Thank you to my reviewers! You guys keep me on track with my writing!
Katia0203: you're right, work is so often hard on a marriage. This chapter, you'll find out it was the case for Lara as well as Haldir.
Ponytail goddess: thanks so much for the review. Unfortunately, it will get worse. But this story is about finding a light in the darkness.
Please BE WARNED, this chapter contains description of pregnancy complications which may be triggering/difficult for some to read. Reader discretion advised. I was very detailed with what can happen in these situations because I thought it was important for readers to read exactly what Lara goes through to understand her pain afterwards.
The coolness in their marriage was now ice. Lara had frozen him out. She did not speak to him for the 3 days that he had left in Lothlorien with them. She was punishing him, for all the things she thought were wrong with her marriage. Haldir bore it silently. He did not allow any household chores to lapse and continued to care for their son. It angered her even more that her husband showed no outward sign of distress.
Lara found herself back at the city gates sending off her husband much sooner than she would have anticipated when she welcomed him home just the week prior. It was a small party making the journey to Imladris, Haldir and two of his captains. Lara found herself staring emotionlessly at the loving farewells between the captains and their wives. She currently had no such emotion for her husband. His brothers, Orophin and Rumil had come to see him off as well. Rumil was accompanied by his wife Inaya. Lara was glad to have another elleth in the family, Inaya was kind hearted and patient. Rumil and Inaya did not yet have children. On some days Lara felt a twinge of jealousy of their lack of responsibilities. She loved her son dearly of course, but she had paid a high price for his arrival.
"Lara, you are most talented" Elyna praised. Lara had been apprenticing with the chief archivist of Lorien for a decade now. It was her dream job. Lothlorien was famed for its massive and valuable collection of books and documents, some dating back to the beginning of Middle Earth. It was a treasure trove for those who studied history and languages. Lara had been selected from a competitive field of applicants for the apprenticeship. She had distinguished herself in the application process for speaking the most languages, being the most well educated and hardest working. It was no easy feat in a job that was dominated by ellon. Elyna though, was an exception. Lara looked up to her boss, Elyna was at the top of her field and unapologetic for it. She ran the archives with military precision, expecting excellence from everyone: from docent to senior archivist. As a result, the reputation of the institution had grown into legendary status. If a scholar wanted to locate or interpret a particular document, Lorien's archives were the place to go. Elyna had great hopes that her protégé would one day succeed her. But those hopes had been dashed by Lara became pregnant. With Haldir constantly away in battle and the war drawing ever closer to Lorien, Lara had decided to step away from the archives so that she may devote her time to her baby and husband.
Lara and Elyna were sitting in the elder's office after a long day's work cataloging Rohirric law books. Some might have wondered why the elven archives would carry the works of men, but none dared pose Elyna that question out loud. It was Lara's last day at the archives. The baby was due any day.
"Do you know why this work is important? Why we just spent the whole day on Rohirric law books?" Elyna asked, peering over the stacks of documents on her desk.
"For the service of those who may need the knowledge within it. That is the reason we preserve all our documents" Lara said simply.
"Precisely" Elyna answered with great satisfaction. So few people understood that, which is why Lara was such a rare talent. "Last week, a woman named Alara came here. She had made the journey all the way from Rohan, most unusual for a mortal woman. She's married to a man who did not treat her well. Did not wish for her to learn to read or write. But if she cannot learn to read or write, Alara cannot make her own way in life, which is probably what her husband preferred. This happens quite often unfortunately. But Alara would not accept that as her fate. She came here seeking proof that the law of the Kingdom of Rohan was on her side, that her husband could not stop her from learning what she wished to. She came to us because no man would help her. We will give that to her" Elyna said meaningfully, holding up a stack of papers they had just finished putting together.
"I know this work is important Elyna, but right now, Haldir and this baby need me" Lara said, rubbing her swollen abdomen. She had become pregnant quickly after getting married, to her great surprise. Haldir had been delighted when she told him, during a short leave some months ago. She had not seen him since.
"Lara, you are a rare talent. You have worked so hard to get here. You'd give it all up so quickly, it is a shame" Elyna said.
But Lara loved her husband. She loved her unborn child. They were going to be so happy and it was worth it. Things would get better after the war, she had told Elyna, almost fully convinced of it herself.
The frostiness between husband and wife must have been at least somewhat obvious. No sooner had the family arrived did the faces of Lara's brothers and sister in law drop in concern. Haldir clasped each of his brothers on the shoulders and bade them a quick farewell. Inaya kissed him on both cheeks.
"Take care of her Inaya, she's been struggling" Haldir murmured. Inaya gave him a reassuring look. He had spoken quietly to her, intending it to be a private conversation, but Lara had overheard. How dare he share their problems with others. It seemed her husband could do nothing right.
Lara openly glared at her husband as he gave Toberion a hug and a kiss. At last, it was her turn. He walked up to her cautiously, not wanting to worsen things between them further. He knelt before her, as he had done countless times before and asked for her blessing. Anyone who saw the scene would have found it touching when haldir gently planted a kiss on her growing belly and caressed it lovingly. Lara felt no such emotions.
She reached over and grabbed the garland out of Inaya's hands and quickly placed it on Haldir's brow. He looked up at her silently, she could not tell what he was trying to convey with his gaze. What she knew was that they were at the city gates all too soon, he was leaving again, she would be a single parent again. After all she had said to him about how hard it had been for her, nothing had changed. The anger rose within her again.
