Chapter 5

They were all up early the next morning, all of them apprehensive about what they were going to try to do, apprehensive about what Nate's reaction would be. Eliot was in the kitchen making coffee when Sophie entered and sat down. Eliot smiled at her and then started to prepare her a cup of tea. When it was done he placed the steaming cup in front of her and sat down with his own cup of coffee.

"Are we doing the right thing Eliot?" She asked looking at him intently. "We aren't professionals, and he needs a professional."

"He won't go to one, besides a professional doesn't know him we do, and we can help him through this if he will just let us." Eliot said. "You know when he came back after dealing with the son he said he was willing to talk, we should have pushed him then…but we didn't, we thought…well we thought we had time but then he shut down again."

"He was afraid." Sophie said sadly. "You are right we should have pressed it then but like you said, we didn't. We were just as afraid as he was."

"Yes but leaving it has not helped any, not him or us."

"No it didn't, but Eliot he did come back to us and he has stayed, that says something, even though he doesn't want to talk, at least he doesn't want to leave either." She said then she felt her stomach knot and tears well. "I am just afraid that…that doing this will…"

"Make him want to leave." Eliot finished for her.

She nodded at him. That was her greatest fear that he would want to go, leave them, that he would not be able to face them after the confrontation, if they did what Eliot told them they had to do, to let him know how this had all affected them, was hurting them, from that time and what he was doing now.

"I don't think he would." Eliot said although he had the same fears as she did. "He loves you Sophie and he does not want to lose you, that was the realisation he came to on the island and that is what brought him back. Remember what he told Peter?"

She smiled through her tears and nodded at him remembering the conversation they had overhead when he had spoken to his friend shortly after they had rescued him from the island.

"He loves all of us Eliot, not that he would say it. We are the reason he never gave up, never gave in to that mad man and the reason he had the strength to beat him." Sophie said. "He told David that, when they were…when he confronted him on the island." She said thinking back to the strange conversation they had overheard when Nate had gone back to the island to deal with the son of the 'Collector'.

Before they could say any more Parker and Hardison joined them and Eliot could see both of them were anxious and apprehensive. Parker walked over to the cupboards and pulled out her cereal whilst Hardison poured himself and her a cup of coffee before they both joined them at the table. Eliot watched them then turned to look at Sophie and shook his head slightly.

"You know guys he is going to walk in here and know something is coming when he looks at us." He said, they all looked like they were about to face something that frightened them, which they were but they had to try to keep their angst to a minimum, at least for now. "I am going to start breakfast he should be down in about an hour." They had all got into a sort of routine and Eliot knew what time Nate usually stumbled out of his room looking for some coffee. He wanted him to have some food in his system before this confrontation took place, he would be hung over and not feeling at his best. Maybe they should hold off he thought but then shook his head, no Nate started drinking early, with Irish and then moved on, no if they were going to do this they needed to get it done.

"Thanks for the coffee Eliot." Sophie said smiling at him. "I'm going to go get ready for the day."

"Yeah I think we will too, see you in a bit." Hardison said pulling Parker along with him.

Eliot watched them go and then turned to the kitchen to start prepping for breakfast. He was so absorbed not only in what he was doing but also in his thoughts about what they had to do and how Nate might react and what he would do in the different scenario's running though his head that he did not even notice when the man himself walked into the kitchen.

"Morning Eliot." Nate said as he walked over to the coffee machine startling him slightly.

"Nate."

"Starting early this morning." Nate observed, usually they would have brunch rather than breakfast as all of them had been taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep in.

"Well I thought I would take a hike today so can't leave it too late." Eliot made the excuse saying the first thing that came into his head that would be believable to the Mastermind.

Nate looked at him and then smiled nodding before adding a dash of whiskey to his coffee and then took a seat at the table. Eliot continued with his preparation and Nate sat quietly watching him and sipping his Irish. He could feel Eliot's angst, not that he could see it, Eliot was good at hiding his feelings and schooling his features. Ten minutes Sophie and the others arrived.

"Morning." Sophie said leaning in and giving him a peck on the cheek before pouring herself a cup of tea and taking a seat beside him at the table.

"Morning." Nate said watching her and seeing she was apprehensive too, as were the other two, they may have thought they could hide it from him, but he could read them all.

He smiled to himself as he watched them, he knew them all so well, not only from the time they had been together as a team but from when he had chased them, he had studied them then as a hunter studied his prey. He was aware something was coming, and he wanted to avoid it, wanted to get away before they started but he sat where he was watching them. He felt the feather light touch of Sophie as she put her hand on his arm pulling him out of his thoughts.

"So what you up to today?" She asked conversationally.

"Same as yesterday." He smiled at her. "Although Eliot said he was going for a hike…" He said looking up at his Hitter who had turned to look at him. "Maybe I will join him."

"Always welcome." Eliot said then turned back to his cooking. "Guys want to set the table, food's almost ready." He added talking to Hardison and Parker who both rose to do as they were bid.

"What about you?" Nate asked Sophie.

"Not much, same as the last couple of days, just take in the sun and enjoy the peace and quiet." She smiled at him.

