Chapter 1

Nate sat alone after one of their jobs. Sophie had gone home to shower and change and so had Parker and Hardison, Eliot was downstairs in the kitchen preparing dinner for all of them. One of them was always with him, he knew they were worried about him and although he felt a bit smothered he said nothing. It had been six months since he had returned to his family after being taken by the 'Collector'. He had struggled over the last six months trying to come to terms with what had happened to him. He thought brining closure with the man's son and with what had happened on the island and to his friends afterwards would bring him some peace, but it had not. He barely slept and the only way he could keep the nightmares at bay was to drink himself into oblivion. He knew the others were worried about him. Sophie had tried to talk to him and so had Eliot, but he could not bring himself to tell them everything that had happened. Even when drunk he would wake up from sleep in a sweat, his heart beating so hard he could feel it and sometimes he would wake up screaming or crying, or even worse he woke up in a panic and was hitting or strangling his pillow.

He had gone back to work with them, taking on clients and doing what they did best. He enjoyed it and it kept his mind busy, but he was also taking a lot more risks than before and they were noticing that. He would take a mark head on sometimes daring him to do something about it, daring him to come after him. He knew it was dangerous and that he was playing with his life, but he needed that rush, that feeling, it was what made him feel alive, what made him feel at all.

When he had returned, his and Sophie's relationship had blossomed at first, but then the nightmares started, and he had told her he was not prepared to share his bed with her after nearly strangling her during one of his nightmares. He knew that she was hurt by that, but he could not take the chance that he physically hurt her, she had told him she could deal with it, that she wanted to help him, but he had simply refused, stating that he had to work through it all first. She had reluctantly agreed and moved back to her apartment. Not that any of them spent much time in their own apartments, the were often to be found in his, even when they were not on a job. The three youngest members of his team spent many a night in the last six months crashing on his sofa in the months after he returned, and especially after he had asked Sophie to leave. Then he found out that apartment 2B and the two apartments upstairs from him were being used as crash pads by the team with Sophie and Parker taking the two top apartments and Eliot and Hardison the one opposite his. So he was never alone, he was always being watched. He could not really blame them though he thought, considering everything that had happened and the way he was behaving.

He heard the door downstairs open and then Sophie's voice as she greeted Eliot asking where he was. Then he heard Hardison and Parker as they also entered. He sighed heavily as he downed the last of the whiskey in his glass and then poured himself another one. He was well on his way to being drunk again he knew, and he was not in the least bit hungry or in the mood for them, any of them.

"Dinners ready, you want to go tell him?" Eliot asked looking at Sophie who nodded and headed for the stairs.

She approached the closed door and knocked lightly before opening it. She found Nate sitting slumped in the chair in the corner of his room nursing a glass of whiskey as he appeared to stare at nothing.

"Nate…" She said softly standing at the door and not approaching him. She saw him start slightly as if he had not seen her then she met his eyes and saw the anguish in them, he had obviously been lost in a memory when she entered. Her heart ached for him as she saw him try to shake off the memory and then school his features to portray a neutral expression as he looked at her.

"Sophie."

"Dinners ready." She told him walking forward towards him and smiling at him. "Eliot made something special tonight, trying out a new recipe."

"Mmmm sounds interesting." Nate said finishing his whiskey and putting the glass down beside the half empty bottle. Then he pushed himself up and ushered her out the room and down the stairs.

"That looks good Eliot." Sophie said as she watched him dish up for them.

"Smells good too." Parker added.

Eliot smiled at them and then delivered the plates with the help of Hardison to the table. Nate looked down at the plate and although he knew it looked great and smelled great he felt a bout of nausea wash over him. He was not hungry he was drunk and all he really wanted to do was go upstairs and get drunker before falling into an alcohol induced sleep.

"So I have another client lined up Nate, we can meet with him tomorrow morning." Hardison said as they started eating.

Nate looked at him and nodded. He moved his food around taking a small bite and forcing it down. He could not taste anything, and his stomach rebelled at the introduction of solid food.

Sophie watched him as did Eliot and they looked at each other both seeing the worry in each other's expressions. They had to do something, but she had no idea what. If they confronted him he might just up and leave again like he had when he first returned to them, and no matter how drunk he got here she was prepared to deal with it, she was not prepared to deal with him leaving. They had discussed the problem between them and all of them agreed that they would not push him too hard, they would not give him a reason to leave them again no matter what.

