"What the hell was that?" Kol growled after leaving Elena's room. "If Elijah saw what I had just witnessed-"
"Oh, piss off Kol" Klaus snapped. "nothing happened. She was panicking and I calmed her down."
"you're bonding with her. Shall I remind you of Tatia?"
Klaus balled his hands in fists. If it weren't for the public eye and keeping things calm for Elena's sake, he would be holding his brother up against a wall by the neck right now. "Don't you dare talk about something you know nothing about."
"I know enough," Kol said darkly. "You and Elijah fawned over that woman and it led to her death. Don't you dare start the same with Elena. She means more to this family than you ever will." With that, Kol bumped shoulders with Klaus and walked off.
Klaus held in his anger and guilt as best as he could. His nails dug into his fists drawing blood. He wanted to go on a murderous rampage, slaughtering everyone in the hospital. But he had vowed to protect Elena. He was more afraid of what Elijah would do to him if he had left Elena alone for even a minute than the people of Mystic falls gathering their pitchforks.
"Klaus," Elena called from her room.
Struggling with his anger and gritting his teeth, Klaus beckoned at her call and walked back in her room, slamming the door shut behind him.
His stature was stiff, jaw rigid like Elijah's would get when he was angry. Klaus was almost vibrating, with small growls passing his lips.
He was clearly not alright as far as Elena could tell. She was proud of him that whatever control he was holding onto made it so every townsperson was still alive and breathing.
"Come here," she instructed. He growled as he stomped his way towards her. Ordinarily Elena would be afraid, but for some reason she wasn't. Instead, she focused on wanting to repay the favor he did in calming her.
"Give me your hand," she instructed.
"Elena," he snapped frustrated. "Don't talk to me like-"
"Give me your hand," she said more forcefully. Holding out her own, she defied his glares and held out her own in wait.
He pouted like a little child, standing there fighting himself to listen to her instruction. Ultimately, he controlled himself enough to listen to her. He had half of a mind to suck her dry, but he knew he could not face his family if he were to kill Elena, not to mention he needed her for his future family of hybrids.
Holding onto his hand tightly, she pulled him to her, making him sit on the bed with her. She waited, hands eloping his one, listening for his pulse to slow its racing beat.
"I trust you. Even after all you've done," she told him in a gentle voice. She didn't dare bring up Kol's name in worry it would spiral him back to his murderous tendencies. Instead, she held onto his hand with a firm grip and continued to wait.
"I care. I'm here," she told him. Klaus's shoulders were beginning to loosen, his breathing becoming less ragged. "You're worthy of love. You have meaning. No one is leaving you. Your family is here."
Something Elena learned about Klaus and under his big bad self were his fears. You didn't spend part of a lifetime living, cohabitating and hanging out with someone to not begin to know them. With time, she got to learn and observe Klaus's nature. She picked up on his deep seeded fears, his wishes, his methods. He lashed out at rejection and imposed hurt on others the way they did him. He was afraid of being alone, of not having family and trust in them. He didn't know how to keep bonds and never believed in himself enough to let others in. He spared himself of hurt as best as possible every time. It was best not to keep connections in Klaus's eyes.
It was for these reasons she stayed and protected the Mikaelsons. They were all the same in some way – broken in trust, scared of being alone, and in hurt for love.
His growls picked up slightly and his eyes grew a slight yellow around the rings. "Easy does it," she reminded him, firm hands still over his. Holding it tighter, she cautiously waited as he fought himself for control over his emotions.
It was also those reasons she was afraid to become one of them. She didn't want to be as jagged as they were with life. She wanted to love and live and trust in others. She wanted to see the good even with the bad. Living for eternity brings such darkness. It caused mistrust because they had been hurt by one another and everyone else over and over again. Pain consumed them.
When the growling stopped and Klaus had returned to himself, he pulled his hands from Elena, eyes down casted to where they were placed. "Better?" she wondered.
"We don't deserve your kindness," Klaus admitted bitterly. He was never open to many people – if any. But something in him didn't have the energy to put up the wall he so greatly built at the moment.
"Maybe not," she told him in honesty. "But I give it to you anyway."
"Why?" he wondered, eyes glistening slightly. "Why love us when we can't love ourselves? Why treat us with respect when all we've done is murder the ones you hold dear?"
