I fell asleep after that, without even brushing my teeth. I was in that state of near-sleep, but not quite there, when I felt

Daniel cover me with the motel blanket.

I slept the night thru, not waking up even once. I heard rustling around, the sound of water running, and I opened my eyes, to see Daniel moving around

the room. Only one lamp with on.

He paused beside the bed, seeing that my eyes were open.

"Rise and shine," he said.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Five-thirty."

"Ohhhh," I groaned.

"I'm going out and find a cup of coffee. I'm taking the key with me so I can lock the door. Make sure you're up and ready

by the time I get back. Okay?"

"If I say okay, will you bring me some coffee, too?" I asked, looking at him over the edge of the blanket.

"I'll get it, but if you're not ready, then the deal is off, and I drink it," he said, with a half-smile.

"I'll be up," I promised.

And I was. Dressed in the same clothes as yesterday. At least I hadn't done anything to really get them dirty. I went to check my blood sugar level, and

brush my teeth. By the time Daniel got back, carrying two large Styrofoam cups of coffee, and a couple of bananas, I was sitting on the edge of the bed,

my bag packed, my hair in a braid, and ready to go.

He handed me the cup of coffee, and told me to go on out to the truck. "I'll do a sweep of the room and make sure we're not leavin' anything,"

he said.

I gathered up my bag, and my coffee and went out, climbing into the truck. It was still dark out. And it was still cold.

"Here," Daniel said, handing me one of the bananas, as he started the motor. "We'll stop in an hour or so for some

breakfast."

I ate the banana, and drank my coffee, watching out the truck window as the sun came up. I was quiet, thinking. It seemed

surreal that I would actually be arriving back home today. There were lots of things that I was glad about. That it would be warm, that

I could hug on Warrior and fat Clarence, that I would get to see Guthrie, and Isaac. All of that.

There were lots more things that I wasn't so glad about. I missed every single person in that house. I did. But I was scared. There

was no other way to describe it. This was not going to be any Sunday School picnic, as the old saying goes.

My stomach was rumbling with hunger by the time we pulled into a Howard Johnson restaurant.

"We could just grab something from a gas station to eat," I suggested. "It would save time."

"You need a real meal, and so do I. Eat your fill, though, because I don't wanna stop for lunch until after noon," Daniel warned me.

"What time do you think we'll get home?" I asked.

"Depends on traffic. Maybe by late this afternoon."

Seated in the restaurant, Daniel looked at me when the waitress came to take our orders. I ordered sausage and eggs, and a glass of milk.

"How about you, sweetie?" the waitress asked Daniel, looking at him with an appreciative eye.

After Daniel had ordered, and the girl has walked away, I gave Daniel a teasing glance.

"You have a fan," I said. "And she doesn't even know you can sing."

"Hush," he told me.

"You know Hannah's gonna want to cut your hair, the very first thing, right?" I told him.

"More than likely," he agreed.

"Well, maybe not the first thing," I amended. "First, she's going to want to hug on you all evening."

When the waitress brought our plates of food, I was silently wondering if I would even get a hug from Hannah at all.

7

As the hours passed until lunch, and even after a quick hamburger at a drive-in similar to the one in Murphys, I stopped making

conversation for the most part, bunching up Daniel's coat to use as a pillow, and staring out the window. My stomach was knotted,

and my throat began to hurt.

"You okay?" Daniel asked me, finally.

"I'm okay," I said, still looking out the window.

"Not very convincing," Daniel said.

"I'm scared," I admitted, and tried to tamp down tears.

"Yeah. And nothin's going to make that any easier. It's just something you're gonna have to get thru," he told me.

I sat up straighter, and turned to look at him.

"Thank you. For everything you did for me this last week. I appreciate it."

"You appreciate the spanking I gave you, too?" he asked, and I could tell he was half-way teasing.

I felt my face get warm. "No. I didn't appreciate that so much. But, I know I deserved it," I said honestly.

I could see that I'd surprised him a little by that last part.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I didn't enjoy doing it," Daniel said, and he was all serious now, too. "I'd rather have not had to."

"I know," I said, remembering what Adam had said to me on the phone about how tough a spot I'd put Daniel in.

