Hi all!

This story in AU so don't be surprised that it doesn't follow the canon.

This is a story about Haldir and his wife's marriage, and how they navigate a very difficult and dark time. Warning/spoiler: does contain themes of death (pregnancy loss), depression.

SPOILER: fear not! it's going to have a happy ending in the end

Lara smiled as she watched her son climb a nearby tree. She had given up trying to get the elfling to stay still, patience was not a trait the child was good at, and for that she only had herself to blame for he surely inherited it from her.

"Toberion, be careful of the branches" she reminded the child wearily. He seemed not to heed her warning as he climbed even higher. She sighed and did not force the issue. Her son was an energetic child, and she would not stifle his joy. But she was so tired. She was in her seventh month of pregnancy. Unlike with her first born, she was constantly nauseated, fatigued, and her feet were inexplicably swollen. It was hard on her, taking care of her son alone.

She was not actually alone though, she had a husband. He was just absent, quite frequently. Such was the price of being married to the marchwarden. Haldir was often away, on patrol, inspecting the troops, meeting with other elven realms to coordinate their defences. When Haldir was away, the domestic duties fell squarely on his wife Lara.

"When is Ada getting here?" Toberion asked, for what felt like the hundredth time since they had arrived at the city's gates.

"Soon Toby, he'll be here soon" Lara answered, hoping inwardly it was true. It was an unspoken custom that wives and children of the soldiers of the Galadhrim waited for their loved ones' return from the borders at the city gates. The elven warriors lived a life of sacrifice, time away from their families, to protect their people and serve their realm. Thus, when they returned from a rotation at the fences, their loves ones awaited them with wreaths of flowers to show gratitude for their bravery and to welcome them home. Those without wives relied on sisters, mothers. If a soldier had neither, then the young maidens who weaved the wreaths would step in to place the garland around their neck. This custom was repeated upon the departure of the soldier for the fences as well.

As the marchwarden's wife, she felt an innate pressure to project the duty and strength that Haldir was so well known and respected for. Even though she was tired, bloated, and swollen and wanted nothing more than to lay down in her own bed, Lara felt like she really didn't have a choice but to show up at the city gates, child in tow. She unconsciously rubbed her swollen belly, the child she was carrying was kicking vigorously, as if demanding her attention. She was entirely miserable. Just a little longer, Haldir will be home soon and then everything will be fine, she told herself. Valar she missed him. She needed his company, to feel his love, to know he still desired her.

Her husband had missed Toberion's birth, having had to lead the elven troops into the final (and ultimately victorious) battle against Sauron. He had come home a decorated hero. All in the realm had thought it was a perfect homecoming when the marchwarden was presented with his newborn son upon return to Lothlorien. Lara knew that they did not see the hours of paralyzing worry that had hung over the last weeks of her first pregnancy, the pain of a long labor she had to endure alone. All they saw was the marchwarden, his dutiful wife, and their beautiful new baby.

This time, she had planned her pregnancy so that Haldir would be home as she neared the end. She wanted him in the birthing room with her, she didn't want to be alone again. Her husband had thought she worried too much, planning her pregnancy to the last detail. She felt he didn't understand what it was like to be so alone and vulnerable. Haldir was so brave that nothing seemed to scare him, Lara could not say the same for herself.

It wasn't the first time Lara had mused about how two opposite people had ended up bonded to each other. He was dutiful, brave, and strong. She was bookish ad slightly timid, Yet inexplicably, he had chosen to love her. She remembered vividly the first day their courtship began.

Lara bounded quickly and energetically up the front steps of her best friend's telain. He had promised to meet her out front, but he was nowhere to be found. Impatient, Lara decided to knock on the door to hurry him along. When the door opened, it wasn't her best friend greeting her.

"Hello Lara, are you looking for Orophin?" the handsome ellon asked. It was Orophin's oldest brother, Haldir. The soldier was still wearing his training uniform, fresh from a day's hard work at the Galadhrim training grounds. His large, taut muscles were well outlined by his tunic. The sword still hung at his waist, he hadn't had time to remove it yet.

Lara, a young elleth who had just come of age, was staring at Haldir, speechless. She had known him her whole life. He was her best friend's older brother. He was the ellon who grumbled about having to watch his youngest brother and his friend when his parents were busy. He had gotten into trouble once, when she fell and cut her knee under his watch. Sheremembered how he had picked her up sobbing, and gently carried her back to his telan. He had dressed her wound with care and then wiped the wet tears off her flushed cheeks. He had apologized for not looking after her, and borne his mother's fury for her mishap. Yes, she was in love with Haldir. Yet she thought then it was but a fantasy. Lara was tomboy-ish, opinionated, well read and smart. Not qualities she felt Haldir would want in a mate. No, he would want someone truly beautiful, demure, well mannered.

