"Quit moving around," I scolded, feeling the car jostle yet again.

From the backseat, Raphael growled unhappily and at last settled. "It's not my fault this thing was built for humans, not mutants." His statement sounded accusatory.

"Well it's not my fault uncle Tom's least favourite car happened to be this tiny ass thing," I muttered, glancing in my mirrors before changing lanes. "For all I know, it's gonna get blown up so I figured it'd be the best one to accidentally destroy." I ignored his grumbling complaints with gritted teeth and clenched fingers. Raph was beginning to piss me off to such a degree that I almost forgot to be scared of driving on my own for the first time. Usually, I'd practice with Liv in parking lots or on remote dirt roads she'd drive out to. It was a miracle that I hadn't caused an accident yet, or that uncle Tom either didn't know I was without my license, or simply didn't care.

Glancing down at the vehicle's GPS I'd inputted the tracker's coordinates into, I found that I'd missed my turn.

"What the hell!? Why'd the thing not tell me to fucking turn!?" A loud, irritated sigh sounded from the backseat, and I was half-tempted to slam on the brakes. "Would you shut up?" I hissed, tapping the GPS screen madly to recalculate the fastest route. "I'm doing the best I can and you're being an annoying asshat."

"I didn't say anything," he argued indignantly.

By some grace of god, I found the strength not to kill him. And we managed to drive in a tense silence for a total of five minutes before he exploded.

"Why the hell are you driving so goddamn slow!?"

"Because if we goddamn get pulled over for speeding, the freaking cops will taser your ass and throw you into Area Fifty-One or some shit! Not to mention what'll happen to me and my family, dumbass! Now would you please shut up?" I waited for around smart-ass remark, but received nothing. Thank god.

"Once we left the city and traded narrow, jammed streets to mostly deserted roads with a shoulder, my stress began to steadily evaporate. The GPS hadn't failed me since I'd yelled at it after missing another turn and discovered the volume wasn't on. So that was good at least. But there was still a tension the air between us that hadn't been present in a while; familiar but so I figured that now—while Raphael's confined within a small vehicle—was the best opportunity I'd have to set things right before whatever we had became hopelessly unsaveable.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, glancing at the terrapin in the rearview mirror. He exhaled through his nose and turned his gaze toward a tinted window. Taking the hint, I looked away as well, but I wouldn't give up. I knew he was beneath that rage. Somewhere. And I was going to reach him however I could. So I took a deep breath and spoke the truth. "I'm just afraid." And I know you are too. "I don't want to lose anyone else. I...can't handle that feeling again." Another deep breath. "Does Donnie still have any of that amnesia stuff?"

"What? Why?"

"For Liv." I felt his sharp gaze swing back to me, but I didn't meet it. I didn't say anything either, just let the words and their meaning sink into him.

"It was a few minutes before he asked again, "Why?"

"Because it's what you want," I said.

"I never said that," he growled, making it close to impossible to discern his words.

"Really? Because I recall you saying that you don't want her knowing anything." I snapped, allowing some frustration to peak through my calm demeanour.

"I don't."

"Well if you don't want Liv to forget then what do you want? Me to forget?" I looked in the rearview mirror, trying to catch a glimpse of his reaction, but his face was turned away. "I can drop you off, then go back to the lair and take some and Liv will be too busy dealing with me to care about you," I shrugged. "You'll never have to see me again." His muscles tensed, letting me know I'd struck a nerve, either because I was simply annoying him or he was angry at my suggestion, in which case he cared. I prayed desperately it was the latter. "Or–"

"Would you–!?" He stopped. Raph actually stopped himself mid-yell. I almost swerved the car into the ditch from shock. He gritted his teeth. "Just stop."

That's progress. It has to be. It was probably a terrible decision, but I had to push him. "Why?" His only reply was silence. Again. So I resorted to begging. "Raph, please just talk to me."

"The hell you want me to say?" He hissed. I could practically hear the words running through his mind, she betrayed me she betrayed me she betrayed me. It was so hateful and so deafening I felt as if my head and ears might burst.

"I don't know!" I cried, curling my fingers tightly around the steering wheel in frustration. "I just want you to understand and I don't know how to do that! I'm so...afraid. Of losing people I care about. And...I'm so afraid I'm gonna lose you or the brothers or Splinter right now and I just couldn't ha sleep it if I did. But I–" I breathed shakily, steeling myself to unlock every barrier and topple every wall I'd built up. If I wanted to fix this mess I'd have to spill my shattered heart out to him wether he wanted to hear it or not. "I feel like you're already gone," I whispered. "And it's killing me. Okay? I can feel myself falling to pieces and the only thing holding me together right now is the hope that maybe I can reach you. But the more you ignore me the farther away I feel and I'm so fucking scared to lose you because somehow you're someone to me and the last time I lost someone I cared about I...lost a part of myself. You know what that feels like?" I waited for a response I knew I'd never get. "It feels like dying. Like a part of your heart is ripped away and you're slowly bleeding out and you feel so hopeless and like nobody in the world can understand your pain. I can't feel that again." I blinked hard. Don't cry. Don't you dare.

