Author's Note:
Thanks for the feedback on the last ones!
Glad you liked that Mark stayed Addison's friend. Glad you liked the dream parts at the end :).
Here is a new one, just for you!
bobbiejelly
CHAPTER CONTENT WARNING:
SKIP TO THE TITLE CARD AT YOUR OWN RISK IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD SO CHOOSE WHAT YOU NEED.
It gets worse before it gets better. Not much else to say, here? IDK.
bobbiejelly
Love The Way You Lie
Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway.
-Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey
MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover.
CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek.
*This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.*
Chapter 7: MIRACLE
Your head is dizzy with your private lust for no one in particular and you try not to be too obvious about the fact that you've literally tumbled out of bed five out of seven days this past week having wet dreams that send you into orgasm.
You never tell anyone, ever, especially not Derek or Mark or Archer, that those dreams were all about hot sexy women and you and not about Derek or Mark or Skippy Gold or about any men at all, for that matter...
You wonder if Derek Shepherd would beat you if he knew you liked ladies. You figure it doesn't matter- because as long as he's your husband he'll beat you for fancying anyone who is not him.
You're not actually sure where Derek is at this point. He still calls you every day, but you're not sure if he's still in New York. You realize he could be anywhere, and you're not sure if you're comforted by the thought that he could be traveling, or terrified that you may never see him again.
You don't want to ask Archer, because he'll know something is up and you don't want to clue him in.
Nowadays you sit around and do online work and try to get back in the game. You try to figure out some way to earn a living without going back to the Practice and without leaving Archer's apartment, but those things prove incredibly challenging.
So you eventually crack one day and you check your old phone again. You have at least one missed call a day from Derek, Mark, Naomi, Sam, and sometimes even Archer (from before, mostly, but also from after you moved in with him, if he forgot to use your new number).
You have no calls from your parents or anyone else for that matter. You realize you probably don't matter to anyone outside those 5 people and you're not sure how to feel about that. Well, six people, you realize. Susan Grant probably still cares about you, even if you have no missed calls from her because you were never allowed your old nanny's number.
You break down and decide to call Naomi back one day. Nai picks up on the first ring.
"Hey," you say, voice breaking and quivering.
"Addison!?" Naomi says in surprise as if she were not actually expecting it to be you.
"Nai!" You say excitedly, glad to hear your very best friend and person's voice, over again.
"Where the hell are you?" Naomi asks, and you realize you're not ready to divulge that information yet (you made Archer swear not to tell anyone where you are when you started staying here).
"Can we just talk? As just friends first? For a little while?" You beg your best friend just for a little light conversation.
"Talk?! You haven't picked up for months, we weren't sure you were alive, and Derek said you were a lying asshole, so I don't know if we can 'just talk'," Naomi says a bit forcefully.
You want to cry, but you don't. So you just keep trying to talk to her.
"Nai, I've missed you so much," you gush, and you try to convey how certain you are.
"Where is Derek?" You ask outright, because you're really curious.
"He's in Seattle right now on a placement, he might stay there for a while," Naomi gives you this, and you thank her eternally.
Seattle. Space Needle Seattle. I could go to Seattle… You think to yourself...
"Why?" You ask dumbly, realizing how out of the loop you are.
"Aren't you- his wife?" Naomi asks you.
"I've been, ah, sick," you try lamely, but Naomi believes you for some reason.
"Right, well, Derek's old mentor and teacher, Richard Webber, is out in Seattle now, and so is Richard's wife. That's all I know, I'm not sure why Richard would want to move from New York but he did, and now Derek is working small contracts at a time at Seattle Grace Hospital because he thinks Richard might someday offer him a job there," Naomi explains.
"Right, I think I've met Richard and Adele before," you say, conjuring up the image.
"Right, anyway, Sam and I are staying put and we're trying to refinance the Practice," Naomi articulates.
"What do you mean?" You ask Naomi.
"Well, Sam and I were thinking of selling our shares and starting over in LA, California," Naomi offers. "After the baby is born, of course," you can hear Naomi's smile over the phone.
"Do you know-" You cut yourself off before you ask a million questions.
"We don't know the baby's sex yet, we want to be surprised," Naomi says, and you smile, and you tell Naomi to tell Sam congratulations as well.
"Will you be around for when the baby is born?" Naomi asks you outright.
You really want to say 'yes,' but you really don't want to explain Derek, and you don't want to explain Mark to Naomi, either.
"Yes," you blurt out without thinking, and you realize you'll never want to go back on your promise.
"Now are you going to tell me where you are?" Naomi asks you.
"What do you know about Derek and I?" You deflect with a question, hoping she'll latch onto it.
Years later, you'll realize you're pretty good at deflecting and it'll take some time not to do it.
"Well, I know you cheated, and Derek walked away from you and Mark," Naomi offers.
"Who did you hear this from?" You ask, curious because you're not sure if Mark or Derek or both would have told that story.
