It takes nearly a week for Thorin to recover his strength enough to move more than a few steps from his pile of furs. A message is sent via the ravens who live on one side of the mountain to summon Dáin so that Erebor can once more fall under the control of the dwarves of Durin's kin. They will need to remain until the others arrive, Thorin has no desire for the Men of Laketown to discover that the dragon no longer lives and Erebor free for the taking.
The treasury is declared out of bounds until Gandalf, who has also been exhausted by the power he used to aid Thorin in killing the dragon, has had a chance to examine the spells on the hoard and remove them before they become a problem.
Fíli has no difficulty staying out of the treasury, nothing there is of interest to him at the moment anyway. His focus is entirely on his brother. Kíli stays huddled in his corner for the most part, wrapped in blankets and with his hood pulled over his head to hide his face from those around him. He doesn't talk much, just listens as Fíli tells him about their friends and how Ori is in Mirkwood waiting for them. Sometimes he will ask a question, his voice hesitant, but mostly he stares at his hands with a stillness that is unnatural given Fíli's memories. The only time he comes close to lashing out is when Gandalf approaches to try and remove the chains that bind his feet together. He doesn't fear for himself, Fíli realises, he fears for those around him. Saruman apparently placed spells upon the chains that would kill everyone nearby should they be removed by any but him. It is a tense afternoon while Gandalf mutters softly to himself to undo whatever has been done.
The scars around Kíli's ankles make Fíli see red and he has to walk away before he cries or tries to hit something. His brother didn't even have any boots on, and there are no spares to be had. Winter has set in outside, the snow is already up to their knees, and Kíli will not be able to travel without something on his feet.
He returns to see Bilba sat with his brother, as she does whenever Fíli leaves for any reason, and he settles on Kíli's other side, giving her a grateful smile as he does so. Bilba grins back at him, her knitting in her hands as it has been almost constantly for the last couple of days, and something in him warms at the expression in her eyes when they meet his. The way her fingers fly over the needles is almost hypnotic, and more than once Fíli finds himself watching her as she quietly works her craft. He knows that she has complained of not enjoying it in the past, but she seems to find peace in it now, humming gentle hobbit songs as she works that seem to help soothe Kíli when he becomes agitated in his sleep.
Adra, who would once have been so quick to separate Bilba from the rest of them in the evening, seems to become content to leave the hobbit to her own devices. She still watches them, but for the most part she trades off watches with Dwalin and Nori and rests in between. Fíli feels a little bit guilty about not taking a watch for himself, but a quick debate among the others had led to the conclusion that it would be better to keep Fíli and Kíli together. It is simply too cold outside for Bilba to sit on the walls watching for long periods, although she takes an hour every day anyway, and so it is almost natural that Adra would hand guardianship of her to Fíli.
"I'm not good at socks," Bilba admits, setting her needles to one side, "hobbits don't have much use for them," she continues, "but I know how to make them. The faunts wear them in the winter before their feet have thickened up." She holds up the result of her work over the last couple of days. Thick socks in dark blue wool. "They're for Kíli," she explains, his brother is sitting quietly next to him although there is no indication of whether he is asleep or awake.
"I'll put them on him," Fíli assures her, touching a gentle hand to Kíli's knee and having to hide his own flinch when his brother jerks away with a noise of distress. "Give me your feet," he says gently, Kíli shifts, dark eyes shining from under his hood. "Bilba knitted some socks to keep your feet warm, help us get them on you."
"I can dress myself," Kíli whispers.
"Then put them on," Fíli smiles. "You're lucky, I've known her for months and she hasn't made me anything." She sticks her tongue out at him and turns her attention back to her remaining yarn.
"You shouldn't give me anything," Kíli says, though he reaches to accept the socks that Bilba offers him. "I don't deserve any kindness."
Bilba snaps one of Dwalin's favourite curses in heavily accented Khuzdul.
"Do you even know what that means?" Fíli chokes out once he is mostly over his shock and has clamped down on his sudden desire to kiss her.
"Dwalin says it often enough under certain circumstances," she shrugs, "I can take a fair guess."
"It means 'orc shit'," Kíli says helpfully and Bilba beams at him.
"Then it was definitely what I wanted to say," she tells him. "You deserve every kindness in the world, Kíli. A poorly knitted pair of socks is the least of them."
"But what I did-" Kíli whispers and though he cannot see his brother's face Fíli can hear tears in his voice.
"Were you given a choice?" Bilba asks, though she knows the answer as well as Fíli does. Kíli shakes his head. "Then I stand by my original response. You deserve every kindness in the world. Even though I know for a fact that your uncle and brother will make sure you get everything you need, it won't stop me from doing what I can."
"You don't even know me," Kíli hisses.
