Trigger warnings apply for this chapter.
—
"So why don't you tel me what happened?" Dr. Darling asked her.
"Like all the details?" Evie asked. She had no desire to talk about the details about how it felt.
"As much as you want."
"Um..." Evie wasn't sure where to start. "Well I was walking back to my castle. It was really late. I had been at a ball with Mal and the boys. I was really tired so I left earlier than them. I decided to take a shortcut through the woods and I heard a rustling noise behind me." Evie paused for a moment so she could take a breath and steady herself. "Um...I turned to see what caused the noise and that's when the guy grabbed me from behind. He put his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream." Evie could feel herself shaking as the flashbacks rushed across her eyes. "He said some things that I don't really remember and then pushed me against one of the trees. Um...then he kissed me and threw me on the ground. He ripped my dress so he could get easier access. At least that's what he said."
"And you don't know who he was?" The therapist asked her.
Evie just shook her head. "I...uh...I begged him to stop. I begged him to let me go. I had never had sex before. I tried to tell him that but he wouldn't listen. It just seemed to spur him on more. He told me I was from the isle so he knew I was lying. Everyone knows that the VK's experimented way more than the teens from Auradon. I had never been apart of that though. My friends were but not me." Evie tried to keep herself grounded as she continued. "He just kept going. He ripped my panties and when he...um...you know...I literally felt like I was being ripped." Evie felt the tears starting to fall as she spoke. The doctor didn't say anything, just watched her.
"It was over really quickly. I guess he enjoyed himself, I don't know. He got up, zipped up his pants and walked off." Evie wiped her cheek. "I just stayed on the ground for a while, hoping someone would find me. I couldn't move. Everything hurt so badly. There was blood all over my thighs. I don't know how long I was there. Hours maybe." Evie paused at the memory before continuing, "I finally managed to limp home. Every single step felt like knives." Tears were pouring down Evie's cheeks now as she struggled to speak. "When I finally made it home I showered. A lot. I scrubbed my skin until it was raw and bleeding. I just wanted him gone. I took razors to my wrists. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I walk home alone?"
It was quiet for a while before Dr. Darling spoke, "Did you tell anyone? Or get tested?"
Evie shook her head, "No, I cut myself off from the world, from my friends. I locked myself in my house and told everyone I didn't want them anymore."
"So how did you end up with the drugs?" The therapist asked.
"My ex, Doug, sells for extra money. I was tired of reliving everything over and over again. So I bought what drugs he had on hand. It was coke. It made me forget everything for a couple hours at a time. It wasn't permanent but it helped."
"It's easy to get addicted to that stuff when you're using it to numb yourself," the therapist told her.
"Yeah," Evie told her, wiping the tears away.
"How are you doing with that?"
"I'm okay," Evie lied. She didn't want the therapist to know what she was really thinking. She wanted coke so badly. Being forced to relive the worst moment of her life was making her crave it even more.
"Why don't we leave it for today? We've made you relive enough trama," The therapist smiled at Evie.
The blue haired woman stood up and waved before walking out the door. She stopped once she was outside and broke down completely. Every memory, every feeling, every single self hatred she had towards herself came rushing back. Everything was her fault. Every single bad thing in her life. In Mal's life. It was all on her. She was the reason Mal started using. She was the reason she had been raped. She was the reason that her, Mal, Carlos And Jay weren't friends anymore. She was the reason everything was broken.
If she had only let one of them walk her home that night, who knows where they would be. Her and Mal might be together. Drugs wouldn't be their go to thing. They would still be friends with the boys. She would have a family.
But she didn't. She had nothing. She had a sort of friend who couldn't trust her. She had a toddler that knew who she was but would just as quickly forget if she was gone. She had no other friends. Her dad was gone. Her mom was crazy.
Why was she avoiding the cocaine again? She couldn't remember. All she could think about was the blame. The guilt she felt. No one would miss her if she was gone.