"Mark and Derek," Naomi offers succinctly, and you realize they might have collaborated on the story to blame you because even Mark might hate you now for running away from all his help for 'no reason,' as far as he knows, anyway.
"It's true," you offer, because you know that Naomi won't lay off until you give her something.
"You know it's wrong to take other people's men, right?" Naomi sighs at you frustratedly.
"Mark was involved at the time?" You say because you honestly didn't know that part.
"Oh, no, or not seriously I don't think. I should have said you know it's wrong to cheat on your husband, right?" Naomi rephrases her question.
"Yeah, it's wrong, I fucked up," you say, because you know you did in more ways than one.
"You did, you're still my friend, and as my friend, I still love you," Naomi sighs.
"As my best friend, I still love you, Naomi, I never stopped," you promise her, and you hope Naomi believes you.
"Are you ever going to come out of whatever and wherever you're hiding from?" Naomi asks you.
"I plan to, at least for when your baby is born," you tell Naomi with every ounce of confidence you have left. You realize this is the first thing you have looked forward to in ages.
"I hope to see you before those many months, but if it's that many months then I'll take it," Naomi sighs.
"Is Sam there? Can I say hi?" You ask like a child.
"Yeah, I'll get Sam," Naomi offers. You say hi to Sam, and he says he is well.
"Congratulations," you say and Sam thanks you. Sam is a good friend, you think.
"What the hell are you doing?" Sam asks in an impossibly gentle tone.
"I have no idea," you say, and you realize it's the truth.
"Are you going to get back to work, Addison?" Sam offers you.
"I have no idea," you say, because you really don't.
"Are-" Sam starts to say something, but then he passes the phone back to Naomi and you think you hear sniffling from Sam.
"Are you okay?" Naomi's voice breaks when she asks you this question, and you start to hear her sniffling too.
"I'm okay, I'll always be okay, Nai. I'm fine," you say, and you try really hard to believe it.
"Where are you?" Naomi finally asks you.
"If I tell you, you cannot tell Derek or Mark, or my Bizzy or 'The Captain,' or anyone else for that matter, except Sam, got it?" You make both of them promise you before you tell a soul.
"I'm with Archer," you finally cave, and you let them know this so they don't have to worry anymore.
You know you're taking a huge risk, because they might tell someone who might tell Derek and/or Mark, but it is what it is.
Years later, you'll remember this moment and wonder if you're glad or sad or mad that you said what you said when you did to Sam and Naomi...
Months go by and you promise you'll repay Archer someday for all the money he's probably spending to let you live in his apartment without paying rent and electricity and even groceries.
You slowly started telling him all the reasons you have no money and why you can't go back to Mark and why you don't want to go back to Derek.
Archer doesn't say he 'understands it,' which you find a relief, and you also find it a relief that he never tries to compare his situation to yours.
Archer ends up being your savior because he spends his own trust fund money on keeping you safe, and he doesn't question it at all, for your sake.
Eventually, though, Archer says that it's almost time for things to change.
You ask why, and he says that Naomi and Sam's baby is near due and he knows you'll never forgive yourself if you miss that.
You say he's right and you don't, and you feel strong from your breaks (first at Mark's apartment, then Archer's), that you almost feel invincible again.
Your physical scars have healed, both from your termination and from your beatings from Derek long ago.
You've stopped jumping at every corner after living without Derek for so long.
You realize you're as happy as you ever have been just alone with Archer, even if you never go outside, and the only contact you have with the outside world other than rushed phone calls with Sam and Naomi are briefly saying "hello," to Archer's fuckbuddies/girlfriends/friendswithbenefits that walk past 'your' room down the hall to your brother's.
Archer only offers one time to bring someone home for you, too, but you tell him you're never going to cheat on Derek again, and he seems to take this as you being some morally superior being even though you're only not telling him you would totally screw 100 people if you weren't afraid Derek would nearly kill you again for doing any of it.
You try to fight the thoughts that tempt you to blurt out, 'sure, Archer, and um, actually could you bring home a hot girl but like, a gay one for me, because I'm secretly into that but don't tell mom or dad because they'll definitely flip, but maybe Susan Grant our nanny might be ok with it…?'
So you don't, and you stick to your unfulfilled sexual urges, which always ends with you bruising yourself on the floor over and over.
You seriously reconsider asking Archer if he knows of any solutions, but every time you think of your potential question, 'hey Archie, do you know what to do when you need to get laid but you can't?'
Or even worse, 'Yo, Archie, can girls 'jerk off,' like guys do, do you know? Maybe I could do that but I don't know how because obviously no one told us when we were small because we are protestant WASPS, who only go to church at Christmas but who still believe masturbation is a sin?'...
You also realize you don't still don't want to talk to your brother about his sex life or the sex lives of all of your 'strange Montgomeries,' as relatives or about anything erotically unusual, which you realize your brother is probably into.
