Now that the moment had finally come, the moment that both of the bothers had longed for for so long, it was as though they'd never be able to be pulled apart again. They had always been perfectly in unison, but it'd never been quite like this. Kaoru felt as though his heart was going to beat out of his chest as he continued to mash his lips into his brother's. This was the happiest moment of his life. He felt a hunger like he couldn't believe. He yearned for more. More and more of his identical twin. More of his lips. His breath. His entire being.
Kaoru was as close as he could possibly be to Hikaru, but he wanted - no, he needed to be closer. Their bodies were pressed so tightly up against one another's as they sat on the host club's couch making out as though they were never going to get the opportunity to again. The orange haired boy felt as though both of their hearts were beating at the exact same time at the exact same pace which confirmed to him, in at least this moment, that everything he was feeling Hikaru must have been feeling too. He just had to be. Kaoru's fingers tangled themselves into his brother's hair. The only time their lips parted was when they were so in need of air that they were gasping.
Both of twins were completely lost in each other. All the years of pent up emotions between them were being let out in this long awaited moment. They were both completely unaware of their surroundings. Hikaru could feel both his brother's happiness and his pain of having to hide it for so long. He now felt guilt of how his time with Haruhi must have been agony for his twin. It added fuel to his passion and need to make him feel more loved then he ever had before. In this moment, it didn't matter what the world thought of them. Damn everyone else. If this was so wrong then why did it feel so right?
CRASH!
Both boys separated their lips, heads whipping in the direction of the door where the noise has erupted from. A mug lay in pieces on the floor and in the door way stood Haruhi. Both twins were panting, staring at her in shock as she stared back in disbelief. Both of their lips were bright red from the friction.
A moment too long went by of staring between the twins and Haruhi before Hikaru finally shuffled out of his brother's grip and jolted to his feet. He cleared his throat, fear of the situation suddenly washing over him. "H-Haruhi!" An awkward laugh escaped his lips. The discomfort was seeping off of him even though he tried to put on his most charming and devilish smile. "I see you've stumbled across tomorrow's grand finale." He forced another laugh, feeling as though he was crushing his own heart with a lie. Only moments ago, he was damning the world's view of him and now he was groveling to it as he tried to protect their image. He was such a hypocrite. "I think the girls are going to eat this act up."
Kaoru's eyes left Haruhi to look over at his brother who was spewing a new lie in Haruhi's direction. Suddenly he felt like somebody was grabbing his heart tightly and squeezing it, unwilling to let go. B-But... But I thought we didn't have to hide anymore - The thought stuttered in his mind. I thought we could be... us. He felt tears well up in his eyes. It felt as though Hikaru was betraying him by betraying what he'd said only moment ago.
Hikaru heard what sounded like a whimper out of his twin causing his eyes to leave Haruhi who looked like she was trying to decide if she believed him or not. Though it stung to see his brother clearly distraught by his covering up of their kissing, he felt a sense of worry he wasn't taking into consideration when they'd started this. It was a worry that had kept him from starting anything romantic between them many times before. He wished Kaoru could understand. Haruhi would surely shun them. So would their friends. Their family. Strangers. Everyone. They couldn't be together, or at least, not in everyone else's vision. He was wrong not to have resisted the impulse today. What was he thinking?
"Kaoru's having trouble. He's not too fond of this grand act, as you can see." He couldn't believe he was so easily able to let the lies slip from his lips. He could still feel the pain radiating from his brother. He was pained himself. He wanted to go back on his cover up, but he just couldn't. He wouldn't. Haruhi's shocked face confirmed it all. People wouldn't be able to handle it. He was so foolish for letting this happen. He shouldn't have said those things to Kaoru. He shouldn't have kissed him. He loved him, and because of that, protecting him from the world's hatred always needed to be priority number one.
Hikaru forced himself to take a step back toward the couch in his brother's direction even though he was feeling ill at this point. A reassuring pat on the back he tried to give Kaoru ended up being more of a hard slap in his nervousness. Kaoru winced and Hikaru's heart sank with regret of his action. "K-Kaoru.. I, um.." Hikaru was about to apologize, despite Haruhi's watching eyes but was stopped when Kaoru placed a finger up to Hikaru's lips to stop him.
Kaoru mustered up a smile on his lips. It took so much energy and was almost pointless considering his eyes were glazed over with despair. "Although I think our fangirls would love it, I don't think we should go through with such a taboo act ever again. It's a bit too much, don't you agree Haurhi?" Before Haruhi could get a word out, Kaoru turned to Hikaru and spoke again. "I don't think we should EVER do that again." The second those words left his lips with the emphasis so strongly on ever, he wished he could take them back. The truth was, his emotions were going on a roller coaster ride, and Kaoru felt like he was being torn apart. He was trying to get back at his brother, his hurt getting the best of him.
