I went to upstairs to my room as quickly as I could, without causing any suspicions. I got ready for bed, and once in my
pajamas, I laid on my stomach across my bed, finishing the work I had to do before my class the next night.
The next morning, I finished my breakfast, and started packing up food for that night, like I'd promised Adam I would do.
The kitchen, as was typical for that time of the morning, was chaotic. A real zoo. Everybody eating, and talking, and
getting up and down from the table. In the midst of it all, the phone rang, and somebody went to answer it.
Hannah came to stand next to me, as I was slathering mustard on the bread for my sandwich.
"I was thinking, we haven't had a girl's day for a long time. Why don't we do something together soon?"
"Okay. Sure," I said, laying a piece of turkey on top of the mustard.
"We can talk later on about what we want to do," Hannah said, and gave me a side hug. "Make sure you take some fruit,"
she added.
She paused once more, and then cupped my chin in her hand. "You alright?" she asked, her face lined with worry. "You've
been awfully quiet lately."
"I'm fine, Hannah."
"Hmm," she said, looking doubtful, but dropping her hand from my chin.
"Really. Don't worry about me," I said.
"Well, I can't help that. Worrying about you just goes along with being a big sister." She smiled at me, still looking tired
and worried.
Her looking that way only strengthened my resolve to stop all this nonsense now. The whole family was suffering because of
this stupid custody thing.
I left shortly after that, my backpack slung over my shoulder. Adam was at the door to see Guthrie and I off, just like he was
every morning.
"You two have a good day," he told us.
Guthrie and I said goodbye and then Guthrie followed behind me, on the drive to the high school.
Guthrie and I went our separate ways at the front door of the school. I went about my day, trying to focus, and after school
I went directly to my truck in the parking lot. I thought I'd sit there, and do my homework while I waited for Karissa to show up. I was
midway thru an English vocabulary sheet when I looked up, and happened to notice that Guthrie's truck was still parked in the parking lot, too.
I saw up straighter in the seat, looking around for him. He should have been gone by now, and on his way home! I didn't want him to still
be hanging around when Karissa showed up.
When I didn't see him anywhere, I got out and went to investigate. It wasn't hard to find him. He was in the school gym, shooting hoops
with Trent and Lonnie.
"Hey, Har!" he called to me, in between shots.
"How long are you gonna be around?" I asked him, and immediately he stopped, dribbling the ball as he stood in place.
"Why?" he demanded.
"I just wondered," I said vaguely.
"I don't know. I'm gonna be goin' home here in a bit," Guthrie said, which was, actually, not an answer at all.
"I thought you were goin' to the library or somethin'," he added.
"Uh huh," I said.
I took a look at the big clock up in the gym. 3:55 p.m. I needed Guthrie to get going, and quickly. What if Karissa decided
to show up early or something? Then Guthrie would get his mad on, and be wanting to know what the heck I thought I was
up to, having Karissa come to talk.
"Come on, Guthrie!" Lonnie hollered, and Guthrie began to play the game again.
I sighed and went trudging back out to the truck. Why was nothing ever easy? I mean, nothing!
When I'd sat there for a few minutes, I saw the boys coming out of the school building, shoving each other around playfully.
I started the truck and drove out of the parking lot, towards the city library, just in case Guthrie happened to be paying attention.
Once there, I parked, facing the highway. Five minutes later Guthrie drove past, honking a greeting at me as he headed
towards home. I sighed in relief, and drove back to the school parking lot again.
I parked, and had only just begun work on the vocab worksheet again when I saw sunshine glinting on a windshield, and looked up
to see Karissa's car pulling in, to park next to me.
Suddenly, I felt incredibly nervous. Anxious about being face-to-face with her again. She was already out of the car, smoothing her
skirt, and coming around to the front of the truck.
I took a deep breath, and opened my door, closing it behind me, and leaning against the truck.
"Hello," Karissa said, smiling at me.
"Hi," I said, feeling as though that was lame, greeting her that way. After what she'd done.
"I was so glad when you called, Harlie," she said then. "You just can't imagine how glad."
Still, with her being right there in front of me, I was having trouble finding my words.
"I need to talk to you-" I said, and she nodded.
"Yes. I think it would be good if we could talk." She cast a look around the parking lot of the school. "Let's go somewhere where
we can sit down to talk."
"No," I said, stoutly, and she looked at me, surprised.
"We don't need to go anywhere," I went on. "What I have to say won't take that long."
"Alright," she said, looking at me expectedly. Waiting.
"I want you to know," I began, "that you've caused so much damage by filing this custody thing. You've hurt my whole family."
"I'm your family, too, Harlie," she said. "Even though your brothers would like you to forget that."
