Disclaimers probably don't need to be said, but anywho. I don't own anyone but Tomoko. Saber belongs to Type Moon and those who work on the Nasuverse, and Kei and her family belongs to Lang Noi.
The theme this time is Last Stardust by Aimer, originally from Ufotable's adaptation of Unlimited Blade Works. I've been listening to the song a lot and couldn't think of anything else more fitting. Even if the original piece was for Shirou and Archer, I did want to explore its meaning in a way that contrasted the song itself. Back when I grew up, my friends constantly admonished me not to be like Shirou, and well, writing now as an adult, it's about time to delve into those feelings.
Another theme for you to consider is Animenz Piano Sheets' cover of Brave Shine, also from Unlimited Blade Works. Let's just say I found it fitting. :)
Please enjoy!
Chapter 3: One Day at a Time
"Tomoko."
I tried to keep the absolutely giddy grin off my face when turning around on my piano bench and taking a breath. Sure, I was happy over the simple fact that she was using my name again, but her tone said something else entirely. "What is it, Saber?"
The Knight smiled back at me, her face looking strangely hesitant. Throughout the time we had been Master and Servant, which had only been a few weeks, she was a constant around the house. Aside from sleeping arrangements, where she had her own room near mine, taking up Kakashi's old headquarters actually, she was almost always close by, whether in waiter form or as her Knight position allowed. And to be completely honest, her presence was welcomed. Kei and the others could be gone for months, and I admit it gets lonely. For once, Saber was someone I could constantly find over my shoulder, and it was nice. So, it wasn't an everyday occurrence that she came up to ask questions. "May I be allowed to ask you something?"
Eh? That answer was obvious. "Of course you can." You're my friend. I nodded my head, putting on what I hoped was an accepting smile. "What is it?"
Saber opened her mouth, paused, then closed it. Her stare flickered between me and the floor. Huh? "It will not be a burden on your mind?"
"Possibly?" I said immediately, feeling more put off-guard than before. Wait, no. That wasn't the right response. Saber was tensing. Not good. Definitely not the right response. "I mean, Saber, it is hard to know if it will bother me when I don't know what it is." I held back the urge to hug her and instead patted the empty spot on my piano bench. "Just sit with me? Then we can talk. If I feel uncomfortable at any time, I'll let you know."
Saber paused again, her green eyes clearly conflicted. "Are you sure?"
"Positive," I said, doing my best to smile.
There's no way I could turn you down with you like this, Saber.
I left that thought to the side so that she wouldn't overhear, though. This Knight clearly had something on her mind, and the last thing I could stand for was leaving it unaddressed when I could help. Uncomfortableness was not something I could ever stand for, anxiety or not. "But if you still feel worried, we can talk in the house? Or outside." I reached into my kimono dress pocket to pull out a privacy seal, waving it softly. "I have privacy secured both here and wherever."
Saber opened her mouth, considered, then closed it. A smile slowly came up on her face. There it was. That smile. She was starting to look like Saber again. "Then, as you recommend…" she carefully brushed off any dust from her waist-apron before striding over to take a seat, never breaking eye contact all the while. "Is this sufficient?"
I nodded, trying not to beam. We were making social progress! Yay! "Aye. And since you're now here…" it didn't take much effort to reach over and activate the first little square I saw attached to the piano cover while also slapping the seal in my hands onto the nearest empty surface, "what do you need, Saber?"
Another pause. "You are asking me first?"
"Um," that wasn't expected, "there's no one else but you?" I rolled my shoulders in the direction behind me, and Saber glanced past me to blink. "Everyone else is in their own world, Saber." The urge to hug was strong, but I held it back, opting to play with the small braid in the bangs of my hair instead. Even if this was a private moment, ninja could still look on. I had to be the confident pianist host of Nagareboshi Cafe, not just a confidant for Saber now. "Just focus on me and ask?"
"…I see," Saber said, quieter, before turning her head. Her ponytail was brushing her neck, her shoulders tense. I was not expecting her to reach out and brush my hair back. More specifically, the braid part of my hair I was fiddling with. "Then Master. Do you know of the Holy Grail?"
