Author's Note:
Thanks for your patience in waiting for this update!
bobbiejelly
Lost & Found
Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress.
Chapter 23: After (12)
MEREDITH
"Any word on who was in that car crash?" Addison asks me as we head out of Izzie's room and into mine.
"Callie would probably text you and not me," I say.
"Right," says Addison, picking up her phone.
I cross my fingers as I wait for her answer because I'm terrified. What if it was a bus crash? What if it was George? Or one of our friends!?
I panic a little and Addison holds my shoulder as she reads her text messages.
"Is it George?" I blurt out for no reason. I don't know why my mind jumps to him but it does.
"No, not George. Not anyone we know. And Callie says they're doing fine anyway, she can't release details because it's not our patient," says Addison.
"Oh thank God," I sigh in relief as I sink into Addison's comforting arms.
"Did you really think it was O'Malley?" Says Addison tenderly.
"I have no idea," I say because I really don't. "I just got so scared. I know I once said around when Denny died that 'nobody is leaving and nobody is dying,' but I feel like everyone might leave or die before I'm ready for them to and I'm just so terrified of being alone," I blurt out, and I realize that this, I suppose, is my turn to freak out about my abandonment issues for Addison.
As she holds me I realize I'm terrified that she'll stop holding onto me. When it was Derek I knew he would drop me someday, I mean he's a married man so what the hell was I thinking? But then again, Addison is a married woman so maybe I'm not that much better off.
Somehow this feels different though, and maybe it's because we've both been betrayed by the same man we find some sort of companionship here.
It's hard to imagine that maybe that's why 'we work,' or something, but then again we'll never know now if we'd have worked otherwise. Would we have been attracted to each other had we met before him or would it all have been different?
And at least Addison doesn't want to sleep with me again until after she's divorced from Derek. Normally I'd protest that sort of thing but I do not protest this time because sometimes the sex is worth waiting for. I'm surprised that I'm saying that also, even just to myself. I always thought I'd just be the slutty girl interested in whoring herself out for Attendings but here I am with another Dr. Shepherd who I've fucked after the other one, but this time I'm content to not-fuck until she can get her shit together to not-date her husband.
Wait, did that make sense?
I'm not sure...
"I can feel you thinking," says Addison as she strokes my hair, her words bringing me back down to earth.
"Huh?" I say this because I didn't really process what she just said to me seeing as I was thinking thoughts about the perils of not having an affair versus giving into the temptation of having additional Addison-Montgomery-shaped-adultery...
"You seemed distant, are you alright?" Addison asks me.
"I feel like I should be asking you that," I say, and Addison sighs heavily.
"We're both broken, Meredith. It's alright, we can just take turns falling apart," she says, and I'm not sure why but I love that we're both broken just because it's another thing we have in common that isn't directly Derek-Shepherd-shaped even though sometimes it is.
"I'm scared because I realize that if I let you in I'm going to need you," I admit before I fully realize how true my own words are.
"It's okay to need people," says Addison, but in a way that it's evident that she's trying to convince herself of that fact more than she's offering advice to me about it.
"I wish I could need people and keep people," I say because it's the truth.
"You don't feel like you can keep people?" Addison asks me and I laugh out loud.
"Addison, I'm the one who had the perfect boyfriend until he ended up being married to the perfect wife, who I'd really like to kiss right now but I can't because we're waiting, and all I want is to have a mom who can remember me most days and a dad who didn't get kicked out when I was five and maybe some stickers or something but all of that's not gonna happen and even our dog died so everyone is leaving and everyone is dying and... I just can't lose you too," I finally stutter out the last words and Addison holds me close to her chest.
"I'm not going anywhere," says Addison, her green eyes pale and shimmering because she feels it too; she feels the pain of something that's like something that I feel even if I don't know what it really is right now.
"Addison?" I ask her.
"Yes Meredith?" Addison asks me.
"Thank you," I tell her.
"You're welcome, Meredith," Addison says confidently but then she starts choking a bit because she's crying too, now. I can't remember when I started crying but I did and she is and we're just both a bundle of tears.
"Meredith?" Addison asks me.
"Will you stay too?" She asks me.
"Yeah," I tell her. "I'll stay for you unless you wanna go," I add to make sure she knows it's her choice.
