After writing to Professor McGonagall, Harry had tried to get a better hold of himself by taking a shower and putting on a fresh set of clothes. Getting off the couch was always the hardest part, his body often felt lethargic as if it were made of lead. Hermione's visit didn't magically cure him, there were still plenty of dark days that made him never want to leave his bed. But in between all the darkness there were times that he felt mostly okay, the dark clouds weren't as overbearing, his mind stayed fairly calm.
The feeling of dread grew stronger and stronger the closer he got to the end of his so called vacation; and it was during one of these clear headed moments that he decided to resign from his auror position.
The relief that followed was short lived, and after a week of doing nothing he was back to feeling anxious. The flat had been cleaned until it was spotless, he even organized each pile of clutter that had been strewn about the different rooms. He had nothing to do while the world kept on living.
He could travel, he thought; explore the countryside or visit a different continent. But his friends were busy with their own domestic problems and the prospect of going by himself brought little excitement. He needed to find something to do, a new hobby or volunteer his time somewhere – he needed to find his purpose in life again.
An answer to his letter brought his racing thoughts to a halt, momentarily, and made him think that maybe he did not need to search for the meaning of life again. The reply did not contain any concrete promises, which he was not expecting in the first place, but there was an invitation to come visit the school – an invitation that he immediately accepted.
Almost nothing had changed since his absence, Harry thought as he made his way through the castle with Professor McGonagall. Now that he was here, he realized how much he missed the confusing hallways and nosy paintings. Although he had to admit, he didn't know how much of that had to do with comparing Hogwarts to his current place of living and how much was genuine nostalgia – there were plenty of bad memories as there were good ones.
"I must confess," she said as they made their way to the headmaster's office, "I was surprised when I first received your letter; I thought for sure you had happily settled at the ministry. If I remember correctly, your interests rarely lay anywhere but the auror career."
"I thought the same for a long time," Harry answered. "Never pictured myself doing anything different, but I'm sure I'm not the first person to have a change of heart."
"No and I don't suppose you will be the last either," Professor McGonagall agreed.
"I know that you cannot promise me anything, and understandably so, but I wanted to say thank you for giving me this chance."
"Your experience has value, Harry; a person can learn a lot from their line of work. Merlin knows we've had plenty of professors less qualified than you teach this subject. Not having worked with students and your role in the war may pose some challenges, but you would always have a helping hand if needed. Now off you go," she said as they stopped in front of the statue leading to the headmaster's office.
Harry smiled in response as Professor McGonagall uttered the password.
Harry made his way into the office, exchanging greetings with several rather talkative paintings along the way. He stopped a few feet away from the desk and observed the current headmaster busy working on a letter while a nosy Dumbledore watched over his back.
Finally noticing the presence of an additional person in the room, the old headmaster in the painting looked up and smiled warmly. "Ah, Harry, you've finally made it."
Snape glanced up, keeping his facial expression neutral. "Mr. Potter."
"Hello, Professor Snape. Professor Dumbledore." Harry remained in his spot, unsure whether to take a seat or stay where he was at. He was partially distracted by the changes, or the lack there of, in the man sitting in front of him. The harsh appearance that had antagonized and protected him throughout his student years was still present in its expressive glory, but the post war years had taken some of the edge off. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what made that difference, whether it was the less severe frown or more relaxed posture, maybe it was the glare without real heat that was currently pointed in his direction.
"Are you planning on standing here all day or are you going to sit down?" Snape asked as he dipped his quill in the ink well and went back to writing. Harry smiled inwardly to himself as he took a seat in the chair opposite of the desk. He refrained from speaking, waiting for the other man to finish whatever it was that he was working on, but his decision to be silent did not extend to the other spectators in the room.
"You don't visit very often. How long has it been since we've seen each other last?" Dumbledore's portrait asked.
"Close to a decade, I think," Harry answered.
"A decade," the painting repeated thoughtfully. "The passage of time is so intriguing; it seems only yesterday that I was put up in this room and in the blink of an eye ten years have passed. So little changes around here, you see. Some new faces pass these walls now and again, but they never stay for long. Severus is about the only constant to help judge the time, but even he barely ever changes enough for me to notice."
"There is a calendar available for your viewing whenever you wish, all you need to do is look at it," Snape muttered without looking up from his work. Harry looked over to the intricately designed clock that told everything from the time and year to the position of the stars in the sky located on a table next to one of the overflowing bookcases.
The painting sighed dramatically. "How are you doing these days, my boy?"
"I am doing alright," Harry replied. "Could be doing worse, I suppose."
"I hear you have become an auror."
Harry nodded. "I did."
"Following in your father's footsteps – I always did believe that it was the perfect job for you. Your bravery and need for justice-"
Snape let out a long breath and put his quill down as he threw a glare at the painting behind him before turning back to face Harry. "Of all the applications for this cursed position, I never expected for yours to be among them. What possessed you to do this?" he asked, his voice containing only curiosity.
Harry scratched the back of his head. "Well, I wouldn't say that it was necessarily a planned career move," he admitted. "And I don't think 'on a whim' would be a good enough explanation. But certain life circumstances made this position seem much more appealing than what I was doing."