"Holy… Grail?" I repeated. The confusion replaced any kind of embarrassment I could harbor towards Saber touching my hair of all things, and I lowered my hand. "As in, uh, a very very shiny cup?"
Saber blinked. Her jaw slackened just slightly before she quickly closed it. "You do not know?" Her voice screamed incredulity and disbelief.
"All I can think of is a shiny cup!" I echoed in a higher pitched voice, no thanks to my face starting to burn. This was starting to feel like Jeopardy where I said the wrong answer or something, and gods, it was embarrassing. "Or, uh," her hand was still touching my hair and getting close to my cheek, why, "just a goblet? Of fire?" It took a second, and then I found myself following up with an equally squeaky, "Don't tell me it's a goblet on fire, is it?!"
I don't even know where the Harry Potter reference came from.
Saber gaped at me for a moment before shaking her head. It took a second for the realization to hit that she was laughing. "Th-That is quite a stretch to make, Tomoko," she said amongst chuckles, and she took her hand back so it could cover her mouth as the laughter continued. "But it is not a bad answer." I waited for the laughing fit to subside, and once it did, Saber looked at me with warmer eyes. They looked almost like molten emerald in hue, if I could go on to call it that. "May I explain?"
"By all means! Because I don't want to keep thinking of a shiny sake cup," left my mouth incredulously. "Because I don't think it's a sake cup…" Saber stared at me, and out of panic or what have you, I squeaked a nervous, "Right?! It's not just any mere cup, right?!"
"…No, the Holy Grail is not a mere cup." Saber simply snickered again. "Your imagination is certainly plentiful, Milady." Nonetheless, I found myself staring in surprise as soon she reached out once more, her fingers gently brushing my cheek. She was using "Milady" again. Why was she doing it? "The Holy Grail is normally the system that brings Servants such as I here to the physical world."
"As in…" I tried not to focus on Saber's touch and instead waved my hand in the air to make an imaginary rainbow. "It's a magic device that does things for the sake of doing things?" For some reason, I was getting a bad feeling about it.
"Those are not the words I would choose to describe it," Saber replied, not even fazed by the heat running through my cheeks as her voice reflected amusement, "but that is an alright description." She exhaled softly, retracting her hand to lower her head. "The Holy Grail is a wish-granting device that mages would often fight over with us Servants in the hopes of having their wishes granted."
Oh. Oh dear.
I had a strange feeling we had just hit a crux of Saber's emotional problems. Not the entirety of them, but from the way she was conducting herself…
Stay calm, don't show panic, this is a time for her.
"So…" I made a circle in the air with my pointer finger, because it was obvious there was tension going on and I couldn't stand for that. We had just gotten used to each other, there was no way I could see all that work shattered with formality. I couldn't just leave her like that, looking all broody. Even then, I kept my voice quiet and gentle. Saber needed a friend, not someone judgemental. And I couldn't do judgemental. "It's a magic device that forced you to fight beyond your original lifetime?"
Saber raised her head to nod at me. "Not forced," she said gently, "but it did prompt me to fight before, yes."
"And, Saber," I inclined my head, feeling so many questions bubble in my throat. I wanted to ask them, but from the look in her eyes convinced me otherwise. It wasn't the best time to ramble all my concerns at her. This was her time. "If I can ask," thankfully she nodded, so I continued with a light, "why are you bringing this up now? The Holy Grail… It's not some kind of omnipotent thing, is it? It's not something that needs to be dealt with right now, like a world-ending weapon?"
Kei and the others still had to worry about rogue ninja and any possibilities of Kishimoto's Canon coming along. The last thing we needed, at all, was some kind of godly magic cup that would cause more trouble than a Rabbit Goddess Mother Person trying to take over the world again.
If Hisako was here, she'd probably be holding up pom-poms before tossing them out the library window to brandish a freakin' meat cleaver as a form of threat.
Let it be said every single part of me was not looking forward to otherworldly shit messing up my well-earned daily life.
Saber's emerald eyes flickered with questioning as she blinked at me. "Not a weapon. And to your other question, no. It is certainly not a threat you should worry about, Milady. I can attest to such since I destroyed it myself."
Uh, what.
Okay, for the sake of my sanity, rewind.
What?
Saber destroyed it? Then, why was she asking? Hell, why was she bringing it up to begin with? If it was destroyed, then why…?