7

I fell asleep again later, and when I woke up, even though I didn't recognize the surroundings, I knew instinctively that

we were in California.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"An hour and a half from home," he said.

"It's warm!" I said, with joy, and rolled my window down halfway.

"I have to say, it is pretty darn nice," Daniel agreed, and rolled down his own window.

As we drove, getting closer and closer to home, and I saw familiar sights, I was torn between happiness and anxiety.

7

By the time we were driving thru Murphys, my stomach was so knotted that I was feeling nauseous. We were outside the city

limits, when I knew I was going to be sick.

"Daniel, stop!" I said urgently.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm gonna be sick!"

Daniel pulled over to the side of the road really quickly, and I opened my door, tumbling out, and doubling over.

Daniel came around to my side, and held my hair back from my face with one hand, and rubbed my back with the other.

"This is so-embarrassing," I said, in between the throwing up. "People driving by are gonna see-"

"Screw that," Daniel said. "It doesn't matter."

I doubled over, vomiting again. Finally, when I was done, Daniel dug around in the truck and brought me a few paper

napkins. I wiped at my face, and my mouth.

"Here," Daniel said, guiding me to the running board. "Sit down for a minute."

I sat down, catching my breath a little. People were driving by, and a couple of them, obviously recognizing Daniel standing there,

honked.

I heard another vehicle stopping beside ours, mufflers loud, "Daniel!" somebody hollered. "Is that you, you son-of-a-gun?"

I made the move to stand back up, embarrassed and wanting to go.

"Just sit tight," Daniel said, motioning me back down with his hand. Then he hollered back, "Hey, Justin, how you doin'?"

I sat there, trying to calm my stomach and my nerves, as Daniel chatted with somebody. I never stood up to take a look, but

from the name, and the sound of his voice, I was fairly sure it was Justin Styles, who'd been a year or so behind Daniel in school.

Once they'd talked, and Daniel had assured Justin that he wasn't having any truck trouble, then Justin drove on, telling Daniel

to call him so they could get together and play some pool.

I stood up, bunching the napkins into a ball in my hand.

"Better?" he asked me.

"I guess so."

"Let's run back to town and get you a 7-up, to settle your stomach," he suggested.

"I'll be alright now."

"Hamburger too greasy?" he asked me.

"It wasn't the hamburger," I said.

"I know," he said, with a sigh. "You've got yourself all worked up about comin' home, no doubt about it."

"I'll be alright," I said, again.

Once we were back in the truck, Daniel did a U-turn in the road, turning back to Murphys.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Gettin' you that 7-up."

"You don't have to," I protested, but Daniel paid no attention, parking on the edge of town, at the gas station. He went inside,

and he was gone for more than a few minutes. He came back out, carrying a can of 7-up.

He handed it to me, and as I opened it, and sipped, I said, "The guys in there wanting to talk your leg off, too?"

"I was givin' a call to home, letting 'em know we're almost there," he said.

"Oh."

I sipped at my pop, as we drove. As the house came into sight, I felt my heart sort of soar. Charlie and Petra and the other horses

were in the front pasture, and they ran to the fence, tossing their heads.

"Horses are sayin' hello," Daniel said.

At the end of our long driveway, Daniel stopped the truck, and put it into park. I looked at him, puzzled.

Daniel was looking up towards the house. "Sure is good to see," he said.

He turned to look at me then. "We can sit here a few minutes, if you need to. Tell me when you're feelin' ready."

Again, he was thinking of me. Looking out for me. Doing his best to make things easier for me.

"How did you get to be such an awesome brother?" I asked him.

"Rule number fourteen in the Older Brothers Handbook," he said, quoting, "Only the most awesome of brothers get

a little sister that's just as awesome."

I undid my seat belt, and scooted over next to him, hugging his arm.

We sat like that for a few quiet minutes, and then I said, "I'm ready."

Daniel put the truck in gear, and drove up the driveway.

7

Daniel parked close to the barn, and I was busy counting vehicles in my head, to see who was home, and who was gone.

All vehicles were present and accounted for. I sighed a little. I wouldn't have minded so much if Evan had been gone, out on a date

with Nancy, or something. I was feeling a little panicky, and a lot overwhelmed.