"Where would I be going?" Addison asks in alarm.
"LA?" I say randomly.
"Well, they do have nice beaches there," says Addison with a smirk.
"Wait you're not going to leave me to go to LA are you?" I say in a panic.
"No, but I could take you there sometime. I have a friend- actually a couple of friends who moved there not long ago," says Addison.
"Oh," I say and then I stumble a bit. "Oh, I say, realizing she means she wants to take me on a work-trip or a vacation or something.
"Meredith?" Says Addison nervously.
"Yes, Addison?" I answer.
"I know maybe I shouldn't say this because it's too early and the papers aren't through and we're waiting but I-" Addison starts. "I have plans," Addison blurts out.
"Plans?" I ask her.
"Yeah, plans. Remember when Finn was talking about how he had plans and he felt like he could plan out his life around you? Well, now I- you- we-. I have plans…" Addison trials off.
"Wait, you were listening to all that at the Prom about Finn's plans?" I ask her curiously.
"Well, I guess I could hear him, you, whatever, because Derek was too busy oogling you to talk to me, so I guess he was looking at you, and so I ended up talking to Finn after you two… Took a break from the dance…" Addison says carefully and I wince at how she had to picture Derek and I sneaking off there.
"It's okay, Addison. It's okay you heard us. It wasn't a secret," I say reassuringly.
"Thanks," says Addison, un-tensing her body.
"Addison this is, you having plans, you mean about you and I, does that mean, what does it mean?" I ask her, because she sounds like she wants to be with me, and I want that, and I'm also scared because the last person who wanted that with me (erm, her husband, oops) turned out to have a secret wife (erm, Addison, oops), and Finn had plans but I didn't want Finn and now Addison has plans and I do want Addison but I'm afraid shes going to go back to Mark Sloan someday and I just can't handle the idea of her cheating on me even if I cheated too and I realize I'm rambling in my head and everything feels all swirly inside…
"It means I'd like to someday take a vacation with you if you wanted to go with me," says Addison simply.
I take a deep breath because I realize her eyes are less cloudy now and I realize I can see through my tears without blinking. Somehow the promises of more feel alright now. They say that sometimes one shouldn't trust the person to leave their spouse for the mistress but somehow I do trust this half of the McDreamy equation.
Addison has always been honest with me and I guess that's why.
I take another deep breath before I give her my answer.
"I think I'd like that," I announce to Addison.
"I'm glad," she replies as she kisses my forehead.
I realize I'm content sitting here with her already.
(But I'll be ecstatic when Addison is finally only Montgomery, and more importantly to me- when she's finally my girlfriend.)
"Can we stay here for a while?" I ask Addison as she moves away from me a little.
I don't want to let her go, even though I know I'll have to, albeit temporarily.
"Yeah, of course, umm, I was just going to ask if you wanted another muffin, I'm just craving them because I get hungry after crying a lot," says Addison.
"Oh, sure. I mean, go ahead and ask Izzie about the muffins. I prefer cookies though," I smile at her.
"I'll see what I can do," Addison smiles as she moves effortlessly to my kitchen and emerges with a plate, a few muffins, a few cookies and two classes of tea.
"You know, I really bet you make the greatest wife ever," I deadpan before I realized I'd said that aloud instead of just in my head.
"Ha- I guess I just put on the moves when I'm trying to impress the girl who made me feel as good as you did that night," says Addison.
"You thought I was impressive?" I ask shyly.
"Very impressive," Addison says in a sultry tone.
"I can't wait until I can impress you in all the best of ways," I lower my voice an octave as I say this.
"Ah, and neither can I," Addison smiles as she hands me a mug of tea.
I smile and take it and settle in to snuggle with Addison for just a little while longer.
No one we knew was leaving or dying for the moment, after all, and we might as well enjoy it.
****** END OF CHAPTER 23
Author's Note:
Yes, there was a direct name-drop allusion to "I Do Not Protest" here because that Meredith and Addison's story by roughian is amazing. If anyone picked up on that please tell me so I know you've read that also and we can bond over how awesome it is!
This chapter was a bit more angsty than funny probably because of reading some angsty fic.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading it :D.
bobbiejelly