"Because you're more than what you appear to be," she answered without hesitation. "You can be unbearably hard to forgive," she added, making him flash her a small smile. "But underneath that," she said trying to meet his eyes, "you are worthy just as much as anyone else. You have to learn to love – to work at it even when it tries to tear you apart. Because that's what matters. The people in your life and what you do matters."
When peaceful silence sat among them, she bit her lip and decidedly asked a question. Klaus would be honest with her and it was a fair chance he'd tell her more while still building his walls back up. "what was she like?" Elena asked. "Tatia and Katherine. What were they like?"
Klaus was silent for long enough that it made Elena believe he wasn't going to answer.
"Tatia was pure," he spoke. "She was beautiful with a smile that radiated like the sun."
Elena studied him as he recollected memories of the first doppelgänger. He truly loved her. It was written all over his face.
"Tatia was very much a free spirit. Strong and brave. Very outgoing. She desired to live life to its fullest potential," he smiled warmly. "Fate was something she chose not to believe in. She wanted control of her own life – something you have in common with her."
Elena was both warmed and displeased with the statement. She enjoyed sharing something with her ancestors but it sparked fear in the idea that Elijah's love was not really for her.
"And Katharine?" Elena wondered with a lump in her throat.
"Katerina," Klaus muttered darkly. "Her innocence and naivety were warming at first, but it was her sense of self-preservation that made her the monster she is."
"Because she ran away before you could complete the sun and the moon curse?" Elena wondered with curiosity in her eyes. She knew from Elijah and Rose that Katherine had found out she was to be used for the ritual and it led to her vampirism.
"I slaughtered her family for that," Klaus said fondly proud of the memory. "But no, Katarina was different than Tatia in that she could be seductive when she wanted to be," Klaus mused. "She knew how to wrap men around her finger and get them to do her bidding."
"It's how she got Elijah and Trevor, right?" Elena asked.
"I'm not sure what Elijah fancied about her," Klaus spoke in honesty, "but, ah, Trevor, yes. The weasel was smitten by good old Katarina. It's better he's dead now."
Flashbacks reminded her of Trevor's death. It was also the first time she met Elijah. It was odd to think it wasn't all that long ago. "Do you think Katharine will ever return?" Elena was uneasy by the thoughts of losing Elijah or worse- believing in false love.
"I highly doubt that, she fears Niklaus too much for her own self-preservation. She wouldn't dare come around while my brother has presence in Mystic Falls," Elijah answered leaning against the doorway of her room.
It surprised both Elena and Klaus to see Elijah standing there.
Glancing down at a cufflink of his suit, Elijah fixed it so it laid properly before shoving his hands back in his pockets. He stared back at the pair blankly. He wasn't sure why Niklaus was talking to Elena about the previous doppelgängers but he was displeased.
Sensing a shift of awkwardness in the air, Klaus quietly snickered at the pair's discomfort. He had been dying for this sort of thing to get out in the open. They needed to talk about it but each both so good at avoidance, it was never a topic of much comment. It wasn't private knowledge to know that Elijah had a sweet spot for doppelgangers. He had fallen for each and every one. "Well, on that note, I am going to get out of here," Klaus said, patting Elena's hand and removing himself from her bed.
"'Lijah," Klaus chirped before taking his exit.
Left alone, Elena bit her lip and watched through her long eyelashes as Elijah shut the door behind him. They stayed in what Elena felt like, was uncomfortable silence.
"What else?" Elijah wondered stepping forth with a bag in hand. Elena guessed they were some of her things.
"Nothing," Elena said nervously, tucking hair behind her ear.
Elijah narrowed his eyes at her in disbelief. He wasn't sure why she could never come to him and talk about this topic with him no matter how he pushed her. "Elena, if you want to know more, all you have to do is ask."
He stood by the end of her bed, putting a hand on her blanketed ankles. "Talk to me," he instructed.
"…did you love them?" her voice shook as she asked the question.
"I did Tatia. Katarina…no. Maybe I could have, but she ran away before we ever got the chance."
Elena wasn't sure what to do with the brutal honesty of the information. Her palms began to sweat and she wished for an interruption so Elijah could stop watching her expressional face.
"There is more, I can see it. You have more to ask, so ask," he instructed calmly again.
