AN: Thank you so much for the reviews on the first chapter. Sorry to keep everyone waiting. It's been a crazy week. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
Chapter 2
"How have you been?" Dr. Lynn adjusted the white sheet that Elizabeth had tucked across her chest. She lifted Elizabeth's arm to lay across the top of the table, and she proceeded to exam Elizabeth's breast.
Elizabeth forced herself to swallow both the lump in her throat and the embarrassment of having one of her childhood best friend's mother examining her. "I've been doing well," she said, her voice cracking. She hoped Dr. Lynn didn't notice. "I'm a freshman at UVA now. How's Eleanor?"
Thankfully, asking about her daughter, launched the doctor into a full on discourse about their family, and allowed Elizabeth to remain silent during the rest of the breast examination. As Dr. Lynn prattled on about what Elizabeth's other friends had been doing since she moved to live with her aunt, it helped ease Elizabeth's anxiety, or at least not think about why she was there.
The screech of metal grinding against metal brought Elizabeth back to reality as the doctor slid the stirrups out of the table. She took Elizabeth's left foot and eased it into one and then repeated the action with her right foot. Even with the sheet covering her, Elizabeth felt exposed. Her stomach churned and she thought she may throw up.
The wheels of the stool sounded tinny as Dr. Lynn pulled it to the foot of the examination table. She stepped to the sink and washed her hands and dried them and kept talking. "I'm going to do an external exam first. Then we'll do an internal exam. Are you sexually active, Lizzie?"
The question caught her off guard. The seconds seemed to drag while she forced herself to form the words to answer the question. "Not now, but I have been… a while ago." She wasn't sure why she felt the need to qualify, but the doctor seemed unfazed.
She tugged a pair of gloves over her hands and sat down. Lifting the sheet, she murmured, "Touch on the inside of your thigh. Okay, I'm going to look at your labia." She hummed softly and Elizabeth tensed as she was touched. "Try to relax." The woman looked up over the top of the sheet. "I know that's difficult, but it won't be so uncomfortable if your muscles aren't tensed up. "Okay, everything looks fine externally. I'm going to do an internal exam." With that, she stood. "I'm going to insert a finger and feel to make sure that there are no abnormalities. The wheels of the stool whined as she kicked it to the side and stepped over to the counter, opened a drawer, and retrieved a tube of lube.
Focused on trying to calm herself, the air was thick and Elizabeth swore her breathing echoed in the room. When the doctor slid her finger inside, Elizabeth sucked in a sharp breath and held it. Dr. Lynn pressed the flat of her free hand against the sheet covering her lower abdomen, providing pressure against the digit inside. It seemed to go on forever and tears welled up in the corners of Elizabeth's eyes. When she finally pulled away, Elizabeth released the breath she'd been holding, and she quickly swept away the tears before they fell.
Dr. Lynn fetched the speculum from the drawer before resuming her perch between Elizabeth's legs. Knowing what was about to happen, Elizabeth's breath hitched. "I'll try to be quick," Dr. Lynn said. "Sorry, this is cold." Elizabeth held her breath as the long swab entered her for the pap smear. Then she released the tool and slid it from Elizabeth's body and Elizabeth watched as Dr. Lynn peeled off the gloves and wrote her name on the sticker before placing it on the side of the tube.
She stood and helped Elizabeth drop her feet from the stirrups and offered her a hand to help her sit up. "That's it. You survived" The doctor flashed Elizabeth a toothy grin as if that was supposed to ease her nerves, but the panic still remained, and Dr. Lynn saw it. "Unless there's something else you need to talk about."
Would this be easier if it were someone I didn't know? Probably not. "Are you sure there isn't something wrong with me? Like the way I'm made or something?"
Dr. Lynn frowned and sat back down. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, it's been a while, but in the past, when I've been with someone, it hasn't been a good experience and I thought that maybe it was me, like maybe I wasn't built right."
The doctor's frowned deepend, creating craters across her forehead. "You are built just fine. Can you explain why it wasn't a good experience?" Elizabeth chewed her bottom lip. "Lizzie?"
"It hurt." The doctor looked at her blankly and Elizabeth grew annoyed. "Sex hurt, Like excrutiating pain. Like I was being sliced from the inside out with razor blades and it wasn't just the actual act. It hurt for days after. It's miserable and I broke up with two guys because of it and truthfully, I'd just sworn off guys altogether, but then…" She stopped.
"But then you met someone," Dr. Lynn surmised.
"Not just someone. I really like him, and someday I want it to be more, but I want to enjoy it, not just endure it for him. The others had no idea, but Henry would notice, and then he'd want to fix it and what if it's something that's wrong with me and it can't be fixed?" Elizabeth went from annoyed to desperate. "I want it fixed." Tucking her hands under her thighs to keep from wringing them, she started rocking instead.