She glanced down at her wrists and saw the scars from that night. The deep scars that she barely survived from. She remembered trying to stop the blood so feverishly. She had never meant to go that deep. She remembered the lightheaded feeling. How did she even survive that? She didn't know. She passed out and woke up in her bed the next day, wrists bandaged. Evie never knew how.
The only thing Evie knew was that she craved her white powder. The only thing she craved more was Mal. Evie knew that would never happen though. There wasn't a chance. Mal could never be with her.
Evie hit the speed dial button on her phone. "Hey, it's me. Meet me in the alley in 15 minutes." She hung up the phone and started the journey. It was only a few blocks away. She could make it. Only a few more minutes and she would have what she needed.
"Hey," She said 20 minutes later. "I can't pay you right now."
Doug shrugged. "That's fine. Next time." He handed her the yellow vile full of the beautiful powder she needed.
"Thanks." Evie opened up the vial and dipped her pinky nail in, like she had done a thousand times before. It felt amazing. Her body immediately relaxed at the sensation. She wiped her nose and smiled. "See ya."
Evie turned and walked away. She had no idea where she wanted to go but she knew she wanted to enjoy the feeling.
—-
Mal got home a little after 6 that evening. Macie was at a play date so Mal was excited to have a couple hours to herself. She went into her bathroom and drew a bubble bath, stripping off her clothes as she went. Her entire body relaxed once she sank into the bath. Her entire stress level washing away.
Far too soon after her bath started, it came to an end. She heard the door open and close and she knew it was Evie. Mal had received some really random texts from the other girl earlier and Mal wanted to check on her. She knew how hard therapy could be.
Mal threw on some clothes and walked out into the living room. She immediately saw Evie's tear stained face and ran over to her.
"What happened? Are you okay?" She pulled Evie into her arms but the other woman stayed completely limp, not hugging her back. "Evie?" She pulled away and looked into dark, glassy eyes. "Hey!" Mal shook her.
"Huh?" Evie replied, looking at the blonde for the first time, all of her emotions from the day rushing back to her. For the second time that day, she completely broke down, falling to the floor as Mal tried to hold her up.
"Evie, what happened? Are you okay?" Mal desperately tried to get her to y'all through the heartbreaking sobs.
"I...help me," Evie begged holding out the coke for Mal to take. "Please."
"Oh, baby," Mal took the vial and pulled Evie in closer. "Shhhhhh, I've got you." Mal was in shock at the emotional breakdown in front of her. She knew it was coming but she didn't think it would be so soon. "You're okay," Mal stroked the long blue hair falling down Evie's back.
Evie continued to sob, everything flashing in front of her eyes, over and over again. The guy who raped her, the razor blades, the drugs, the stuff she did while she was high, every bad thing she had ever done, crashing and overloading her senses. She couldn't breathe.
"Hey, hey you have to breathe. Come on." Mal told her, pulling away and looking into her eyes. "Deep breathes, Evie. Come on."
Evie matched her breath with the other woman's, slowing feeling her self calm as she tears continued to fall.
"You're okay." Mal repeated again. "You're safe."
All Evie could do was nod. Her entire body was weak. She didn't even know if she could move.
"I'll be right back, okay?" Mal told her. Evie whimpered a little but Mal walked off, taking the powder with her. Evie heard a flush and she knew Mal destroyed the drugs. She honestly didn't know if she was happy or sad about it.
"Are you okay?" Mal asked, returning to her spot on the floor. She took Evie's hand, letting her thumb rub circles along the back of it.
"I don't know." Evie answered honestly.
"You will be. I promise you." Mal told her. "I'm right here, E. I'm not going anywhere."
Mal pulled Evie into a hug again and held her close while her friend broke down in tears once again.
—-
Mal had finally calmed Evie down enough to move her into her bedroom. Evie laid with her head on Mal's chest while Mal continued to stroke the blue hair. Evie hadn't said much but had stopped crying.
Macie's play date turned into a play sleepover once Mal realized just how fragile Evie really was.
"Are you hungry?" Mal asked quietly.
Evie shook her head, "No."
"Do you need me to get you anything?" Mal asked, trying desperately to help.
