Chapter 3

April 1987

This is it. Tonight is the night. You aren't going to leave until you've had the discussion. Elizabeth's reflection taunted her. Do it. Stop making excuses. "Fine," she muttered under her breath as she pushed the makeup compacts off the edge of her vanity, into the waiting zippered bag pressed against the laminated wood edge. Zipping it closed, she placed it behind the sliding mirror and as she slid the mirror back into place, she studied herself.

Before her inner thoughts could start chastising her once again, she stepped away from the mirror, grabbed her purse, and headed out the door.

The drive to Henry's apartment was short, but not short enough that she didn't run through her spiel one more time. Tonight, she was determined to overcome whatever embarrassment she may have and frankly talk about sex with Henry.

Elizabeth pushed her meatballs around on the plate. It made her feel guilty. She knew that Henry took great pride in cooking for her,and it was very good. Normally, she would've eaten the entire helping and probably plucked at least another two meatballs out of the pot.

Henry cleared his throat and Elizabeth looked up. "Are you alright? You seem… unsettled."

Elizabeth took a deep breath and blew it out. Then she shoved the chair back and, placing her palms against the edge of the table, she pushed herself to a stand. Stepping away from the table, she held out her hand to Henry. "Come sit with me, please. I want to talk." Henry looked like he was trying to not look panicked, even though he obviously was.

Henry stiffly sat on the couch next to her, turned enough that he could see her. "I think we need to get one thing straight first." Elizabeth placed her hand on his neck, her thumb running along his jaw and then she leaned in and placed a kiss softly on his lips. She pressed against him and her tongue darted out, touching his upper lip. When his lips parted, she kissed him hard. Pulling back, she started, "Although, we've never actually defined what we are, I've considered you my boyfriend for quite some time, and I want to make sure you know I'm not trying to end anything."

"Really?" Henry asked. "You're not breaking up with me?"

"No," she shook her head slightly as though she couldn't believe that he would think such a thing.

"Good, because I consider you my girlfriend." Henry seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Remember, when we went on our first date?" Henry nodded in answer to the question. "Remember what I said?"

Henry grinned. "Medium roast, 3 cream, 2 sugar and a chocolate chip muffin."

Elizabeth laughed softly. "I meant before that. When you asked me?" Henry still looked confused. "I said that I didn't-"

"Want to have sex," Henry finished. "How could I forget that?" There was a pause and Henry's expression went from slightly amused to concerned. "Am I pressuring you? I certainly-"

"Henry, stop. No, you're aren't pressuring me. That's not it. What I'm trying to say is that I've changed my mind." Elizabeth expected her admission to be met with surprise or perhaps some kind of quippy comment and him pressing her into the couch, his body surrounding her. Instead, he seemed rattled by her words. He shifted away, putting space between them.

"You're sure? You want to have sex?" he asked, his uncertainty in his voice cementing her fear that he wasn't at all excited by her change of heart.

"But I see that it's a bad thing," she mumbled, her nerves getting the better of her. The three bites of spaghetti she'd eaten turned sour and churned in her belly.

Henry shook his head adamantly. "No, not bad. Just unexpected. I'm okay with taking things slow." He closed the distance between them. "I really like you and I don't want to rush the physical side of things."

And there it was, that look. It perplexed Elizabeth. It was somewhat unsure and pained, but then it was gone. It was wiped away and replaced with a small, but hopeful smile. "You do though? Like me enough to maybe one day…?" His words drifted and Henry tilted his head, leaning into the shrugging shoulder.

Definitely. As long as I can get my body to cooperate. Elizabeth nodded. "There's a thing though." Her stomach rolled and sweat broke out along her hairline sending a shiver down her spine. "My mind thinks it's a good idea, but I'm not sure I can get my body on board."

Henry frowned. His stare was unnerving. He didn't speak and, under normal circumstances, Elizabeth would appreciate him giving her space to talk. In this instance though, it felt like she was being judged. She took a deep breath and pushed that to the side. It wasn't helpful and she felt confident that Henry was just being polite. "My previous experiences haven't been all that great," she started.

The lines across Henry's forehead grew deeper and his lips twitched like he might want to say something, but he remained silent. Keep going, Lizzie. Just rip the band-aid off. "I kind of decided that there was something wrong with me, and I swore off all men, or at least the sex part. Which was why I made that crazy comment." The words rushed out of her in a flurry. "Now, I don't want that to be a thing that comes between us, so I went to the doctor."

At that, Henry could no longer hold his tongue. "Is everything okay?" The way he reached out and gripped her hand told her that he was genuinely concerned.

Look at him Lizzie. She attempted to make eye contact, but instead, kept her head down, her eyes fixed on their hands, where her hand rested in his.

"I'm fine, at least physically. It seems that my subpar sexual encounters have probably caused me to have anxiety about sex, which causes pain and I'm just telling you this because things might not go the way I want them to. I want you to know that it has nothing to do with how I feel about you. That, and it may take more doing to make me feel comfortable." Only then did she raise her head and chance seeing his expression.

Henry still looked anxious and worried, but he squeezed her hand and, as he brought it to his lips, he whispered, "We'll do whatever it takes."

oOoOo

May1987

Three weeks passed and Henry's lips were moving down Elizabeth's neck and his hand gripped her hip, pulling her closer. She lay back, tugging him on top of her and their moans were muffled when their lips reconnected.

