Spy settled in the chair and took in the scent of gun oil and engine grease, smells of its owner. The hideous plaid thing was more comfortable than it had any business being. His unwitting host the Engineer was upstairs playing cards with his Pyro and Sniper and wouldn't even know he was here. Now settled in the tacky cushions of the chair the Frenchman pulled a radio receiver and ear piece out of his pocket and, slipping the ear piece on, began scanning through the channels.
He could have picked up a signal from the bug anywhere around the base. The rafters of the mess hall, the work shed behind the main building, any of the ignored storage closets. But the Texan's workshop was the most comfortable, certainly the warmest, and he knew the man's schedule so that any chance of being caught in the act was unlikely.
He frowned, adjusting the ear piece's receiver looking for the phone's signal. At first he picked up distant radio stations, some small town news, that damnable music station the Texan listened to, he scowled beginning to suspect the phone tap wasn't working. He was sure he'd seen Scout on the phone when he snuck in, the loudmouth had looked like he was going to prattle on for ages. Surely he wasn't finished already.
-'m tellin' yah Ma, they dun make a move without me round here." The Scout's voice started coming in loud and clear and Spy grinned. The listening device was working as intended.
"So is dad gonna get out of jail this month?" the young man asked, and Spy snorted, hardly surprised to learn that the boy's father was incarcerated. Spy listened idly as mother and son prattled on, the chatter moving on to the status of the rest of the brood the Scout was part of. His bothers, his uncles, and their various goings on. But the activities of this Scout's family was barely of any interest to him.
The loudmouth and his mouth finally hung up leaving Spy in the dim of the Engineer's workshop with nothing but the soothing hum of the dispenser and electronics for company. To keep the bug unnoticed he had made the transmitter for it very weak. Unless someone knew exactly what frequency to look it up on they couldn't find it, though the down side was the range was also very limited. If he left the base the signal was too weak to pick up so he remained down here in the security of the workshop listening to the various team members call their family and loved ones and telling himself that he was only in this room for the convenience.
His oblivious host had not appeared this evening, which he grudgingly reminded himself was better for the task at hand, no matter how he might have felt otherwise. The wire tap was a shot in the dark, he knew the odds of actually catching the prey he sought were slim. The man he was trying to eavesdrop was as underhanded and cagey as himself. He lit a cigarette, briefly lighting the room up with his lighter. As he exhaled a cloud of smoke he debated about calling it a night and going back to his own base. Though there wasn't much waiting for him back there and the workshop was warm. He half closed his eyes. He could stay for a bit longer. The caller he was hoping for would probably wait until later anyway, if he used the public phone at all.
He had almost drifted off into a doze when a chime on the headset woke him up. He sat up quickly in the chair " - the time of the beep the time will be 10:32 and 15 seconds" the headset informed him. Muttering to himself, he jerked the headset from his ear and shoved it and the receiver in his jacket pocket. Foolish, stupid, he shouldn't have let himself get too comfortable in here. This was still the enemy base and it would be quite difficult to handle should the Texan find him in here.
Glancing around the room he made sure he'd left no trace of his presence and made his way out of the workshop back to his own base.
"What happened to… zis?" Medic asked distastefully holding up the severed head of the teddy bear off the table.
"Enh - it was an accident." the Texan murmured, glancing down at the table to what a day on the battlefield had done to Teddy. It had been stupid to have the bear with him during a skirmish. He had been getting his gear together that morning and had stuck the bear on his tool belt on a whim. The toy had actually survived most of the day until a run in with the enemy Demoman had torn it apart. Respawn could repair and replace many things, but plush teddy bears were not in its repertoire.
The German gave him a critical look before looking back down at the bear, which was in two mostly large pieces. The doctor prodded the remains of it and saying nothing, but still the Texan could feel he was being judged.
"It was just an accident, an accident." Engineer stammered. "I-I'd fix it myself but m-my handiwork ain't as good as yers Doc." He'd hoped flattery would distract the man from asking any more awkward questions. He had picked up sewing out of self defense from public indecency but most of his stitches tended to be crude and rough if serviceable. Though the look the doctor gave him over the rims of his spectacles made him start wishing he'd tried that first.