"Don't!" I said, raising my voice. "Don't start in on them!"
She subsided for a moment, looking at me, and I plunged on.
"I know you're family, too. At least you could have been. But you ruined that when you did this. It was wrong, and-hurtful,
and I want you to take it back. I want you to drop the case."
For a long few moments, Karissa didn't answer. She looked at me, and then she shook a cigarette out of the pack in her hand,
and lit it with her lighter. She took a long draw on it.
"Why?" she asked finally.
I stared at her in misunderstanding, surprised at her question.
"What?" I asked. "What do you mean, 'why'?"
"Have you only thought of the way it's affecting everyone at home?" she asked. "How it's making them feel?"
"Well, of course I am," I burst out, without thinking. "Do you think I like seeing my brothers in pain, and seeing Hannah try
to smile even when she's feeling so bad?"
"That's exactly right," she said, looking satisfied.
I blinked at the quickness of her mind, jumping around subject to subject.
"What's exactly right?" I demanded.
"You're worried about your brothers. And Hannah. Naturally. You wouldn't be your mother's daughter if you weren't caring
and thoughtful that way. But put away those worries for a moment. If it weren't for the family's resistance to the idea, how would
you feel then?"
"I'd feel the same," I snapped.
"I'm not so certain about that, sweetheart. I think you're reacting to their feelings, and their wounded pride."
Now she was talking about wounded pride? Honestly, she talked in riddles.
"I'm not," I denied. "I mean, that's not all I'm thinking about! I don't want to live with you! I want to stay at home, with
my family."
"I'd let you see them, you know," she said then. "As often as you liked."
"That has nothing to do with it," I argued.
"I doubt that they would say the same, though, would they?" she asked me. "They've put a stop to you seeing me now. So
I have no doubt that they'd get even more bitter against me if you were to stay with them. They'd never let me see you. We'd
have to wait until you were 18."
"You're not listening to me!" I said, resisting the urge to stamp my foot like a little kid.
"I am listening, sweetheart," she said.
"Then you're listening, but you're not HEARING," I clarified.
"It would be so wonderful. If you lived with me. You'd have every opportunity. Every chance to do whatever you wanted. Things
you'll never be able to do otherwise," Karissa insisted.
I reached deep inside, and sought the courage of my mother. Who had stood up to Karissa many times. And won. With
grace and dignity. And strength.
"You have more money than my family does," I said. "That's true. But money isn't everything."
"You're so young, Harlie. Only a very young person would say that."
"Just because you think that money is all there is, that doesn't mean everybody feels the same. And how young I am has nothing to do with it."
"I don't mean that the way it sounded," Karissa amended. "I know that there are things much more important than
money." She hesitated, and took another puff from her cigarette. "I'm expressing myself badly, I afraid."
She sighed, and then threw her cigarette to the ground, scuffing it out with her high heel.
"Let's go somewhere," she said again. "We can get a bite to eat, and talk, in a more relaxed setting."
"No," I said stubbornly.
She reached up to brush back her hair, and it was then that I saw her hand was shaking. Trembling.
"Please, Harlie."
"I can't. I have class in an hour."
"I'll have you back in plenty of time for that," she promised.
Thoughts ran thru my mind. I didn't want to go anywhere with her. But now that she'd lost her superior attitude, and seemed
more vulnerable, I thought I might actually be getting thru to her.
"You want me to drop the case," she said slowly. "I want to talk to you some more about it. Before I agree to that, I mean."
My heart leaped with hope inside. I tried to rein that hope in a bit. I tried to push back the warning thoughts that were
jumping thru my brain.
"I don't want to go very far," I said, looking at her with cautious optimism.
"Of course. Wherever you'd like," she agreed.
"We can go to the pizza place," I said.
She nodded in agreement. "Let's go in my car," she said.
Again, the warnings ran thru my brain. I shoved them back.
"Okay," I agreed, and reached into the truck to shove my wallet under the driver's seat, out of sight, and then I locked
my truck, putting the key in the pocket of my jeans.
I got into the cushy elegance of Karissa's front seat, and even at that moment of stress, I thought that it was really too bad
that Guthrie hadn't had a chance to ride in the car, and probably he never would. He would've thought it was amazing.
We pulled out of the school parking lot, and I was still trying to push down my misgivings.
If Adam knew what I was doing right now...
It took just a matter of a few minutes to get to the pizza place. Mr. Jones, who's the owner, and who was a good friend
of my dad's thru the years, smiled in greeting.
"It's Harlie," he said.
"Hi, Mr. Jones."
"How's the family?" he asked.
"Everybody's fine," I said automatically.
