Milo Murphy's Law…but I'm in it!

Scene 1

From 'The Substitute'.

"OK, Polymerization, that sounds advanced. I'm gonna need an assistant. Any volunteers?" Milo asked the class. I raise my hand enthusiastically.

"Does this mean we're finally gonna learn how to Fusion Summon?" I ask.

"No," Milo replied bluntly.

"I knew I should've filled out that application for Duel Academy," I pouted.

Scene 2

From 'Missing Milo'

We walk into Melissa's basement at her house. She opens the door to reveal all the pictures of Milo she has, as well as her research on Murphy's Law.

"Melissa, why would you collect all of this stuff?" Sara probed.

"Yeah, some of this stuff is weirdly specific," Zack added upon inspecting a bag of used toothbrushes.

"I have a better question, why aren't we running like hell in the other direction?! This is not normal friendly behaviour!" I rant to the gang. My gaze then turns to some very disturbing images which I won't show. "Oh God, is that Milo in the shower?! The hell is wrong with you, woman!" I go on. I then get my phone out and dial 911. "Hello, Danville Police? Yeah, I'd like to report a stalker!" I state to the police station on the other end.

Scene 3

From 'The Phineas and Ferb Effect'

The battle between the Dakota Army and the Pistachions is in full swing.

"Don't worry, I know exactly what to do for this situation," I assure the crowd. I leave and come back with a lit torch with a flame on the end. "Hahahaha, 20 years of Pokemon games have prepared me for this moment," I cheer as I swing the flaming end of the torch at the Pistachions, who turn and run away in fear. "Remember, kids, always have your type advantages memorised," I instruct the audience.

Scene 4

From 'The Undergrounders'

Milo spins in the turnstile of the train station and ends up handstand-walking into the carriage. Being seated in said carriage, I get out a piece of card with the number '9' on it. Everyone looks at me funny.

"It would've been a 10 but he didn't stick the landing," I remark.

Scene 5

From 'Missing Milo'

The billboard collapses and myself, Milo, Cavendish, and Dakota see a devastated version of the year 2175. While the others are naturally horrified, I merely shrug it off.

"It still looks better than the launch of Cyberpunk 2077," I observe.

Scene 6

From 'Teacher Feature'

I have replaced Scott the Undergrounder in this scene. My friends have begun preparing me for my date with Ms. Murawski. They have insisted I stay inside until my mock date knocks on the door.

"So, I'm about to get dating advice from three pre-pubescent teenagers who don't have lovers of their own, probably haven't had 'the talk' yet and definitely don't know how to put on a condom. What's the worst that could happen?" I wonder. The door to my shack is knocked and I open it to find the most horrifying thing I have ever seen, and I live in a sewer. It was Milo, in a blonde wig, acting as my mock date, and from the looks of things, he was really engrossed in the role.

"Nope, screw this. I'll just look up online tutorials on YouTube instead," I dismiss and slam the door in his face.

Scene 7

From 'Smooth Opera-tor'

The show is going on as per usual. Milo is currently back stage, making sure nothing goes wrong. We get to the scene right before the music war is declared.

" He's singing on our turf. You know I think he wants to fight us " one guy sings.

" If he doesn't watch he's step I'm gonna give him laryngitis " the other guy responds in kind. I, on the other hand, am unimpressed.

"Booooooooo! Get the fat lady out!" I call out from the audience.

Scene 8

From 'Going the Extra Milo'

I am replacing Zack in the scene in the alien saucer. The aliens have us strapped to the slabs as Milo and I take the scene in. I start panicking.

"Milo, we've got to get out of here before they start probing us," I urge Milo to come up with an escape plan. The aliens then produce a device that looks very much like a probe. "Help," I whimper. Thankfully, they start with Milo. We cut to an outside shot of the saucer, and, well, let's just say even in space they could hear Milo scream that time.

Scene 9

From 'A Clockwork Origin'

Victor Verliezer was just finishing his demonstration of C.I.D.D. with an explanation of what he can do.

"He can juggle, do your taxes, and make a perfect soufflé," Verliezer concludes. From the audience, I stick up my hand to ask a question.

"Er, yeah, I just have one question, Mr. Verliezer. Where, exactly, is the self-destruct button? You have to have one on all your inventions in Danville. It's kind of a standard," I inquire.

Scene 10

From 'Ride Along, Little Diogee'

Principal Milder was presenting the awards show, while Milo was still trying to get inside after having been locked out.

"And the winner for 'greenest thumb' is…Chad Van Coff," Milder announced.

"Boring!" I call out as everyone claps while Chad collects his award.

"Really, people? I'm literally part plant here," Bradley responds cynically.

"No-one cares, Bradley!" I rebut from my seat.

Scene 11

From 'Goulash Legacy'

The grandfather and his grandson were standing by a statue of the World's Greatest Goulash, and the grandfather started telling the story of how the world was saved by the sentient pot of goulash.

"Behold, Toby. This robotic pot of goulash was the hero of the Great Screech Owl War of millenia 2. A war that was the turning point for the entire human race," the grandfather told his story. I am sitting on a bench nearby.

"Yes, we should never forget the heroic sacrifice of all those who fell defending us from the forces of Eda the Owl Lady. God bless you, heroic souls," I salute.

Scene 12

From 'Milo's World'

I am replacing Sara in this scene. Chad was just finished telling his spooky tale, and after Melissa banishes him back to the corner, Neal speaks up.

"All this has been very educational, but what's your take on him?" Neal asked.

"OMG, where to start. I have all sorts of stories about Milo. Should I start with the time I almost gave him a boyfriend?" I inquire.

Scene 13

From 'The Math Book'

We arrive outside the school gates and Melissa has forgotten her math book, again. We discuss our course of action.