"Where did you-"
"I-it's a gift for my niece!" he blurted loudly, cutting Medic's inquiry off. He cleared his throat as his mind raced to fill in the rest of this story. "I got this for my niece- and it got…damaged- in my workshop."
"-What was it doing in-"
"I hadn't gotten to send it yet." the Texan rapidly cut Medic off again. "Send it to her… My niece."
"I… see," something about the man's tone implied he didn't quite believe him.
"Can you fix it?"
"It's certainly fixable." Medic said examining the pieces, "Despite the damage all the pieces seem to be here…It will take some time…were you trying to get this to your niece in time some for some occasion?"
"Uh…. no. There's no rush." the Texan said with a nervous smile. "Take yer yer time."
Spy grimaced and cursed under his breath in the dark as he repositioned himself on the crate he was sitting on trying to find a less uncomfortable position. The cowboy was tinkering in his workshop tonight so the Frenchman had to work in a cold, abandoned storage closet.
"Our supplies should last us for quite a while." - Spy mentally translated the Russian woman's speech as she went on about how much bear meat they had dried and stored. He suspected if he listened to the Russian's conversations for any length of time he'd end up knowing more about cooking bear meat than he ever dreamed possible. Irritably he pulled a cigarette out of his case and began idly tapping it on the crate.
"Your sisters liked the books you shipped in last month. Though they are already through with them."
"I'll try to send some more when I can."
"-Tell Michsa to send some different ones this time! Something more exciting than those dull epics. Something with some romance in it!" a young woman's voice cut in on the conversation. One of the Russian's sisters, Spy presumed as he lit his cigarette.
"I-I'll see what I can do." the Heavy replied, clearly uncomfortable. "Are all of you at the supply depot? the man sounded worried.
"We'll be alright. Stop worrying. So tell me how you are doing in America with your exciting job."
The conversation droned on, with the Heavy giving accounts of his more brutal recent kills. The man laughed as he mentioned catching the BLU Spy and snapping his neck. "He thinks he is clever. HAH!" Spy grimaced, biting his cigarette in half.
In the dark, plotting revenge Spy listened to the man describe his day with honest lurid detail. His family seemed unsurprised or shaken by the knowledge of what he did to put bread on their table. Though the one thing the Frenchman noticed, was utter lack of mention of the team's doctor.
Not a word was said about how he spent his off time or, more importantly, who he spent it with. Possible black mail material if the need arose.
Finally realizing that the man was going to be on the phone for a while, Spy got off the crate with a hiss. Stretching his legs he turned off the headset and decided to call it a night. It was late and as fascinating as that phone call was he had been looking for other sorts of information not twenty different ways to dress bear meat.
He pressed his ear to the door listening for any sounds. When he was certain it was all clear he slipped invisibly out the door and made his way back to his own base.
Putting Teddy back together had taken the doctor a few days but in the end the stitches were so precise and small one could barely see the damage. The results had been worth the wait, though maybe not worth the judging smirk Medic had worn giving it back to him. Engineer gently placed the bear in it's proper place on the dispenser with a wan smile. "No more battles for yah," he informed the toy.
Hopefully, Spy wouldn't notice the bear's new battle scars when he came around again. Though thinking back on it, the Texan realized he hadn't seen the Spy since the night he'd given him the bear. Oh, he'd seen the snake on the field, exchanged a few blows with him, dealt with his sappers, heard other folks complain about being stabbed in the back; but they hadn't exchanged words. He hadn't visited, hadn't left any notes. Nothing for weeks.
It occurred to him, maybe the bastard wasn't going to come around anymore. It had been a few months since that Swissmas dinner and Spy talked about his project. His attempts to make him stop sulking. Maybe the project was over and the snake was done. Done with him and not coming back. He should have been relieved about that. Glad to be rid of the snake. Instead he was… he wasn't sure.
Had the bear been a farewell gift? A stuffed toy seemed a bizarre choice for that occasion. What sort of person gave you a travel souvenir and then didn't say anything to you after the fact?
Well, there had been that one time, Aunt Mildred got upset because the thank you note he had sent got lost in the mail.
The Texan frowned. Was that it? Was Spy mad at him? Was he supposed to send the snake a thank you note? That seemed rather ridiculous, but then again so was this whole situation. His frown deepened as he tried to remember if any of his French classes had covered etiquette. Even if they had, it seemed unlikely they would have covered this particular scenario.