Once my jaw dropped, Saber blinked at me before gently reaching over to close my mouth. "It is a long story," she said amicably, her fingers lingering to stroke my cheek before pulling back. "I merely wanted to ask you about it to see if you knew."
"Um, civilian girl, had no clue of magic until she met you, an amazing knight, so there?" left me in a very high-pitched squeak. "So no clue!"
Saber blinked at me once. Then twice. Then thrice before she closed her eyes and took a breath. "You may need to be more careful with your choice of phrase, Milady." Her shoulders were shaking again, but it didn't even take a second for her posture to straighten. "It'd be best you don't let anyone untrustworthy hear you like this."
A shiver climbed up my spine. "What do you mean?"
"Even if you claim otherwise, the fact that you summoned me means that you are a Magus in all but name, Tomoko." Saber's hands were folded in her lap, and they clenched almost immediately following her statement. Her daunting stare didn't fly over my head either. "I may have confidence in my swordsmanship, but that fact alone doesn't discourage the possibility that there could be others who have similar circumstances and would wish to target you. Having a Servant without the presence of a Holy Grail to supervise the situation is not an everyday occurrence."
…Oh.
Well. That wasn't exactly a surprise. I put a hand to my stomach, trying not to wince at the phantom pain that rushed me at Saber's words, but quickly wore a smile to not worry her. This entire situation definitely sounded like something I needed to consult the Extended Team Minato about when I got the chance, because if other foreigners like Saber came in, asking for blood rather than hugs… "I'm used to being targeted, Saber, and if your first day has been any indication, Kei isn't a stranger to it either. Same thing with everyone else I know." I shrugged my shoulders outwardly to hide the fact I was cradling my stomach, hoping Saber would buy it. "It's another reason why I'm friends with ninja. Or, as you keep calling them, which isn't wrong," I made air quotations with a wry smile. "Assassins."
Saber blinked again, her daunting stare having dialed down to that of bewilderment. "You have that much confidence in them? In Kei?"
"I trust them with my life," I said immediately. I knew it was the truth. "Kei too. It's something I've known since we were kids."
Kei's always saved me, was left unsaid. I kept it in my thoughts. It was something Kei and I shared between each other.
Reincarnation-built friendships did that.
Saber's green eyes, meanwhile, widened in shock. "You have seen conflict? Since you were a child?"
I could feel my smile start to drop from the sadness of the memory. "I grew up in a time of war, Saber." My voice grew quiet, just as Saber's gaze focused in on me, probably in horror. "I was lucky that it only lasted for 5-6 years of my life than an entire decade."
"And you're…"
"17." I continued in the same quiet tone. There was no other voice to use but that. "But there's no need to worry, Saber. I think Kei and the others have it covered. Same thing with you."
I've seen enough people disappear to the point of crying about it anyways.
Saber continued to stare at me, her eyes as big as saucers. Or maybe even cake pans, if I could use that analogy. From how her gaze was digging holes into my head, it was as if she wasn't even expecting to hear such revelations come from my lips. "I… I underestimated you, Tomoko." Her voice got quiet too as she bowed her head. "My apologies."
I shook my head. She didn't have to apologize. She didn't know of my background to begin with. Not to mention, I wasn't sure if she was getting dreams of my past like how I was getting some consisting of her life… "Don't apologize, Saber, it's okay. Even if the memories aren't the happiest ones, they are memories I have to live with. I've made some peace with what's happened." Without thinking, I reached over to pet the top of Saber's hair. It was soft to the touch, almost like silk, and Saber looked up as soon as I did. Her shocked gaze quickly transformed to that of inquisitive curiosity, her lips thinning out into a small line with the recognition as she stayed still for me to keep patting her head. "It's okay."
"If you say so, Milady," she said dutifully.
I couldn't help but smile back. "Aye." That still left one thing, though. "But, can I ask something of my own then?"
Saber blinked at me. "What is it?"
I retracted my hand from Saber's hair to focus. "I know I said it before, but why are you bringing up the Holy Grail to begin with? If it's destroyed and not a threat, then what's left to worry about?" It was something that was bugging me this entire conversation. Saber seemed alright. The Holy Grail was supposedly gone. But then, why? Why bring it up at all? "Is there something else I should know?"