"What would you ladies like to order?" he asked us.
"Salad's fine," Karissa said.
"Me, too," I said. I wasn't hungry, anyway.
As Mr. Jones went to place our order, I had the nagging worry that he might see Adam somewhere, and tell him that I'd been in
with a very well dressed lady...
7
We didn't talk much until our salads had been placed in front of us, and, even then, Karissa nor I either one ate much.
I waited for her to reintroduce the subject of dropping the custody suit, but she didn't. Instead, she caught me off guard when
she started asking me about the family. First it was Ford. She wanted to know if he'd been home recently, and what he was studying
at college and all of that.
Ford is one of my favorite topics in the world, and so, before I even realized it, I was talking away about him. His classes at college, and
how he planned a double-major. I finished by telling her about Captain Jack, and how Ford had taken him on.
"Now he loves that silly old bird," I finished by saying.
Karissa was smiling in what seemed to be a genuine way. "Ford seems to be a really nice young man."
"Ford's great," I said. "He's the best."
"I can see why you feel that way about him," she said.
For a moment or so, I was side-tracked. I popped a cherry tomato in my mouth.
"So," I said, "You'll drop the custody thing?"
"I said we could talk about it," she clarified.
"Okay," I said, feeling a new sense of unease.
Karissa lit another cigarette, puffing on it, and then she leaned back a little in her chair.
"I only wanted a little piece of you, Harlie. That's all it began as. Then, well, I just didn't see any other alternative
than what I did."
"Filing something like this? There had to be something better," I objected.
"Try to understand. I'm lonely, sweetheart. The thought of having you with me, and being able to give you some fun, and
opportunities, that was what captivated me."
I hesitated, hoping for the right words. I had to get her to see things my way.
"I'm sorry that you're lonely," I said, trying to sound compassionate. "But you don't have to be. What about your husband?"
"He travels so much-" her voice trailed off a bit. "To be honest, I think our marriage is over."
"Oh. I'm sorry," I said.
"I've made many mistakes in my life," she said, and gave me a sad smile.
I thought suddenly of something that I've heard Adam say, lots of times. About how a person can't reach a certain age
in their life without making an entire slew of mistakes. But that it's important what you do with the knowledge you gain from those
mistakes.
I considered briefly, and then I asked her, "Is it okay if I tell you something?"
"You can tell me anything that you'd like to," Karissa said.
"Adam has this thing that he says. About how by the time you reach a point in your life, that you're going to have made
an enormous amount of mistakes. You wouldn't have really lived a full life if you hadn't, he says. But it's what you do with what you learned from the mistakes, that's what's really important. That's what shows your real character as a person."
"Adam's a wise soul," Karissa said, in a low tone, and I gave her a close look to see if she was being sarcastic.
It didn't appear that she was. She seemed sincere.
"He is," I agreed. Encouraged, I went on. "See, what I think is this. Even if you've made mistakes, that's okay. As long as you
don't go on and hurt people, or anything like that."
"Like you think I've done?" she asked then, and took another puff of her cigarette.
I hesitated. But I knew it was now or never. I wouldn't get another opportunity like this one.
"Yes," I said honestly. "You did the wrong thing, filing this custody case."
"And if I try to remedy this mistake, as you put it? That would show that I have a strong character?" she asked. There was something in her tone that made my nerves tingle.
"It would be the right thing," I said.
"The right thing for who, though?" she asked.
"For everybody-"
"Not for me, Harlie."
I sighed and looked her right in the eye. She stubbed out her cigarette in the ash tray on the table, and I saw that her hand was shaking again.
"I'll talk to Adam, and Brian," I said, growing desperate enough to start making promises. "Maybe if you drop it all, and a little time goes by, they might let me visit with you."
"No," she said. "They'd never do that."
"They might-" I persisted, even though I knew that it was a lie.
"No," she said again, rubbing her hand over her eyes. When she lowered her hand, I saw that she had rubbed so hard that
her eye makeup was all smeared.
More people were starting to come into the pizza parlor, and I looked at the clock near the front. It was nearly 5:45. I needed to be at class in fifteen minutes, or I'd be late.
"I need to go," I said, letting my voice trail off.
"Yes, of course," she said, and her eyes met mine across the table. There were tears standing in her eyes.
"Will you drop it? Please?" I said.
"I only want you to be happy," she said, standing up. She went to pay our dinner ticket, and I waited by the door.
As we walked out to her car again, and then once inside, she sighed, and then just sat there without starting the motor.
"Could we go for a little drive, Harlie?" she asked me.
"I can't. I have to go to class-"
"Just a short drive." She turned to face me. "Since I don't know when I'd be seeing you again after this."
