Ponytail goddess: you're too good at this. Yes Haldir is here for her this time!
Earthdragon: you're right, Lara was being illogical. I explained in this chapter, the fear of what might happen with this pregnancy (given her history) made her unable to see reason. Luckily, she realized before it was too late.
Katia0203: you're bang on. Pregnancy brings out such such strong emotions (both good and bad), Lara found it hard to cope, especially with what happened with her miscarriage.
Wanted you guys to know, next chapter will be a bit of a roller coaster of emotions!
"Soldiering is who you are. You can't quit" Lara whispered, the reality of what Haldir had just said hitting her. Unconsciously, she slid her hand on his chest.
Haldir shook his head hard. "The only thing that matters is our family Lara. I have put my duties first for too long." He took her hand and cupped it with his own, holding both over his heart. He looked at their intertwined fingers for a long time. "Please let me do this Lara. Let me keep our family together."
It was Lara's turn to shake her head. "I can't let you give up everything you have worked so hard for. This is your calling."
"I won't lose our child over it" Haldir insisted.
Lara sighed. "Hal, of course I wanted another elfling. But I'm scared. We've come such a long way and I don't want to see us go back. We've been so happy…" she choked up and could not continue. Her husband could do nothing but pull her into his embrace. Lara continued to sniffle, when finally she was able to speak, she pulled her face off Haldir's chest. "I love this baby too."
The marchwarden smiled slightly. Uncertainly, his hand approached his wife's womb. Lara made no attempt to stop him this time and he slowly placed his hand over her abdomen. He took a sharp breath in as he felt his child for the first time. He looked up at her in wonder.
Lara felt a weight lifted off her. She had always loved her baby, but the fear of losing another child had pushed her to consider difficult choices. In her heart, she had known it was wrong to keep the pregnancy from Haldir but she had been overruled by her desperation. It felt good to talk about her fears with her husband. He had helped her be hopeful. Suddenly, keeping the baby didn't seem an impossibility.
They decided to keep the news to themselves for the moment; Lara felt she needed some more time to adjust to the news. Haldir did insist on seeing the elven healers to ensure she was healthy. Thus several days later, the couple found themselves back in the healers flet. Lara pushed the memory of their last visit out of her mind. She wanted to focus on the present, the child she currently carried.
"Marchwarden, my lady, how may I help you?" the healer asked, closing the door to the exam room.
Lara looked at her husband, finding him beaming. "I'm pregnant" she answered.
The healer did not betray any emotion. "My lady, if I may examine you?"
Lara obliged by lying down, she was tense until she felt Haldir's hand on her shoulder. The healer cleansed his hands with clinical efficiency and proceeded to examine her. It was uncomfortable and at one point, she took a sharp breath in and winced. Automatically reaching for her husband's hand, she felt a reassuring squeeze.
"Lady Lara, the valars have indeed blessed you. It's quite early on. But everything seems well. How do you feel?" the healer asked, smiling for the first time.
"A bit nauseated and tired. That's not unusual, it happened with the previous two" Lara answered. She felt blessed to be able to experience even the unpleasant effects of expecting a child again.
"As you know, we have tea that should help" the healer answered.
"Yes, I'll take some" Lara answered.
The healer hesitated, seemed to steel himself before continuing. "Marchwarden, my lady, I am very happy for you. I hope this will be a healthy pregnancy and I will do everything in my power to ensure it is. But you ought to know that the miscarriage weakened your womb. The delivery might be difficult for you."
Lara glanced at Haldir. He was frowning, suddenly unsure whether he should ask his wife to take such a risk. It was her turn to squeeze his hand. "We'll deal with whatever comes, together." They left the healer hand in hand, the team they were always meant to be.
The couple were the closest they had ever been in the following months. It was clear Haldir was trying to be as attentive as he could. This did make things easier for Lara. His presence was comforting, his manner was loving, even when she was in no state to reciprocate. She was touched when, one morning as she found herself on her knees in the bathroom sick with nausea, she felt his gentle hands tuck an errant strand of hair out of the way.
