Another day, another chapter! I had originally outlined the story that Lara would try to get pregnant after the miscarriage and have another child..happily ever after. But i realized that real life is seldom so smooth. Infertility, pregnancy loss, deciding whether to continue a pregnancy are topics that people don't usually discuss even though these problems are so common. So, I decided to address it in a little more detail. I'm still planning a happy ending for Hal and Lara, but going through some trials will make the reward so much sweeter.

Katia0203: yes, I have read that too. Which is why Lara couldn't keep it hidden for long

pat: thanks, so happy you're loving it!

Ponytail goddess: you're so insightful and so right!

"Hurry up comrades! The marchwarden wishes to see his wife tonight" Orophin teased, with a smirk on his face. At Haldir's glare, his brother couldn't help but add "and Captain Haldir plans to be busy!"

Haldir had to laugh alongside his men. They were teasing him good naturedly. His soldiers had been nothing but supportive of their leader since Lara's miscarriage. They had distributed his shifts so Haldir could stay home with her. They showed their loyalty to him.

Haldir was glad to be heading home from his turn at the fences. He had missed his wife and son and felt incomplete without them. His heart lifted when the city gates came into view. After swiftly dismounting, he waited impatiently for his fellow soldiers to receive their garlands. Finally, it was his turn. He saw Lara in a light blue dress, Toby jumping up and down excitedly beside her. His wife seemed paler than usual, with a slight shadow beneath her eyes. It must be that she was taking on all the chores in his absence, Haldir thought, as he knelt in front of her.

"Welcome home, meleth" Lara murmured, as the garland came to rest on his brow.

Before he could answer, the elfling launched himself into his father's arms. Haldir laughed as he fell slightly backwards. "I have missed you too, Toberion."

"Ada! We've been counting the days since you came back." The child said, gesturing at the piece of paper in his hand, the calendar he and his mother had used to keep track of the days. Lara smiled softly as the family walked towards their flet. This was the peace and happiness she was desperately trying to preserve. Yet, she was drowning in guilt for keeping her pregnancy a secret from her husband. How could something she was convinced was right feel so wrong? Deep in her heart, she knew it was wrong.

That night, after Haldir had washed and changed, he entered the bedroom where Lara was brushing her hair at the vanity. He was shirtless, wearing only his trousers. Walking up behind her, he lightly traced his finger down her face. She smiled a little, and he leaned in to place several small kisses on her neck. Then, he moved his hands down her back and then towards the front of her lower abdomen. Lara suddenly jumped and stood up, fearing he would discover the child in her womb.

"Meleth, is something wrong?" Haldir asked, furrowing his brows.

"No!" she said quickly. When Haldir leaned in to kiss her, she placed her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. "Hal, I'm tired. Taking care of Toby alone for the last two weeks, it's been tiring. So, not tonight."

The marchwarden swallowed hard. "Of course, meleth. How about tomorrow, I take Toby fishing and you can rest?" he suggested.

"Yes, it would be nice to have the day off" Lara agreed. She did need the day alone to accomplish her plans. Lara kept tightly to her side of the bed that night, her sudden distance puzzling to her husband.

The next morning, Lara hugged her son tightly. "Have a good time fishing with Ada, my love" she said brightly, placing a kiss on his nose. She gave Haldir a quick hug and peck on the cheeks before seeing them off. After a decent amount of time had passed, she changed into her riding clothes and set off to the stables. She asked for a horse to be readied. She was uncharacteristically brash with the stablehand when he asked her where she intended to go. Reluctantly, she told him she intended to leave Lorien for a ride but offered nothing more. His suggestion of an accompanying guard was roundly rejected.

Haldir watched his son cast another fly into the river. The elfling was thoroughly enjoying the experience and was completely distracted. Good thing, as it gave him the time to ponder his wife's demeanor ever since his return from the fences. Things had been so good between them for months now. Then, there was a change in her. She was distant, putting a wall between them again. Was she resentful for having to care for Toby while he was away? He had offered to give her some time off this day, but would it be enough? Or was it something more?

Lara found the healer in the village easily. Careful to pull the hood up her cloak to avoid being recognized, she entered. She was ushered into the examining room and fidgeted uncomfortably while waiting for the healer to enter. It was an older woman who moved with an air of no nonsense.

"What can I do for you, my lady?" the healer asked, peering over her spectacles. She inspected Lara carefully, only slightly amused that an elf sat in front of her.

Lara thought it best to get straight to the point. "I'm pregnant" she said bluntly.

"I would think the healers in Lorien have something for morning sickness" the healer ventured, probing for more information.

"I'm pregnant and…I don't wish to be" Lara admitted, meeting the healer's gaze defiantly. She was not ashamed for wanting to control what happened to her body.

"I see. I will need to examine you, lie down" the healer instructed. After a careful exam, the healer continued their conversation. "You're little more than 6 weeks along. Very early."

"Yes, that's about right" Lara confirmed.

"Brew this into a tea. As soon as possible. It'll go much easier for you. Plan to stay at home for a few days. You'll bleed. It might be heavy. You'll cramp and you can take some herbs for the pain if needed. When the bleeding stops, the pregnancy is gone." She spoke in clipped phrases, completely professional. She handed Lara a pouch of herbs.

Before taking the medication, "you have done this before?" the elleth asked.

