AN: Oooh boy. First off, I'm so sorry for how long this took. Things in my life got kinda crazy, and through it all, my creativity really struggled. Every time I sat down to try and write this I didn't like what I wrote, and ended up scrapping it. But I did finally manage to get it done, obviously, so here is chapter 18 in all its glory! I won't make any promises I can't keep as to when the next chapter might be out, but I will try my best to get it out in a timely manner.
Thanks so much to all my amazing reviewers, who have stuck with this story: Princesakarlita411, slightlyxjaded, TinkStar87, Guest, AngelMoonGirl, lilymoon80, Starrlight1812, Dany, emilywoo1014, Hyena Yu, Danykasd, SereStarOfGaea, Guest, Jakeros, and Astraearose-silvermoon. Seriously, you guys rock.
Usagi didn't have much time to process things before she heard Ami telling the rest of the Senshi that she was awake. There was lots of loud shrieking, and a second later, the curtain to the medical area was ripped open and everyone came barreling through.
"Usagi!"
"You're alive! Oh my god you're alive!"
"We were so scared!"
"We missed you! We love you!"
"Don't ever do that again, you baka!"
The voices came all at once, so fast Usagi could barely distinguish them from each other, especially given how she was still disoriented.
"Ow," Usagi said, laughing a little as a tight hug from Makoto made her feel rather squished.
"Oh my god I'm so sorry are you okay?" Makoto immediately pulled back.
Usagi smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine. I'm not that breakable, but… let's not add another broken rib to the injury count, okay?"
Makoto nodded and smiled, her eyes filling up with tears. Minako was openly crying, but beaming, Ami looked exhausted but had a soft smile playing at her lips and Rei… Usagi could have sworn that she saw Rei wiping away tears.
"I'm not crying!" Rei said when she saw Usagi looking, but her sniffling and red eyes gave it away. "I don't cry."
Usagi just smiled. "I'm sorry for scaring you all. I… I thought I could manage things."
"It was very brave of you," Michiru said and Usagi looked up to find her and Haruka standing there, right in the curtain 'doorway.'
"But very stupid," Haruka said. "Brave and altruistic, but poorly thought through. You nearly died, Usagi. You're not just Sailor Moon but the reincarnation of Princess Serenity. The world needs you."
"I know," Usagi said, biting her lip and looking down into her lap. "But… what else was I supposed to do? I knew backup was on the way, I thought I could hold the youma off on my own for a bit. But then I couldn't transform… I couldn't just leave innocent civilians to be slaughtered! I had to do something."
Haruka sighed and Usagi knew she couldn't argue it. In the same situation, any of them would have done the same. They had all sworn to rid the world of evil and defend the innocent, no matter the cost. While death was hardly desirable, they faced it on a daily basis, and sometimes tough choices had to be made.
"We're just glad you're okay," Ami said softly. "You had us very scared."
"I know," Usagi said with a rueful smile. "And I'm sorry. But I'm okay now, I promise. And thank you, Ami. Truly. I know I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."
Ami smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "You can repay me by never making me do this again, okay?"
Usagi laughed then winced as she remembered that cracked ribs and laughter didn't mix well. "Sounds good to me."
"Usagi?"
Usagi swore her heart skipped a few beats as she heard that voice, a voice she'd recognize anywhere. Mamoru.
"Go away, baka!" Rei growled. "She doesn't want to talk to you. In fact, none of us want you here, so I suggest you leave."
"Rei," Usagi said, her voice gentle but firm. "It's okay."
"Um… I'm glad to see you awake," Mamoru said, visibly swallowing and shifting from foot to foot, never quite meeting her eye. "I was hoping we could… talk. About a few things."
Usagi took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. "Okay. Could we have the room, please?"
Rei opened her mouth to protest, but one look from Usagi shut her up, and she settled for just glaring at Mamoru. "I've got my eye on you," she muttered as she walked past.
Ami was the last to leave, drawing the curtain closed behind her so they could have a little privacy, and then it was just Usagi and Mamoru.
Usagi bit her lip and picked at the threads on the blanket, stealing glances at Mamoru occasionally, but every time she looked up and caught him looking at her he'd avert his eyes.
"I…." Mamoru started to say and then closed his mouth again. "How are you feeling?" he finally asked, and Usagi sighed.
"Like I've been attacked by a youma," Usagi said wryly. "But I'm okay."
