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"Inaya, they are so precious" Lara said, gazing adoringly at the twin elflings, one of whom was fast asleep in the bassinet. The twin girls had arrived the week prior; Inaya and Rumil were still basking in the joy of new parenthood. Lara and Haldir had dropped off some food for the couple, knowing that they would likely have their hands full. Toberion marvelled at the elflings for a few moments and even got to hold one of the infants. Eventually he lost interest and found distraction in his toys. Lara looked wistfully at her husband, who was currently holding the other baby in his arms. She had begun to fuss a few moments earlier, and to Lara's surprise, Haldir quickly and expertly picked the infant up to soothe her. Lara's eyes met his gaze, their connection was strong and loving.

Lara, Haldir, and Toby quickly bade the new family farewell, knowing the parents would want as much time to rest as possible. Also, they had promised to take Toby on a special trip.

"Nanaaaaa, I'm fine!" the child insisted, irritated by his mother checking his position on the saddle yet again. Lara was nervous about Toby riding a horse. He hadn't ever ridden before. Today, he would not be riding alone of course – he'd be riding with his father. Even though Lara knew Haldir was an expert rider, the prospect of her baby on a horse made her anxious. This is what led to the current fussing that her son was displeased with.

"Lara, he'll be riding with me. I would not let harm come to him" Haldir reassured, with a kind smile. Lara bit her lip and then nodded. She gave her husband her best if-anything-happens-to-my-child-I-swear-to-valar look. Haldir chuckled at the silent message. Then Lara mounted her own steed and they set off towards the human village.

As usual, Luke was waiting to stable their horses when they arrived. The man's eyes lit up when he saw Toby.

"Hoho! You will find many friends amongst my sons!" Luke said cheerfully to the elfling. Toby suddenly became shy and hid behind his mother's legs, only slightly peaking from it.

"I'm sure he will warm up to them quickly. Then you'll wish he was as well behaved as he is now" Lara said warmly, to which her husband chuckled in agreement.

Mary stood waiting for the guests at the front of the door, while looking over her 3 sons playing in the yard. Whenever the children became too rowdy, she'd arch her brow. Her sons knew better than to catch their mother's ire.

"Ah, there you are. These 3 are about to kill each other" Mary said gesturing at her sons, in her characteristic no-nonsense way. The baby was fast asleep in her arms.

Lara and Haldir both greeted the mistress of the house with a kiss on the cheeks.
"And who is this?" Mary asked, kneeling to Toby's eye level.

"This is our son Toby" Lara said proudly.

Mary eyed the child with a serious face momentarily, then broke out in a smile. From her pocket, she retrieved a sweet. The ice was broken instantaneously as Toby munched on the candy and joined the boys in a game of tag.

"Lunch will be ready soon. Luke, you and marchwarden can inspect the fences. Be back in an hour" Mary ordered. The males knew better than to argue.

With the older children outside playing, the baby sleeping, lunch cooking on the stove, the two women sat at the kitchen table.

"You and Haldir seem, happier. More settled" Mary observed.

"Yes, we are. We are really happy with where we are" Lara said, realizing that she hadn't felt the feeling of yearning or regret for what she couldn't have for months. Mary reached out and held her hand.
"I'm glad. Would you try for another child?" Mary asked carefully.

Lara sighed, "honestly, I don't know what the point is. Our life is wonderful. We're happy. I'm blessed with Toby and Haldir. My job is so fulfilling."

"It is something you both wanted, no?" Mary pressed.

"I don't know that I want to go back there. It was too painful, losing a child after carrying her 8 months. I've closed that chapter of my life…" Lara trailed off.

They were interrupted when the baby started to stir. Soon, the boys bustled noisily in to the house and lunch was nearing completion. The meal was a boisterous affair. It was clear Toby had been accepted into the pack. The two couples chatted happily into the early afternoon. When they parted, they knew it would not be long before seeing each other again.

"Perhaps next time, you may want to come visit us in Caras Galadhon?" Lara suggested, with the smiling approval of her husband. The offer was heartily accepted.

On their way back to Lorien, Lara again felt the beautiful clear skies inviting them to walk. Toby, however, insisted he wished to ride the horse. Haldir then hoisted the elfling onto horseback alone. After carefully showing him how to keep his balance on the saddle, the marchwarden carefully guided the horse to start walking.

"Look Nana! I'm riding it by myself!" the elfling declared triumphantly. Lara suppressed the thoughts of his possibly falling off swirling in her mind and smiled. "I see it sweetling, you're doing a good job!"