"Pain during intercourse is pretty common, but it isn't something that you should just live with. There are some physical things that could be going on, but my exam didn't seem to point to any of those." The doctor paused and waited for Elizabeth to make eye contact. It took a few seconds, but Elizabeth finally looked up from the spot she'd been staring at on the floor.
"You think it can be fixed?" Elizabeth asked.
"The two most common culprits are dryness and anxiety. I think that's the root of your problem. Dryness can be fixed by keeping a tube of lube handy. The anxiety, well, that is a little trickier. You were anxious and that probably contributed to the dryness. Then it was painful and it fed your anxiety. Rinse and repeat. Now, you're in a cycle where just the thought of having sex makes you anxious because you think it's going to hurt, then it does hurt, perpetuating the cycle." Elizabeth nodded. That all made sense.
"But how do I fix it?
"This guy? He's special?" Dr. Lynn asked.
Elizabeth smiled the first real smile she'd had since she woke up that morning. "Yeah, he's special."
"Then as you're getting closer and sex is on the table, talk to him about it. If he's as special as you say, then he'll listen. He'll work with you." The doctor stood and patted Elizabeth on the shoulder. "If he doesn't seem to care, then he's not the one and you should keep looking." She started toward the door. "If you need birth control, let me know. We can get you set up."
"Elizabeth nodded. "Thanks, but I don't want to take something that might potentially make my other problem worse. Maybe if I get that fixed, I'll be back."
Dr. Lynn stepped out of the room, but poked her head back in. "We still live in the same house. Don't be a stranger, Lizzie. If you need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen."
Those unwelcome tears welled up in her eyes, the same ones that appeared when anyone alluded to the death of her parents and offered to fill the void. "Thanks," she murmured, and waited for the door to close before letting those tears fall.
A few days later, Elizabeth sat next to Henry as they studied at their table. As they grew closer, their seating arrangement changed. She no longer sat at the opposite end of the table from Henry. Elizabeth now sat in the seat next to him with her left leg thrown over his right so that his hand could rest on her thigh. When she wasn't using her left hand to flip pages, or follow the symbols in her math text to make sure she was transcribing the problem correctly, her hand lay atop his hand, her fingers slotted in the gaps between his fingers.
He was nose deep in some Buddist text. She'd long ago decided that she didn't need to fully understand his religious texts, just like he didn't need to understand her math work. They hadn't spoken in a long while, but the occasional squeeze of their fingers reminded one of the other's presence.
"Hey Shorty! Imagine seeing you here!" A voice boomed from across the spanse and several students looked up, saw the source, and that the greeting wasn't directed at them, then turned their heads back to their work.
Henry bristled against Elizabeth and she wondered who this guy was. Henry obviously didn't care for him. "Brent," Henry said. His voice was sharp and caused Elizabeth to be on alert.
Brent, as she had just learned, smiled just a bit wider, knowing that he'd managed to get under Henry's skin. He winked and then shrugged, "Someone obviously doesn't mind. Are you going to introduce us?"
Elizabeth watched as Henry's eyes slowly moved from Brent to her and back to Brent. He'd loosened his grip on her fingers, but not by much. He seemed reluctant to do so. But, his lips pulled into a taut half-smile and he said, "Brent Miller, this is Elizabeth Adams."
Elizabeth immediately stretched her hand out, crossing in front of Henry to shake the man's hand. "Nice to meet you, Brent." She smiled widely in hopes of putting Henry at ease, but he remained tense against her. "I'm so sorry, but we have a few things to finish up. We have someplace to be soon." Her smile remained, but the way she held his gaze made Brent take a step back.
"Right. Maybe we can hang out sometime." Then he chuckled as if he'd just made a funny joke. It wasn't until Brent had completely disappeared down the stairs that Henry relaxed.
"Who was that?" Elizabeth murmured, resting her hand on Henry's forearm in an attempt to calm him.
"Nobody," Henry muttered. Elizabeth stared at him, and he finally sighed. "He's in ROTC with me, but we've known each other since middle school."
"Obviously, not the best of friends," Elizabeth commented.
"Not hardly. He thinks he's funny when he's not." Henry shook his head. "Let's forget about him." Leaning in, Henry placed a kiss on Elizabeth's cheek. "How about we go back to my place and I fix you dinner, and we watch a movie?"
She grinned and moved away from him, grabbing her backpack to place her books back inside. He did the same, and after sliding on their coats, they walked out of the library.
Elizabeth slipped her fingers around Henry's pinky. "What movie do you want to watch?"
"Are we actually going to watch a movie?" Henry raised his brow high enough that it disappeared beneath his stocking cap. Elizabeth laughed.
"Amended question then. What movie do you want to have playing in the background while we make out and then play Scrabble?"
"That's better." He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Thank you for being you." Elizabeth tilted her head back and something about his expression gave her pause, but she couldn't exactly place what it was. She was just about to ask, but Henry changed the subject and the moment passed.