So you don't, and you wonder if it's saying something that you always seem to wake up the stickiest when you dream about a random hot blonde woman in bed with you.
You will never, ever, ever tell Mark, Derek, or Archer this. Ever. Ever. Ever…
Your sexual woes become secondary though, when you get the call from Naomi that she's going to be admitted to the hospital because she is due now.
You decide to come clean to your brother about more but not all of the past of your ongoing marriage, and Archer decides he'll do his best to protect you long enough you can all spend a few days with Sam and Naomi while they have their baby.
Archer asks you if Derek used to treat you like your daddy treated your mother. You say it's something like that, yeah. You don't give him the goriest details.
You go to the local New York hospital along with Archer, and you wear a lot of makeup and coverings over your body and face.
You always go in and out directly from Naomi's room and you never sign any visitor's logs, and you avoid anyone you used to know at the hospital, which is very very hard to sustain.
You manage though, and in a few short days, Naomi is going into labor.
Naomi asks if you can deliver the child for her, and she and Sam offer for Archer to stay along as well for all of it.
You hesitate because you technically don't have hospital privileges because you're pretending so fervently that you don't exist.
Naomi promises she won't sue you, she just wants you to be the one there along with the other doctors and to cut the cord.
You ask if you're sure she doesn't want Sam to do that part, and Naomi says that she wants Sam to be behind her and holding her hand the whole time.
You understand, and you're selfishly grateful despite yourself, because you want to make good on your promise to bring a life into the world for your very best friend and person.
When you do see the baby crowning, you're the first one to hold it in your arms. Her, actually. It's a baby girl.
"She's beautiful," you announce in tears to Sam and Naomi, and you cut the cord at once so you can hand the infant over to its mother and father.
The baby starts crying, and then it stops crying once it's safely in Sam and Naomi's arms together.
"Maya, Maya Bennett. We're naming her Maya Bennett," Sam and Naomi say at the very same time.
You realize simultaneously that that baby is a miracle, that it's a miracle no one has recognized you so far in this hospital, and that it's an even bigger miracle that Derek has not discovered where you are yet (much less, also, Mark…).
You realize that all this good should not come to you without bad.
You realize you shouldn't be having all this peace with no war.
You realize you shouldn't be able to live without lies.
You realize you shouldn't probably love without Derek Shepherd, your husband, even just in a friendship way, in a platonic way, in a brotherly way of everyone in that delivery room when you got to meet Sam and Naomi's new daughter, Maya Bennett, and they pronounced she is and always will be your godchild.
You realize, years later, that this was the calm before a much, much, much bigger storm...
***** END OF CHAPTER SEVEN
Author's Note:
Hello, we're back with some… Semi-fluff, actually.
And I realized in Canon we never even got a flashback of Addison delivering Sam and Naomi's Maya, only an offhand mention that she did.
So I thought I'd write that into this saga, because it really is heartwarming, and I do want this AU Addison to have good memories to look back on within her very shitty life she sort of has.
Yes, LGBTQ+ fans, there are hints of Seattle Grace Hospital and they were not accidental.
Eventually we will get to the… Well I'm not going to spoiler that for you. Now why would I?
Any predictions…? LOL. Hoping for some nice compliments on your favorite parts and some analysis of this chapter and the story's construction thus far. THANKS!
bobbiejelly
Dedications, June 3, 2020, Chapter 7:
EVERYONE WHO READS THIS SO FAR AND COMMENTS, LIKES, FAVORITES, FOLLOWS, ADDS TO READING LIST ETC.
Ao3:
AddisonAddek for the phenomenal Comments.
KyHasNoLife, Arahneia, AddisonAddek, Hotgitay and 1 guest, for the Kudos.
1 Subscription. 121 Hits. 5 Kudos. 7 Comment Threads. 0 Bookmarks.
Fanfiction:
rhi bradley and Anne for the Reviews.
kaipulani for the Favs.
rhi bradley, kaipulani, for the Follows.
523 Hits.
Wattpad:
Ty- arizonaslesbianism, danielaperezsurga, new_being, outlawqueenpercabeth, for the SPECTACULAR comments and stars. JordynMarie05, addiesrep, rene418, for the votes so far.
220 Reads, 35 Votes, 106 Comments. Many people, who added this to their reading lists.
AND THANKS TO EVERYONE ELSE, WHO READS THIS, EVER!
Ps. Thanks to those of you who have PM'd reviews of this work, also!
Ps. New MerAdd fics are up or updated, recently:
Bubble All Too EasyProm?
101 McDalmatiansFive Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics
Move Over, Derek!... And there will eventually, soon be new Chapters of these ones up:
Falling Apart, Barely Breathing
Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery) Soothe A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition Out Of The DarkFeel free to check them out, hopefully after you leave a note, and have a great day!
bobbiejelly