Lara held Haldir's free hand and gave him a peck on the cheek. "He's doing great Meleth" Haldir reassured.

"I know" Lara said. And the three of them slowly walked back towards the woods. It was a perfectly happy ending to a perfectly happy day.

Several weeks later, Lara knew something was up. She knew it by the way her husband had avoided eye contact since stepping foot in the telan that afternoon, the way he picked at his food, the way he hesitated and did not clear the table after the meal had finished and Toby had run outside to play with his friends. She felt uncertainty, worry in their bond.

They were now sitting at the dinner table, alone and silent. Haldir cleared his throat.

"Meleth, I must go to the borders for 2 weeks" he said finally. So that's what he had been agonizing over all afternoon. He was worried about how his wife would take the news. He hadn't been away since the miscarriage – a feat in itself, given the nature of his duties. Yet somehow, Haldir had managed it until now.

"When do you leave?" Lara asked.

"In 2 days. Meleth, it is unavoidable. I must go and inspect our defences. There is no one else-"

Haldir trailed off as his wife grabbed hold of both his hands. She brought them up to her lips.

"I know you would not go unless you had to, meleth. Toby and I will be fine. We will miss you but we'll be fine and we will be here waiting for you when you return" Lara said softly.

Her words warmed Haldir's heart and he reached over the table to kiss her. She returned his kiss with equal fervor. His hands reached around her waist and he lifted her off the ground. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. They were still kissing. He carried her on his waist into the bedroom. Thank the valars their son was outside playing. The marchwarden laid his wife gently onto the bed. She tugged at his tunic and he slid it off effortlessly. And the love they made would last them until he returned from the fences.

The marchwarden's wife was true to her word. She and Toby fell into an effortless routine. Breakfast, drop off at school, work, dinner, play, bed. Each night, they began a tradition of crossing off another day until Ada came home. Things at the archives were progressing well, the documents retrieved from Gondor were more insightful then Lara had imagined. Translating and cataloging them were the highlight of her career. The routine was effortless until the weekend before Haldir was due to return. Lara was alone in the flet folding laundry when a wave of nausea hit her. She dropped the laundry and ran straight into the bathroom. After emptying the contents of her stomach, she sat on the floor of the bathroom breathing deeply, trying to will the nausea away. She was pregnant. She didn't need a healer. She knew it. It had felt the same the two times before. Lara felt the panic coursing through her veins, she harshly put it aside as she heard Toby bouncing through the front door.

That night, she lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Not able to stand her thoughts, she got up and opened the top drawer of the dresser. It was where she had left it, the pouch Mearah had given her. The herbs were still inside. Lara had never used it. She had meant what she said to Mary, she had left the thought of having another child behind her. Her family had finally rebuilt their life and they were happy. She guarded that happiness fiercely.

"I cannot thank you enough for all your aid Mearah" Lara said, giving the woman a tight hug.

"Think nothing of it" the old woman replied. "Here, take this" she said, producing a small pouch from the pocket of her dress and pressing it into Lara's hands. Mearah was careful that no one could see the exchange.

"What is it?" Lara asked.

"Tea, a special brew. To heal your womb. For when you're ready. You will be one day. Soon, I think."

"And if I don't want another child?" Lara whispered. It was her turn to look around to ensure they were not overheard. It felt treasonous, what she was saying.

"Then there are herbs for that too. Even when you're already with child. You only need to visit a good healer. You have choices. But you have to decide what you want in life Lara. It's best that you and Haldir decide together. But sometimes…"Mearah hesitated. "Sometimes you have to do what's right for you."

Lara laid back into bed. Her fingers traced her flat abdomen. It was early she knew, she had bled just the month before. If Mearah had been right, perhaps no one would ever have to know. Perhaps. There was time to put her plan into motion if she chose to. She would need courage to do it. There was no going back if she committed to the course. No one could find out. Especially not her husband, for it would surely break their bond.

I hope you won't be confused by Lara in this chapter. I wanted to explain her thoughts. The miscarriage was grieving a loss for Lara. And she has finally been able to piece herself together, and close the door on that sad chapter in her life. She had accepted the loss of her baby and the fact that she wouldn't be able to have other children. She was able to appreciate the blessings she did have in her life. Now all of a sudden, all of it is thrown again into disarray. She's panicked, scared, angry and not thinking particularly rationally. We shall see how things go forward.