I wondered if everybody was in the house for the evening already. Usually, my brothers try not to do too much on Sunday, other than the basic

chores. I was still sitting there, in my seat, looking at the house, when Daniel came around to my side, and opened my door.

Still, I sat there. "I can't, Daniel," I said. "I can't do it."

"Yeah, you can."

Gus came around the corner of the barn, barking a greeting to us. He practically climbed up in the truck cab to greet me, jumping

on Daniel's leg.

"Hullo, old boy," Daniel said, rubbing Gus's ear.

A motion caught at the corner of my eye, and I saw Adam standing there, at the open door of the barn. I couldn't say anything,

but Daniel had seen him, too. His face lit up, and he went towards Adam, and they met in a tight hug. They stood that way for a moment,

and then, they both stepped back, and Adam kept his hands on Daniel's shoulders, while they talked to each other.

Adam pulled Daniel into another hug. I got out of the truck, with Gus still dancing around my feet. I pushed the truck door

closed, and walked around to the front of the truck. It felt as though my legs were made of jelly. For real.

Adam looked past Daniel, and at me. At first he stood there, not saying anything to me, I felt my lower lip quiver, just like it used

to when I was a little kid, and I bit at it to stop.

Adam's facial expression was stern. He didn't look particularly welcoming. There was no glimmer of a smile at all. But then, he

held out an arm to me. Inviting me to him.

I bit my lip harder, and then I ran. I wrapped my arms around his middle, and pressed my face into his chest. Sobbing.

He tightened his arms around me, and held me.

I could hear somebody from the house yelling to Daniel, and then hollering as the family came out to greet him. I stayed where I was,

not raising my face from Adam's chest. I stopped crying so hard, and risked a look up at Adam. He surveyed me solemnly out of

his tanned face. He looked tired.

He ran a thumb over my cheek, and then he met my eyes, and gave me a brief nod, loosening his hold on me.

I knew what that nod meant. It was Adam-speak for 'time to stop crying and get on with things'.

I took a deep breath, and stepped away from him a little, though I could feel the hand he kept on my lower back.

By now, I could see who all had made their way out of the house, and gathered in the middle of the yard,

jubilant over laying their eyes on Daniel. Which was pretty near to everyone.

"Har!" I heard Guthrie holler, and then he was upon me, gathering me up and swinging me off of my feet. "I missed your crazy

ass," he said, close to my ear.

"I missed you, too," I said, and he gave me another squeeze.

I would have been fine just hanging onto Guthrie for the rest of the time, but there were others to face. Daniel was still being welcomed, hugged and

back-slapped like he'd been rescued from Gilligan's Island.

I turned from Guthrie to look up at Crane. He gave me a pensive look, full of word-less emotion.

He gave me a hug, and smoothed the hair back from my face. "You scared the holy crap out of me," he said, without ceremony.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Yeah," he said, and then gave me another hug.

Clare was reaching for me from Crane's other side. "I'm so glad to see you!" she said.

"Me, too," I said, and turned to look right into Hannah's face.

"Hi," she said, looking sad, and a little unsure.

I took a deep breath. "Hi, Hannah."

And then she was hugging me, too, and I could feel her shoulders shaking as she started to cry.

"Oh, Harlie!" she said. She raised her face to look into mine again, putting both her hands on my cheeks.

"I let you down! I didn't help you!" she said, in a fierce whisper, her blue eyes shiny with tears.

"You did," I defended, in a low voice, too. "It wasn't your fault. None of it. It was mine."

She gave me a long look, and then said, "Supper's on, everybody, let's go inside."

Everybody started towards the house, At the bottom stair, I paused, letting Guthrie go on around me. Brian was standing on

the second stair, his hands on his hips. Guthrie, and everybody else, too, went around Brian and I, all still talking and laughing.

I looked up at Brian, who was tall enough, but now loomed even taller, standing on that step like he was.

I was going to say a simple, 'Hi, Bri', in greeting, but he looked angry. Ferocious. So I bit at my lip, and waited.

"Harlie Marie," he said. His voice was quiet enough. But that was all he said, at least right then.

