASP with a long term goal of his son becoming a rescue operative.
The two sons watched him from the couch, awaiting his pronouncement like prisoners awaiting sentencing. It pained him to see the mix of hope and fear tinged with an edge of resentment that graced Gordon's features; he'd really had made a mess of things but it was time to start making amends and putting things right.
"Okay Gordon, I'll support you in joining WASP as I should have done from the outset. I ask one thing though, that in the meantime you work with me to gain your pilot's licence. Your older brothers could all fly by your age and there is a good chance you will need those skills before much longer." Jeff met Scott's eye and gave a half nod, an acknowledgement of his son's request for no more secrets. "You see Gordon, I'm looking at moving soon and for very good reason…"
