Balladeer: I don't know about ya'll, but I think somethin' weird's goin' on in Hazzard.


Chapter Two: Learning the Rules

"A breeze discovered my open book
And began to flutter the leaves to look."

Robert Frost


"Daisy, you feelin' alright?" Jesse asked. The concern on his face hadn't diminished. If anything, it had intensified.

"I had a headache earlier, but it's gone now."

"Don't look like you got much sleep. Y'know, I think Enos would understand if you're feelin' poorly."

"Understand what, Uncle Jesse? I thought this all got settled yesterday when we postponed the wedding."

"Postponed…?"

"Well, we didn't call it off if that's what ya'll were hopin' for."

Bo had found Luke, and they were both bounding up the stairs.

"Somethin' wrong with Daisy, Uncle Jesse?" Luke asked.

"I'm standin' right here," Daisy said with no small measure of annoyance. "And no, there's nothin' wrong with Daisy. Uncle Jesse on the other hand..."

"You don't look so good." Bo said.

"Gee, thanks. Just what a girl wants to hear."

"I mean––"

Jesse held up his hand. "Never mind that. Daisy, you never said nothin' last night about postponin' the weddin'."

"Uncle Jesse. You were right there. You all were. Enos got the hives, and we postponed the wedding til he––"

"Hives!" Bo cackled. "Who gets the hives on their wedding day?"

Luke shrugged and said matter-of-factly, "Well, it is Enos." He looked back at Daisy. "So, when did this happen? This 'postponement.'"

"Wait," Daisy said, much more alert now. "Is this some sort of early April Fool's joke? 'Cause if it is, it's not funny."

"If it is, the joke's on us," Luke said, "'cause we don't know what the Sam Hill you're talkin' about."

"Daisy," Jesse tried to keep his voice calm. "I know brides get kind of jittery on their weddin' day––"

"More like squirrely," Bo said.

"You're the one bein' squirrely. If ya'll don't stop this foolin' around right now, I'm fixin' to show you some jitters..." Daisy assumed the posture of a street punk spoiling for a fight.

"Alright, now everybody just needs to calm down!" Jesse commanded. "Somethin's gone catawampus here, and we gotta straighten it out."

"But don'tcha see, Uncle Jesse," Bo said, "Daisy's actin' this way 'cause she knows what she's about to do ain't the right thing to do."

"Bo," Luke said, "Uncle Jesse's right. Let's just all settle down and see if we can figure this thing out."

Daisy heard all this from the other side of the door. While they were arguing over what to do, she had closed it and slid onto the floor with her back against it.

"Daisy," Jesse said cautiously from the other side. "Now Daisy, we didn't mean to upsetcha. Did we boys?"

"No," they both assured her.

She gave no response. How could she? They were all talking nonsense and acting like she was the one who was addlepated. Was she going crazy? She didn't feel crazy. How does crazy feel, anyway?

It was then she spotted it…Lavinia's wedding gown hanging down the side of the wardrobe like a champaign colored waterfall just as she had left it Friday night.


[…da da dum pa-dum-pa-dum…da da dum pa-dum-pa-dum, youuuuuu….]

Daisy awoke with a start and a headache. Man, what a dream. She reached over to open the drawer of her nightstand for the aspirin and noticed the time on the old double bell alarm clock said 6:00 am. If she could get rid of this headache, she could sleep another three and a half hours.

No frickin' aspirin. Everything else in that blankety––

Then she saw it.

"Ain't no way," she thought. "I'm still asleep."


The seventh or eighth iteration (she had lost count) made Daisy think she had to let the dream run its full course before she could wake up. The strange thing was that the dream never started out exactly the same way or at precisely the same time. There were constants, however. She always looked at the clock, there was never any aspirin in the drawer, she stubbed her toe on something (apparently it didn't matter what), that damned song felt like a sledgehammer pounding her brain (probably the reason for the headache), and she was always cold. No, that wasn't it. She always shivered.

And it always ended (at least so far) with her family thinking she was crazy and wondering if they were right.

This time, when Daisy awoke at 5:43 am, she decided to just run with it to see what happened. If she couldn't change the way it started (and she had tried), maybe she could change the way it ended – it might be the only way she would ever wake up for real.

Skipping the part about opening the drawer to the nightstand (useless effort - no damned aspirin), wriggled out from under the warm covers and headed to the bathroom. Daisy closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at the blue dress hanging on the front of the wardrobe or the lacy gown hanging down its side. She wasn't ready for that yet.

Yep! She banged her toe on the leg of the bed.


[…da da dum pa-dum-pa-dum…da da dum pa-dum-pa-dum, youuuuuu….]

Crap!

Okay, so she had to force herself to look at the wardrobe and the garments hanging from it. She'd heard that dreams are the way the brain works through problems. No big deal. It was part of the illusion. If she could get over this part, she could live her wedding day over again.

Then, she could move on.

And wake up.


The first time she tried to relive the day was the oddest experience she'd ever had, stranger even than finding a little alien in the back seat of the General.*

Pretending not to already know how someone would respond to a particular phrase or string of words or action was tricky. She had to go through the motions of: picking up the bridesmaids and their pink dresses, sitting in the beauty salon listening to Silvy and Patsy and Cindy talk about how they never thought they'd see this day, the trip down memory lane with Lulu, the first time Enos called off the wedding, the second time he refused to marry her because he wouldn't ruin her life, the boys catching the real crooks, Enos being free and then him calling off the wedding for the third time because of the hives…

It was hard. No wonder she woke up every morning with a headache.

By the twenty-fifth or twenty-sixth time, she was tired and frustrated. There must be some other way than to do the same thing repeatedly without change.

She decided to experiment. Funny how the mind works. This wasn't just the weirdest dream she'd ever had; it was also the longest and most complex.

Once, she skipped the hair appointment and went straight to the Boar's Nest. Another time she avoided talking to Lulu, then surreptitiously supplied Boss with all the ham and cheese sandwiches he could stuff in his pockets (that was just for fun). The end result was the same – she didn't get married and woke up every morning on her wedding day. Maybe it was the clothes. She tried wearing different outfits (although she really liked that gray-blue dress, it was his favorite). No one seemed to notice. At least, not until she showed up at the Boar's Nest in her spaghetti strap tank top and Daisy Dukes. That was just plain humiliating.

The look on Enos's face was priceless, though. She never knew cheeks could actually get that red. If only that part could carryover…But Daisy was the only one to remember what she wore or that mixture of embarrassed confusion and lustful anticipation on Enos's face come morning.

By replay number thirty-five (she had started keeping track), she decided that little changes weren't going to be enough.

She would have to up her game.


Well, refusing to come out of her room and sleeping all day wasn't going to work. Luke or Bo broke down the door. Sneaking out early and trying to drive out of the county didn't work, either. Rosco in Hazzard #1, or Bo and Luke in the General, or Uncle Jesse, or Cooter were at the county line of whatever road she tried to take. She even drove up into the hills into old ridge-runner country only to end up running from the Beaudrys.**

So. There were rules to this game. She couldn't stay in her room, and she couldn't leave Hazzard County.

Daisy could work with that.


References:

* From Season 7, Episode 15 - "Strange Visitor to Hazzard"

** From Season 5, Episode 22, "Daisy's Shotgun Wedding"