AN: GAH, I am so sorry about how long this took. I ended up doing NaNoWriMo (which I actually won, yay!) and then kinda crashed afterward, because writing 50k words in one month really took it out of me. But with no more NaNo, hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter up in a much more timely manner.
Also, I just noticed that 8 days ago was the 1-year anniversary of this fic, which is a little crazy. I can't believe time has gone by so quickly! Anyways, happy 1-year anniversary to New Beginnings! :)
As always, many thanks to my reviewers: beesbruh, Moonprincess998, ameriar, SailorNerd, jaslena, lilymoon80, James Birdsong, gabeliz . castillocarin, and slightlyxjaded. Nine reviews? You guys are so, so amazing and I love you all.
EDIT: Now fixed. Thanks everyone who pointed out Chibiusa already knew Usagi was Sailor Moon.
Rei and Jadeite stared each other down across the courtyard. Jadeite, for his part, looked somewhat sheepish, his hand stuffed into his pockets, an apologetic half-smile on his face.
"Look, Enyo—"
"Do not call me that," she snarled. "What makes you think you can just—just waltz back here, back into my life after everything you've done? Calling me by that name, looking all—ugh!" She threw her hands up in frustration.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Truly. I wish I could find the words to make you realize that, make you understand how much I regret everything that happened."
"You mean betraying me and killing me?" Rei's voice shook with barely restrained fury. "And then for trying to kill me again in this lifetime?"
Jadeite flinched. "Yes. But you have to know," he hastened to explain. "That it wasn't me. Queen Beryl had brainwashed us, corrupted us, we didn't know who we were. You have to know, I would never—could never—" he broke off, choking on his own words.
It was an odd sight, Jadeite tormented like this. Ever since Rei had first remembered her past life with him, it was as if some seal had been broken, and the rest of the memories came rushing back. Jadeite was the cocky joker, the guy who loved pushing her buttons and infuriating her almost as much as he loved being unbearably good to her.
But one thing he was not was anguished, at least not so visibly. He always hid his pain and worry behind jokes and arrogance and false bravado. He hid everything behind that façade.
Seeing him like this made Rei want to wrap her arms around his neck, to breathe him in, to remind them both that they were here, they were alive.
But she also wanted to tear him to bloody shreds with her fingernails, she wanted to remove all memory of him from her brain, form her heart, she wanted to forget, to stop remembering, because remembering hurt too much. And she didn't know which side of her was stronger.
"Rei." Jadeite's voice was quiet and rough, and it made Rei's heart twist painfully.
"Don't," she managed, though it came out more pained than she wanted it to. "Just don't, okay? I don't… I can't…"
"Rei, please," he begged. "Just give me a chance. Give us a chance."
"I can't!" she spat at him. "Did you know what I only just remembered who you were? At first, it was just a memory of a time we'd spent together. A happy memory. But before I even had time to process this, to wonder whether it was memory or dream or vision, I remembered everything else." She shuddered.
"Everything… else?" Jadeite prompted uncertainly when she didn't say anything for a long moment.
"Yes, everything else." She looked up at him, her dark eyes burning with emotion. "I remembered how it felt as you scorched my skin, I remembered how it felt as you drove your dagger into my gut, I remembered how it felt as I killed you, moments before I died."
She paused for a moment to gather herself. "Don't you get it? It's not just the fact that you killed me. If it were just that, I might be able to forgive you, knowing that you were under Queen Beryl's control. It's the fact that you forced me to kill you. I loved you, Jadeite. I loved you more than I thought possible. I'd spent my whole life learning how to be the perfect priestess, the perfect warrior, the perfect guardian. But then you came along with your smiles and your arrogance and I hated you, but I was so drawn to you. And then when I got to really know you… I loved you. And you destroyed that. You made me destroy that."
For a long moment, neither said anything else as Rei stood there, her chest heaving from the effort to not break down in sobs, while Jadeite stood as still as a statue. When he finally spoke, his voice broke. "I am so, so sorry. And I know that will never be enough. But—"
"There is no but," she said. "Don't come near me again, or I swear I will not hesitate to kill you. I've done it before, what's once more?" She laughed humorlessly as she brandished the ofuda scroll again. "Do not test my patience, Jadeite."
"I understand." He hung his head and shuffled off, pausing only once to look back at her.
"So…" Nephrite said as he and Makoto walked off down a path leading to the other end of the shrine. "Thank you for agreeing to walk with me."
Makoto shrugged, but didn't say anything.