"Yes, sir," I said, hoping it would help.

"No more sir," he said, sounding abrupt.

"Okay," I said tremulously, trying hard to keep eye contact with him.

He came down to the bottom step, and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Still surveying me with that same look.

"There's not gonna be anything even remotely easy about this for you," he said, gruffly. "You've got fences to mend, peach."

"Yes," I said, quietly, in agreement.

He was quiet for another moment, as if he was waiting for me to argue, or offer excuses. When I did neither of those, he gave a deep

sigh, and then, with a suddenness that caught my breath, he picked me up off of my feet, his arms around my waist. I wrapped my

arms around his neck, and hugged him as tight as I could. He held me like that for a couple of minutes, and then he set me down again.

"Don't you ever-and I mean ever, do anything like that again," he said, sternly.

"I promise," I said, nearly in a whisper,

7

Mingling in the living room, and then crowding into the kitchen, where there seemed to be food sitting everywhere. On the table, on the

counters, on the stove. Masses of food. Fruit plates, vegetable trays with dip, bbq beef on a platter, with buns beside it, French fries, chips,

two cakes and a couple of pies. Hannah was at my elbow, looking concerned.

"Daniel says you were feeling sick at your stomach," she said, low. "What sounds good to you? There might be some yogurt in the

refrigerator-"

"It's okay. I'll get some fruit or something," I told her.

I saw Evan, loading up a plate with food, and then watched him stop to talk to Daniel. They gave each other a back-slap and Evan went

towards the living room. I watched him go past, and he didn't even look at me. I put some watermelon and apple slices on a plate

and when Guthrie said, "Come on," to me, I followed him.

Guthrie sat down on the floor, leaning against the end of the couch, and I sat down cross-legged, beside him.

"No school for two more days," he told me, sounding joyful. "Water pipe burst over break."

"Wow," I said.

The talking went on around me, most of it directed to Daniel, and I nibbled at my fruit, feeling weird. Almost as if I were in

a movie, watching what was happening around me, without being a part of it.

I watched everybody without being obvious about it. Hannah looked haggard, I guess was the right word. I'd done that to her, I thought, with

guilt. Adam was eating his bbq sandwich, listening to Daniel, and I thought how really tired that he looked. Evan was listening to Daniel, too,

and eating. He looked just like he usually did, except he never glanced my way. Not even once.

I wondered how long it would be before he ever spoke to me at all. I wondered I should be the one to try to talk first. I didn't think I

had the nerve to do it tonight, though.

I finished my fruit, and got to my feet, stepping around others to go to the kitchen, where I put my plate in the sink. I heard

whimpering out the back door, and went to open it. Fat Clarence was there. I got on my knees, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Clarence," I crooned softly. "Sweet boy."

I sat out there like that with Clarence for I don't know how long. Sometimes in stillness, sometimes whispering to him. The stars

had begun to pop out. I gloried in the fact that I was in short sleeves and still warm enough.

I heard noises in the kitchen thru the screen door. I sat quietly, and knew I should have let it be known I was out there, because

I heard something that I wasn't meant to hear.

A conversation that had obviously been started before it was brought into the kitchen.

"All I'm sayin' is be fair, man," came Daniel's voice.

"I haven't been unfair." This from Evan.

There was more rattling of dishes, and the sound of water running in the sink.

"Give her a chance," Daniel persisted.

That's when I knew they were talking about me. Daniel was trying to smooth things over between me and Evan, even though he'd told me

that he wouldn't. For a moment, I was grateful. Then I wasn't so sure, when I heard something slamming on the table.

"I'm done talkin' about this," Evan said.

"She's just a kid, Ev. You and I made plenty of mistakes," Daniel went on.

"Maybe you'd feel different in my shoes," Evan said.

"Maybe I would," Daniel said, in agreement.

"I don't wanna argue with you. I mean, you just got here," Evan said.

"So you'll be willin' to argue with me tomorrow, then?" Daniel asked, with humor.

"Maybe so," Evan said, and I heard them scuffling around, and laughing.

They said no more about me, and left the kitchen a few minutes after that.

I hugged Clarence tighter, and kept watching as more stars appeared.

7