"I'd hardly call three cracked ribs, a concussion, a broken leg, massive blood loss and two deep puncture wounds 'okay'," Mamoru said, his voice thick with emotion.
Usagi shrugged slightly, as best she could with the injuries. "I heal quickly. You know that. Besides, I've been through worse." She cracked a slight smile. "I mean, I literally died before, twice even. It's a bit hard to top that."
"How are you so blasé about this?" Mamoru choked out. "You nearly died, Usagi. And I know, I know, you face death every day but this time… it was so close. Too close. How can you just act like everything is okay?"
"What else am I supposed to do?" Usagi said. "We've had this argument time and again as you worry about my safety and insist I don't do my job just so I'll be safe. The world isn't safe, Mamoru. It's my job to protect it. And sometimes I get hurt. I can't let myself be afraid just because there's danger. And when I do get hurt… what else am I supposed to do? Cry? Scream?"
She shook her head. "I've been there, done that, and it gets me nowhere. The important thing is I'm still alive. All I can do is move on."
"It was a stupid, risky decision," Mamoru said, his hands balling into fists. "Taking on a youma all by yourself would be extremely idiotic and poorly thought out under normal circumstances, but you couldn't transform, Usagi! Why are you so willing to just throw your life away?"
"It's my life to live!" Usagi said, fighting to keep her voice in control. "Was it a stupid move? Maybe so. I can't deny that it was certainly risky and yeah, I came very close to dying. But the youma was going to kill innocent civilians if I didn't do something, and I thought I could handle it, transformation or not."
Mamoru opened his mouth to interject, but Usagi cut him off. "What's the point in being Sailor Moon if I let innocent people die because I'm too afraid to risk myself? You asked why I'm so calm about this, that's why. If I had to do it over again, I would do it exactly the same, I don't have any regrets. I can't let myself be scared if it means that next time I might not act. I'm supposed to defend people, to rid the world of evil, that is my whole purpose as Sailor Moon. And even if I can't transform, I don't stop being Sailor Moon. I can't, in good conscience, let people die on my behalf."
Mamoru ran a hand through his hair, visibly distressed. "I… I understand where you're coming from, but what happens if you die? The world needs Sailor Moon. You're not just going to magically come back every time you die, Usagi, you're not invincible."
"You think I don't know that?" she said softly, looking up at him. "Deep down, I am terrified. I'm not even fifteen yet, I don't want to die. But being terrified won't fix anything. All I can do is keep fighting and keep trying."
Mamoru sighed. "I just wish you'd have a little more regard for your own well-being. You can't keep throwing yourself out into danger like this. It's risky at best and idiotic at worst and simply not worth it."
Usagi just shook her head. "Look, Mamoru… you wanted to talk, so if you have something to say, just say it. Please. I'm tired of constantly dancing around the issue, I'm tired of all these arguments. I've made my peace with the fact that you don't love me anymore, but you can't keep acting like this. If we're nothing more than colleagues, then please, I'm begging you. Just act like it. I can't keep going on like this."
"I'm sorry," Mamoru said, ducking his head. "There's… a lot that needs to be said. But it's… you have to understand one thing. It's not that I don't love you. Not at all."
Usagi shook her head, unable to say anything for fear of her voice cracking. It was all she could do to keep herself from crying, but a few tears leaked out anyways. "No, please," she whispered. "I can't handle false hope. I need you to just be honest with me, Mamoru. Why did you break up with me? What did I do wrong?" Her voice cracked on the last word and she pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob.
Mamoru looked just as distraught as she felt, and he shook his head, clearly struggling to get words out. "It's not false hope. You did nothing, Usagi, absolutely nothing. I just…"
Usagi let out a little noise that was half laugh, half sob. "Is this where you give me the 'it's me, not you' speech? Because please, don't."
Mamoru shook his head again. "No, it's not that, but… it is me. I… where to begin." He fumbled for a chair and sat down with an ungraceful thud, facing Usagi. "First, know that I love you, Usagi. I have always loved you and I will always love you, and nothing will ever change that. And second, I apologize for my behavior these past few months. I know nothing can make up for it, but I apologize nonetheless."
"Then why?" Usagi whispered, wiping away at tears that wouldn't stop. "If you still love me, why did you do this?"