"Thanks" she croaked, before emptying the contents of her stomach. "I'm sorry you had to see that."
Haldir's brows furrowed. "I've seen much worse, meleth. I took a vow, to be there for both the good and bad." Lara never tired of Haldir's honesty and kindness, qualities that were usually well hidden behind his soldier's mask. "Besides, I am most responsible for your predicament" he added with a mischievous smile. Lara giggled and elbowed him in response.
When she emerged from the bathroom, he had a cup of tea waiting for her. "This is the brew for morning sickness, isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes, thank you" Lara answered, taking the cup gratefully.
"Will it ebb soon?" Haldir asked.
Lara shrugged her shoulders. "It's different with every pregnancy. For Toby, it lasted only a few months. With our daughter, it was the whole time." She said the second part quietly, uncertain of whether her husband wanted to broach the topic.
"I want us to be able to talk about her, keep her memory alive" Haldir replied equally quietly, seeming to read her mind.
"I would like that" Lara said gratefully. She absentmindedly traced her fingers over the buldge in her abdomen. She was beginning to show, they would have to share the news with family and acquaintances soon. "We should tell your brothers and Inaya this weekend" Lara said. She knew Haldir had had a hard time keeping the news from his brothers. He had never kept much from them, and he was bursting to share his joy. Lara had been much more hesitant. While she did not want to keep her joy private, she did want to keep her sorrow from others – if something unanticipated should happen with the pregnancy. Yet, it would not be possible for them to hold back the news of the elfling for much longer. Lara knew it would be obvious soon anyway.
They made the announcement at Sunday dinner, in a typically low key way. The table was busy with chatter. Orophin and Rumil were discussing border patrols, Toberion was shovelling food into his mouth and Inaya was busy trying to coax some puree into the twin elflings. Haldir took Lara's hand and cleared his throat loudly. The table went quiet, its occupants surprised by Haldir's demand for attention.
"Lara and I have news" he cast his wife a quick glance before breaking out into a wide smile. "Lara's expecting, the elfling is due in the spring."
All of a sudden, the table seemed to erupt in excitement. Inaya dropped the spoon she was holding, causing pureed carrots to splash on the table. The elleth squealed and pulled Lara into a tight hug ("I'm so happy for you!"), followed by her brothers in law. Orophin and Rumil both kissed Lara on the cheek and embraced their brother warmly.
Toberion was not impressed by the news of another elfling joining the family. It had not gone unnoticed by his parents, but they did not want to put him on the spot at the dinner. They exchanged knowing looks when the child's brows knotted and he remained uncharacteristically quiet when he heard the news. Lara and Haldir had discussed the possibility that Toby might not be thrilled with a sibling. Haldir had confessed, to his wife's amusement, that he had thrown a tantrum when he found out Orophin would be joining the family. The parents decided to give Toby a few days to digest the news.
Lara and Haldir approached their firstborn one evening as they were tucking him into bed.
"Toby, Ada and I wanted to know how you're feeling about having a baby join the family in a few months" Lara asked gently. The child fidgeted with his sheets and shrugged his shoulders.
"You know, I was rather unhappy when my parents told me uncle Orophin was on his way. But when he arrived, I gained a new playmate and I rather liked it" Haldir offered, hoping to prompt his son.
"I was happy before, but then the baby didn't come. And you were angry with Ada for a long time" Toby observed.
Her son's insightful words tore at Lara's heart. Though she and Haldir had made every effort to keep Toby out of the fray, it was clear the child had picked up on much more than they knew.
"It was a sad time when the baby…didn't come home. Ada and I went through a very hard time. But, we cannot let sad things in the past stop us from having happiness. You were very excited before about having a sibling" Lara tried her best to speak on her son's level, she realized she should have taken her own advice much sooner.
"You can show the new baby all the things you like to do. You'll always have someone to play with" Haldir suggested, smiling encouragingly.
