Okay, get a grip. I can't just leave things like this, I need to talk to him and work it out. He's gonna be pissed but I need to. He probably went to the lair. I glanced up at my open window continuing to allow cold winds to drift inside. I looked like absolute shit from doing absolutely nothing today but I didn't care in the slightest as I slipped out the window—
And almost slit my throat on the deadly sharp edge of a sai blade.
"Raph–!"
"You better have a hell of a good reason for whatever bullshit I just heard back there," Raphael spat, tightening his already-tight grip on the weapon's handle.
"I'm sorry, I–"
"Don't say that," he growled. "I don't wanna fuckin hear it. Just tell me who knows and what they know." I stared at him in horror, unable to utter a single word. "Now!" He ordered, pressing his blade closer to my throat. A tear escaped the corner of one eye and I turned my head so he wouldn't see it.
"Raph, I am sorry. I don't–"
"I don't care," he sneered, stepping closer to me.
"Yes, you do."
"Don't you–"
"Just let me explain," I begged. He narrowed his eyes, his expression contorting into one of scalding anger.
"You can explain your fuckin heart out to the others but I'm done listening to your bullshit," he said, taking another step closer so I had to strain my head back to look at his face. "Now tell me what she knows."
"I'll tell you anything you want if you'll just hear me out," I offered. "Please." He glared at me, long and hard and barren of mercy. It was as if we'd rewinded to last week when Raph refused to trust me. Only this time, he had trusted me and I'd broken that trust. And that was so much worse.
"Five seconds," he said, pulling his sai back a bit.
"I regret it but I didn't know what else to do because you were being an ass and I needed her to help me decide wether or not I should put up with it because I wanted to hang around you because I care about you but I didn't know if you hated me and I needed her to tell me if I should just give up on trying to be your friend because I couldn't tell if you wanted me as a friend since you were always being an ass!" I cried. I'd definitely already surpassed the allotted five seconds but he was still listening and I wasn't about to pass up possibly my only opportunity. "Raph, I know what I did was wrong and there's no excuse for it but I didn't have any intention of hurting you guys. I'd never do that and you know that wether you want to believe it or not," I blinked hard against the threat of more tears and sucked in a breath to steady my voice. "I know you didn't want to trust me, and I know it was shitty of me to convince you to and then do exactly what you thought I would, but I feel awful about it and I wish I could take everything back but I can't and I can't tell you how much that kills me." Raphael lifted his heavy gaze to me.
"I did want to trust you," he said, correcting me with a low, almost hostile tone. "And I wish I could take that back, too." I felt my heart fracture with those words. A wave of his sai sealed my lips from immediately launching into another desperate explanation.
"What does she know?"
I narrowed my eyes at him as I recalled how I'd first described him to Olivia, deciding that if he wanted the truth I'd give it to him exactly how I'd given it to Liv; word-by-word if I had to.
"Your name is Raphael. I met you my first day working at the zoo. You're tall, super cut, you have red-ish hair and green eyes. You do martial arts, which is why you have a bunch of scars: a weird one on your shoulder, one on your lip and one on the inside of your arm. You're a total hot-head and have zero social skills. You're pissed at the world and constantly keep up a tough guy act that you drop when you're around me. You're actually a total softie and when you do open up to me we always have fun together, but then you get mad for showing weakness and mask it by lashing out at me," I paused, letting my words sink in and holding my stare on him. "I only mentioned you having one brother to Olivia but Uncle Tom knows you have three. He also knows that sometimes you're an arrogant asshat but you just use that to hide your soft side. You're actually really sweet, and fun, and good at listening when I need you to be. And you'd always try to hide yourself behind your anger, so I wasn't sure if you liked showing me that side of you or if you just hated me or what." I hugged myself against the chills gradually seeping into my body. "Happy?" I demanded, forcing the word from my mouth with as much acidity as I could muster.
He finally looked up, at last meeting my gaze. And he blinked and there was a momentary shift deep in his emerald-green eyes, and I could see—just about feel—all the agonizing pain and misery he was keeping locked up beneath the rage. He was right there, right under the surface and I was so close to reaching him.