"Pull over," he ordered.

"What?"

"I said pull over, Raiya. You're bleeding."

What? I glanced to my shoulder, grimacing when I saw bright blood stains looked around the cut on my shoulder and running down my hoodie sleeve. "Shit." I forgot about that. Barely even glancing in my mirrors, I quickly pulled to the shoulder, praying nobody would stop and check if we were okay. Putting the car into park strained my shoulder, which was suddenly stinging and aching. How the hell did I not feel it before?

"Why would you drive if you were hurt?" Raphael muttered almost scoldingly.

"Because I'm an idiot," I snapped sarcastically, leaning over to grab the first aid kit from the passenger seat; wincing when my shoulder protested the movement.

"Jesus, you're bleedin' everywhere."

"Yeah, I know," I grumbled, throwing open the kit and searching for bandages. "My hoodie's ruined."

"You're worried about your hoodie?"

"Do you have any idea how soft this one is?"

"No. And I don't really give a shit either. Now could you hurry?"

I spun in my seat, unable to contain my heated glare. "Could you shut up?" I retorted. Raphael's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed at me in irritation. But he didn't say a word. Good. I glanced down at my shoulder, sighing at the amount of blood covering the torn fabric. Biting my lip against the pain, I peeled the bloodied sleeve from my arm and carefully slipped it off.

"Raiya, what–!?" With a groan and what appeared to be fluster, Raphael hurriedly spun his shell toward me. "What the hell!?" He demanded.

"Oh god, I'm not even wearing a provocative bra," I peered closer at my cut, "grow up. This is the only way I can bandage it without cutting up my shirt." I almost wanted to laugh at the turtle's embarrassment but he'd probably intentionally punch my injury, so I decided against it.

Thankfully, the first aid kit had a small bottle of rubbing alcohol to clean out my stupid cut, plus a bunch of cotton pads and a random cloth the turtles must've thrown in there when they'd constructed it. I laid the cloth down on the centre console and soaked a few cotton pads in alcohol, then forced myself to press them against my cut and clean away all the surrounding blood. To contain the pain, I bit my tongue to the point that I tasted the coppery tone of blood. The stinging subsided after a few moments, and the flow of blood from the cut was minimizing already. I picked up a section of gauze, but I knew I couldn't tape it to my shoulder one-handed.

"Hey, I need to borrow your hands," I called, looking toward the mutant who'd remained with his shell to me the entire time. With a sigh, he turned around and—making a point to look anywhere but my chest—quickly picked up the gauze pad.

"I have no clue what I'm doing," he admitted with a low grumble, surveying the injury.

"Just cut a square yay big," I pointed to my cut. "And tape it over my stupid cut." Thankfully, the task was fairly straightforward and I didn't have to walk him through it too much. But then it came to bandaging.

"Just...wrap it a bunch of times around my shoulder at different angles," I advised, "kinda tight but not tight enough to cut circulation and make my arm fall asleep."

"Great," he mumbled, reaching out to my arm. "That's really helpful."

I sighed calmingly. "I can talk you through it. Start the wrap here," I moved my injured arm farther from my side to provide accessibility and tapped my armpit. Raph hesitated. "Kay, just give it to me," I wiggled my fingers until he handed me the end of the bandage to hold. "Okay, now wrap it once and I'll tell you if it's too tight." He did as told, pulling it tighter than necessary over my covered cut. I hissed and his gaze shot to me for a nanosecond. "Sorry," he mumbled, fixing his mistake and continuing around with my advice until a decent wrapping was in place and holding with promise.

"Good?"

"Yeah," I pulled my arm away and moved it experimentally. "Thanks. Probably won't be able to throw any kunai, though." I began gathering the medical supplies to pile back in the kit.

"Can't use your left?" Raph asked.

"I dunno, haven't tried it," I admitted sheepishly, looking down at my functional hand and flexing my fingers. What the–? I squinted at my wrist, at a tiny reddened patch of skin. When did I–? I sucked in a panicked breath, my mind reeling backward a few days. To that night at the dock. That girl—Karai. That sting. That–

Oh shit.

AN: I wish I had a good excuse as to why this took me almost two months but tbh it's literally just the worst writer's block. This chapter was really hard for me to write, which is weird because I've actually been looking forward to writing this scene for ever now. But anyways, after I got through the first half everything started flowing and the next thing I know I've stayed up until 1 am to finish it! Hallelujah! It turned out pretty good though, right? I really freaking hope so considering it's taken me this long lmao.

I'm really sorry you guys, idk why I'm like this but it's like I'll be stuck trying to write past one sentence for weeks and I just can't do it but once I do I'm on a roll until I hit another impassable sentence and it's just a ridiculous cycle. It's honestly killing me and I wish I could force myself to write past it but I don't want to waste time and effort writing a shitty chapter just to update on time, you know?

Once again, I'm really sorry about another terribly late update. I'm trying my hardest to write as much as I can whenever I can. I'm on Spring Break until next Tuesday so I'm hoping to catch up on my stories as much as I can.

Anyways, thank you all for your incredible patience! I love you all and please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)