"Aren't you going to say something?" Nephrite asked when the silence continued to stretch on. "Anything?"
"I don't know what to say," she said at last. "I only just recently started to remember who you were—our past life together. And, well, knowing everything that's happened since… it's a lot to take in."
"I know." Nephrite hung his head. "And words cannot express how truly sorry I am, for everything that I did. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me, if you refused to speak to me. So, I have to wonder… why did you agree to walk with me, to give me the chance to explain?"
Makoto blew out her breath in a huff as she considered his words. "I suppose… I understand. You were being controlled by Queen Beryl, it's not like you voluntarily chose to betray us, to hurt us… hurt me."
"Does…" Nephrite's voice came out rough, and he cleared his throat and started over. "Does that mean you forgive me?"
"I don't know," she said honestly. "I do understand that what you did wasn't your fault, you weren't your own person when you served the Dark Kingdom, but…"
"But?" Nephrite prompted.
Makoto looked up at him with a small, sad smile on her face. "But it doesn't make the memory of what happened hurt any less. I want to forgive you, Nephrite. And I suppose, in many ways, I do. But I don't know if we can ever be what we once were. I don't know if I can ever really let go of the past, and all the pain you caused me. Maybe it's just too much, too late, maybe we missed our chance."
"I understand." Nephrite's voice was rough with emotion, and he turned to walk away.
Makoto grabbed his hand to stop him. "But… I want to try anyways." She smiled at him again, hopeful this time.
"Athena." He looked at her with the world in his eyes and crushed her against his chest. As she balled her hands in his shirt and willed herself not to cry, it didn't even matter that that wasn't her name anymore; it didn't matter that she was no longer Athena, Princess of Jupiter and one of the four noble Senshi, sworn to protect Princess Serenity and the Moon Kingdom as a whole. It didn't matter that he was no longer Nephrite, one of the four holy Shitennou of Earth.
It didn't matter that their past was filled with pain and betrayal and deception, it didn't matter that they were once sworn enemies, that she had once worked very hard to kill him, and he her.
All that mattered was that he was here. And she was home.
Usagi sat in the Crown Arcade, sipping one of Motoki's famous milkshakes and trying not to worry too much. Between her friends' mysterious relationship with the Shitennou, the continued frustration of being one step behind the Black Moon Clan, the breakup with Mamoru and Chibiusa's appearance in her life, Usagi was overwhelmed. And starting to get a headache.
She groaned and dropped her head onto the counter.
"Everything okay, Usagi?" Motoki asked, looking up from the counter he was wiping down.
"Fine," she grumbled. "I'm just exhausted. Recent events have been wearing enough, but oh no, of course they had to get more complicated and of course I have to solve them because—" she broke off. She'd been about to say, "because I'm Sailor Moon." She hadn't been sleeping much lately, and clearly it was getting to her. She had almost revealed her identity to Motoki!
"Because?" Motoki asked, and Usagi cursed how good of a listened he was. It used to be something she loved about him, but it would have been so great if he hadn't been paying attention and hadn't really heard what she'd mumbled.
"Because the world isn't fair," she said, forcing her tone into a whine. "I mean, Ms. Haruna has been brutal with homework assignments lately, and with Chibiusa staying with us, my mom's been giving me even more chores. Ugh." She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her milkshake, hoping Motoki would buy it.
"Huh." Motoki looked at her quizzically, but then he shrugged and flipped his rag over his shoulder. "Well, I hope things shape up soon. How's school going?"
Usagi made a face. With everything that had been going on lately, her schoolwork had really fallen behind. She was just barely passing most of her classes, and she was seriously in danger of failing math. Mamoru's tutoring had really helped, but now… well, obviously that wasn't possible anymore.
At least Ikuko wasn't nagging as much as she used to, but in some ways that was worse. Ever since Usagi had told her mother the truth, Ikuko had been… closed off. Reserved. Sure, she'd still make Usagi lunch and threaten to hit Usagi and Shingo with her spatula when they were fighting, but it was… different. Not that Usagi could blame her. How do you adjust to knowing that your ditzy teenage daughter is actually a superheroine who faces the forces of evil on a daily basis?
"Usagi?" Motoki was waving a hand in front her face. "Hello? Earth to Usagi!"
"Sorry!" she jerked herself up straight. "I got lost in a daydream."
Motoki frowned. "Are you sure everything's okay? You seem… different."