"I'm going to test out my new harness and Hardison is going to help." Parker said as she laid the place mats with Hardison following behind her placing the cutlery down.

Nate could not help but chuckle at the look on Hardison's face when Parker said that. The man would do anything Parker asked even if it scared the hell out of him he thought. After the table was set Eliot dished up the meal and the three of them carried the plates to the table.

"Looks and smells divine Eliot." Sophie complimented him. Eliot was one of the best cooks she knew, and she knew quite a few.

"Well tuck in." He said smiling at her.

They ate in relative silence and when they were done Sophie suggested to Nate that they retire to the living room for coffee while the three youngest members cleared the table. Nate agreed and the two of them moved into the living room taking a seat on the sofa. Ten minutes later the other three joined them and a tense silence filled the air before Sophie spoke.

"I am sorry Nate." Sophie said softly turning in her seat and facing him.

"About what?" He asked his eyebrows knotting.

"For…" She paused swallowing hard before she continued. "For being the reason you…you allowed yourself to…for…God Nate for being the reason you allowed yourself to be taken by that man and letting him do to you what he did."

"Sophie…"

"No Nate let me finish please…I need to do this, I need to tell you, it's killing me keeping it in." She said almost forcefully. "I love you, I have loved you since, well almost since the day we met and when we woke up in that little room and then heard that man make his…his…offer…to you all I could think of was that I was the cause of this. When you agreed to everything, everything Nate even after he told you what he was going to do…what he planned, God Nate you did not even hesitate you did not even try you just…you just agreed, I…it…I…" She stopped again trying to regain her composure as she thought about that day, about that time and what she had felt as she had listened to them and the last words she had heard him say, the last words she thought she would ever hear him say. "Then…then he let us out and we were safe, we went home and…and when we got there you weren't there and I knew it was true, that you were gone and it was my fault and you were going to be hurt, hurt because of me and I…I…I thought I would never see you again, never hear your voice again…" She swiped at the tears in her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that."

"Sophie like I said before, if it had been you on that line you would have done the same, if it had been Eliot or Parker or Hardison, they would have done the same, so it was not your fault, nobody's fault."

"Maybe that is true, but it wasn't us Nate it was you. I don't think you have any idea how…what I felt, I would rather have died than allow that to happen." She said reaching out and putting her hand on his arm wanting to feel him to ground herself in the fact that he was there with her, with them as the emotions she had buried to be strong for him surfaced.

"Look guys let me just make it clear like I did before none of what happened was about you, it was about him, his obsession and I was the target of that obsession, so let's just be done with it."

"But we can't Nate." Eliot said drawing the Mastermind's eyes to him. "We can't because none of us are dealing with those feelings, none of us are dealing with anything because you are not."

"Eliot…" Nate said, and the Hitter heard the change of tone in his voice, heard the warning there that he was treading on dangerous ground.

"No matter what I did, all my skills, and I couldn't find you." Hardison said softly. "I couldn't save you, I couldn't…I couldn't…" Hardison stuttered to a halt. He prided himself on being able to track anybody down but when it mattered, really mattered he had not been able to find Nate. "I should have been able to and the thought of what he was doing. I tried…I tried everything, but even knowing what he was called, even having access to the FBI files even with my so-called skills I couldn't find you and I…I…Nate man I am so damn sorry…you always said I came through for you and I didn't, I couldn't find you, I couldn't save you and…and I will never, never forgive myself."

"Stop it now all of you." Nate said loudly. "Enough of this."

"No it's not enough Nate because we need to do this, for us understand, we need to tell you." Eliot said locking eyes with the man. "It is killing us, all of us not telling you how we felt, what we would have done to prevent it, what we couldn't do, all of us are the best at what we do, but when it came down to saving the man who…who means so much to us we failed."

"We talked about this." Nate said softly looking around the group and seeing the pain in their eyes, seeing the emotion and it was drowning him. "I told you before and I am telling you now, it was not your fault, none of it, it is done, it is over, and we have moved on."

"But we haven't." Sophie said. "We haven't Nate because every day we watch you drink yourself into oblivion at night, we watch you put yourself in positions where you could be killed during our jobs as if you were looking to end it, we watch you drown in the memories of what happened, memories that you carry with you because we could not prevent it, memories of what you went through because of us…no Nate we haven't moved on and nor have you."

"Nate." Parker's soft voice brought his eyes to her, she sat staring at him her eyes wide and sad with her eyes swimming in unshed tears. "Nobody has ever accepted me for who I am, nobody except you, you never tried to change me but accepted me and showed me how…how good I could be. You gave me this, you gave me people who I care for, I never thought I would ever have that." She said looking at all of them, they were her family and she had never thought she would ever have one of those. "Then you did this. I thought I would never see you again and it was my fault, my fault that you were gone, my fault that you would die in such a terrible way and we couldn't find you, couldn't rescue you…I couldn't…I still can't…forgive myself for being the cause of that. Nate I don't think you understand what…how much…how much you mean to me."