Elena wasn't sure if she wanted to know more. The more she knew the more it would haunt her. Maybe in this case ignorance would be bliss. It didn't help to see the void mask of emotions from Elijah.
"Did you happen to bring some of my clothes?" she wondered trying to change the topic.
"Elena…" Elijah warned. He knew exactly what she was trying to do.
"please," Elena begged. Sitting up straighter in bed, she ran her hands through her hair. "I just can't, okay? Not tonight."
Displeased, Elijah brought over the duffle, setting it down for her. It seemed like they were never going to have a real conversation about this. "I wish you'd talk to me."
"How can I?" Elena asked looking away from him. "You've loved every doppelgänger before me, Elijah. You say you love me, but, how can you? I look like them – all of them."
"Your looks don't define you Elena," Elijah said. "You are different."
She defiantly looked at his calm blank face. "But what if I'm not? What if I am like them? How do you know you truly love me if all I am is a reminder of them?"
"Tatia was free spirited," Elijah recollected like Klaus. "she sought a life to live for, but what she never understood was the life she had. While a widow, she had a child, a town, people who enjoyed her company. But she always sought for more – sought for something to fulfill her."
"Katarina," Elijah said with some distaste in his mouth, "was always in things for herself, and only ever herself. She could use people like the drop of her hat and not dwell long over the repercussions."
Elijah grabbed Elena's hand. "You are neither of these things. You love what you have and focus your entire being on being there for others. You don't look for ways out or greed for more. You do with what you have and make others bloom around you." Elijah caressed her hand with his thumb and stared at her. "You may have their face, but you do not have their soul. Yours is your own, Elena. And that is what I love about you. I love who you are."
Elena slowly pulled her hand away from his, awkwardly trying to figure out how she felt. Could she believe what he as saying?
"I'll remind you every day if that is what you need," Elijah said, frowning at his empty hand. "is it?"
He stared at her as if his eyes could pierce her soul. Is that what she needed?
"Elena!" Caroline's voice called.
Elijah's jaw clenched and he had to hold himself from barking at his friends to get out.
Elena was swarmed with Caroline, Bonnie, and Matt who was carrying balloons into her room.
"We know it's late, but we wanted to make sure you were alright," Bonnie said kindly as she sat on her friend's bed.
"And bring you these," Matt said setting them down on a table.
"Thank you, guys," Elena smiled while glancing to Elijah. She could see how frustrated he was by the disturbance, yet part of her was glad for it. She didn't know how to respond yet.
Both Bonnie and Caroline sat on the bed next to Elena while Matt pulled up a chair.
"What happened? Elijah said that you were attacked by Finn? How did he even get in the house?" Caroline wondered to her friend.
Elena shrugged and looked to Bonnie. "Actually, I wanted to ask you that. Do you think because Finn was granted powers of witchcraft that he could remove the barrier spell?"
Matt leaned forward, confused. "I'm sorry, what?"
Informing her friends over the developments she had learned, she apologized for not keeping them in the loop better. "I guess I figured everyone knew. It's hard to keep up with the drama that keeps coming around."
The teens all nodded in agreement.
"Have you spoken to Damon or Stefan yet?" Bonnie gently asked, not wanting to prod too much. While she wasn't a fan of the Salvatores, she did feel slightly bad for both of the boys.
"Not exactly," Elena said. She frowned. "I haven't spoken to Stefan since the pastor incident. They don't know much about what is going on and I am not sure if I want them to."
"They care for you, Elena," Caroline added sadly with a hand on her friend.
"They do, but they want the girl with both Salvatores on her arm, back," Elena answered sadly. "I am not that anymore. And I don't ever want to be."
Elijah was relieved to hear such a thing. With everything going on right now, adding the Salvatores back into the mix at the moment was dreadful to Elijah. He had promised to be more optimistic about them, but watching over his siblings were quite enough right now. Not to mention handling his relationship with Elena. There were many things to work out and get on the same page about.
"no one would blame you for not being ready," Bonnie spoke, Caroline and Matt in agreement.
"Just don't wait too long," Caroline chimed in. "You know how Stefan can get."
Elena looked to Bonnie, Matt and then back to Caroline. "Care?" Elena had known her friend for too long. Something was going on there whether she'd admit it or not.
"What?" Caroline tried to ask innocently. "Okay fine, so I talked to him. I just checked in with him to see how he was," she whined.
