Chapter Four: Hazy, Crazy-Daisy Land

"We stood a moment so in a strange world,
Myself as one his own pretense deceives;
And then I said the truth (and we moved on).
A young birch clinging to its last year's leaves."

Robert Frost


"Stress-related hives my foot!" Daisy said with her hands on her hips. "How can happiness be stressful?"

"I tried ta' explain to ya', Daisy."

"Well, I ain't buyin' it, no matter what that nurse said. We're gonna go see Doc Appleby. When I hear him say it, maybe I'll believe it…and that's a big maybe."

"But Doc Appleby's gonna be outta town for a week––"

"How do you know?"

"Joanie told me when you were gettin' a drink of water."

"Damn, can't anything be easy?" Daisy mumbled under her breath, then looked up and begged, "What is it you want from me?"

Enos furrowed his forehead. "You feelin' okay, Daisy?"

"I'm just fine and dandy, Enos. Gettin' hives from just bein' happy don't make any sense, and I'm gonna prove it."

"How you gonna do that? You're good at a lotta things, Daisy, but I don't think doctorin's one of um."

"You said I took good care of you when you had pneumonia."

"It's not the same thing. Now, I'm real grateful you want to help me an' all, but I think we oughtta just wait for Doc."


Hell and damnation! It wasn't bad enough she'd had to live this frickin' day over again for the fifty-fourth time; she had to deal with a stubborn jackass to boot!


Balladeer: Folks, I think ole' Daisy's got herself what folks in Hazzard call a real confound-undrum.

Daisy: Speakin' of jackasses…Nobody asked you.


Once more from the top – fast forward.

Jesse walked into Boss's office at the Boar's Nest, aka wedding day dressing room, to tell Daisy that Enos had left the ring in his other pants and Bo and Luke were going to Mrs. Oxford's boarding house to pick it up 'cause Enos was 'in no condition to drive.'

He left her ring in his other pants while she had taken great care to tie his securely into her dress and even made sure it was still there when she hung it on the hat tree? The hives, turning down her proposal three times…THREE TIMES…and not bringing the ring to the ceremony…stubbornly not wanting to get rid of those hives sooner rather than later…

Hit abruptly with the idea that maybe Enos didn't really want to marry her, she wondered, 'Maybe he's just in love with the idea of bein' happy with me.'

"Daisy?" Uncle Jesse asked, the familiar concern on his face. "You alright?"

Why did everyone keep asking her that?

"Yes, Uncle Jesse, I'm fine," she lied.

"Weddin' jitters is normal, honey. You didn't eat a thing for breakfast. Maybe I should go git you somethin' ta' put on your stomach. I know Lulu wouldn't mind me takin' a little b'fore the reception if she knew it was for you. The way J.D.'s been eyein' that ham, not so sure I could git it past him without a fuss."

Daisy let out a laugh. Though weak, it was the first time she could remember laughing since all this started.

"No, I'm not hungry." She hesitated and turned toward the gown on the hat tree. "Uncle Jesse? You sure Aunt Lavinia would've wanted me to wear her weddin' dress today?"

Jesse Duke wasn't the kind of man who just said whatever came into his mind right out. He studied the situation first, then chose his words to mean something when they finally came out, especially about truly important things. So, mulling it over with himself, he took a little time to answer. He asked her to sit and took the chair directly facing hers.

"Lavinia should be the one tellin' you this. Lord knows, besides moonshinin', it was one a' the only sore spots ever come up between us."

Daisy remembered how Lavinia felt about Jesse running shine. Her opposition had nothing to do with disapproval and everything to do with worrying about him careening off some cliff in the dead of night trying to outrun the law. Was that it? Was it because Enos had chosen the Law over his own Daddy's chosen profession that her family seemed to be against them getting married? He was okay as a friend who looked the other way, or saved their tails more than a few times, but not okay to marry a Duke?

Jesse took her hands in his. "You know how much I love you, sweet girl… and how much your Aunt Lavinia loved you, but…"

"But, what, Uncle Jesse?" she whispered.

"You were such a headstrong girl when you were growin' up. Still are in some ways. Always leapin' before ya' look. Your aunt used to say that you'd rue that one a' these days."

"You think I'm gonna rue marryin' Enos?"

"I'm afraid maybe y'are, but not for the reasons I'm thinkin' you're thinkin'. It's what your Aunt Lavinia was frettin' about's got me worried. She loved you very much, but she was fond a' Enos too. Real fond. When his Mama died, and Otis was out on a run, and Enos stayed with us a lot…"

"I know, Uncle Jesse. He was like a part of the family."

"Yes…and no…Luke was older, and Bo was a youngun, so you and Enos spent a lot of time together."

Daisy smiled at the memories of running the woods, hunting for wild blackberries, exploring the cracks in the rocks at the old quarry…

Jesse continued, "Then you two started gettin' older, and Enos, well, he had to grow up fast when Otis died. He got serious about what he should do with his life, and you just stayed headstrong. Not that that's a bad thing. I always admired that you were kinda free-spirited. But Lavinia was always knittin' worry lines that you weren't takin' life serious enough."

Her aunt had talked to her several times about taking life more seriously. Daisy would try to dispel Lavinia's fears for a while, then find something new and exciting to do and forget about growing up and being responsible.

"Well, I'm all grown up now. I'm gettin' married in an hour."

"Are you?"

"Of course, I'm gettin' married."

"I mean, are you all grown up? I always argued with her that you would get along just fine, but she was more worried about––"


That wasn't easy.

And just about the time Uncle Jesse was going to explain what he meant and what Aunt Lavinia was really worried about, that so-and-so Deputy Attorney General (she still couldn't ever catch his name), followed by Enos and Rosco and Boss, blew into the office.

Took her six more times of trying to figure out she wasn't going to get her uncle to start that conversation again, let alone finish it. Whoever dumped the load of crap about 'everybody lovin' a mystery' should have to live their weddin' day over for two months.

It did give her an idea of why, or who was orchestrating this game, though. On the sixtieth night she spent as a still-unmarried woman, Daisy sat in her room thinking. Maybe she should look a little longer or closer before she leaped.

Aunt Lavinia's wedding dress hung from the side of the wardrobe…that matched the bed…and the nightstand. Three pieces of furniture Lavinia had brought with her when she married Uncle Jesse and came to live at the farm. The double bell alarm clock was old fashioned and out of date. She could have gotten one of those clocks with the lighted up numbers and had a radio in it when they came out, but she had kept this one because…because it belonged to Aunt Lavinia.

Martha Lavinia Duke was doing this, giving her this dream. But, if Aunt Lavinia was trying to tell her something, why not just come out and say it to her in the dream, or whatever this was, and be done with it?

Oh. Right. That would be easy. Rule Number 5: It can't be easy!


'The old clock on the nightstand says it's 11:59 pm here. Wonder what time it is outside the Twilight Zone?'