"I'm not going to be fooled into thinking you actually care Haldir" she said spitefully before turning around and leaving. As Lara walked away, she felt their marriage had hit rock bottom. She really had nothing left to say. It was actually about to get much worse.
Several days after Haldir left, she came home from the market to see Rumil at her doorstep.
"Lara!" He called when he spotted her. "Here, let me help you with that" he added, quickly plucking the vegetables she had bought from the market from her arms.
"Can I help you with something Rumil?" she asked. She was really in no mood to entertain company.
"I have a surprise for you" he said excitedly.
"Oh?" she wondered, her interested piqued.
"Come inside. Haldir gave me the key. He arranged for this before he left, but it was not ready until now" her brother in law explained. Amused, Lara stepped into her own home and allowed her brother in law to lead her to the spare bedroom. It was meant to be the nursery for the child that was very shortly on its way. She had left the flet that morning with the room empty, they had not had a chance to buy anything for it yet. But now, the room contained a crib, a changing table, a rocking chair, shelves. It was well crafted furniture, Lara could tell, stained in a rich dark brown to match the floors. She looked to Rumil, unsure of what to say.
"Haldir wanted to help with the nursey Lara" Rumil emphasized, smiling encouragingly. She stared at him. Did Rumil think this would fix all the problems in her marriage? Was she supposed to put aside all her anguish because of one gesture?
Rumil sighed. "Lara, he's trying."
For her, it was too little too late. "Thank you for arranging this Rumil. If you'll excuse me, I have to make dinner before Toberion gets home from nursery school" she said. Her brother in law politely excused himself, casting her a worried look as he left.
She was exhausted. She barely made it through dinner. Her back began to ache during desert. Her belly seemed to feel like a ton as she put Toberion to bed. She dragged herself to bed, didn't bother changing into her nightclothes and fell into a dreamless sleep. She was awoken several hours later by pressure in her lower abdomen. Uncomfortable but still drowsy, Lara rolled over. The pressure eased a little, enough for her to fall asleep again. A short time later, Lara was awoken suddenly by an unbearable and sharp pain in her belly. Alarmed, she cried out. Her heart froze in absolute fear when she realized she could not feel the baby kicking. The elfling had kicked non stop for her entire pregnancy, something was definitely wrong. She threw off the comforter and was horrified to see the expanding pool of crimson blood emerging from between her legs. Another stab of pain brought out another sharp cry from her mouth before she could stop herself.
"Nana?" Toberion opened the door and walked in. Not wanting to scare him, Lara hastily covered up the blood with the comforter.
"Toby" she said as calmly as possible. "Can you do something very important for nana?"
The child nodded enthusiastically at the prospect of being entrusted with an important task. "Go to Uncle Rumil's. Tell aunt Inaya and uncle rumil that nana needs their help. As fast as you can Toby" she encouraged, suppressing a wince. His little feet thumped on the floor as he ran as fast as he could out into the night, with nothing but his pyjamas. When she was sure he was out of the flet and out of earshot, she let out a scream. The pain was so intense, unlike any contraction she'd had when Toberion was born.
Lara was scared. She was scared for her baby, she was sure something was wrong. She was scared for Toberion, hoping he would arrive safely at his destination and not catch a cold as a result of the task she'd asked of him. Her son should not be the one helping her tonight, it should have been her husband. She was scared to be alone on this night when such awful things were happening. She felt the urge to push, but instinctively, she knew she shouldn't. The urge got more intense and when she could no longer fight it, her muscles tensed involuntarily. This sent a surge of blood and tissue out of her.
Inaya and Rumil arrived without a moment to spare. Both of their eyes widened with fear at the gruesome scene in front of them.
"I'll fetch the healers" Rumil said, rushing out the door.
Inaya rushed towards her friend and sister in law. Lara grasped her hand and began to sob. She could not hold it together, she was so scared.
"I'm losing the baby" Lara let out her deepest fear.
"Shh, the healers are on their way. Just a little longer, hang on just a while longer" Inaya soothed. The amount of blood and tissue on the sheets was shocking. She had never seen a normal pregnancy end like this. She placed a hand softly on Lara's womb, she could feel the muscles tensing. What terrified her was that she could not feel the elfling move at all. She bit back her fear and said nothing to Lara.
"Where's Toby" his mother whimpered.
"We left him with Orophin, it was on our way. Don't worry, he's fine" Inaya reassured. Lara could at least be relieved about that.
When the healers arrived, they were momentarily startled by what they found. The marchwarden's wife and baby in distress, the situation threatening to escalate into complete disaster.
"It's placental abruption" the healer said. "The afterbirth has detached prematurely, the baby is not getting any oxygen."
"Do something! Please save my baby!" Lara pleaded, now bordering on hysterical.
"We're going to have to deliver. Now. But it may already be too late" the healer said urgently.
"Anything! Please!" Lara begged. She made every promise she could think of to the valar to save her child.
"Lara, when I tell you to, you must push. As hard as you can. Understand?" the healer said sternly. Lara nodded through her tears.
"I've broken your waters." She knew it for a large gush of fluid came out, prompting the healer's assistant to reach for more blankets. "Now push Lara!"
And Lara somehow found the in strength to comply. The blood loss was catching up with her. She became very drowsy just as she felt the healers pull the baby out of her. There was no crying. Just the frantic orders of those trying to revive the unresponsive child. She finally surrendered to her body's agony and closed her eyes.