"Fine," she said, a little too cheerfully. "Like I said, it's just… school. You know. The usual." She rolled her eyes again and tried to look normal.
Motoki sighed and shook his head. "Honestly, between you and Mamoru… it seems everyone's been acting strange lately. But you know you can talk to me about anything, right? You're like a little sister to me."
Suddenly, Usagi felt very choked up. Sure, she called him Motoki-onii-san, and in a lot of ways she considered him to be like a big brother. And he'd always acted the same. But to hear him say it, out loud… Usagi just wanted to break down crying and tell him everything; she wanted to talk to someone who wasn't involved in this mess, someone who wasn't burdened with their own problems. Someone who could just listen and comfort her.
"I know that," she managed to choke out, hoping her voice didn't betray her too much. "But it's nothing, really. Just stupid school and family stuff." She slurped down the rest of her milkshake. "Anyways, I have to go, I'm picking Chibiusa up from her afterschool art class. Thanks for the milkshake!"
She grabbed her bag and ran out the door, pausing for breath once she was safely outside, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes. She really did have to pick up Chibiusa, but she also wanted to get out of there. The stress of… well, of everything was really getting to her, and she feared if she'd stayed there much longer she would have willingly told Motoki everything.
"Usagi?"
The sound made Usagi's eyes snap open. She knew that voice. Sure enough, standing a few feet away from her was Mamoru himself, his dark brows knitted together in concern over his brilliant blue eyes. Stop that, Usagi! She firmly reprimanded herself. This was no time to be getting all swoony over her ex-boyfriend.
"Are you… alright?" he asked, almost hesitantly. "You seem a little…" he took a half step forward, and instinctively, Usagi pulled back.
"I seem a little what, Mamoru?" she snapped. She hadn't quite meant for her voice to come out so sharp, but, well… she couldn't exactly say she regretted it too much. He was a good part of the reason why things had been so stressful and harrowing and just plain hard lately. He was the one who completely turned her world upside down.
Mamoru frowned. "Tired," he said at last, in response to her question.
"Gee, I wonder why that could be?" Usagi muttered under her breath. Mamoru's frown deepened, and she felt a tiny twinge of guilt at her sarcastic comment. She was trying to be the bigger person, to be civil and polite for the sake of Chibiusa, and for the sake of the Senshi. Things with the Black Moon Clan weren't going well, and she needed to focus her full attention on it, not her relationship troubles with Mamoru.
"Look, I was just…" Mamoru trailed off and sighed in frustration, running his hand through his hair.
"You know what?" Usagi said, shaking her head. "It's fine. Forget about it. I need to go pick up Chibiusa from school."
Mamoru opened his mouth as if he was going to say something else, and for a moment she thought he was going to offer to walk with her. And for a moment, she thought if he did, maybe she would say yes.
But then the moment was gone, and Usagi chastised herself again. Mamoru broke up with her, and even if she couldn't understand why, even if he was sending mixed signals, he clearly didn't want to date her anymore. And she had to respect that, much as it hurt. And even though some small, hurtful part of her thought that maybe if he had offered to walk with her, she should have said no, just to make him hurt a little, the way he'd hurt her, it was all for the best that they go their separate ways.
Mamoru was staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face, and Usagi felt all her resolve starting to crumble. She wanted to break down crying, she wanted to fall into his arms, she wanted to ask him why, she wanted to beg him to take her back.
"I have to go," she blurted out, and ran off before Mamoru could say anything else. She ran for a few blocks before she dared pause and look back, but Mamoru was out of sight.
"Baka baka baka baka," she muttered to herself. She had to be more composed than this, she had to be able to remain calm and collected, for Chibiusa's sake. And what in the name of Kami had gotten into her? First she almost spilled her secret to Motoki, then she almost made a fool of herself in front of Mamoru… she shook her head.
After she picked Chibiusa up, maybe she'd see if Luna or Artemis had any useful information on the Black Moon Clan. She needed to do something to take her mind off everything. She glanced at the time on her phone and picked up the pace, heading towards the elementary school.
The closer Usagi got to the school, the more she felt something was… off. It was subtle, she didn't have the psychic powers that Rei did, but she trusted her gut by now. Something wasn't right. She was a few blocks away from the school by now, and practically sprinted the rest of the way.
As soon as the school came into view, Usagi cursed under her breath. It was a beautiful, sunny day with puffy white clouds, but the clouds over the elementary school were dark and ominous. And they were certainly not your ordinary storm clouds, either.