Mamoru took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up even more than it already was. "You asked me, after I got my memories back, if I remembered any of my time with Queen Beryl. You remember that? And I said that while I remembered all of our time together, my memories ended when I took that spike in the Crystal Tower, and started again when you purified me."
"Right…" Usagi said slowly. "I remember that. So… what are you saying?"
"I lied," Mamoru admitted. "I remember it all, Usagi. I remember everything."
"So?" Usagi said. "How is this relevant? How does it affect us? Just because you were captured, tortured and brainwashed… it doesn't change anything, Mamoru, that wasn't you. You don't need to feel guilty about the actions the Dark Kingdom did, it wasn't you, just… someone who looked like you."
"You don't understand," he said. "It wasn't like I was trapped in my own body, watching myself commit these horrific acts as I tried in vain to stop. I was fully aware of what I was doing, I felt like I had free will. I didn't just torture you, Usagi, I remember what it was like to torture you and to like it. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I remember what it was like to want to hurt you, to kill you. Me. I wanted that. Do you have any idea what it's like to live with that? Every time I touched you, all I could think of, all I could see was me hurting you. I can't sleep without dreaming I'm back in that situation. It's horrifying."
"Mamoru..." Usagi said softly. "Why didn't you say something? I'm your girlfriend. More than that, I'm your soul mate. We're supposed to share things, I could have helped you. You know I don't blame you at all for what happened. You saved my life by taking that spike for me. It's not your fault you were kidnapped and brainwashed, and what happened when you were brainwashed wasn't you."
"But I blame myself for it," Mamoru said. "And more than that, this new enemy… they're powerful. Before they showed up, I thought I could work through it, and I didn't need to burden you with it, you were dealing with your own traumas. But when this new enemy, the Black Moon Clan, showed up… I realized how vulnerable you were and how vulnerable I was. The enemy will use anything they can to hurt you, I saw it that day in the park. They'd gladly pit us against each other if given half the chance, and I couldn't bear it if I hurt you again, Usagi."
"Mamo-chan…" Usagi said tearfully as Mamoru began to cry in earnest. "We could have solved this together. You should have told me."
"I wanted to protect you," Mamoru said. "Keep you safe. It's my job as Tuxedo Kamen, and one I would gladly do anyways. I would do anything to keep you from harm, and much as it hurt me… I thought you would be better off this way. Without me to hold you back and inadvertently put you in harm's way. I couldn't live with myself if the enemy used me as a pawn to hurt you, not again."
Usagi gave a rueful smile. "I understand your intentions, but in what world would I be safer without you? There's the countless times you've snatched me out of harm's way at just the last minute, and I know you've continued to do that, but what about the rest? What about your love and support that keeps me strong? What about the fact that you make me happy and that spending time with you helps me de-stress? What about the fact that I love you and I'm lost without you? Doesn't that matter?"
"I'm sorry," was all Mamoru managed to say as he looked down. "I… I genuinely thought you would be safer without me."
Usagi shook her head. "We're a team, Mamoru. We will always be stronger together, always. It's why the enemy tries to divide us, to pit us against each other, but the answer isn't to do it for them. We can't let them win. You will always be able to protect me better if you're at my side, the way you're supposed to be. So next time, talk to me, please. I'm begging you."
"Next time?" Mamoru looked up, hope brimming in his eyes.
"Of course, you baka," Usagi said affectionately, smiling through the tears. "'I'm not giving up on you, or us. I won't lie and say that it will be easy, we can't just magically fix our problems. You can't magically fix what the Dark Kingdom did to you, I can't magically fix the fact that you didn't trust me with this, and that hurts. You caused me a lot of pain and heartbreak, and it's going to take time to heal that. But we'll find a way through it. We always have before, and we've come out stronger."
Mamoru reached over and linked his hand through Usagi's. "I like the sound of this. Together. Together, we can do anything."
"Absolutely anything," Usagi agreed with a faint smile as Mamoru pressed a kiss to the top of her head. It would take time to heal things fully, trust had been broken and that wasn't something that could be immediately fixed. But this was a start, a very good start, and Usagi felt confident that things would be okay. Maybe not right now, but they would get there.
A few hours later, Usagi woke from a nap. Shortly after she and Mamoru had finished talking, Ami had come in and reminded Usagi that she needed her rest, as her body was still healing. Mamoru had refused to leave her side, but after a rather icy glare from Ami, had relented and agreed to take perch in a chair right outside her "room." Usagi had never seen her usually mild-mannered friend look so intimidating, and she was honestly a little scared.
