Mal and Evie made it to the restaurant first. Which surprised them since they had a toddler to deal with and get situated. "They are late," mal commented.
"They will be here soon," Evie rolled her eyes at the impatient woman.
Right on cue, Jay and Carlos walked through the door. After greetings and hugs, the foursome took their spots again. It was awkward. They used to be able to talk about it everything and now, it felt strained.
"This is weird," Carlos said with a half chuckle.
"A little," Evie agreed.
"Well let's start with the easiest thing. You two are finally a couple," Jay smiled.
"It's definitely about time," Carlos agreed.
"Shut up," Mal laughed.
"Well it's not like you weren't head over heels for each other. Neither of you would admit it but it was obvious to every other person who ever met you." Jay shrugged.
"And no one could explain any of this to us?" Evie raised her eyebrow.
"We knew you guys would figure it out eventually," Carlos told her.
"Yeah but you might have saved us years of hurt and abuse," Mal said quietly.
"Even if someone had told you that you both felt the same, you were teenagers then. It wouldn't have worked as well. You both needed to grow up and experience life first," Carlos explained.
The server came over and took their order before they continued.
"You wouldn't have Macie," Evie told Mal.
"Macie is your daughter right?" Jay asked.
Mal nodded. She loved her daughter but she wasn't one to completely gloat and drool over her. "Yeah, she's almost 3."
"Wow. I can't believe you have a kid." Carlos said. "When Evie told me at the clinic, I was shocked."
"Why? You don't think I can be a mom?" Mal asked defensively.
"What? No, that's not what I meant," Carlos quickly replied. "I just mean with how you were raised, I didn't think you wanted kids."
"Well it wasn't really my choice but it happened and she is perfect." Mal quipped back.
"I'm sure she is," Jay told her.
Evie reached over and took Mal's hand, calming the blonde slightly.
"How about a new subject?" Evie asked. "What have you guys been up to? You've heard all the rumors about the 2 of us, what about you?"
"I run a thrift shop like my dad but mine is a bit more legit. I help out coaching Tournie when I can at the school. I play sports as often as I can."
"Any love interests?" Mal asked, smirking a little.
"No," Jay laughed. "I've dated here and there but never anyone who fits completely."
"Yeah, me either," Carlos said. "Between vet school and my internship, I just don't have any time."
"I understand. If my girlfriend didn't literally live with me, I'm not sure I would have time either," Mal smiled at Evie. "Nursing takes up so much time. I feel like I'm always working and dropping Macie off everywhere."
"What made you want to be a nurse?" Carlos asked. "I don't remember you mentioning it growing up."
Mal swallowed before answering, "well...umm...when I was using, I had a couple close calls. The nurses were always really nice to be when I was there, even though they shouldn't have been. They could've treated me like shit but they treated me like a person. There was this nurse who was always there when I OD'd and she was just really kind. It made me want to help people too. So when Macie appeared and I quit, I went to school."
"That's really great, Mal." Jay smiled.
The server brought their food over and they started eating.
Mal found herself lost in thought as she ate and the others chatted away. She was stressed and tense lately and even though she tried to not be, she could feel it getting worse. Between Macie and Evie and now Hadley along with her nursing schedule, she felt like the whole weight was on her shoulders. Having dinner with Jay and Carlos was just reminding her of all she had been through, of how different things could've been. It was eating away at her.
"Mal?" Evie asked, looking over at her girlfriend. She was staring off into space. "Babe?" She shook Mal's arm gently.
Mal snapped back into focus and smiled. "Sorry, I'm just a little tired."
"That's okay, Mal," Carlos smiled.
"Why don't you head home? I'll finish up the boys and meet you there." Evie smiled.
Mal nodded, but didn't say a word. She didn't know what was wrong with her but she felt like everything was hitting her at once.
"It was good to see you, Mal. We will meet up again, okay?" Jay told her. Mal made her way around and hugged the boys before kissing Evie.