"Chibiusa!" she called out as she ran towards the entrance of the school. The light was dim, and it seemed like there was some kind of fog permeating the air. Whatever the case, she could only see a few feet in front of her. She squinted, trying to get a closer look, but the playground appeared empty.
She tried the doors, but they wouldn't budge. With a yell of frustration, she slammed her elbow into the glass of one of the nearby windows. The shards of glass cut her arm, but she barely felt the sting. All of her thoughts were focused on finding Chibiusa. If the Black Moon Clan found her before Usagi could… she couldn't let herself finish that thought. She crawled through the window, ignoring the scrape of the broken glass as it cut into her skin.
"Chibiusa!" she yelled, but once again, no reply. The hallways were eerily silent, and she had to suppress a shudder.
Usagi walked down the hallway as briskly as she could, poking her head into the door of every classroom she passed, but they were all empty. Finally, she came to one classroom, the door slightly ajar, and she inhaled sharply at the sight inside.
Four or five young kids, it was hard to tell in the dim light, were slumped in their chairs, against the wall, on the ground. All motionless.
She rushed inside, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw quite clearly that they were all breathing. She wasn't sure if the youma had somehow put them to sleep, or if their energy had been drained, but at least they were okay. Chibiusa wasn't among them, so she continued on.
The further into the heart of the school she got, the more classrooms she passed with unconscious kids. She was almost at the cafeteria when she heard a hissing noise that made her pause.
"Chibiusa?" she called out, just in case, and she thought she heard a faint whimper in reply. "Chibiusa!"
She rushed off towards the sound, which seemed to be coming from a classroom at the end of the hall. A scream pierced the air, and Usagi doubled her speed. "Chibiusa!"
She flung open the classroom door and found a tall, vaguely humanoid youma with glowing purple skin. Its hands were outstretched towards an overturned desk. Usagi didn't know what it was about to attack, but she knew she couldn't let it. She suddenly realized that in her haste, she hadn't transformed, but she didn't have time for that now. She wouldn't even get to the youma in time.
She glanced wildly around the room, looking for something, anything that could be used as a weapon. There was nothing. With a cry of desperation, she hauled one of the small student desks over her head, and threw it at the youma.
"Hey! You!" she said, and it slowly turned its head towards her. It didn't have a face, just a blank, featureless expanse and empty eye sockets that glowed. "How dare you attack young children? How dare you prey upon the innocent and the weak? I am your enemy, not these defenseless children. Fight me if you dare."
It let out a long hiss and extended its arms towards her, and she found that instead of hands, the arms just continued, unnaturally long limbs ending in suction cups. "Miiiiine. Give me energy! Must feed, must consume… must devour!"
Usagi picked up another desk and used it to bash the youma's arms, but more kept coming. She felt one touch her arm, and she shivered at its slimy touch. She could feel it draining her energy, and knew she had to act fast. She wrenched the suction cup off of her, and whirled the desk around, smashing it into the youma's stomach. It stumbled, but quickly recovered.
"Chibiusa?" Usagi asked. "Is that you I heard?"
"Yes," she whimpered. "I'm over here."
Out of the corner of her eye, Usagi could see Chibiusa stick her hand out from behind the overturned teacher's desk. "Good. Stay there. If you have a chance, make a run for it."
Usagi didn't wait to hear Chibiusa's reply, as the youma was starting to attack again. The desk she was wielding made a somewhat sufficient shield, but a terrible weapon, and unless she could break away and transform soon, the odds of getting out of this weren't exactly favorable. She cursed the fact that she hadn't transformed when she first saw the ominous clouds over the school, or that she hadn't even called the Senshi. No one knew she was in trouble.
Just as she was thinking that, a bright light slammed into the youma, and Usagi turned to see a very furious Tuxedo Kamen standing there, his eyes glaring at her as his hands balled into fists.
"Go transform," he said, his voice shaking with pure rage. "I've got this."
Usagi frowned, but nodded, and threw the desk she was holding at the youma, just for good measure. She still wasn't sure when Mamoru had gotten these new powers, but now was not the time to question that.
She stepped in the hallway, and pulled out her transformation brooch. She hesitated for a moment, glancing back at Tuxedo Kamen, but he seemed to be holding his own against the youma, and really, transforming was the best thing to do in this situation. She wouldn't be of any help in her civilian form, and she could call for backup later.