"Parker please." Nate said almost plaintively as he listened to her stammer through trying to get her emotions under control, this young woman that had come to mean so much to him, a woman who had suffered most of her life, had been used by people, even Archie, a woman who struggled to understand emotions, a woman who had avoided being attached to anybody, he watched the emotions play across her face, the pain and the anguish and his heart cringed that it was because of him.

"Archie never took me in, he just trained me in his image, he wanted me to be the perfect thief, he said I wouldn't fit in, couldn't be in a family, but you accepted who and what I was, no matter how much I messed up, no matter how different I was, no matter how…how odd I was, you just guided me, never tried to change me, never tried to make me into something and I…I…I let this happen, I was the cause of it and…I never wanted you to be hurt for me, never, I would do anything to stop it and I couldn't, I couldn't and nothing else mattered to me except that. I have never had those feelings before, never felt so…so…so…so sad, not even when my brother…I…" She stumbled to a halt not knowing how to express her feelings any further as she stared at the man who meant so very much to her.

"Enough of this." Nate said as he stood and walked over to the bar pouring himself a whiskey before turning to face him.

"No it is not enough." Sophie said looking at him as he stood at the bar. "I need to do this Nate please, I need to make you understand, please Nate, please talk to us. You said you wanted to, that you were willing to work though it all with us, to get through it all with us remember?" She said watching him closely, she knew they had to make this about them like Eliot had said, they had to make it about them hurting and him being the only one who could help them. "We are ready to listen, we need to listen, we need to help you because if you don't let us then we will never be able to get over this, we will never be able to move on with our lives and if…if God forbid one day you…you do manage to get yourself killed, or kill yourself with booze, well it will be our fault for not being able to get you through this, which is worse than what happened, because you are here with us and we are just letting it happen this time."

"Sophie don't presume too much. This is my life…"

"Yes it is but it is inextricably linked to ours because we care for you, we love you, I love you dammit don't you get that?" She said her voice rising slightly as her emotions almost overwhelmed her.

"What happened Nate, it happened to you, he tortured you, but he tortured us too, that is what he was about, that is why he allowed us to hear his first conversation with you, he wanted us to suffer, not physically like you, but emotionally, mentally and he got it right because we did, we still are just like you are. That is what he wanted and that is what he got, and he is still hurting us, all of us because we are not dealing with it, not facing it, not talking about it. You know what it is like, you understand what it is like to care for somebody so much and not to be able to save them, not be able to help them, to know they are suffering and not be able to do anything about it. You know what that does to you…" Eliot said softly and saw Nate's face darken at his final words.

"So what do you want from me?" Nate asked downing his whiskey then pouring himself another glass.

"We don't want anything from you Nate, we want to…no we need to help you, please let us help you. We need you to help us." Sophie said feeling the tears gather again. "Talk to us, let us talk to you, or just talk to Eliot, he understands, he knows, he can help you work though everything that happened. You can't keep avoiding it Nate because it is killing you and we cannot stand by and let that happen. Don't you understand we can't allow that to happen you mean too much to us, you mean everything to us, and we cannot stand by and let you destroy yourself for something you did to save us, you can't ask us to do that…please Nate, please." She said plaintively.

Nate turned his back on them then unable to look at her at them and the angst in their eyes, see the love and the concern for him. He leaned heavily on the bar and closed his eyes. They were wrong, they could not help him, talking about it would not help, it would not take away the nightmares it would not take away the memories. He could see the desperation in their eyes to be able to help him, to be able to save him from himself, from his memories as it were but they couldn't not this time. He should never have come back, he had thought if he did, if was with them he would be able to work through everything, but he was wrong, this was not about them did they not understand that? This was about the fear he still carried with him, the fear, the anger, the pain, the angst, the memories of the eight months he had spent in the hands of the 'Collector', they could never understand, he did not want them too. He had told them when he had come back he would tell them anything they wanted to know and he would have, but they had not asked and he had been relieved at that, now they wanted him to, and he couldn't. He could not give them what they needed and that hurt him, it hurt him that they were hurting but he could not help them, he could not help them because he could not help himself. The 'Collector' may be dead, he may have beaten him in one way, but ultimately he had won Nate thought and anger started to rise in him at that thought.

"Is that all?" Nate asked his voice holding no emotion as he spoke, and Sophie looked up sharply at him as he turned to face them, her eyes locking with them and in them she saw something that frightened her.

"Nate we are not doing this to hurt you, God knows we don't want to do that, but you need help and so do we, let's help each other, please, I'm begging you." Sophie said softly.

"You are not hurting me Sophie." Nate replied then moved his eyes from her to Eliot then the other two. "You could never hurt me, none of you. I know you all needed this, to let it all out, but I can't. I am sorry but I just, I can't." He said then he took his glass of whiskey and the bottle and walked away from them back up to his suite and they heard the door close.

"Well that went well." Sophie said softly turning to look at Eliot.

Eliot looked at her then at the others and took a deep breath, then he walked to the bar grabbed a glass and then headed upstairs. He stood for a minute outside of Nate's door then closed his eyes briefly before entering without knocking and closed the door behind him.