To my surprise, Saber started to blush. It wasn't a dark hue like that of my own embarrassing moments, but the light pink was unmistakable. "C-Call it a passing curiosity," she coughed into her fist before going on to brush a bit of stray blonde hair back behind her ear. If I didn't know any better, she could have resembled a schoolgirl asking a teacher a question with the way her face looked. "Because we have been in a contract for about a month now, and you have not asked me to use my weapons nor my fighting skills in the entire time we have been together…"
"And…?" I prompted gently.
Saber inclined her head at me, blinking slowly. The pink receded in time with her words. "Tomoko, please answer this for me. As a what if scenario." The serious tone said everything else. I nodded immediately, and she continued with a solemn, "If the Holy Grail was present here, and if you could fight for it, what would you wish for?"
I blinked myself before closing my eyes. My heart answered first, so I made sure to open my eyes and meet Saber's stare directly. "I wouldn't wish for anything at all. Not even fight for it."
Saber lurched back as if slapped, her green eyes going wide again. "What?" her voice came out breathy. Disbelieving. "Nothing at all? No desire to redo anything in your past or for glory in the future? Nothing?"
"Nothing!" I repeated with a cheery chirp.
"B-But," Saber was looking more and more flabbergasted, as if I had just told her I had forsaken God with the look on her face. She glanced to both sides of the cafe area, trying to find something to grasp in her clearly shaken thoughts before turning back to me with a raised voice. "You should have something you would want to wish for. Something you wish to achieve! Something!"
If Hisako was here, she'd probably chime in with a dry, This needs damage control.
Instead of sharing that, I put on a small smile and reached over to rest one of my hands over both of Saber's. Hisako was still gone. It was pointless to reminisce when in the end, it was just me. "That doesn't mean I want something like a Holy Grail to do the work for me, Saber. It's not worth it."
With those words, Saber stopped shifting, meeting my eyes unflinchingly. "So, when you told me you did not want me to fight…"
"I meant it, Saber." I squeezed her hands in the hopes of it providing some kind of comfort. Even if my stomach was starting to twinge from the memories poking into my mind again, I ignored it. "I would only let you fight if you wanted it. And besides," I leaned back on my piano bench, stretching my spine to mitigate the phantom pain. "From what you told me, it sounds like the Holy Grail is a whole mess of trouble. How could it grant wishes when it just seems to be fueled by war?" From the emotion alone, I shook my head, already feeling the disgust tug at my throat. "I've had enough of war. I don't want to propagate more of it."
For a moment, just a mere moment, I debated telling Saber of October Tenth. Of what happened, of the scar that still lingered on my stomach, but the phantom pain stopped me.
'TOMO!'
Ah, that's right. A wry smile came up to my lips as I ducked my head. That's why.
The aftermath of that day was one of the few times I ever saw Kei cry so badly.
Saber's quiet call of my name took me out of the memory, and I looked up to meet her emerald green eyes in eye contact. "I'm okay, Saber," left me in a wheezing breath, and I squeezed her hands again. "I'm okay."
"Forgive my rudeness, milady, but you do not look 'okay' in the slightest," Saber turned her hands over to grip mine, and her eyebrows furrowed on her forehead from clear worry. "Should I let you rest? We can continue the conversation another time if you are unwell."
"N-No, Saber, no." The darn phantom pain needed to go away, not this. I forced a smile. "I just remembered something not that great. It's not because of your inquiries or anything, okay?" With what strength I had in my arms, I squeezed her hands as tightly as I could. Even then, the worry in Saber's eyes didn't seem to be up for fading, so I added a smaller, "Just let me finish what I want to say in response to your what-if situation before you let me go rest, if you're that worried."
Saber's hands were warm, and she shifted so that they were cupping the entirety of one of my own. "You are certainly sure? You will go rest after this?"
"You have permission to cart me to my futon if you deem me being too reckless, my Knight," I couldn't help but tease, but still nodded my head anyways. "Will that be enough for you?"
Saber smiled softly in return. "Yes."