The rest of the meal was spent in silence with Nate eating small amounts and the rest watching him as they also ate. Finally Nate sat back and smiled at Eliot pushing his plate slightly away from himself.

"Not very hungry but it was really good Eliot thanks." He said then pushed his chair back and rose. "I am a little tired tonight, been a long day."

"Nate are you alright."

"Fine Sophie, fine." He told her. "Just like I said long day." Then he turned and walked away climbing the stairs to his room.

"Eliot what are we going to do, how do we help him?"

"I don't know Sophie. I thought after what happened on the island and him wanting to come back to us and pick up his life we would be able to get him through it, but he hasn't really dealt with anything, he…he doesn't seem to want to deal with it."

"He's afraid." Parker said.

"What do you mean Parker?" Sophie asked looking at her quizzically.

"He's afraid of remembering, he is afraid of thinking about what happened. But he is. He is remembering it and thinking about it, but he is doing it alone because he doesn't want us to…to know what he went through for us."

"She's right you know." Eliot said. "He doesn't sleep and when he does, well you know about the nightmares. I thought with you around he would…I don't know that it would make it easier. But Sophie it hasn't, it has made it harder for him because of what happened…"

"That wasn't his fault and he…damn it Eliot."

"I know. But he nearly strangled you Sophie and that must play on his mind, that is why he asked you to…to back off. He loves you he cares for us and the fact that he is hurting us is killing him and he doesn't know how to fix it."

"He can't, not on his own." Hardison stated.

"No he can't."

"So what do we do to get that through to him?" Parker asked looking at Eliot, he was the one who had lived this life before, gone through something of what Nate had gone through, if any one of them knew how to get through this he would.

"Whatever we do we have to be careful. The last time we tried to force him to face any of this he walked away, we can't let that happen again." Hardison said softly and they all nodded.

"Maybe if we went away somewhere?" Sophie asked.

"Like a vacation?" Hardison asked.

"Yes, somewhere quiet where we can all be together but away from here."

"That ain't a bad idea but would he go for it?" Eliot said. Maybe if they were away from this apartment, his apartment, part of his old life. Somewhere safe and quiet, maybe somewhere in the country.

"He might if I asked." Sophie said. "But where do we go? Somewhere he can't run from if we push him to open up, and we are going to have to push him Eliot because he is not going to unless we do, and he is not going to want to."

"Yeah." Eliot agreed. "Hardison can you find us a place, it must be fairly isolated, a large place preferably so we are not in each other's faces and a place that once we are there he ain't going anywhere without us knowing."

"Yeah I can find something. I also think before we suggest doing it, we have a place and we take it before we go and set it up so that we can ensure that we can watch him, especially if you want to make him confront what happened."

"Yeah and it will have to be stocked beforehand too, none of us leave until this is finished, and guys if we are going to do this just know it is going to be hard, hard to listen to."

"Harder for him."

"Yes Parker harder for him, but with our help and if we can get him to realise that he needs to do it, then we can get through it, all of us together."

"We can't let him tell us he will deal with it we can't let him do what he did after the island. I know we said we wouldn't make him talk to us, tell us anything but we are passed that now aren't we Eliot?"

"Yes." Eliot said looking at her and nodding. Sophie was right, they had to force the issue and Nate was more than likely not going to take that lightly.

"Will it help him?" Parker asked in a whisper her eyes wide and questioning as she looked at Eliot. "Will it help him or will it…will it hurt him and make things worse?"

"I can't say Parker, but as it stands now it can't get much worse for him. He doesn't sleep, barely eats, drinks himself into oblivion and is haunted by things he can't face. I think if he faces what happened in a secure and a safe environment and with all of us there, maybe, just maybe he will have a breakthrough. Now…" Eliot said then drew a deep breath. "It is not going to fix everything, this will never leave him, not completely understand, the aim is to get him to be able to live with it, to cope with it, and this will only be a start, like I said before,

"Ok, well Hardison find us a place and then let's do this." Sophie smiled at them then looked up at the stairs her smile fading as she pictured a drunk Nate passed out and yet still haunted by things she was afraid to think about.