"Lara? Are you looking for Phin? He's just getting ready, Nana told him he couldn't come out until he folded his laundry" Haldir said, wondering why the elleth in front of him was simply staring.

"Oh, um, I'll wait out for him then" Lara managed to choke out. "What are you doing here?" she then blurted out. Haldir studied the elleth carefully. It was obvious she was surprised to find him at his parents telan, he lived alone close to the army barracks, having moved out of his parents' home a decade earlier. He had known her since she was a babe, being cradled by her mother. They were frequent visitors at Haldir's childhood home. His brother, Orophin, was the same age and their mothers enjoyed each other's company. Naturally, Lara and Orophin had become friends. She was close and got along well with the middle brother, Rumil, as well. Haldir though, was the eldest. He had been born with a sense of duty. Idolizing his father, who was a soldier, Haldir had known from an early age that he was destined to follow his father's path. The age gap between him and his two younger brothers was wider than between the younger two sons. He didn't play games with them or share their frivolity.

Haldir had always been protective of Lara, because his family thought of her as a daughter. As she got older, Haldir saw her transform into a beautiful elleth. She was smart (much better read than anyone in his family), curious, outspoken. He admired her. When she began to attract the attention of the ellons her age, Haldir was surprised to find himself inexplicably jealous of the attention the other males were getting.

"I came by for a snack. I found no food in my pantry" Haldir answered her question sheepishly.

"You've been too busy training?" she asked.

"Aye, I desperately wanted a home cooked meal." He admitted.

"How long before you go back to the fences?" Lara asked, she was always so inquisitive.

"Next week" he answered. Then he mustered up his courage (how could this be so difficult when he has faced death and orcs!). The soldier looked back at the telan, ensuring they were alone. "Listen Lara, would – would you hand me my garland next week. Before I leave for the borders?"

Lara blinked in surprise. A soldier asking an elleth to place the traditional garland on him as he departed for the fences was a gesture of affection. It signalled the two were courting.

"Why – why me?" she stammered, flushing red.

"Because, I like you" he answered softly. "Will you do it?"

Before she could answer, Orophin bounded onto the porch. "Sorry Lara, Nana would NOT let me leave without folding my laundry! Hurry, we're going to be late meeting everyone else" the youngest brother called as he began to run down the path. Lara shot Haldir one last look before running after him.

She had shown up the following week. Many eyebrows were raised when Haldir walked up to her and knelt, waiting for her to place the garland of flowers and leaves on his brow. Lara could not believe it either. Of all the elleths in the woods, Haldir had chosen to love her.

The gates of the city swung open and a stream of soldiers walked through. Lara received a garland handed to her by one of the elleths and craned her neck to find her husband. She didn't need to do so, as Toberion had spotted his father already.

"Ada! ADA!" the child yelled, waving his hands before running excitedly into his father's arms. Haldir received his son with a laugh, picked up his small body and spun him around. The child squealed in delight. His face suddenly shed the worries of his job as he was reminded of the people he worked so fiercely to protect. Lara took longer to reach him, her belly swaying gently in front of her.

"Welcome home meleth, we have missed you" she said softly, giving him a kiss on the lips. She stepped into his embrace and took a deep breath in. His scent calmed her immediately.

"I am glad to be home" Haldir smiled.

Lara had dinner ready and kept warm in the oven when they arrived home. She served the family and ate slowly as her husband and son dug hungrily into the food. It was not lost on Haldir that his wife was mostly picking at the food, eating only small bites.

"Does the food not agree with you?" He asked.

"No it's fine, I'm just quite nauseous" she answered.

"Should you see the healer?" Haldir suggested, putting his fork down and gazing worriedly at her.

"It's been so this whole pregnancy Hal. I have to eat small amounts frequently is all" She reassured him. Haldir felt a pang of guilt. So frequently he had been gone during her pregnancy that he did not know she was still having morning sickness.

When the plates were washed and cleared away and Toberion had been coaxed into bed, the couple found themselves alone in their bedroom for the first time in months. Lara looked lovingly at her husband, and leaned in for a kiss. He eagerly returned and traced his hand down her spine, sending a shiver in its wake. Lara groaned in arousal and undid her nightshirt. She kissed him harder and pressed herself against him, making her desire clear. To her surprise and consternation Haldir took a step back and released her. She looked at him, confusion all over her face. He had never refused her before.

"Meleth, we shouldn't. It's not good for the baby" he said, trying to let her down gently. "You ought to rest." He added.

I'd really appreciate any feedback you have! (good and bad!)

A surge of anger shot through her. How would he know what was good for her or what she needed. He didn't come to her appointments with the healers! He was never home! But instead, she awkwardly buttoned up her night shirt. They got into bed and went to sleep wordlessly. Lara could not push the disappointment out of her mind. He had never refused her before, she reminded herself miserably as she drifted off to sleep.