"Moon Prism Power, Make-Up!" The power washed over her, now as familiar to her as the back of her hand. It was strange to think that at one time this power had confused her, frightened her, even. She wasn't quite sure when she'd fully accepted the fact that she was Sailor Moon, but it was who she was, now. She couldn't change that, and she wasn't even sure if she wanted to anymore.
"Moon Scepter Elimination!" she called out the moment she stepped back into the classroom, fully transformed. Tuxedo Kamen seemed to be doing a good job keeping the youma away from Chibiusa, but there was no sense in delaying things any longer.
The youma howled in pain before crumbling into dust, and Sailor Moon breathed a sigh of relief that it had been an easy fight. The last thing she wanted right now was another hard fight and another near-death experience.
"Chibiusa?" she asked gently as she picked her way over to the desk. "Are you alright?"
The child whimpered a little, but she crawled out from behind the desk and nodded. "I…. that thing… why was it attacking the school? Was it after me? I'm so scared."
"I know," Sailor Moon said. "I think it was after you, but it's okay, you're safe now And I'm sure you have a lot of questions, which I'd be happy to answer if I can, but let's get you home first, okay?"
"Could I speak to you for a minute, Usagi?" Tuxedo Kamen asked, and Sailor Moon's jaw flexed at the barely restrained hostility in his tone.
"Fine." She turned to Chibiusa. "Stay here, okay? I'll be back in just a minute, and I promise I won't go far. Just yell if you need me, and I'll come running."
"Okay," Chibiusa said, her voice small and shaky, but she gave Sailor Moon a decently confident smile.
Sailor Moon dropped her transformation and followed Tuxedo Kamen out the door as he did the same. They walked in silence for a few minutes, before Mamoru turned on her.
"What the hell were you thinking?"
"Excuse me?" Usagi asked, taken aback.
"A desk, Usagi? Really? A desk? Did you honestly think that would protect you against the youma? Why didn't you transform? Or call the Senshi? Or call me? You just barge into this situation without thinking—"
"Chibiusa was in danger," Usagi interrupted. "What was I supposed to do? Wait for backup, wasting precious time while she could be targeted by the enemy?"
"No," Mamoru said through clenched teeth. "But why didn't you transform, at least? You can't just barge into a situation like this, where you know there's a youma present, without taking some precautions! Were you going to do anything if I hadn't arrived? Or were you just going to keep swinging that desk around, as if you could actually defeat the youma that way? You could have died—"
"I could die all the time," she said. "That's just a fact of life, it's part of what I do. I can't change that. And yes, I should have transformed, or called someone, but I wasn't thinking, okay? I was worried about Chibiusa and I made a mistake. It's not a big deal."
"It's not a-?" Mamoru was practically foaming at the mouth. "You. Could. Have. Died. I know it's… a common problem," he ground out, as if the words pained him. "But that doesn't change the fact that you are far more vulnerable in your civilian form. And you're injured, so don't deny it."
"Injured?" She looked down and saw that the sleeves of her uniform were torn and bloody from when she'd broken the glass of the window. "It's just a few scrapes, Mamoru, hardly anything serious. I've been through much worse."
"But that's besides the point! It doesn't matter that-"
"Well, I can't change what I did, so I really don't see the point of you yelling at me like this," Usagi interrupted, pressing her lips together tightly. "I've accepted the fact that we have to work together, but any right you might have had to yell at me like this was lost when you broke up with me. This is a professional relationship and nothing more. You've made that pretty clear." She shook her head, finding that she couldn't even stay mad at him. All she felt was a twinge of remorse, a bone-deep grief over what they had had, what she'd lost. No matter how much she tried to move on, there was no moving on from him.
"Now, if you'll excuse me," she started to say, her voice thick with unshed tears. She paused and cleared her throat. "I need to go take Chibiusa home." She walked several steps, before turning back to face him. "How did you find me anyway? I thought you could only tell if I was in danger when I transformed."
"I was walking past the school," he said after a moment. "I saw the dark clouds, and knew something was going on, and that you had gone to pick up Chibiusa."
Usagi nodded and started to walk off again before pausing once more. "Thank you, Mamoru. For helping." Her voice was soft, and for a moment, she meant her words completely. There was no sadness, no anger in that moment, just gratefulness. The moment was fleeting, but she hoped maybe someday, she could find a way to get to that state of mind permanently.
Mamoru nodded in acknowledgment of her thanks, and she left to go take Chibiusa home. Tomorrow was a new day, another chance to work on forgiving Mamoru, and moving on. She truly hoped someday it would be possible.
AN: Please keep up your awesomeness and review! :)