The healer took a deep breath. "You are certainly not the first and you will definitely not be the last to want to end a pregnancy, my lady. The medications will work."

"You're not going to ask me why?"

"It's none of my business what you want to do with your body. It's your decision. Though if you don't mind, I'd like to know if your husband knows of your plans" the healer asked.

Lara looked down. "No, he doesn't. I – I don't want to tell him. It's for the best. I'm trying to keep our marriage and our family together. The risks of having another child would be too great, it would jeopardize everything."

The healer gave Lara a hard look. "Most of the women who come to me for this reason, the fathers don't care. Or they've demanded the pregnancy be ended. Your husband is a good elf. From what I've heard, the marchwarden cares very much for you. He would want to know. It will be better to tell him. Keeping secrets like this can destroy a marriage."

"Thank you" Lara whispered. She was surprised to learn the healer knew exactly who she was. What the healer had said was not a surprise to Lara at all, she had always known it. Taking the herbs and carefully tucking it away, she left without a further word.

"Brother!" Orophin called before heading over to Haldir and Toby. The child was happily licking his ice cream. They had stopped for a treat after fishing. Haldir walked with his brother out of the elfling's earshot when Orophin gestured for a word alone.

"Lara rode alone to the human settlement today. She was spotted by the border guards. The stable boy said she adamantly refused an escort. There are orcs still out there Hal. It's none of my business why she was out there, but she ought to be more careful. I can't imagine you would've condoned this" Orophin said.

Haldir pressed his lips into a line. Orophin knew it was a sign of displeasure. The older brother shook his head silently. "Did she return safely?"

"Yes. She should be crossing into Lorien's borders right about now" Orophin answered.

"Will you take Toby home with you? I'll pick him up tomorrow. I need to speak to Lara alone."

Orophin placed a hand on his older brother's shoulder. "Whatever you need. You know I'm here to support you. Both of you."

Haldir made his way home alone. He knew Lara would join him shortly. He sat at the kitchen table and took a deep breath. The signs were all there, he was angry at himself for not seeing it coming. His wife had been clear he didn't satisfy her, but he had naively thought things between them were improving.

Lara was surprised to find the flet quiet upon her return. "Where's Toby?" she asked.

"I asked Phin to take him tonight" the marchwarden said. "How was your day?"

"Fine, I rested" Lara lied.
"Lara, when we married, we vowed honestly. Please be honest with me. At least tell me who he is." Haldir said. He was defeated.

"What are you talking about?" Lara pressed.

"Your lover. You could at least tell me who the ellon is, to spare me the humiliation" Haldir clarified.

Lara did a double take. "You think I'm having an affair?" she demanded.

"I know you were not resting today. You left Lorien, refused an escort, wouldn't tell them where you were going" the marchwarden said testily.

"It was none of their business" Lara said defensively.

"Is it none of my business also?" Haldir challenged. "I would like the truth, Lara."

"I am only trying to keep our marriage together. Our family together!"

"No more secrets, Lara" Haldir pleaded. "Your secrets are poisoning our family. Just tell me what's wrong."

"I went to the healer in the village, I'm pregnant!" Lara blurted out.

Haldir's eyes widened. "Meleth, I – "

"I can't have this baby. I just can't. I got herbs from the healer in the village to end the pregnancy." It felt good to confess.

"What – Lara. I don't understand. We both wanted another baby" Haldir tried to reason.

"That was months ago. We've been happy. That chapter of our life is closed, Hal. I can't put our marriage through another miscarriage. I can't put Toby through it. I would not survive it" Lara blubbered, now crying hard.

"Meleth, you do not know what the future holds" Haldir said gently.

"I won't risk it!" Lara shouted hysterically.

Haldir tried to hold her, calm her down. "No! Haldir, I can't go through it again! I won't!"

"I will be there with you. I will step down from the Galadhrim. I will do whatever it takes. You will not go through it do not cry, I cannot…" the marchwarden said. He meant it. He wanted the child desperately. He loved it already. Lara loved it too, he knew.

On their wedding day, Lara was ravishing. Haldir was handsome, in his dress uniform but his bride was breathtaking. She wore a delicate, lace gown. His mother's veil, a nod to her in laws, was held in place by Lara's own family heirloom diamond tiara. It signalled her noble blood. His breath caught, he could not believe this extraordinary elleth would marry a simple soldier like him.

When Lara finally walked down the aisle and met him at the alter, she looked at him shyly.

"You're beautiful" Haldir said.

"Beautiful for you" she replied.

They held each other's hands and repeated their vows. "I bind myself to you for all eternity. May our souls be bound, our thoughts shared, and our hearts entwined. May we be blessed with children and our lives be full…"

That night, as the reception carried on late into the night, the newlyweds stole away. Haldir insisted on carrying his bride into their flet. She toyed with his hair playfully as he walked into the bedroom. She got up onto her knees after he set her on the bed. Tugging at his tunic to close the distance between them, they finally lapsed into a deep and passionate kiss. As would be the case for the rest of their marriage, Haldir paused at undressing her. He would always seek her permission. She gave it readily and before long, they were both naked.

"You are the love of my life" Haldir murmured, in between soft kisses working his way down her body. "I'll always protect you."

He went on to express his love physically. When he entered her for the first time, Lara knew she had experience pure ecstasy…