"We might need the Great Key-Keeper to get into the classroom," Milo suggested.

"Who?" Zack asked.

"Fred the janitor, also known as 'the Key-Keeper', because he has a lot of keys," Melissa answered.

"He's a wise and mysterious force who guides us on quests toward enlightenment," Milo added.

"Ooo, we're questing now. I have the perfect things for this," I pipe up. I then rummage through my backpack and pull out a game board and some D&D dice. "Who wants to go first?" I inquire.

Scene 14

From 'Some Like it Yacht'

The S.S. Indulgence has just run aground. Principal Milder tries her best to keep everyone calm. Unfortunately, the faculty has just gone native.

"OK, children, I appear to be having a small problem with the faculty. I'll be back, uh, so…..free period," Milder notified and runs off to gather up the teachers. I have a brilliant suggestion.

"Right, well, the best thing to do while stranded on a deserted island with a group is to decide who we eat first, and Mort is the biggest one here, so I nominate him," I suggest. I then get out a knife and fork and start chasing Mort down. "Let's tuck in!" I add as I chase down my unwilling prey while laughing maniacally.

Scene 15

From 'Mid-Afternoon Snack Club'

Bradley had just finished lashing out at the rest of us. The rest of us decide how to spend our detention time.

"We really should get to work on that sculpture, so, uh, hey…or we can just goof off 80's style," Milo tried to urge the group forward. I get started by playing a tune on my harmonica. Everyone gives me weird looks.

"What?" I react.

Scene 16

From 'Cake 'Splosion'

Basil Bravo was on stage explaining the first challenge to the contestants.

"Are you ready for Round 1? You'll be head over heels for our first event. Contestants bake a cake using fresh seasonal ingredients while hanging upside down. If that sounds like fun to you, then start your ovens and get your cookies ready to crumble!" Bravo announced. I then suddenly remember something.

"Hey! This tool stole my pitch idea for Bake Off Extreme!" I recall. I then get out a baseball bat and rush down to the stage. "You're dead, punk!" I threaten while advancing on Basil Bravo.

Scene 17

From 'Picture Day'

Chad had just overheard Milo talking about him never showing up on film and assumes that Milo is now a vampire. He tries to confide in Mort about his 'discovery'.

"Ugh, he was not bitten by a shark ghost. Obviously he was bitten by a vampire," Chad explained while pointing at Mr. Drako.

"We've never seen Mr. Drako bite anyone. We don't even know if he's a vampire. He may just have an accent. And weird hair. And a cape. And a coffin. And...Milo's a vampire!" Mort realized.

"No, he's not, you little dipshits! The Halloween Scream-a-torium was last season! You sound like idiots!" I scold.

"You're right. We do," Mort agreed.

Scene 18

From 'The Race'

Cavendish had tried and failed to get the time vehicle started, leaving him, Dakota, and myself, stuck in the old west. We head into a clothing store to get outfits so we can blend in.

"So, how soon before I can start saying 'reckon'?" Dakota asked.

"Preferably never. We just have to fix our time machine and get back to the future to stop Brick and Savannah from saving those pistachios," Cavendish rebuffed.

"The sooner, the better, mate. I've already played through Red Dead Redemption 2 once already and I'm not so keen to give it a second go," I add, shuddering at the prospect. "Let's just say some things in video games weren't meant to be realistic," I say while quivering at the too-realistic horse anatomy in that game.

Scene 19

From 'Rooting for the Enemy'

The football game between the Middletown Tigers and the Geckos had just begun, and things are not going well for the Geckos. Then again, this was anticipated by the coach. His pessimism ran so deep he allowed Milo to attend the game. One time, Mort actually caught the ball, but he got smashed into a tuba by an opposing player. Being the responsible football referee I am, I throw down a yellow flag to signal a penalty call.

"Personal foul, unnecessary roughness, defence, number 27. Fifteen yard penalty. Automatic first down," I call out from the field.

Scene 20

From 'First Impressions'

The day started out like any other. My first day on the job as a school bus driver was going flawlessly. The last pick-up I had was some kid with blonde hair, and I was on my way to the next stop.

"Well, this turned out to be very relaxing. The kids make for a soothing presence, it's a nice day. What can go wrong?" I ask myself, oblivious to what would come next. I bring the bus to a halt at the next stop, and some kid with a red backpack, shorts and a grey shirt comes running towards the stop, eager to get on.

"Oh boy, first day of school. It's a new day for you, Bradley Nicholson," Bradley said excitedly. A few seconds later, a rocket slams onto the roof of the bus, sending it hurling forwards.

"SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…" I yell frantically as I try in vain to stop the bus. "I knew I shouldn't have got this bus from Ms. Frizzle!" I say regretfully as I contemplate my doom, as well as the fates of the young ones aboard. Some time later, we miraculously make it to school in one piece. I laugh in sweet relief.

"We're alive. Haha! We're alive!" I rant as I get off the bus. I then turn to have one final word for the school. Well, two words. "I quit!" I resign furiously as I walk away.

Author's note: And that's why you shouldn't buy vehicles from weird ladies in oddly designed dresses. How's it going, guys. I know, I know, you're saying to yourself 'Shouldn't he be getting on with Spirits and Seers already?' and I am, but I heard about a renewed effort to get #RenewMML trending on Twitter this month, and I thought I'd submit this. Once again, taking cues from The Unusual Suspect, I have inserted myself into twenty scenes of Milo Murphy's Law. I was going to submit this on the 20th, when the Twitter effort was to begin, but skit ideas kept flooding in and I couldn't resist. The usual disclaimers, I own nothing, Disney, Dan, and Swampy own Milo Murphy's Law. Enjoy.