Stretching now, Usagi noted with pleasant surprise that her ribs were already feeling better. Still very sore and there was a sharp pain if she stretched too far, but better than it was than when she'd first regained consciousness several hours ago.
"Careful now," Ami said when she saw Usagi sitting up. "Don't push it, you're still healing."
"I know," Usagi said. "But I'm feeling a little better. I'll still take it easy, though, I promise." She swung her legs around and dangled her feet off the edge of the bed, eyes widening as something suddenly occurred to her. "Where's Chibiusa? And what about my parents? In all the chaos, I never… thought about them." She glanced downwards, chagrined.
"It's okay," Ami said. "You're allowed to focus on yourself, Usagi, it's not selfish when you're recovering from a near-death experience." The corners of her lips twitched slightly and Usagi bit her lip to keep from blushing in embarrassment as Ami teased her.
"But Chibiusa and your parents are fine," Ami said. "Chibiusa wasn't feeling well herself, we think she overheard Zoisite breaking the news about what happened to you to Mamoru, and it scared her. We sent her to your parents' house, told them she'd taken ill, it didn't seem like it would be good for her to be around while you were unconscious. As for your parents…" she trailed off, biting her lip.
"My parents?" Usagi prompted.
Ami sighed. "We said that you were involved in a car accident, and that you were okay, but you were receiving treatment at a private hospital that my mother recommended, and you unfortunately couldn't receive any visitors at the moment."
Usagi frowned. "Did they accept that?"
"Kind of?" Ami said. She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Usagi. It was hard to think of a convincing lie, especially when we were all so concerned about you. We weren't even sure if you would be okay, but we didn't want to worry your family with the gravity of the situation, or of course betray your identity as Sailor Moon."
"It's okay," Usagi said. "I'm not mad, you did the best you could. Just… concerned. Especially about my mother."
Ami frowned. "Has Ikuko… said anything, since discovering you were Sailor Moon?"
Usagi shook her head. "She avoids me, mostly. Things have been a little strained ever since she found out, I think she's struggling to process it all. Ditzy crybaby Usagi secretly heroine of love and justice, defender of the innocent, protector of the city? It can't be!" She gave an overly dramatic gasp, then sighed. "I know it's a lot to take in, but it's hard when my mother doesn't know how to act around me anymore."
"Maybe you should say something," Ami suggested. "Bring it up."
"Maybe," Usagi said. That was a conversation she didn't really want to have, but… maybe it was necessary. She hopped off the edge of the bed, swaying only slightly when her feet made contact with the floor. "Either way, I should really check in on Chibiusa and let my parents know that I'm okay."
Ami frowned. "Are you sure? You're still healing, Usagi, you shouldn't be on your feet too much."
Usagi waved away her concerns. "I'll be fine. I can't just lie in bed all day and do nothing, I'll go crazy. And my parents are probably worried sick, and I'm concerned about Chibiusa."
Ami sighed. "Fine. But for the record, I strongly discourage this."
Usagi just smiled and pushed open the curtain that enclosed the medical area. She appreciated her friend's concern, she really did, but she was fine. Admittedly, her ribs did hurt if she breathed too deeply or made any sudden movements, her leg was still in an awkward cast that made walking difficult and her abdomen hurt from where she'd been stabbed. Not to mention the dizziness that remained from her healing concussion. Still, it was a vast improvement from where she'd been just a couple hours ago, and this needed to be done.
"Usagi!" Makoto said as she emerged, looking up from a conversation she'd been having with Rei and Minako. "You're awake! Are you sure you should be up and about?"
"It's fine," Usagi said. "I heal fast, remember?"
"Still, things were… I mean you almost…" Minako trailed off, biting her lip.
"It's okay," Usagi said. "You can say it. I almost died." They all had their fair share of near-death experiences, but this one was far too close for comfort. Still, avoiding talking about it wouldn't change anything, it's not like they could undo what happened.
"Sorry," Minako said, offering an apologetic smile as she brushed her bangs out of her face. "It's… been a long day for all of us."
"Don't worry about it," Usagi said. "Dancing around the subject won't help anything. I appreciate you all sticking around, but you don't need to. I don't want to keep you from other things, I'm okay now. Besides, there are some things that I need to care of."
"If you're sure," Makoto said, frowning. "But take it easy, okay?"