Spy had just turned from the work table when the dispenser caught his eye. It was humming along as it usually did when left to it's own devices. Nothing about it had changed, the Texan's silly radio was still on top of it, the man's chipped coffee mug next to it. And Toulouse. Spy couldn't suppress a smile as he tapped the toy bear on the nose. After the man's reaction to the gift he had half expected to see it dissected or in the garbage instead of out in the open at a place of honor.
The smile on his face lingered on as he pulled a headset receiver and recorder out of his pocket and sat down in the arm chair in the corner of the workshop. Spy stretched his legs and leaned back in the tacky chair taking in the familiar smell of the workshop, thankful that the Texan had gone to bed early tonight. He hadn't wanted to spend the evening in another storage closet. He glanced at the bear again with a smile as he pulled the headset over his ears and turned the receiver on.
"-I FILLED OUT ZE PAPERWORK!" the German was already ranting on the line. "IF IT'S AN ISSUE OF MONEY I ASSURE YOU CAN GET MORE!" Spy winced as the man's voice pierced his ear drum and he had to lift the headphones away to spare his ears the pain.
"Sir…sir," a rather exhausted sounding woman replied. "It's not a matter of payment, sir. It is a matter of safety, we can ship you a few grams of the material for educational purposes. Not the amount you-"
"A few grams… a few kilograms…vat is the difference?" the doctor's voice was beginning to develop that manic tone that was often heard on the battlefield. Usually when he put a bone saw through someone's limbs.
"Weight and a dozen international safety regulations, sir."
"Regulations," the German snorted. "Who pays attention to those?"
"Sir, just what organization did you say you worked for?"
"Are you questioning my credentials?"
"This is not a matter of credentials. We are not able to send you 500 kilograms of plutonium, sir." came the tired but firm reply.
"How about we make it 250 kilos?"
"Sir, we are unable to send you 250 kilograms of plutonium. "
"Maybe 200? I can pay double your asking price."
"It's not a-"
"150 then?"
"No." the reply was firm, all sense of customer service beaten down.
"I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!" Spy cringed again.
"If you have a complaint with our services," the exhausted woman said as if reciting from memory, "you can call during normal business hours a file a complaint."
"So you refuse to assist me?"
"We are unable to, sir."
"Very well, I shall take my business elsewhere!" the doctor's proclamation was punctuated by the sound of the phone slamming back on the hook. Spy sighed and took this opportunity to enjoy the peaceful hum of the workshop machines and the even more relaxing sound of no one screaming.
The silence stretched on and the Spy idly flipped through one of the Engineer's catalogs, not really reading it so much as glaring at the pages. Finally, the sound of the phone dialing again. There was a ring and silence as the call connected, Spy sat up in the chair straining his ears to hear anything. He could make out the sound of the caller's heavy muffled breathing.
There was silence and then a chime; "At the beep the time will be 9:45 and 25 seconds" this was followed by a beep. Then a pause and another chime and the recorded voice played again "At the time of the beep the time will be 9:45 and 35 seconds." And again the promised beep.
With a heavy sigh Spy slipped the earpiece off his head for a moment and rubbed his temple, wondering if there was another way to do this. He'd been keeping an eye on RED's mail, the RED Spy was receiving no personal correspondence to intercept. The man was currently spending most of his days on base, so there was no place to trail him to. If he was going to get any evidence of the Spy's affair his best bet was going to be the telephone.
With a sigh the Frenchman put the ear piece back on, "-the time will be 9:47 and 16 seconds."
It was the Texan's turn tonight on the rather haphazard rotation to do the dishes, and Engineer was clearing the table. Most everyone else in the team had finished their meal and left. Except for Spy who was settled at his usual end of the table, away from everyone else, reading a newspaper, a cloud of cigarette smoke drifting over his head.
Collecting the dishes, he worked his way toward the end of the table and awkwardly cleared his throat as he came to the Frenchman. Without a word the man shoved his plate towards him.
"Say, uh… Spy?" he asked quietly.
"Hm?" the man looked up in agitation from his newspaper. Suddenly, the Texan found himself realizing just how little he had talked to his own Spy compared to the BLU Spy.