Elizabeth's heart raced. This was the farthest they'd been and she wanted more, she needed more. She desperately tried to stay in the moment, but when Henry's hand cupped her sex through her jeans, Elizabeth froze, and Henry did too, muttering his apologies. "No," she moaned, "Don't move. You're just fine," she wrapped her hand around his wrist, holding him in place. "Give me a minute. I'll be okay." Henry raised his head from where his forehead rested on her chest. "I want to be okay," she said, stretching her head down to kiss him.

oOoOo

June 1987

"Henry," she moaned.

Henry nibbled on the flesh behind her ear and Elizabeth sucked in a sharp breath. The pull she felt within her made her hips take on a life of their own, bucking into Henry, seeking his touch.

Elizabeth felt herself get slick with her arousal and she faltered, letting her mind wander to previous times and how much it might hurt when Henry pushed himself inside her. Henry suddenly shifted back on the couch and pulled her to a sitting position. He tugged her around so that her legs fell back to the floor and he settled next to her. Her heart was racing and she tried to calm her breathing. How did Henry know what she was thinking? Was she not in the moment enough? She glanced over at him, her eyes falling on Henry's lap. He didn't look nearly as affected by their activities as she was. She frowned. Is he not interested? Is that why he stopped?

Elizabeth placed her hand high on his thigh and Henry immediately engulfed her hand in his and pulled it up and placed it against his cheek, kissing her palm. "One day," he murmured. "One day."

oOoOo

July 1987

Elizabeth's eyes slammed shut as the orgasm strangled her. White hot electrical pulses shot from her core to the outermost parts of her body as Henry continued to work his tongue against her.

As she came down from her high, she felt Henry's lips making a path up her body. Her chest heaved, as she gasped for air, and her whole body shuddered when he swirled his tongue around her nipple. She was much too sensitive and she felt him smile against her. Then his mouth was on hers and all she wanted to do was make him feel as good as he had made her feel.

Her hand snaked down his chest and his abdominal muscles quivered beneath her fingertips and he let out a shaky breath. But, just as Elizabeth moved to slip her hand under the waistband of his boxers, Henry caught her by the wrist and stopped her movement. "Today was about you," he murmured, bringing their hands up to rest between the two of them. "Are you ok? Did it hurt?"

Elizabeth wanted more. She wanted him, but she also wanted to acknowledge what happened in that moment. She acquiesced. "It was amazing. I had no idea how good it would feel-how good you could make me feel."

She pulled her hand free, wrapping it around Henry's back. Henry mirrored her actions. His hand spanned across her back, holding her close. She kissed him softly while her hand lazily roamed his back. When she squeezed his butt, he immediately rolled away from her, mumbling something about needing to take a shower before his classes that afternoon.

He disappeared in the bathroom and Elizabeth watched the door click shut. What was that? Why won't he let me touch him?

Elizabeth thought about that for just a moment and then decided to address the situation head on. Maybe she was just misreading things. Maybe he wanted her to join him. Just that thought made her insides flutter and she remembered how turned on she'd been just moments before. Slipping from beneath the sheets, Elizabeth padded over to the door. It was closed but not locked. The sound of the water changed. There was no longer the echo of water pelting the fiberglass floor of the shower. Henry had stepped inside.

Elizabeth imagined Henry standing in the shower, water running down his chiseled torso and instinctively, she bit her lip and her breath hitched. She wanted to join him.

Quietly, Elizabeth turned the knob and slipped inside. The steam from the shower had already filled the small room. She was trying to decide how to make her presence known when a low, throaty moan came from the shower. Instantly, her breasts grew heavy and a wave of arousal washed over her.

Elizabeth swallowed hard and pulled the shower curtain back slightly. Henry stood with his back to her. One hand was braced against the wall just to the left of the showerhead, the other was… Elizabeth flushed deep red when she saw what he was doing. "Henry," she murmured, ready to step into join him.

At the sound of her voice, Henry's head whipped around to look at her over his shoulder. For a split second, everything seemed to stop while he processed what was happening. Elizabeth expected to be welcomed in, but instead, his eyes went wide and he scowled, "What the hell are you doing? Get out!"

Elizabeth froze, unable to move and then he yelled. "Now!" It jolted her and she stepped back, letting the curtain fall. Her heart pounded and her chest constricted. She scuttled out of the bathroom.

She wasn't sure exactly what happened, but she felt like she'd just done something horrible, although she didn't understand exactly why. Henry had never used such a tone in her presence and certainly not to her directly. Elizabeth moved to pick up her clothes and she started tugging them on. Obviously, I need to just leave.

She was sitting on the couch tying her shoes when Henry stepped into the living room, his hair still dripping, his t-shirt and shorts clinging to his still mostly wet body.

"Elizabeth," he said.

She looked up at him. His face was flush with embarrassment. She turned away. "I think I'd better go."

Henry scrubbed his hand over his face, his expression desperate. "Please don't. I don't want you to go."

"But you just said you did," she mumbled. "I don't exactly understand what just happened, but I think you need to figure out what you want. If it's not me, then you need to man up and just tell me." Standing, she breezed past him, grabbed her purse off the side table and walked out the door.