"I will," Usagi said. "I promise."
She moved towards the door, then paused when she realized she didn't have a way of getting to her house. Normally she'd walk, as it wasn't very far, but she didn't think that would be the best idea in her current condition.
"Do you need a ride?" Mamoru asked, as if he could read her mind. Usagi glanced over, realizing she hadn't even seen him there, hovering in the background.
"Stay away from her," Rei hissed.
Usagi laughed slightly and put a hand on her friend's arm. "It's okay, Rei. Mamoru and I talked things over, we're okay now."
Rei arched an eyebrow. "Okay? Just like that? After everything he did?"
"Rei," Usagi admonished, her tone stern. "I appreciate your concern, but like I said, we discussed things and we came to an understanding."
"Did her beg?" Minako asked, crossing her arms and giving Mamoru some serious side-eye. "Because there better damn well have been some serious begging."
"And groveling," Makoto added. "And confessions of love and how sorry he is and promises to make it up to you by showering you with expensive gifts."
"I'm right here," Mamoru said under his breath.
Usagi laughed. "Really, I appreciate so much that you have my back on this, but it's okay, I promise."
After a terse moment, the three Senshi stood down. "Fine," Rei said. "But I've got my eye on you, Mamoru."
"And I can kill someone and make it look like an accident," Ami said, walking out of the medical area and joining them. "That is, if they ever find the body."
Mamoru gulped and Usagi grabbed his hand and smiled. "It's okay. They're just protective of me, they don't actually mean it."
"You sure about that?" Rei grumbled under her breath.
"Anyways," Usagi said, ignoring Rei's comment. "I would love a ride. I need to get back to my house, I need to check in with my parents and Chibiusa."
"I can take you there," Mamoru said. "You ready to go right now?"
Usagi nodded and couldn't help but smile a little and bite her lip as Mamoru placed a hand on the small her back and led her towards the door. Much as she protested how she was strong and independent and didn't need nor want him obsessively worrying over her and treating her like she was fragile… sometimes, it was nice. Even Sailor Moon felt vulnerable sometimes.
"I'm watching you," Rei mouthed, pointing to her eyes and then at Mamoru as they walked by.
"It's okay," Usagi said, squeezing his hand. "They'll get used to you being around again, it will just take a little time. It's been a very long day, but for now, let's go home, okay?"
"Okay," Mamoru nodded, and led her up the stairs, out the back entrance of the arcade, and to his car.
A short while later, Usagi walked up the stairs to her house, pausing for a moment to collect her thoughts before ringing the doorbell. How was she going to explain this all to her parents? A second later, Ikuko opened the door, and her eyes went wide when she saw Usagi standing there.
"Usagi! Oh thank goodness, we were all worried sick!" She immediately pulled her daughter into an embrace, then pulled back again when she saw Usagi wince. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? What happened?"
"Slow down," Usagi said with a weak smile. "I'm okay, yes. There was a car accident, I… don't really remember the specifics. Ami and I were going to the movies together and her mom was dropping us off. Luckily Ami wasn't hurt, the other car struck my side. Since her mom was there, she took me to a private hospital straight away, but since they wanted me to rest, they didn't let me have visitors." The lie rolled off her tongue easily, almost too easily, and Usagi winced slightly. She wished she didn't have to lie.
Her mother frowned. "That's… convenient."
"It was really lucky that Mrs. Mizuno was there," Usagi said. "Because she was there, I got prompt medical attention. They just released me about an hour ago."
"I'm glad you're okay," Ikuko said. "Your father and your brother have been concerned as well, you should talk to them. I'm sure they'd want to hear it from you."
"I will in a minute," Usagi promised. "I just need to do something really quick. Is Chibiusa here?"
Ikuko nodded. "She's up in her room, that nice math tutor of yours, Mamoru, dropped her off earlier. I didn't realize he even knew her."
Usagi nodded. "Yeah, Chibiusa uh… came with me to a tutoring session once, they hit it off well."
Ikuko frowned again. "I didn't realize you were still going to the math tutoring sessions."
Usagi winced. Right, she hadn't been, not since she and Mamoru broke up. "I uh… haven't been as regularly. Just here and there."
"Right," Ikuko said slowly. "Anyways, Chibiusa is in her room. The poor dear wasn't feeling well, she complained of her body hurting all over and she was running a fever. I sent her to bed, but she might be awake now."