Toby raised an eyebrow appraisingly; Lara suppressed a smile at how much the elfling resembled a very stern marchwarden. Toby considered the scenario carefully. "If I'm going to be a big brother, can I have a real bow?"
Lara laughed. "You drive a hard bargain, my little ellon!" She proceeded to tickle the elfling until he was in a fit of giggles.
"He seemed to take it well" Haldir said, as they closed the door to Toby's room. The elfling had finally settled into bed. His parents had finally settled on getting him a real bow only to be used under direct supervision by his father or uncles or valar help all of them. Lara nodded.
"What I said to him, about not letting the sadness of the past color the happiness of our future, I should practice what I preach. We should celebrate being blessed with this baby." Lara said. Haldir enveloped his arms around her, making her feel warm and safe. "Let's go pick out nursery furniture tomorrow" he suggested.
"Yes, I'd like that. You'd better get ready, you might be a lot poorer after we're done" she smirked.
The valars had indeed been kind to Lara. The morning sickness waned before the first half of her pregnancy was over. Her energy was good and she would be able to keep working right up until the delivery. She knew Haldir worried for her health and wanted her home to rest, but she was determined not to delay any of the projects at the archives on her account. She had already planned to take a short leave after delivery, but insisted she would return to work as soon as she was recovered. Haldir supported her, knowing how important her work was.
Surprisingly, Elyna had been the one to suggest Lara take the last several weeks before her due date to rest and start her leave a little early ("as much as the archives are important, your baby is more important. Go home and prepare for your child.") Lara took the time to finish decorating the nursery, shopping for clothes, stocking up on diapers. When all the necessary tasks were done, she found her mind wandering.
"Hal, I'd like to go visit with Mary" Lara said one afternoon, shortly before her due date. Haldir was rubbing her aching feet as she lay on the sofa. Her swollen belly was protruding obstructively between them. The marchwarden's eyebrows raised.
"Meleth, you're in no condition to ride" he said gently.
"Then I'll walk, I've done that walk before" she insisted stubbornly.
"You were not 8 and a half months pregnant" Haldir said pointedly.
"I need to see her. I'm worried about the delivery and…she's had 4 children, she always manages to put me at ease" Lara confessed.
Haldir sighed. "I suppose I should tell you now, though it was supposed to be a surprise. Mary and Luke will be at the blessing ceremony this weekend" he smiled.
Lara's head jerked up in surprise. Given her hormonal state, tears sprung to her eyes. "You arranged it?"
Haldir looked uncomfortable with the praise. "Aye, I know you have missed her company and counsel."
Lara was moved beyond words. Her husband, once again, had gone out of his way to secure her happiness. Haldir was no poet but she knew firmly that he loved deeply.
"I am lucky to have your love Haldir" she whispered, facing him now.
"It is I who is fortunate, meleth."
They were kissing passionately now, with heat and vigour that they had not had since they were newlyweds. Lara tugged his shirt off impatiently. The pregnancy hormones had made her lust for her husband as of late. Haldir returned her affections with an equal amount of hunger. There was no reluctance in him (the healer had reassured them that couples' relations were perfectly safe in her current condition). Her pregnant belly was but a minor hindrance, Lara led Haldir into the bedroom. Toby was outside playing, with the baby's arrival imminent, they would not get a moment to themselves for weeks. They both felt the urgency as Lara practically ripped off her dress. Haldir gazed at her swollen breasts hungrily. She looked down at her figure, not the lythe beauty she normally was, and flushed with embarrassment at the sight of her stretch marks.
"You're beautiful" Haldir insisted, "you're glowing. Oh Lara, you complete me" he cried.
It did not take much to bring her to the edge of desperation, she was wet already, could feel the ache between her legs. "Hal, please, I need this now" she begged. He obliged her immediately. Their positions were slightly different, her belly had to be accommodated, but it did not detract from the pure ecstasy that followed.