"Uh," he coughed, "Just a question…."
"Yes?"
This was a stupid question. He was dumb for asking it. "J-just what is the French-the French etiquette on- er thank you notes?"
"Thank you notes?" the man looked at him with an unreadable expression.
"Yea…if someone gives you a gift or somethin' are yah suppose to write them a note?"
Spy snorted. "Only if you aren't a crude imbecile." he flicked some ash off his cigarette. "Why?"
"Just askin'," Engineer mumbled as he quickly picked up the man's plate and shuffled away to throw the stack in the kitchen sink.
"If this about me saving your neck last week, you're welcome!" the Frenchman called after him.
The workshop door opened with a creak, Spy dropped the duplicate key back in his jacket pocket and flicked on the light switch. Last he saw the Texan had been heading for his room which meant he was likely to be undisturbed tonight. The room was messier than it had been the last time he'd been in here. A half built sentry was spread out, taking up most of the work table. Pieces of scrap metal were scattered around like the Texan had been trying to construct a giant murderous jig saw puzzle. Spy walked past the worktable and sat down in the now familiar plaid chair to prepare for another evening of listening in on conversations.
Time passed sluggishly and he was beginning to think no one was going to use the phone tonight when he heard the click of the receiver pick up. Sitting up in his chair he listened carefully as the person on the phone dialed the number. He slumped back down in his seat in disappointment when he heard a man's voice answer and was about to turn the headset off when he heard the Texan's voice on the other end. He froze- finding himself unable to turn the ear piece off. Of course, he should not have been surprised that the man would use the phone. Not that it made any difference, of course, the cowboy's conversations were no more sacred than anyone else's. Swallowing his surprise, he leaned forward in the chair and listened intently to the two men talk. Silly useless things spoken by silly useless men he told himself. But the gentle lull of the Engineer's voice kept him listening.
They spoke of people he didn't know, of planting seasons, cattle herds. Talk of a peaceful world and home and family that the Frenchman would never understand and if he let himself admit it, envied just a little.
As the conversation went on the words faded away and he just let the cadence of the man's voice wash over him. Eyes half closed Spy could picture the man as he talked. That lop sided smile as he chuckled, how he bit the inside of his lip when he was thinking about something.
He began idly imagining the man was talking to him like this. No wariness, no hostility, no second guessing. The only recent time he'd let himself see the cowboy had been on the battlefield. Even then they only exchanged blows and he'd kept the encounters as brief as possible. No sense letting himself get distracted in a skirmish and give the Texan the upper hand.
The conversation was coming to an end, Spy listened on as the two men said their good byes and planned their next phone call, then the receiver was hung up leaving Spy with just the hum of the workshop and the dial tone for company. With a quiet sigh Spy jerked the headset away from his ear and stood stiffly up from the chair. It was getting late, it was time to leave here and go back to base. Sentiment was something only fools and the elderly could afford, he reminded himself as he stalked out of the room turning the lights off behind him.
Engineer sat at the dinner table away from the rest of the team members, mindlessly poking the peas around his plate with his fork. Scout at the other end of the table was talking loudly to anyone who'd listen about some impossible feat he had done today. The Texan tuned him out, his mind on other things.
He probably shouldn't have, but he'd sent Spy, the other Spy, a note, thanking him for the bear. It was courtesy after all, even if the man was an enemy. No sense being rude. The fact he'd been curious if the man would react had nothing to do with it.
He probably shouldn't have done it, but he'd dropped the letter in a post box in town and it was already well on it's way. Heck, by now it would have arrived a few days ago. That was if their wasn't another mix up in the mail, or another mishap at the post office like last spring. But he hadn't heard about any post office explosions, so surely the letter had arrived. He just hadn't heard anything back.
Not that he should have expected any of course. That was ridiculous.
"Hello, Engineer," Heavy greeted him sitting at the chair across from him.
Engineer's train of thought derailed. "Uh, evenin'," he looked up from his plate at the Russian. It was odd to see the man at the dinner table without the doctor. "Where's the Doc?" he asked curiously.
"Doktor is on the phone." Heavy replied with a shrug.
"Ah see." he trailed off, looking back down at his plate of neglected peas and picked at canned ham.