Raphael reached his free hand up to his transmitter and clicked it on, his next words making my heart sink deeper into a hopeless, black abyss.
"Guys, we got an issue," he kept his gaze on me as if I'd make a break for it at any moment. "We're on our way to the lair." He turned it off and jerked his chin toward my open window.
"Go give her an excuse and get some clothes on," he ordered, his eyes hardened and his voice stiff.
"I know you want to believe me, Raph. I know you're hurting–"
"Shut the hell up," he snapped, shifting his sai and hooking the point beneath my jaw in a split second.
"I know you're hurting," I continued. "And I know that it's my fault–"
"Raiya…" He flexed his fingers on his sai in warning and stepped closer.
"Please can you just see that I'm sorry?" His eyes dropped to the weapon in his hand, and for a moment I thought my words had made it through his barriers, but then he spoke and his voice remained it's low, menacing tone.
"I believed you once," he said. "But I won't do that to myself or my family again." A quiet ringing crackled from the transmitter, followed by Leo's voice.
"What is it? Do you need backup?"
I waited to hear Raphael's reply but he growled and pointed harshly toward my window with his sai. I sighed and retreated to my room. I could still hear the shower running in Olivia's room so I made my way over there, trying to come up with a decent excuse.
I knocked on her bathroom door as loud as I could, hoping she'd be able to hear me over her music.
"Yeah!?" She yelled, turning the song's volume down.
"I'm gonna go to bed! I just found out I have a really early shift at the zoo tomorrow!"
"Aw that sucks!"
I laughed. "Yeah, I know."
"Okay, well goodnight!"
"Goodnight."
I rubbed my face with a groan and went back to my room to change into more appropriate clothing for late-night trekking through NYC's sewers, which was really just leggings and a hoodie.
Upon hearing Raphael talking, I hesitated before crawling back out onto the roof.
"Yeah, I know," he sighed, "see ya."
"Raiya!" He yelled, ducking his head to look in through my window. "Let's go!"
••• 影の秘密 •••
Leo was there waiting for us when the door swung open to the lair. He sighed through his nose and helped me down, murmuring an apology in my ear as he did so. I smiled weakly at him.
"I'm sorry too," I whispered. Raphael dropped to the ground beside us and shot me a glare before turning to Leo and shaking his head, as if silently conveying to his brother that I was a bad decision. I looked up as Mikey and Donnie came over, the former with an expression of absolute confusion and disbelief while the latter appeared simply exhausted.
"Raiya." My gaze shot to the rat standing in the archway nearest his room, gesturing for me to come. I hurried across the training room, glad to finally be able to speak with someone reasonable.
"Sensei, I'm so sorry, I–" He lifted a paw, silencing me immediately.
"I'm sure my son has just made a mountain out of a molehill," he said, entering his room and taking a seat on a floor pillow. "Please, sit and tell me."
So I sat on a pillow with tears in my eyes and spilled my shattered heart out to him.
Upon the conclusion of my story, he chuckled and reached a paw out to clasp my hands in his own.
"This is no great peril you've put my family in. It's a small slip," he said reassuringly. "One we can fix easily. Don't worry yourself over our safety, Raiya. The only real damage was done to Raphael's trust, and I can't help you mend the damage; that is your responsibility. But I will tell you that my son does not hate you." I smiled, my cheeks stiff from dried tears.
"Thank you, Sensei. And I'm still really sorry for doing this to you guys, I didn't mean to."
He nodded, "I know."
And the alarms started blaring as if hell itself was upon us.
AN: Sorry for the two week wait on this chapter guys! I've been kinda busy with sleeping in and eating chocolate lol but it's finally up and guess what!? We're finally getting into the action and the movie plot! Updates should be coming faster now that I have something fun and with a set plot to write haha. But my break ends in three days and finals are coming up in two weeks so be warned that that could slow down updating as well.
Anywho, you guys are seriously awesome for putting up with my shitty updating schedule lately! Thank you so much for being patient! Love you guys and please remember to leave a review or a smiley face or somethin :)