"I'll see you at home." Mal told her, waving bye to the group before walking out the door.
—-
Mal didn't go home though. She headed straight to Chloe's. She knew full well what was about to happen and she needed her best friend to stop her. She parked outside, opened her glovebox and took the small vial out. It had been in there for years. She hadn't touched it until now. She put it in her pocket and walked up to the door, knocking 3 times before the door was answered.
"Mal?" Chloe asked, confusion covering her face.
"Hey, can I come in?" Mal asked, not really waiting for an answer before she walked through the door and sat down on the couch.
"Are you okay? Is Evie okay?" Chloe asked quickly, sitting down next to her friend.
"Yeah, she's out with Jay and Carlos. I was there. But I left." Mal's mind was running a million miles an hour and her thoughts weren't quite connecting with each other.
"Mal?" Chloe asked, causiously.
"Huh?" Mal asked, spacing out again.
"Talk to me," Chloe told her.
Mal ran the coke around in her fingers before speaking. "I'm...lost." Mal said quietly. Those weren't the right words but they were all she could manage.
"I need more than that, sweetie," Chloe said, taking Mal's free hand.
"Macie and work and Evie and Hadley and what could've been. What should've been and I just can't," Mal rushes.
"You can't focus on what could've been, Mal," Chloe told her.
"If I had walked with Evie that night, she never would've been raped, she wouldn't have dismissed me, I wouldn't have done coke and meth and heroin and every other drug I could get my hands on. I wouldn't have been so high I don't remember the father of my kid. I wouldn't have a kid or responsibilities. I should be a normal girl in her early twenties. Evie and I should've been together for years now, not months. Hadley shouldn't be around, threatening my life. Everything should be different. Everything should be easy. My body wouldn't be damaged, my heart wouldn't have been broken." Mal rambled all this off in a matter of seconds, while tears fell down her face.
Chloe sat quiet for a moment and Mal knew she was trying to figure out what to say first. Before she could speak, Mal pulled out the white powder she was hiding and showed it to her. "I want to."
Chloe chewed her lip for a moment before gently taking the vial from her friend. "Okay." She dumped out a little bit on the table and grabbed a credit card to line it up for Mal so it was ready to go. "Do it."
Mal scrunched up her face. That wasn't the reaction she was expecting. "What?" She stammered.
"You want it, do it. Right now. Here where I can keep an eye on you so you don't fuck up your life." Chloe told her.
"You're giving me permission?" Mal asked.
"No, but I would rather you do it here with me than out on the street or with Evie and bring her down with you." Chloe reasoned.
Mal sat for a second before leaning in.
"But..." Chloe said before Mal was able to snort the coke. "Just remember you are throwing away over 3 years of sobriety. You will have to start all over again I will be watching you 24/7 to make sure you don't get addicted. I was monitor Macie like a hawk. You will be a drug addict again. Not a recovering one. Evie will be pissed and potentially use this as an excuse to start again."
Mal sat up and looked at her friend. Her words ringing through her mind.
"Or," Chloe continued, "you can sit with me and cry and we can talk and see if that makes you feel better."
Mal was quiet for a long time. She knew Chloe was right and she needed to behave but the thought of that high was so intoxicating.
"Mal," Chloe said quietly.
Mal nodded and Chloe quickly brushed the drugs back into their vial before disposing of them. Once Chloe sat back down Mal broke down in sobs, leaning into her best friend, letting herself cry."
—-
Evie walked through the door expecting to see Mal but instead she was greeted with Hades and Macie.
"Blue!" Macie yelled, running and tackling her pseudo mom.
"Hi baby," Evie smiled, scooping Macie up in her arms. "Where's mommy?"
Macie looked around and shrugged.
"Why don't you go put on some pjs while I talk to Grandpa?" Evie told her, setting her down and watching her run away before turning to Hades.
"Where's Mal?" Evie asked.
"Isn't she with you?" Hades leaned down and starting picking up the mess they had made.