"So, Engineer," the Russian prompted "did your niece like little toy bear Doktor fixed up?"
"Niece? " the Engineer repeated confused. "I don't have a -" he trailed off as his mind processed the rest of the sentence. "Oh yea, mah niece, mah…" he trailed off fumbling for words. He didn't have a sibling either. "Yea, mah niece, she loved it" he smiled woodenly, hoping that the lie didn't seem as flimsy as it sounded to him.
"Good…good." Heavy trailed off giving him a puzzled or concerned look before turning his attention to saw at the meat on his tray.
"I'm finished." Engineer mumbled standing quickly from his chair to take his plate to the kitchen.
Spy sat huddled in the storage closet as he listened to the phone dialing, there was a click and then an answer.
"Wiz Bang Toy Company how can we help you?
"Ja," the RED Medic enunciated carefully "I am in need of uh- refills for one your products."
Spy sighed and flicked some ash off his cigarette as he could already see where this conversation was going to end up.
"And what product will that be sir?"
"I need 500 hundreds more samples for the, uh" there was the sound of shuffling papers then the Medic recited carefully, "The Atomic Little Genius Science Kit."
"Pardon me, could you repeat that sir?"
"The Atomic Little Genius Science Kit," he repeated, his patience was clearly already thinning " I need 500 samples of plutonium for it."
The receptionist remained quiet for some time.
"Hello? Are you still there?" Medic demanded irritably.
"Yes, sir."
"You can help me, ja?"
"Sir…." the receptionist spoke warily, "We have not stocked or made that particular kit in over a decade."
"So vat are you saying?"
"I'm saying we are unable to supply you with the materials."
"There is no expiration date on the order form!" the German protested.
"I am sorry for the confusion, sir."
"I demand to see your manager."
"Very well sir, if you like you can leave a number and someone will get back to you."
There was the sound of a receiver slamming down on the hook and then just the dial tone.
Spy massaged his temples and puffed on his cigarette. This had been a ridiculous endeavor, it had always been a long shot but he was starting to realize just how slim a chance this whole operation had been. He should just quit, call it a night, maybe bother the Texan on his way out. Go back to his base and rethink his options, anything had to be better than listening in on idiot's phone conversations.
The phone had been picked up again which was followed by the sound of dialing and a ring Spy frowned preparing to switch the head phone off when the call was picked up.
"Hello?" it was a woman's voice. He froze with bated breath, maybe, just maybe this was going to pay off.
"Bonsoir, my petite chou-fleur"
"Oh, so now yer callin' me? It's been weeks." the woman pouted.
"Je suis désolé, moi petite. I've been busy." Spy smirked to himself as he hit the record button on his receiver. He finally had his evidence and maybe a further lead. All he had to do was make sure not to cross paths with the Engineer so the cowboy wouldn't destroy this bit of evidence.
It was one of those elusively peaceful nights in the RED barracks. Scout and most of the team piled into Soldier's jeep and sped off to the drive-in movie several miles away. Shortly after that Medic had gone off on some ominous errand followed quickly by a concerned Russian. Engineer had stood in his door and watched Heavy rush breathlessly down the corridor swearing loudly in Russian, he had gone back in his room deciding it was better not to ask.
Chasing after insane doctors and watching ridiculous movies where people screamed a lot didn't really sound like a good time to the Texan so he had settled down in his room to catch up on his reading. Leaning back on the pillows, he flipped back to his place in the mystery he was reading and was soon thereafter completely absorbed in the story, wondering how Marlowe was going to solve the situation he was interrupted a quiet knock at the door. He had to be imagining it. There was no one on base to come knocking. There was another knock on the door, louder this time. So, there was no mistaking it now.
"Just a minute." he called out as he got off the bed to answer it. "Hold yer horses," he grumbled. The Texan frowned as he crossed the room, trying to figure out who would be bothering him at this hour. He opened the door and froze. It was Spy. Standing at his door in his blue suit, bold as brass. In the RED barracks.
"Bonsoir," the snake greeted him with a warm smile. "I hope I didn't come at a bad time."
"Uh…" the Texan's mind whirred for a moment processing the situation.
"I got your note," the man held up the wayward envelope by way of explanation with an amused glint in his eye.
The Texan took a slow breath before holding the door open. "Come on in."