"Please don't leave," Evie said, gripping onto Mal's shirt.
"I'm not going anywhere. It's okay." Mal squeezes Evie to reassure her. "Do you want to take a bath?" Mal tried.
Evie was quiet for a moment. A bath did sound nice. "Will you stay with me?"
"In the bath?" Mal asked. Evie nodded. "I'm not getting in the bath with you, Evie. I'll sit beside it though if you want."
"Okay," Evie said quietly. She felt so completely broken and numb. She didn't know the words to describe how she was feeling.
"Let me go start the water okay? I'll just be in the bathroom." Mal carefully stood up and walked into the other room. She turned the tap, checked the temperature and added some bubbles. "Okay, Evie. It's almost ready," she said moments later.
Evie walked into the bathroom, not completely stable on her feet. "Can you help me?"
Mal nodded, walking over to her friend and undressing her. It was amazing how something that could be so sexual just wasn't. Evie was in so much pain. It was heartbreaking. Mal gasped a little at the scars covering the dark skin in front of her. She traced along one on the girl's hip line. "E," Mal said, a note of sadness in her breath.
Evie tensed at the touch. She felt weird being completely exposed. Especially in front of Mal. It wasn't the first time Mal had seen her naked but it was the first time since she had been raped. Since her body was covered in scars. "I'm sorry," was all she managed.
Mal pulled Evie into a hug, squeezing her tight. "You never have to apologize for that okay?" Evie nodded against her.
Mal pulled away and gently kissed Evie on the lips. There was nothing romantic about it. It was just a sweet gesture to show that she was there for the other girl.
Evie half smiled a little at the kiss. She knew how Mal meant it and didn't take anything else from it.
"Come on, let's get you in the bath. You need to relax." Mal held Evie's hand as she climbed into the tub, Mal sitting down outside of it. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Evie shook her head. "No. Not right now, if that's okay."
Mal nodded. "Of course."
The girls were quiet for a while. Evie shifting in the water was the only sound in the apartment.
"You can sleep with me tonight," Mal told her, breaking the silence.
"What about Macie?" Evie asked before her eyes grew large. "Oh my god, Mal. Where is Macie?" She started to panic, trying to stand up in the tub.
"Woah, chill. She's at a friends. She's spending the night so we can be alone." Mal told her.
"Alone?" Evie asked. She couldn't help the thoughts going through her head.
"Yeah, I figured you needed some time. It's easier when there isn't a 2 year old running around yelling 'blue' every 5 minutes." Mal smiled and Evie laughed. "It's nice to hear that again."
"What?" Evie asked, smiling.
"Your laugh. Your proper laugh. It's been so long." Mal told her.
"Oh, right," Evie replied, looking into the green eyes she had always loved. "I don't really laugh much anymore."
"You should. It's contagious." Mal told her, her eyes locked with the brown ones across from her.
They kept their contact for a couple minutes before Mal cleared her throat.
"Um...so yeah." She turned and looked at the door.
"Mal?" Evie asked. "You can, you know. If you want to."
Mal nodded, knowing what Evie was referring to. "I know." Mal sat for a moment fighting with her feelings and being responsible. She chewed the inside of her lip while she stared into space. Follow her head? Or her heart?
She looked over at Evie who was looking back at her, waiting for a decision. "You've has such a rough day, Evie."
"I have," she nodded.
Mal sat for a moment longer. "Fuck it," she said before leaning over and pressing her lips to Evie's, this time the love and passion was clear.
Evie was taken by surprise. She never actually thought Mal would do anything. She had just been teasing her. Evie smiled into the kiss, enjoying the feeling.
All too soon they broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other.
"Wow," Mal said.
Evie nodded, tracing her lips with her fingers.
"I...I should probably make us something to eat." Mal rambled, standing up and tripping over the rug. "Damn. Okay wow. Um...food. I'll go make some."
Evie couldn't help but laugh. It was nice to feel some emotion again. Mal's kiss brought her to a happier state of mind.
She was by no means okay but she was just going to bask in the memory of what just happened, instead of crying herself to sleep.
