Author's Note:
Thanks for your participation with all the lovely comments!
Here we go!
Enjoy!
bobbiejelly
Lost & Found
Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress.
Chapter 17: After (9)
MEREDITH
I'll never forget what Addison said to me after she found out that Derek found her panties in my dress pocket after the hospital prom.
"I think I wanted him to," Addison says to me.
"You wanted him to?!" I yelp at her.
"Yes, no? I think a part of me wanted him to know that I'm just as terrible as he is. And that you're just as lovely as you are," offers Addison.
"I'm not sure that's a huge compliment on my end?" I squeak.
"Well, I mean you seduced both Dr. Shepherd's within the span of an hour I think that's a skill," Addison chuckles.
"I thought you didn't like to be called that anymore?" I counter. She doesn't, I know she doesn't. She told me as much the other night.
"I don't, but I was proving a point about it at the time. Listen, Meredith... Derek and I should have been over long before prom. Long before you met him in Seattle. Long before I cheated on him with Mark. This was inevitable; we weren't happy. You set us free," Addison finally reveals to me.
"I set you both free?" I ask her.
"You set us all free," I tell her.
"Wait, who else is there?" I ask her.
"Mark, mostly. And also everyone at the hospital who has to watch us bicker all of the time," Addison adds in for good measure.
"Oh," I say, because I don't want to tell her what I know about Mark and his past relationship(?) with Derek.
"I dragged Mark into this mess, I'm glad that you coming along is getting him out of it, mostly," says Addison.
"That wasn't only your fault," I tell her, without elaborating on anything.
"It feels like it though," says Addison.
"I think you might take on a lot of things as your fault," I sigh.
"Maybe," Addison sighs.
"Probably," I sigh.
"So do you," says Addison sympathetically.
"Maybe," I sigh again.
"Probably," Addison chuckles.
"Yeah, probably," I concede.
It's these simple word and simple word conversations we can have that I'm drawn to. We don't have to speak in whole sentences but we understand each other so deeply.
I've never felt this intuitive with someone before.
Interacting with Addison is second to none.
"Meredith, I'm sorry I pushed you away," says Addison. I can hear her voice breaking over the phone, and it breaks my heart for her, even more.
"It's alright, I wanted to give you space and time," I tell her, because that's what she said she needed.
"I took space and time, and then I was too scared to get close to you again. I couldn't be around you before divorcing Derek, I can't. It's too tempting and I don't want you to be the 'other woman,' for me again!" Addison finally exclaims.
"Wait, you didn't want to work with me or chat with me all week because you were worried you'd jump me in the hall?" I giggle.
"Pretty much," says Addison sheepishly. I can feel her blushing even over the phone.
"So it wasn't that you were worried about people finding out. You were worried about sleeping around on Derek with me while you were still married?" I asked her.
"Yeah. Plus it would have felt like even more adultery because you were with Derek again," offers Addison.
"Well, that was your idea, may I remind you," I say to Addison pointedly.
"I didn't want you to be alone," says Addison.
"But you didn't want me to be with you?" I pleaded with her for an answer.
"I wasn't ready to be with you," says Addison.
"Oh, why?" I ask her.
"I needed time and space to figure out for myself if I could commit to you. If I could get over my failures and my past to offer all of myself to you. I had to make sure you wanted me and not Derek. I guess I needed to know I was all in and that you would be all in. Also, I felt bad for Finn," Addison rambles.
"Erm, so did you ask me to date Derek to see if I'd want him or you in the end?" I cut right to the chase.
"Erm... Kinda, yeah. I'm sorry," says Addison.
"That's usually not a great way to get someone to go out with you, to set them up with your husband who you're planning to divorce, but I guess I'm trying to understand your reasoning here," I say to Addison with a bit of a surprised inflection.
"I'm not always conventional?" Addison asks with a shrug I can hear.
