Bilba fingers the ring in her pocket as she watches Fíli and Thorin. She had excused herself as soon as it became clear that the older dwarf had wanted to talk to his nephew, but that didn't mean that she wanted to. Fíli has been out of it since the orcs and this discussion doesn't seem like it would be easy on him if he were entirely present, let alone when he's obviously overwhelmed.

"You like him," Adra says as she sits next to Bilba. "My cousin, you like him."

"He's been kind to me," Bilba shrugs, "and he's my friend."

"I've seen that look," Adra replies. "I've seen it on friends who- Those friends are all getting married in the next few years."

"I don't look at him like that," Bilba hisses. She knows very well what kind of expression Adra is referring to because she's seen it on cousins and friends often enough over the last few years. "I can't look at him like that." Almost against her will her eyes are drawn back to Fíli who is resting against his uncle.

"Why not?" Adra demands.

"Because I'm a Baggins," she mutters vehemently. "Because while my grandfather would be perfectly happy for me to marry whoever I wanted, he's a Took and Tooks are more understanding of that sort of thing than other hobbits. They have to be because of that stupid treaty. My inheritance, however, is under the control of an uncle on the Baggins side of the family. He would use it as an excuse to declare me unfit and take it all from me. If I felt that way about Fíli."

Adra shakes her head with a grin and Bilba's fingers tighten around the ring in her pocket. She discovered what it could do completely accidentally, by slipping it on while sitting quietly on her own and watching as the rest of the camp moved around her without apparently noticing her. She had written off the first time as nothing, but after the second and third she had begun to wonder if she might have found something special, something magical. It wasn't until they had been running from the orcs that Fíli had confirmed it for her. Were they closer to the mountains she might have decided to take advantage of this new development and leave. She still doesn't actually want to go to Moria, but her reasons for that seem to have changed without her really noticing or meaning them to.

So long as she doesn't admit that reason, even to herself, she might get through this unscathed and with her heart in one piece.

Regardless of her reasons, she won't be marrying Torluc Proudfoot when she gets back to the Shire. She can't remember the last time she thought about him, in all honesty. The dwarves treat her differently, more respectfully, than most other hobbit lads her age ever have, and that includes Torluc. She stands to inherit a large smial, a significant amount of land and a substantial fortune when she comes of age and all of them know it. She has been the target of fortune hunters since her mid tweens, all of them trying to convince her that she was to be the love of their life and they would be happy together because she has enough to keep them in great comfort. Torluc was the only one who had never mentioned her wealth, but he had pushed, wrangled and whispered for other things. With him it had always been just one kiss, just ten minutes in a room alone when she knew that she shouldn't, just a touch or just one more dance when she just wanted to sit and catch her breath. There was none of the careful treatment of the dwarves, who treat Adra the same way. Bilba felt safer among the all male company before Rivendell than she had in the Shire since her parents died. None of them, she knew, would try to push her into something she didn't want. Not even the young ones

Even with Torluc she had always been wary.

He's the most popular hobbit lad in the Shire. Every maid there has been known to swoon over him once or twice. Bilba had never stopped to wonder why he had chosen her. She's had time to think about it now, had been thinking about it even before they encountered the trolls and that odd little interlude with Fíli. Fíli had seemed so concerned when she mentioned the other hobbit to him, Adra was as well the first time it came up, and the more Bilba thinks now, the more she wonders whether she might have been a fool. Torluc Proudfoot always told her that she was the one for him, but he had vanished so many times during parties. There had been that rumour that Daisy Grubb had fallen with child and claimed it was his, an accusation that he had denied but Bilba has heard enough stories about how that one little kiss can be taken too far. How many times had he used that phrase 'it's just a little kiss, Bilba love, just one little kiss, what can it hurt'? Besides, she's come to realise that her feelings for him are not what she had thought, she left without a word to him after all and hardly thinks about him at all now. She misses home, but she doesn't miss him. That doesn't mean she has developed tender feelings for Fíli. Fíli is her friend, no matter what nonsense Adra has gotten into her head, and that is all Fíli can be.

It would be ridiculous for her to have fallen for him. He's a dwarf, she's a Baggins and Bagginses don't go and – She's not actually all that good of a Baggins. Bagginses don't leave the Shire, but here she is. Bagginses don't fight or carry weapons and yet there is a sword she only partially knows how to wield belted at her hip. Bagginses don't fall for any but the most proper of hobbits, but her mother was a Took and Tooks have been known to have odd tastes.

Her eyes, she realises, are still on Fíli and he looks so young and heartbroken in his uncle's arms that she is seized by the urge to go to him and wrap him in her arms so that she can chase the hurt away herself.

"Bilba," Adra's voice startles her, "you can ignore me if you want, I should have held my tongue. It isn't any of my business."

"No," she says it a little bit louder than she intends to and feels several pairs of eyes turn on her, "no, I- it isn't that – I'm just – I can't think about it right now," she admits. "There's too much else happening and there's the trip and the ceremony and it's too confusing. I don't know what I feel about myself, let alone anyone else."

She watches Thorin run his fingers through Fíli's hair, watches her friend settle and as much as she wants to know what has been discussed she would rather not see that expression on Fíli's face again. She has a horrible feeling, however, that this will not be the last time some secret part of his past is revealed, and it will hurt him. It will keep on hurting him because Thorin is keeping so many secrets that Bilba cannot, for the life of her, understand the necessity of, especially when this is the result of uncovering one of them.