The pain on Hikaru's face was so obvious, and that's when Haruhi's confusion stopped. She figured out exactly what was going on between her friends and really wasn't sure what the right thing for her to do in this situation would be. "You know, I was just here to get a book I left. I'm just going to clean up my mess and head on out before the mug gets added to my debt. I'll be out of your hair soon." She laughed a little awkwardly and uncomfortably. She could feel both of their pain, but this situation felt impossible. She was too worried to say anything more, because she didn't want to word vomit the wrong thing. They were both pretty obviously sensitive and vulnerable right now in a way she'd never quite witnessed before.
Hikaru turned to look at her with a forced devilish smile. In all truthfulness, he was angry that Kaoru had already decided they were never going to kiss again, and though it was probably even for the best, Hikaru didn't want that. He shouldn't have started anything, it was true, but now he didn't want to stop even if it had to be a secret. Although they needed to talk, Hikaru just wanted to get away. Kaoru's words had stung him, and he was so confused. He just wanted to do what was best for his twin, and Kaoru didn't seem to get that. "I was actually about to head out too. Kaoru still has some things to do here, I'm sure he'd be glad to take care of the mess. Right, Kaoru?" In a flash of anger, he made a hurtful decision. Hikaru walked over to Haruhi and put an arm around her shoulder. "Let me walk you home, Haruhi."
Hikaru's sandy eyes met with Kaoru's identical ones, and he suddenly felt like his heart was cracking. He had really done it. If Kaoru wasn't devastated by his sudden decision to cover up what was really happening, he was destroyed now. So badly he wanted to take it all back. Apologize and make it up to him. But he didn't. He couldn't. This was for his sake, after all.
"T-that's okay, Hikaru. I don't mind going alone." Haruhi felt even more awkward and uncomfortable. Hikaru was pulling her into this and Kaoru looked like the green eyed monster was about to consume him. She could tell Hikaru wasn't being sincere about wanting to walk her home, and she just wanted to wiggle out of this situation. The tension was through roof and there was no one else here to break it. She knew she couldn't do it herself from the position she'd landed in. If only Kyoya or even Tamaki were here, surely they could handle this better than she was. They were both incredibly different people, but they each had a way with people that Haruhi felt she didn't.
Kaoru mustered up an even better smile, doing his best to mask his hurting heart as he walked over to the closet. "Nonsense, I've got a lot of stuff to do." Kaoru lied and pulled some cleaning products from the closet. This was a very elite school, and there was definitely someone else who could handle this mess, but Kaoru couldn't help but play along. He felt like he was in so much pain that if he didn't just do what he was told, he'd collapse. "I'm going to be here late anyways. Studying and... things. What's one more task?" He looked directly at Hikaru. "In fact, I'm going to be here so late that I may not even come home."
Hikaru felt an awful sense of dread in his stomach at Kaoru's words and he swallowed hard. If he hadn't, he wasn't sure what he wouldn't be able to get the words out. "Well, I guess maybe I'll see you tomorrow then." He didn't want to wait to see him until tomorrow. He was being such a hypocrite again. A moment ago he wanted space, but now that he was about to get it all he wanted was not to leave Kaoru's side. But he had to. He'd created this entire situation. This was his fault. A few hours, fine. That he could handle with some annoyance, but they'd never been apart for an entire night before. Hikaru wasn't sure he could handle it. He couldn't believe this was happening, and there was nothing he could do to undo it. "Come on, Haruhi. Let's go."
Hikaru led Haruhi to the door, arm still around her shoulders. And just like that the two were fell to the floor, dropping the cleaning supplies. His eyes stared at the now vacant doorway, and he couldn't stop himself from weeping. He'd never felt this overwhelmed. He was exhausted and confused. Everything had gone so right and then so very wrong in the blink of an eye. He felt like he was being dramatic, but he didn't care nor could he help it. His emotions were consuming him. How could Hikaru do this? How could he just leave with her? He just wanted him to come back, but the pain of knowing that wouldn't happen felt nauseating. It was selfish of him to wonder why he'd do such a thing when Kaoru helped push him right out the door and away himself. This was his own fault. Hikaru... please... He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. He didn't want to stay here all night. Especially not alone. Why did he say those thing? Come back...