"I'll go check," Usagi said, quickly kissing her mother's cheek. "Thanks, mama."
She hobbled up the stairs slowly, using the railings as makeshift crutches to help ease her way up. "Chibiusa?" she called out. "You up here?"
"Usagi?" a small, frightened voice came. "Usagi!" A pink blur shot out from the room and barreled into Usagi, nearly knocking her over.
"Hey, it's okay," Usagi said, placing an arm around the little girl. "I'm okay now."
"I was so scared," she sniffed. "And then I didn't feel well, everything hurt, and I overheard someone talking to Mamo-chan about you and… and they said you were really hurt and might die," she hiccupped, sobbing now.
"I didn't," Usagi said. "And I'm sorry to have scared you. I was attacked by one of the bad guys, unexpectedly, and I couldn't defend myself properly. But I'm okay now, I promise. I'm not going anywhere. I made a promise to keep you safe, and I'm going to keep my promise."
"Pinky swear?" Chibiusa asked, wiping her eyes as she looked up.
"Pinky swear," Usagi said, linking her pinky with Chibiusa's. "There's something else I need to do, I just wanted to check in with you first. Are you okay?"
Chibiusa nodded. "I feel fine, now. I heard Auntie Ikuko say that I was likely having a physical reaction to fear and was in shock." She frowned. "Whatever that means."
"It means you were scared, but it's okay now," Usagi said. "As long as you're okay."
Chibiusa nodded again, drying the last of her tears on her sleeve.
"I'll be back soon, then," Usagi said. "I just need to go take care of something else first." She hugged the girl once more, then slowly made her way back down the stairs. Time to reassure her dad and her brother that she was in a car accident, but she was okay now. Time to lie again. Before she could get very far, she found her mother waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs.
"Usagi…" Ikuko trailed off, and Usagi stayed silent, waiting for her to say something. "Your injuries… were they really from a car accident?"
Usagi sighed and opened her mouth before closing it again. What was she supposed to say? Her mother already knew about her being Sailor Moon, but she feared if Ikuko knew the full extent of how dangerous it was, she'd never let Usagi leave the house again. "No, mama," Usagi finally said, her voice soft. "It wasn't a car accident."
"It… was it… Sailor Moon?" Ikuko asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Slowly, almost reluctantly, Usagi nodded. "Yes. I… was attacked by a youma, caught unawares and well… things kinda went south."
Ikuko took a deep breath, and for a moment, Usagi thought that would be it. "How… how bad was it?" she finally said.
"I…" Usagi bit her lip. She wanted to be truthful, to be honest with her mother, but… she didn't want to scare her, either. "Bad," she admitted after a moment. "But I really am okay now, I… I heal quickly."
"Why didn't you go to a hospital?" Ikuko asked. "Because I thought about it, and I can't think of a single hospital that won't allow parents to visit their minor daughter. And Ami wouldn't even tell me the name of this hospital."
"I heal fast because of my powers," Usagi said. "It's extremely useful, but… also a little dangerous. If I went to a hospital with my injuries, they'd run tests, they'd see anomalies… I'd heal at an unexpected rate, which would then raise questions, and either my cover would be blown, or I'd end up being a lab rat as they tried to figure it out. Or both."
"I see," Ikuko said slowly. Her face was an ashen white, and Usagi worried maybe she'd said too much.
She didn't seem to have anything else to say, so Usagi turned to leave, but she didn't make it more than a few steps before Ikuko spoke again.
"What are you going to tell your brother and father?"
"What I first told you," Usagi said, grimacing. "Car accident, hospital that didn't allow visitors." Ikuko frowned, and Usagi hurried to explain. "They can't know, mama. I wish you didn't know, but that was unavoidable. I had to tell you, but I don't have to tell them. It will only put them in danger, and I can't do that, I can't. I'm not willing to risk your safety, I'd rather have you think less of me. I don't care if you think I'm a ditz or irresponsible or lazy or always cutting school for fun and sneaking out to party, as long as you're safe. All of you."
Ikuko pulled Usgai into a tight hug, brushing a hand over her daughter's hair. "I would never think poorly of you, Usagi. I'm… so very proud of you. Terrified, but proud." She pulled back, her eyes glistening.