She sighs, turning away from the understanding on Adra's face that is a little bit too like pity for Bilba's tastes, and curls up in her bedroll. She resolutely turns her thoughts away from Fíli and her mind flits to what passed for her dinner instead. With the destruction of their camp by the orcs and the loss of most of their ponies, they have been lucky with the amount they have been able to salvage. Most of their food and water and the majority of their bedrolls (though a couple are muddier than they would like at least they are warm) are safe, Bifur managed to grab the pack pony carrying their food supplies when they dashed into the trees and tied it just inside the treeline. The dinner Bomber had been cooking had been ruined, and the pot bent quite spectacularly, and so dinner had consisted of cram and dried beef, a meal that was filling simply by virtue of the fact that it takes so long to chew it and so much water to ease the dry biscuit down when swallowing. She longs for proper food, for a meat pie with rich gravy, fish on a bed of spring greens, mushrooms stuffed with the finest blue cheese, fresh white bread and butter or a sweet preserve, cakes and tarts. She forces herself to focus on that as she drifts to sleep rather than the remembered warmth of Fíli's hand in hers. She thinks of the dream of having a truly full belly rather than wrapping her arms around her friend and enjoying his warmth while offering him the comfort he so obviously needs. He has Thorin, even Ori and Adra have kept their distance and one is Fíli's oldest friend and the other his kin.

Adra still watches her with a knowing smirk the following morning and Bilba wonders what her restless sleep has betrayed. Fíli is still withdrawn, though he reacts when they speak to him which is an improvement on the night before, and in truth they are all of bleak humour. It is not just the fraught emotions of the previous night that have affected them, though they are all concerned about Fíli, the fact of it is that the loss of the ponies has also dampened spirits. They should have enough supplies to complete their journey, provided the dwarves and Legolas hunt and Bilba forages what she can, but it will take longer now that they are on foot. Thorin is annoyed, but Bilba doesn't think he's all that surprised, especially when he begins to mutter about war rams being better suited to this side of the Misty Mountains.

Their pace is hard, they will have to keep it so that they don't lose too much of the ground they have gained on the White Wizard, but Bilba finds that she prefers walking to riding anyway. Even though they ride in groups more often than not, it's somehow easier to talk with her friends when they walk clumped together like this. Which they do. Bilba, Ori and Adra spend the morning and much of the afternoon clustered around Fíli. They hardly speak for much of that time, Bilba and Adra walk with their hands in Fíli's and Ori follows. None of them are really certain what to say or do, not even Ori who has surely seen Fíli grieving before.

"I didn't know what to say after Kíli either," Ori admits softly while they are taking a brief break. That catches Adra's attention immediately and her questions once again reduce Ori to a stuttering mess.

He really needs to learn to speak to her, Bilba thinks, he isn't going to get anywhere with her if he can't talk to her.

Finally, as the afternoon begins to turn to evening and talk of finding a suitable place to make camp starts up, Fíli seems to come back to himself. He isn't as lively as usual, but he starts to take part in the conversation. He falters now and then, and likely will for a few days yet. When he does Bilba will squeeze his hand, Adra will press herself against his side and Ori clasp his shoulder in silent support. Thorin watches them, turning to look over his shoulder in spite of their pace as often as he can. He doesn't join them, doesn't approach so much as welcomes Fíli to his side with a look and a gesture when they stop for the night and the younger dwarf goes to him willing, withdrawing from his friends to spend the night once more curled at his uncle's side.

The loss of family is a grief that Bilba can understand. She knows that Fíli must have been very young when it happened and she doubts that he has ever grieved for them at all, though he has dealt the killing blow against the one who took them from him. He is quiet in his grief, although that's as likely to be due to the fact that it is an old grief that is being allowed to heal as it is to be his natural response to it. Bilba's grief had been loud, she had wailed and screamed for weeks, pushing away anyone who tried to offer her any form of comfort. Had Gandalf not taken her to live in the Great Smial as soon as he discovered what had happened to her parents, she very likely would have pushed away everyone she knew and damaged every friendship that she had. Living with the Tooks had forced her to realise she wasn't alone in her grief.

Bilba had wanted to be left alone, left to process what had happened to her world. Fíli, it seems, needs to be around others, needs to be with his family and friends and he is lucky to have so many of them. Far luckier than she ever was because so many of them understand his grief.

They continue onwards the next day with a light mood if not lighter steps. Fíli begins to open up more, starts to tell Adra more about his brother and some of them are stories that Bilba has heard before from Dwalin or Fíli but others are new, and she clings to them as Thorin orders that they pick up the pace a little more so that they can make up lost time. As the days pass Bilba starts to think longingly of her lost pony, unsure whether the pain in her legs from days of marching is worse than that she had felt when learning to ride in the first place. She hates it, but she's too frightened, now, to use her ring and run away. The dangers of the world have become all too real.

Things change six days later.


A.N: Moved a few things around in this chapter but it's otherwise the same. Easy access computer is pitching the most epic of fits and is a pain to use, so it may come to the point where I have to slow down, but hopefully I can work around it. Also, those who are also on AO3, Bellefant has done amazing fanart of chapter 10 for me. Which has absolutely made my whole week!