Snape openly stared at him. "You are a well-to-do auror with the ministry, I somehow doubt that teaching children would be a more appealing prospect."
"Technically, I was an auror – I resigned from my position last week."
"Nevertheless, teaching is not exactly prestigious, and the castle rooms are not equal to that of a manor. Your quality of life may worsen."
"I think that you're wrong. If anything, my quality of life would improve." Snape raised an eyebrow. "Well, for starters, I don't live in a manor – haven't for a long time, in fact. All my years living in cramped spaces or sharing rooms with other people have made me not want to have such a large space to myself, it felt too empty. And I've grown a bit tired of constant chaos, I think this position will bring some sense of normalcy back into my life," Harry explained.
"You of all people should remember how routine your school days were."
"Yeah, but my school days were filled with a violence-crazed wizard who was hellbent on killing me. The bounty on my head isn't nearly as high as it used to be, and mishaps during lessons are a long way away from discovering underground crime rings." Harry smiled at Snape's unamused look. "I'm sure you've read about my personal drama."
"I generally don't waste my time reading nonsense articles, but gossip does travel around this castle like wildfire – ignoring it is impossible."
"I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce, Harry," Dumbledore spoke up.
"Thank you, Professor," Harry said awkwardly. "But my point is, for the past several years my life has felt as if it was undergoing a constant change when it should have been stable. What I thought I had wanted either didn't work out or lead me to the conclusion that it wasn't the right choice for me."
"Let me guess, your chosen field of work did not meet your expectations."
"Not exactly," Harry disagreed. "I certainly enjoyed different parts of my job; my coworkers were generally pleasant, and I wasn't under the illusion that the entire wizarding community liked me. But constant hostility does wear a person out."
"Then you shouldn't be under the illusion that the same won't happen here. I am sure you are aware that there is almost an entire house that is in some way shape or form related to a death eater."
"Yes, I realize that."
"And that you would still encounter that same hostility that you want to get away from, but instead of the perpetrators being adults they would be students, who you are not allowed to hex."
The idealistic part of him wanted to lash out and prove that the students would not be so heavily under the influence of their family as to act violently toward Harry, not when there were so many eyes watching them. But the realistic part of him knew how strong familial loyalty could be, and rebellious acts did not have to be flagrant and violent to wreak havoc.
"Your status and your role, no matter how much you don't want to think about it, would play a large part in animosity between two of the four houses. The Gryffindors would fail to see a fault with you and the majority of the Slytherins would only think of how you tore their families apart. You have only worked with adults; how would you even go about a child or adolescent who only wants to antagonize you?"
Harry stayed silent. His old professor was right, of course, there would be plenty of students who wouldn't even want to be in his presence, not to mention listening to whatever it was he was trying to teach.
The truth was Harry didn't know how he would handle such a situation. His lack of experience and general lack of planning did not win any points in his favor probably. Then again, he did apply on a whim and didn't really think that he would be picked for the position. Maybe it was the correspondence with Professor McGonagall, or the uplifting speech Hermione gave the last time she had come over, but for a moment there Harry had thought that he would not be turned away. However, the longer Professor Snape went on about his short comings the more Harry thought that he was going to be rejected. It was probably for the best, Harry thought.
Snape leaned back in his chair. "I propose a trial run."
"A trial run," Harry repeated dumbly.
"Yes, to evaluate how adequate you are at controlling unruly students."
Harry sat up straighter. "How long would this trial run last?"
"If you can go a full year without maiming a student or getting maimed by one while proving that they have managed to learn something useful you will be hired as a permanent professor. But if by the end of the school year either you or any of the faculty members believe that the students are not receiving the proper education in the subject then you will be free to find another routine to follow. Does that sound satisfactory to you?"
Harry stuttered out an agreement, reeling from not being flat out told no.
"Good. I will send you more information about getting settled and lesson planning in the upcoming month, if you have any questions feel free to contact either Minerva or myself," Snape said as he picked his quill back up and went back to his writing.
Harry took that as a dismissal and slowly stood up from his chair. "Thank you, Professor Snape, I really appreciate this." He hesitated just as he was about to start heading toward the door. "May I ask one question?" Snape paused looked back up at Harry. "Why?"
"You'll have to be more specific than that."
"Why are you giving me this opportunity?" Harry elaborated.
"While you lack teaching experience you more than make up for it in your knowledge of the subject. You became quite proficient in defense against the dark arts during the war and you only added to those skills through your work as an auror – I believe you have a thorough understanding of the subject. But the potential conflicts that could arise between the you and the students could be problematic, there is also the possibility that you may want to leave yourself. This will provide a safety net should your position here fall through."
"Now, unless you have any other immediate questions that need to be answered right now please feel free to take your leave, there are several things I need to get done by today."
Harry allowed himself to smile and shook his head. "Goodbye, professor."
"Goodbye, Mr. Potter."
Harry nodded to Dumbledore, who bid his own enthusiastic farewell, before making his way out of the office and heading back home.