"And?" Matt asked.
"He…" Caroline looked to Elijah who stood gazing out the window, trying to act as if he wasn't listening. "he's remorseful," Caroline said. She wanted to elaborate more and tell her best friend how he was practically consumed with despair for what he did, but Elijah was protective of Elena, and Caroline wasn't sure if he'd appreciate the guilt trip honesty she'd relay on her friend.
"Well, he should be," Matt said with a scowl.
"Matt!" Caroline scolded, crossing her arms like a child. "he didn't mean to."
"Yeah, but he did it anyway Care! He literally killed Elena. And that's supposed to be okay?"
Her friends began bickering with one another and what was right and what wasn't. Elena listened quietly but felt as if she wasn't even there. It was as if she was disappearing.
Glancing to Elijah, she found him to be now leaned against the wall, arms crossed and staring at her. It was as if he could tell exactly what she was thinking.
"Guys," Elena said softly. As the arguing continued, Elena shook her head. "Guys!"
When they quieted, Elena looked at each and every one of them. "I get you all have your opinions. And I appreciate them and all of you. I just can't handle it right now. I realize Stefan didn't mean to, Care, and I forgive him. I do. But everyone is right. He killed me. He took my life away from me. If it weren't for the witches and Bonnie's Grams, I'd be dead right now. I'm not mad at Stefan and you can tell him that the next time you talk with him. But I'm not ready to see him or Damon yet or tell them what is going on and let them get involved. It's all too much right now. Finn and Silas are enough to handle."
Her friends stared sympathetically back at Elena.
"Let's have you get some rest," Matt suggested as he read the exhaustion on Elena's face. She'd never say anything, but she wanted her friends to leave her be. Taking their exits, each friend gave Elena a long hug, promising to be back and visit once she was out from the hospital.
"Thanks Matt," Elena said quietly when he was the last to hug her.
"Please take care of yourself," he replied as he pulled away. Flashing her a signature Matt smile, he guided Caroline and Bonnie out from the room.
"I'm starting to enjoy Mr. Donovan's presence," Elijah quipped once they were alone again.
"They mean well," Elena said, sitting back with an exhausted sigh. She was both emotionally and physically exhausted.
"You need to rest," he told her as he came to her bedside.
"Will you stay?" Elena asked. Though there was still a rift between them, she missed Elijah's comfort. She longed for the times they laid in bed together, arms wrapped around one another. And now more than ever, the thought of being alone scared her.
"As if I'd ever leave you," Elijah said with the smallest of smiles. Tucking her in, he brushed some hair from her face and kissed her temple. "I'll be right here," he told her then pulling his chair beside her.
"Elijah," Elena said softly as she laid facing him on her side. "I'm sorry for earlier. I don't mean to hurt you or hide from you. I guess I'm just more insecure than I realized, and I'm afraid of that."
Elijah gave her a puzzled look.
"I'm afraid I'm going to wake up one day and things will have changed between us. You'll realize you didn't really love me, but it was Katharine or Tatia. You say you see me for who I am, but I haven't experienced a love like that yet."
"What about Matt?" Elijah asked trying not to sound jealous.
"Matt may have fallen in love with me, but he's also never known any of the doppelgängers before me. He never knew Katharine or loved her. With Matt…he only saw me."
Elijah sat thoughtful. Matt Donovan did have that over him. Matt loved her fully and purely. He was able to show Elena that it was just her in his eyes, whereas Elijah could not. Elijah did love before, and while he did not then fall in love with Katarina his involvement with her was a messy one.
"When you found me, you thought I was her," Elena pointed out, reminding him of how he thought she was Katharine. "And Damon and Stefan fell in love with me because they wanted me to be her. It was why they found me in the first place. They couldn't let her go and I look exactly like her."
While Elijah was guilty of mistaking her for Katarina, the Salvatores had done a number on her. It was as if they broke her so that she was unable to see her own worth for love for who she was – similar face to someone or not.
"I can't change how I felt about Tatia," Elijah said to her, brushing a strand of hair to frame her face, "but no matter how long it takes, I will spend my life showing how much I love you, my lovely Elena. I may have mistaken you when we first met, but since then knowing you, it has not been the past versions of yourself that I have seen, it's you."