Did that mean what I thought it meant? That she was going to notify her lawyer to call off the custody suit? My burst of
hope and excitement was tempered by the knowledge that I should refuse to go driving, and insist on getting to my class.
"Just for a few minutes, then," I said, hope winning out over common sense. "Just around town."
As we drove up and down the streets of Angels Camp, Karissa made conversation by pointing out several houses that she
said her real estate company would be taking on. She began sipping out of a silver glass that was sitting in the drink holder. There
was a lid on the cup, and it was the kind that will keep your drink cold or hot.
I think about twenty minutes or so went by, although I wasn't really sure. I was just about to ask her to take me back to the
high school, when she took a different road, outside of the city limits.
At first I wasn't too alarmed, but as we passed the very outskirts of houses, and were met by the open fields, I spoke up,
"I need to get back to class," I said.
"I want to show you something real quickly," she said.
I felt my unease began to grow.
"What is it?" I asked her. "I can't be much later than what I am now."
"It's not far now," she said, and took another long drink out of the silver cup.
I twisted to look at her. I was fairly certain that there was some type of alcohol in that cup. I hadn't thought that Karissa acted as
though she'd been drinking before she picked me up. But maybe she had been. She seemed to be acting a little bit 'off' now.
"I want you to stop," I said, trying to sound really firm. "I don't want to go look at anything. Turn around and take me
back to the school."
Karissa looked over at me. "It's someplace your mother used to love to go," she said. "I thought you'd like to see it."
Well, I had to admit it. For a second, and only a second, I was tempted to believe her. Where was this place that my mother
had liked to go? Then, reality came crashing back. Even if she was telling the truth, and most likely she wasn't, at that
moment I was more worried about my immediate future. Which was, basically, keeping Adam and Brian from finding out what
I'd been doing. And if I was any later to class, Miss Noel might talk to Crane about it, and then everybody would want to know where
I'd been at...
I groaned. Literally. "Ugh," I said, in irritation.
"I can't look at it right now," I said, but she just smiled at me, and said nothing, just driving.
"Maybe we can look at whatever it is another time," I said, feeling as though I had to pacify her in order to get her to take me
back. I was starting to get scared. What if she didn't turn around, but just kept on driving? I had no money in my pocket, not even enough to make a phone call. If I got so far from Angels Camp before I got her to turn around, how would I call anybody?
"We're nearly there," she said.
I clamped my mouth shut tight, biting at my lips in nerves. I would have to just wait it out.
In about another twenty minutes, Karissa pointed off to the side of the road.
"The trail's off that way. I remember, because it's beside that big white rock."
I looked towards where she was pointing. I saw a big rock, too.
"A trail going where?" I asked her.
"To a lake, as I recall. About a quarter of a mile or so." She got out of the car and came around to my side. I got out, too,
not sure what to do. When it looked as though she was going to start cutting through the grass, I protested,
"We can't just start walking thru there."
"That's probably right," she said, and gave one of her high heels a look. "These aren't exactly hiking shoes."
"No, but that's not what I meant," I told her, irritated. "I mean, that's private property. We can't just go hiking on somebody's
property."
"Alright. Maybe it was a wild idea," she said, and I sighed in relief.
"Let's get back to town," I prodded her.
She nodded in apparent agreement, and we got in the car, and she thankfully turned back towards Angels Camp.
I wondered what time it was, but since I don't wear a watch, and I didn't want to ask Karissa the time, I figured I would just
have to wait. The sun was starting to set by now, and when we hit the city limits of Angels Camp again I gave a huge sigh.
Thank goodness.
In the school parking lot, she parked, and I put my hand on the door, ready to get out.
"So you'll call your lawyer?" I prodded. "And tell them to drop everything?"
For a moment she was silent. And then she lit yet another cigarette.
"Are you sure that's really what you want, Harlie?" she asked me.
I thought her voice sounded sort of strange, but I was so happy that she seemed agreeable with the plan
that I didn't pay that much attention.
"Yes. It's what I want," I told her. "I don't want my brothers to be hurt anymore."
"Hmm," she said.
"It's what my mother would want, too," I threw in, for good measure. "She wouldn't want me to be away from
my family."
Instead of answering, Karissa opened her purse. "Let me give you some money," she said, and even as I began
protesting, she pulled out two twenty dollar bills.
"Take them. Please," she said.
"I don't think I should," I said.
She reached over and pressed the money into my hand. "You take good care, sweetheart."
I decided to just accept the money, instead of arguing with her.
"I will." I got out and then leaned down to look at her again. "You take care, too."
She only nodded, and I shut the car door, watching as she drove away.
7