"I know I've been hard on you, and I know I haven't been terribly supportive lately, and I'm sorry. It's a lot to take in, learning that my sweet, innocent daughter is secretly Tokyo's greatest heroine, and if I think too much about the things you face as Sailor Moon, I think I'd lose my mind. But I want you to know that everything I do for you is out of love and concern." She placed her hands on Usagi's shoulders. "It's always hard watching your children grow up, and that's so much harder when your child is a masked heroine who fights evil on a daily basis. But I just want the best for you, I just want you to be safe."
"I know," Usagi said, smiling and tearing up a little herself. "I want the same for you and papa and Shingo, it's why I can't tell them the truth. Do you think papa would ever let me leave the house again if he knew the truth? Not to mention the fact that it would put them in so much danger. It already puts you in some danger, knowing the truth, but if all of you know, it makes it that much easier for the enemy to find you and use you to hurt me. I can't have that."
Ikuko smiled softly and stroked Usagi's cheek. "My altruistic, brave daughter. But do you really think that's the best idea? You're Sailor Moon. Couldn't you keep us safer if we knew what to expect? Keeping someone ignorant doesn't protect them, it can actually endanger them even more."
Usgai opened her mouth to protest and then closed it again. Wasn't this exactly what she'd been arguing with Mamoru? He'd pushed her away to keep her safe, so the enemy couldn't exploit their relationship and use him to hurt her, like they had in the past. She'd argued that she'd be far safer if she was by his side and knew what to expect, that keeping his distance from her would do more harm than good.
Luna had always stressed the importance of no one knowing, and Usagi had never questioned it. It made sense. What was the point of a secret identity if everyone knew who she was? The more people who knew she was Sailor Moon, the greater chance of the enemy finding out her civilian identity and coming after her and her loved ones. But… hadn't that already happened? Her family being ignorant hadn't saved them when Jadeite attacked, back when he was under Queen Beryl's control.
In fact, if her family had known, perhaps they would have been alert and cautious, and known what to expect. Sure, they couldn't very well fight off an agent of the Dark Kingdom, but at least they would be aware. The first step to fighting a threat was knowing the threat existed, and if they knew she was Sailor Moon, it might actually be easier to keep them safe.
"Usagi?" Ikuko prompted as Usagi began laughing slightly. "What is it?"
Usagi smiled. "Nothing. I just… realized I've been kind of hypocritical. You're right. Papa and Shingo need to know, I'm not keeping them safe by keeping them in the dark. I'm just letting fear win."
"Okay," Ikuko said, clearly surprised. "If you're sure it's the right decision. I know I argued for it, but it is your decision, Usgai."
"I know," Usagi said, smiling. "But the more I think about it, the more sure I am."
"Alright then," Ikuko said. "So long as you're sure."
Usagi nodded and took a deep breath. "Papa? Shingo? Are you guys around here?" she called out, walking down the hall and poking her head into various rooms.
"Usagi!" Kenji said, looking up from the newspaper he was reading in the living room. "I thought I heard your voice. I'm so relieved to see you in one piece, they said you were okay, but we were all still so concerned. What happened? Some kind of car accident?"
Usagi smiled slightly. "I'll explain in a minute. Where's Shingo?"
"Right over here," Shingo said, walking up behind her. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, glancing up at Usagi and then back down at his feet. "I'm… glad you're okay, Usagi-baka," he muttered under his breath.
Usagi grinned and ruffled his hair, causing Shingo to squirm in annoyance. "You can't get rid of me that easily." Her grin faded as she thought about what she was about to do. It scared her, but she knew it was the right thing to do.
"Could… could you all please take a seat in the living room?" she said. "There's something I need to tell you all."
Shingo and Kenji exchanged confused looks, while Ikuko sat down on the couch. Shingo sat down next to her, and Kenji got up from his armchair and moved over to the couch as well. There was a terse moment of silence as Usagi tried to figure out how best to go about this.
"Are you pregnant?" Shingo blurted out. "I've seen you hanging around with that Mamoru guy."
"Usagi?!" Kenji exclaimed, leaping up. "What is this? You have a boyfriend? You better not be pregnant, young lady!"
Usagi laughed a little and waved her hands. "No, no, nothing like that. Please, sit down, papa."
Reluctantly, Kenji sat back down.
"I… there's something I've been wanting to tell you for awhile now, actually," Usagi said. She took a deep breath, and decided to just go for it. "I'm Sailor Moon," she blurted out.
AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger, but if I didn't end it there, this chapter would have gone on forever. As always, please review!