I smiled back before taking a breath. "Now, I guess for finishing my reasons… I have wishes, sure, but nothing that's worth fighting other… well, Magus for, Saber. If anything, I'd call them 'dreams' more than wishes because I want to achieve them by my own means, not by betting on a cup that's probably caused more harm than good." A sigh left my lips before I could think on it. Saber's attention was entirely on me again, and for once, I didn't know what to make of it. I kept my expression as even as I could. "Besides, what in all heck guarantees that the Holy Grail will grant your wish to begin with? From what you've told me, it sounds like it turned bad at one point and you had to destroy it."
Saber blinked, paused, then agreed with a quiet, "Yes."
And this. Saber's face alone was starting to prove one of many reasons why I was starting to feel like the Holy Grail sucked. How long had she been fighting for? How long had she been chasing what could've been a pipe-dream of wish-granting, fighting with all her might?
How long had the Holy Grail been recruiting her for war after war after war, just to reward her with nothing?
Instead of voicing all my worries like that, I squeezed her hands. "And, Saber? I don't want to fight for the Holy Grail because I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want."
That did it. Saber's eyes were wide in my direction again, emerald irises flickering in clear disbelief. "...You were thinking of me too?" she said breathily.
A small smile came over my face as I squeezed her hands a bit tighter. It took a bit to hold back the giggles bubbling up in my throat. Saber's mere expression of awe could easily go into a photo album. "Of course." You silly Knight. "You may call yourself my Servant, but the time we've spent together isn't something to laugh off. To me, Saber," I patted the tops of her hands softly with both of my own, "you're a precious friend and family member that I want to cherish. So I won't ask you to fight for the Holy Grail. I'd only do it if you wanted it." A pause, and then the thought occurred, so I added a squeaky, "I'd be very hesitant, mind you, but I'd let you do it! Just don't be reckless or anything!"
I've seen my friends risk their lives for an entire lifetime, anyways. There's no way in hell I'd be okay letting you go without worry after all that.
Saber's gaze softened. "Yes," she said gently, her hands gripping mine. "Of course, Milady." She bowed her head towards me. "I will do what I can to not betray your trust."
Ohmigosh. This again.
"Saber?"
She raised her head to look at me in confusion. "Yes?"
The words left me in a flurry, but I couldn't help it. "Can I hug you?"
"Eh…?" Saber blinked at me, her entire face reading disbelief and shock. "Why?"
"J-Just because!" You look like you need it way more than me. Even then, my face was flushing, along with my ears — goddammit, why couldn't I be more eloquent! My speech earlier worked, so why not— "Please?"
Saber blinked at me again, her emerald eyes shining with something unknown before she nodded. "Alright," she said finally, "but allow me to initiate this time."
I didn't even get the chance to squeak once she pulled me in by the hands, and my nose proceeded to land in her shoulder. She smelled faintly of laundry detergent, probably from her waiter uniform being recently washed, and I found myself relaxing. I could feel her arms winding around my back, and out of the warm feelings bubbling up in my chest, I wound my arms around her too. "Hee hee."
A breath tickled the top of my hair. "What is so amusing, Tomoko?"
"Just a passing thought." I squeezed Saber a bit tighter, tucking my cheek against the side of her neck. "This is the first time you've initiated a hug, Saber."
Saber scoffed softly, a hand landing atop my head. "For such a spontaneous Milady, it is only natural for a Knight to reciprocate at one point."
"Hee hee," left me again, and the words felt natural this time. It took a month, but hey, progress. And I was too high on happy juice to stop myself. "Love you too, Saber."
The Servant underneath me tensed considerably, probably from shock, but before I could take the words back, Saber relaxed again. "…Arturia."
"Eh?"
Saber gently bumped the side of my head with hers. "My True Name. You can call me by my True Name, Milady. Arturia."
My heart skipped a beat as I nodded. "Arturia-san it is. But just between the two of us." From everything said earlier, I didn't want to risk Saber's trust by using her Name carelessly. Even then, it was hard to hide the smile on my face as I tightened the hug, snuggling her. We really did make progress today. "Thank you, Arturia-san, for confiding in me."
The grip on my sides was something I don't think I'd be forgetting anytime soon. Strong yet gentle. "Thank you, Milady," Saber breathed gently, "for trusting me."
I definitely owed her another song after this. For now, hugs. Hugs are the best.