"But does that mean I should leave you to suffer?" Bilba replies. "I'm only here because your uncle and his companions kept me safe after I'd been selfish enough to run away from home. They didn't know me or my family, but they took care of me. I'd repay them very poorly if I ignored your circumstances."
"But you and Fíli-"
"Are friends," Fíli cuts his brother off before he can say anything else. Something flickers over Bilba's face briefly. "Now put your socks on, nadad," he orders before he can think too much about the rest of it.
To his relief Kíli obeys.
Over the following days Kíli reveals a little bit more about what happened to him. Dwarrow, he overhears Thorin tell Bilba, are created to be hardy and that extends to their minds as well. Kíli will never be the brother that Fíli remembers, but he will recover. Fíli isn't so certain of that when he hears the little that Kíli will share. Of the beatings and the repeated shavings at the hands of orcs. Of the wounds that were left to become infected before the wizard stepped in, of the starvation and the isolation. Fíli doesn't understand how his brother managed to hold on to the will to live and has to hide away more than once so that Kíli doesn't see just how deeply he is affected by it all.
"I should have known," he says to Adra during one such episode when he has joined her on the walls to watch for Dain or other trouble. His cousin gazes back at him with unreadable eyes. "I should have known he was in trouble, I should have known he was still alive."
"Has Mahal gifted you with the sight?" Adra demands. "How could you have known? Was there a body that you had reason to believe was his?" Fíli shrugs, they had found his brother's bow and sword beside a badly mangled corpse. "Then you had no reason to think he was alive, the wizard made sure of that. Stop feeling sorry for yourself out here and go be with your brother."
Adra still isn't comfortable around Kíli, he knows, but she hasn't said or done anything to arouse concern. Fíli doesn't blame her for being uncomfortable. There are times when he hardly knows what to do or say. He has dreamt so many times that he might one day find his brother, dreamt of all the things he has wanted to tell Kíli and do with him. Dreamt of seeing his brother smiling and laughing again, of hearing his music and simply having the opportunity to sit quietly with him. Now he doesn't know where to start. This is Kíli, but it isn't at the same time. All the light and joy seems to have been sucked out of him and left Fíli with this shadow that wears his brother's face and speaks with his brother's voice, but isn't quite the same. He should be thankful, he knows, and he is but somehow it feels like he has lost his brother all over again by getting him back and finding him so changed.
Kíli is sat with Thorin when he returns to the little room that has become their temporary home. Bilba is nowhere to be seen, although it's very likely that she has gone off somewhere with Gandalf, and Dwalin and Nori departed for Laketown two days ago to purchase more supplies so that they can eat while they wait for Dain to arrive. Kíli has relaxed a little without the sharp green eyes of Ori's brother following his every move and as a result Fíli can, occasionally, catch glimpses of who Kíli was before.
This is one such moment.
Thorin has managed to find a violin somewhere. To Fíli's mind it's a minor miracle that one survived at all let alone in good enough condition to be played. His uncle had made the small repairs it needed, and Fíli has just as little idea where the materials came from though he suspects that his uncle has been in parts of the mountain forbidden to the rest of them, and had presented it to Kíli. They sit together now, Kíli's fingers on the strings as he plucks at them and the hood of his robe swept back. It has been nearly nine years since his brother will have played, and Fíli has avoided his own instrument for nearly as long, but both of them had played for decades before that and the peace that sweeps over Kíli's face when he manages to play a simple tune says louder than words that his craft will likely be what helps him the most. His music may have been taken from him, but Fíli doubts that even the White Wizard will have found a way to corrupt it in Kíli's mind as he tried to do to everything else.
Fíli can already see his brother beginning to grow frustrated with his lack of skill, he knows how to play but it will be a while before his fingers dance as they once did. Kíli never did have much in the way of patience. He almost wishes that he could join his younger brother and play with him the way that they used to. It makes him remember evenings in the summer when they would gather in a nearby square with their friends and play cheerful jigs for them all to dance to. It makes him remember the way that fingers and bows would fly and the songs they played which were so familiar that they could play them even as their feet took them through the steps of the dance.
For a moment he sees his brother as he was, face joyful and dark hair whipping at his cheeks, eyes sparkling with glee at the simple enjoyment that his music would bring with it. The moment is broken when Kíli looks up and sees him, his face falling minutely.
"Play something else, nadadith," Fíli says with a soft smile, "and maybe uncle can scrounge up another one so that I can join you."
The smile Kíli gives him is the closest thing to a true grin that Fíli has seen so far.
A.N: Happy New Year! Hopefully the new one will be an improvement on the last. We can always hope. Although somehow I managed to skip posting my original chapter 28, no idea how I managed that but it's there now. Sorry for the random alerts, this is the only new chapter otherwise