"Right, I don't think that any of us are, and I also feel bad for Finn but I'm not sure what either of us can do about it since neither of us wants to date him!" I giggle.
Addison giggles back with me. It feels lovely, actually. I miss our giggles together the most.
"Are you ready to try to be with me?" I ask Addison directly.
My heart is pounding out of my chest as I say this. I feel fluttery just like the first time when I was about to kiss her. My everything is flip-flopping around and I feel tense and loose all at once. I want her to say 'yes,' but I only want her to say it if she's really ready. I can't handle her telling me a lie about this. I don't think she will though. Addison is a pretty honest person…
"I want to be. I'm trying to be. I think I'll be ready once I've had the divorce," says Addison honestly.
"When will that be?" I ask.
I let out a sigh of relief. It's a good answer, actually, for all that it's worth. Addison wants me. She just wants to get it right with me this time. And I like that.
"As soon as I can, darling," says Addison.
I take in the term of endearment for everything I have.
"Thank you darling," I say it, back to her. "Take the time that you need, I just hope it won't be too long because I miss you so much," I gush at Addison now.
"Ah, we can be friends for now, and I'll have you on my service at work while we wait, if you want. I'll just ask that we not have sex or kiss or touch again until I'm actually single," asks Addison.
"I'd really love that," I tell her. "I miss you so much. I miss just talking to you and laughing with you. And working alongside you," I tell her and pour all the emotions out.
"I miss you also. I miss the way you smile at what I say and I smile at what you say, and when you listen to my jokes, and also, the eager way that you want to learn from me," Addison tells me.
"I'll always want to learn from you," I tell her.
"I'll teach you what I have to offer, but I think in many ways I'm learning even more from you," says Addison.
"I'll teach you anything you want to learn that I know," I offer.
"I cannot wait to share everything with you," says Addison.
"I cannot wait to share everything with you," I say it to her back and I mean it like one couldn't believe.
"I miss you. I missed you. I missed you all week!" Addison finally exclaims into the phone.
"I missed you dearly every millisecond. When can I see you again?" I ask Addison.
"Could I see you again right now? I miss you?" Addison asks, and it's a better answer than I could have ever imagined.
"Sure, where would you like to go?" I ask her.
"Wherever you want to go now, I'll go," says Addison.
"I want you to come over. We can all hang out together, is that alright?" I ask her.
"You're at home right now, with Callie?" Says Addison and I tell her that is correct.
"That's great then. Just text me the address on Callie's phone and I'll make my way over," says Addison.
"Do you like muffins?" I ask her, suddenly realizing there's another person who might like Izzie's arsenal of baked goods.
"I love muffins," says Addison. "Why?" She asks.
"Ah, we have a lot of them to get eaten here," I chuckle.
"That sounds great. And Meredith? We can still cuddle if you want to. As long as it's friendship touching," Addison offers.
"We can be friends. It's even better if I get to cuddle with you!" I exclaim.
"I'll be over soon," says Addison.
"I cannot wait," I tell her.
When Addison hangs up the phone I don't feel the sense of loss that I felt the other times we stopped talking. This time she's only stopping the phone call so she can drive over to meet me safely. I realize she's never been to my house before. And I cannot wait to invite her into our lives even more. And even more, I cannot wait to cuddle her into my arms once again.
****** END OF CHAPTER 16
Author's Note:
LarisUSB, you were the closest to correct in guessing.
What would you like as your prize? I'm offering you a one-shot of approximately 1000 words for MerAdd and you can pick whatever prompt or trope you want, and unless I'm uncomfortable writing it which I'll tell ya and you can pick another one, I'll fill it next :).
(That person's guess was that Addison was going to say "I'm finally free'.)
Thank you for everyone who guessed!
And yeah, I wanted it to be a good reaction. I'm glad there was enough tension to be scared though.
Yay!
bobbiejelly
Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:
Falling Apart, Barely Breathing
Soothe
Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)
See you soon in the comments,
bobbiejelly