"No..." Evie said slowly. "She left before me from dinner."
"Weird," Hades answered.
"So where is she?" Evie asked again, panic starting to rise her in voice. She pulled out her phone and quickly clicked on Mal's name.
No answer.
Evie tried again. And again. And again.
"Where is she?" Evie asked again, louder this time. "Where is Mal?" Evie was starting to shake. "What if something happened to her?" Evie's own past started flashing through her mind. Rape. Drugs. Terror. She could feel herself struggling to breathe.
"Hey, Evie, it's okay," Hades told her. He led her over to the couch and sat her down. "Breathe."
Evie tried to steady her breath. All she could see was Mal, laying, hurt running over and over through her mind.
"Breathe, Evie," Hades told her again. "I'm sure Mal is okay. You need to calm down. Don't panic. Breathe."
Evie kept trying, over and over again to calm herself.
"Hey, Evie, look, your phone." Hades handed the phone to Evie who immediately answered.
"Mal?" She demanded.
"Hi, baby. I'm here. I'm okay. I'm so sorry." Mal told her quickly.
"You're okay?" Evie asked, breaking down in a new set of tears at the relief.
"I'm okay. I'm on my way. I'm okay." Mal told her.
Evie nodded and hung up the phone. "She's okay. She's on the way but she's okay."
"Good. Why don't you go get Macie ready for bed and I'll head out. Everything is okay." Hades told her. He patted her on the leg before getting up and walking out the front door.
Evie sat there for a while before Macie came running in. She laughed at the outfit Macie had come up with. She had on spiderweb leggings, a tank top that was hot pink with a dinosaur on it and a bright red beanie that was sitting crooked on her head. "Nice pjs."
"Thanks!" Macie said, a giant grin on her face.
"Are you ready for bed?" Evie asked her, already knowing the answer.
Macie shook her head. "Where's mommy?"
"She will be home soon, baby." Evie smiled at the small girl who had climbed up into her lap.
It was only a few moments later that Mal walked through the door. "Hi girls," Mal plastered on a smile but knew her face was red from crying.
"Hi, M," Evie smiled but quickly noticed that Mal had clearly been crying. "What's wrong?"
"Let's get Macie to bed first," Mal told her. She really didn't want to talk in front of her daughter.
Mal reached down and picked up Macie, hugging her close. No matter how much she wished things were different, she really did love being a mom. "It's bedtime, little one."
"No," Macie laughed.
"Yes," Mal told her. She carried Macie into her bedroom and dropped her into the bed. "Under the covers, small fry."
Macie scrunched up her entire face in response but didn't move.
"Let's go," Mal snapped.
"Huff!" Macie dramatically sighed, climbing under the covers and looking up at her mom.
"Good girl. I love you. I'll see you in the morning." Mal kissed the top of Macie's head. "Sweet dreams."
Mal walked back through to the living room and saw Evie sitting there, waiting patiently. She looked so scared. The blonde sat down next to her and pulled her in close.
"Where were you?" Evie asked quietly.
"Chloe's" Mal answered.
For some reason, jealously seared through Evie's body. "Chloe's?"
"Yes. I needed someone to talk to," Mal answered.
"Oh," was all Evie could say in response.
"I wanted to talk to you, I just needed away from everything, baby." Mal told her.
"What happened?" Evie asked.
"Drugs," Mal told her. "I wanted them. I went over there with some and Chloe talked me out of it."
"Why? You've been doing so good," Evie looked deep into the bright green eyes in front of her.
"I'm just stressed. There's all this pressure on me and I just slipped. I didn't do anything though, I promise." Mal explained.
"I'm sorry," Evie told her, leaning in and kissing Mal before speaking again. "I'm proud of you though for going and talking instead of immediately doing something bad."
"Thanks," Mal said quietly. She was feeling embarrassed and tired. "Can we go to bed? I really need to get some sleep."
"Of course," Evie smiled before standing up and reaching her hand out.
Mal took it and let herself be taken to bed.
